Ask Questions


Before I went down the rabbithole

I asked a ton of questions.

And I got answers.

Each answer helped me decide if I wanted to do this..

So go ahead.

Ask me questions.

Give me a little bit of time to think through them.

And I’ll give you my answer here on this page.

So please stay tuned..


    Dear Colette:

    I found your name in the NYT this morning.  I like the way you write and sound. I am trying to find my voice.  I was not allowed to speak when I was little. I married a man who broke my rib.  I am doing so much and growing and learning and I only to keep growing and learning.  I’ve been with lover for 9 months and I still can’t tell him what I want.  I want to learn to use my voice, my powers.  For me to completely open up I worry about judgment.  My intimate regions are the most precious to me and I don’t want to be put down like I have for most of my life.  In my fantasies I am a powerful woman, an athlete, one who commands respect.  But in bed I give and don’t talk and I am happy and yet I’d like other parts of me to come forth.  Each time I tell myself to try.  And I can’t muster the nerve. I am determined to keep at this.

    I am writing you to learn how to access the power I have, the power that left an abusive marriage, the power to be fit, the power to raise a son on my own, the power to take 3 graduate classes while being a mom and getting a 3.80.  Where is all that power in the bedroom?

    Thank you for this website.  I am hoping to learn more.



    Dear S,

    I have so many ways to answer your question. This was the first and long-winded way.. But then I decided, to best respond, I should just reach out.

    I’m so glad I did.

    Because the answer that you needed didn’t need that many words at all..


    If the words don’t come to you,

    then you don’t have to say a word.


    Just the look in your eyes,

    The way you place your hands

    And position your shoulders

    The way you moan,

    The way you hold your breath,

    then exhale,

    All of that can communicate



    In session,

    I mostly just use two words..





    I realize

    In session

    In life (as well)

    you don’t really have to say much

    As long as you say it

    (with the shape of your body)

    like you mean it


    Hi Colette,

    Thank you for this guide. It’s beyond heaven sent for me right now as I have been following this path (or rather, a path leading towards this path) for some time now (all my life, it feels like). You are speaking directly to me, as well as so many others who are searching for the same liberation in stepping up to the ownership of our sexuality and our full potential as humans. Thank you! I have a couple of questions (or, one hundred, but I’ll start with two):

    1. How do you intuit/determine what scenes you are happy to proceed with?

    2. How do you protect yourself energetically and elevate the experience into the spiritual realm?

    With gratitude,


    Dear A,

    I love your questions.

    Please give me a day or two

    I’m going to respond to them very shortly..


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