You can’t seem to help yourself, these thoughts don’t seem to go away, and the more you tell them to go away, you’re actually flagging them, calling your attention to them even more.  So you can rationalize that this is just an itch that you have to scratch with a professional, just to see if the itch may go away once scratched.

You do the research and seek a professional domme. And once you session with her, you may find that this itch-scratching feels kinda amazing, liberating and thrilling. it could be because someone (whom you find incredibly attractive) is listening to you, accepting and actualizing your secret fantasies.  With each scratch, you may grow curioser and curioser, and you may find that you can’t stop going deeper to find out how far you can go down this almost seemingly endless rabbit hole. And at that point you may come to understand why you (and others like you) call her Mistress. Because she is in the other woman (or the woman in your other world) who exists in the shadows. 

Which means the white lies of omissions will have to continue. You rationalize this is how you can be a better partner to your s.o. You’re just tending to your needs, getting your desires met. And when your needs are met, you can be more fully present for them and their needs. It’s a win-win, really. The only downside is that you have to lie a little and hide this part of yourself from her. But you’re wiling to lie to protect her.

I get it. I was there. I chose this path at one point.