Easter Sunday,  April 21, 2019 10:33pm

 

Dear U,

Funny how a meditation sit can change everything.

After the hour sit last night, I felt calm and alert.

I wasn’t sleepy so I stayed up past 1am reading Osho’s book on the Buddha.

.

The Buddha pretty much abandoned his wife and child when he sought enlightenment.

after he was enlightened and came back to see his wife and child

The Buddha’s wife was pretty disappointed that the Buddha didn’t tell her what was up when he left it he middle of the night, she said she would’ve been totally supportive of him and she asked him could he have reached enlightenment in the palace, did he have to leave.

The Buddha said he probably could’ve reached enlightenment in the palace, but he didn’t know what he knew now.

.

That piece above combined with P2 saying “I hope you enjoy your time in your fortress of solitude”

Plus reading the Au Lac restaurant review that mentioned the japanese chef who took the vow of silence

Plus The idea that came up in the midst of my anxiety yesterday, I don’t need to go to the retreat center to be at the retreat

Is pushing me towards staying home next week and being in retreat here.

.

That feels really good to me, maybe I’ll have a few days of solitude, just pervetting, exercising, eating well and meditating.

.

Looking back on my planner, I can see that I’ve been good about meditating consistently everyday for for the past month

These past few days I’ve been .  good on . eating cleanly

Now I just need to build in the discipline of pervetting and exercising

And I’ll be good.

.

Today was a great Easter Sunday.

I had my first session in over a month with A5.

We chatted for a long while catching up, then we scened, strap on play, it was great.

There’s something about this . spring time, going into the dungeon and leaving today, the air, the weather, the afternoon light, being hungry and ready to eat after a session, I felt like I was transported back to 6+ years ago, when I was sessioning like crazy and the ritual of setting up and cleaning after a session. Deja vu

.

Right after my session, I went to Cafe Reveille where I met with B and couple, S&A, that he w anted to introduce me to. They were really rad and we jived immediately.  Similar to me and P, they were in an open relationship and  went deep into plant medicine together.

They love Pervette. We’re gonna do a sexy video project together..

.

Impromptu, we walked to CB2 because S wanted a hour glass  for his tarot reading, I got an hourglass too, his was a  15 minute one mine was a 5 minute hourglass.

We passed by a Maker’s Row pencil stand, it was the cutest little pop up. I got a blue notebook and pink and navy blue pencil. Me and the pencil shop owner connected over our love for the Olivetti Lettera typewriter. She  gave me blackwing pencil.

.

We all parted. I went to CB2 again, this time to pick up a side table that was backordered from circa birthday party redecorating time.

.

I went to the Berkeley Natural grocery market to get some read onions, balsamic vinegar and nutritional yeast.

.

This is what I spend money on when I have money on my wallet: hourglass, notebook and food

.

Right when I came home, P2 arrived with Cutie, he  has her for exactly 24 hours. They went  to the birdsanctuary today, discovered a garden  within a garden within a garden, and then  they went to the secret spot.

.

P2 did another photoshoot with Cutie at the house during the magic hour. He got her among the purple flowers in the front yard.

.

I can’t believe we made it to another spring in this house to see the purple flower bush bloom.

.

I was feeling very meditative. I wander if it’s the prana running through my body that’s making me feel so light  and airy.

.

P2 swept, took out the trash, taped a plastic cover over the hole in the ceiling from the storm leak.

I made us a salad, we ate it, caught the sunset just in the nick of time, we watched the trailer for Zen For Nothing, the Guy Maddin Criterion Picks and he gave me his notes on the artist talk with Rhonda Holberton I couldn’t catcch because I was in Bali.

.

After P2 took off, I did a 44 minute meditation sitting and walking.

.

Then I talked to M4 about her intentions and desires for what she wanted to get out of the Domme workshop.  Our call was exactly 44 min 11 sec

.

And now here I am.

I feel grounded. I feel good.

I think i want to read more about Buddha’s life before bed.

.

I had a good hair and face day.

 

What I put inside me: lemon water + Oracle Green mix, chocolate mushroom nibble, Level’s Elevate with A5, kale salad at Cafe Reveille, walnuts, chocolate covered orange rind from Bali, my usual hearty salad I made for me and P2, Raw Ubud chocolate square, dandelion tea. (Little appetite, ate light and cleanly today)

What I spent money on: kale salad, 5 minute hour glass, notebook, pencil, red onions, nutritional  yeast, and balsamic vinegar

Monday, April 22, 2019 2;34pm

Back deck, Berkeley

 

Dear U,

I woke up at 10am today. I always feel slightly discombobulated and anxious when I wake up to bright mid morning light seeping through the curtains. I’m grateful for the sleep, but nervous that time  is slipping  away.

.

I tried to go slow. I emailed Insight retreat Center to tell them I can’t make it to the vippassana retreat next week. (I forfeited my $100 deposit).

I’m going to have my own mini instead.

.

I called up Zion Garage repair  to see about getting the garage door opener  fixed now that I have money form my session yesterday.

.

I washed the dishes, tidied up the sink because the house was looking quite muppety messy. And cleaning always calms me.

.

I put a mango on the altar, and as I was going outside to the front deck to clip some purple flowers from the bushes, the delivery men for Design Within Reach came. They helped me move my altar.

Then I had to measure out the 5 ladder shelves placement along the wall of the moon room and breakfast nook as I forgot it was a white glove delivery service thing.

I was a little anxious to have such a time constraint on where exactly along the wall to place the shelves and do I want no gap or a 3 inch gap between the shelves.

How many of which shelves do we have? I ask the delivery men putting together the shelves.

It’ll be narrow, wide, narrow, wide, narrow, I decide.

As it turns out they helped place the shelves along the wall but they don’t actually install it to the wall. Phew! I have more time to tinker with the exact placement.

.

I made a salad and ate it 2pm. I put spirulina (that I got from Bali) in the dressing. Different taste profile. Doesn’t taste better, but at least it’s healthier.

.

I texted/coordinated stuff with the Domme retreat folks. Amy is blown away that I cancelled my silent retreat so I can focus on the Domme retreat. I’m happy to see that she can tell I’m trying to stay focused.

.

M, a rape victim whom I connected in NY is going to be in the Bay May 7-13 to visit her mom. The last time we talked, she wanted to attend the Domme weekend but couldn’t afford it. I feel determined to ask my subs and gather some funds to create a scholarship for her to attend. It’s only 800. If I can find a few who generous subs can contribute a hundred or two, I can make it work for her.

.

It’s one of those insanely beautiful sunny days. The kind that can make you sad if you’re staying inside. I’m glad I’m out here.

I’m in the backyard, at the bistro table with Cutie and a cup of pandan leaf tea (that I got from Bali). I’m about to start a draft on what I’ve learned in  my 14 years as a dominatrix. Then I’ll post the draft at 4:44pm.

.

(from what I can remember the next day)

It was a productive day. I drafted a a very drafty draft of What I Learned as a Domme

I like how pervette allows me to just write and share in real time, every thing is raw and unpolished, it frees me up from the anxiety that it has to be perfect since there’s no finality.

.

I posted on Twitter and Instagram a picture from my first photo shoot.

.

When I tell people  that I’ve been a domme for 14 years. They look confused.

When did you start? they ask.

23.

That’s how old you look right now, they often say.

.

I wonder if it’s all the sunblock I wore starting when I was 12. Or my Asian genes, or my healthy diet. Or that half the time, I’m a little mupp and I scrunch my face like an androgynous 10 year old when I talk.

Maybe that’s why the age 37 doesn’t seem so bad or old to me. Maybe I’ll change my mind when I hit 40, which is only 3 years away.

Or when I start to look my age, which happens with Asian women around their late 40’s.

I think by my 40’s I’ll be so deep in meditation that I’ll be removed from my body and not identify with it anymore. Hopefully I’m getting there now.

These mirror meditations have been helpful.

I like seeing how I look like a statue.

.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019 11:22am

 

Dear U,

I had a realization this morning that meditation is a practice in dying.

.

If you think about it, to be perfectly still, get to a place of thoughtlessness and feel no emotions, that’s death, and in death you reach enlightenment, so meditation is the practice of reaching enlightenment without having to die. And by the time you die, you know exactly how. To hold still, be completely present, no fear, no thoughts, just let go of the body.

.

And if you think about it, that’s what BDSM is.

Becoming detached from the body as it’s being objectified, tortured by pain  and degraded, all the while holding still, no fear, no thoughts, being completely present.

.

I wonder if I should start a page on Pervette that’s just about my thinking. It’ll be called random thoughts or something.

.

I have so many pages that I started and slightly abandoned. Will it just be another?

.

Social media is strange to me.

Maybe because I have no desire to take any pictures of myself.

.

I thought about what S said on Sunday after we both got our hour glass at CB2. How he wants to become a tarot reader, so he’s going deep in his studies and readings.

No more video production as a career, lugging around a ton of equipment everywhere. He just wants to travel with a deck of tarot cards. That’s his job.

He’s reminded of the spider in his apt that just spins its web, it goes away and when a prey lands in its web it eats for days. That’s how we wants to be, spin his web. No more hunting, no more reaching.

I like that.

Maybe I just need to work on spinning my web, which is pervette. Maybe it should have a web like pattern, the structure, of how it all connects.

.

I’m heeding the advice of the high priestess zapper lady, tap into the feminine, mirror meditations.

.

I love how the silent retreat that’s not going to happen (at IRC_ will be the catalyst for  a different retreat (into my home). Where I prepare the grounds for a disciplined practice or meditation, eating well, exercising, and pervetting..

.

 

I woke up at 8am in spite of going to bed at 2am. The full moon light is keeping me up. I’ve been reading about the Buddha via Osho.

.

This morning, I put a zabuton and zafu on the backyard deck and mediated to the sounds of birds chirping.

.

I’m not hungry, but this weather is bringing me back to last year when we used to make hot drinks in the morning.

I pulled out the old vitamix (designated for hot drinks now) and made one, I shook too much golden milk from the jar in it, it’s thick and herbally and not very yummy.

Oh well.

.

I have lots to do. I wish I didn’t have to  leave now to get a dental exam, but I guess  I have to.

 

10:12pm

 

Dear U,

No cavities. That’s good. But supposedly my new Quip toothbrush isn’t doing   as good a job as my sonicare because there was some plaque on my gumlines.

.

On the way to the dentist I thought about my relationship with P and how it works

And realized there’s a new model of relationships in it.

.

Relationships should be conceived as not a means for comfort and safety, but maybe the opposite. It should be seen as a challenge to grow

I think about how a totally possible endpoint with me and P is that maybe at some point in all this work on self that we’re doing through each other, we’ll get to  a point where we’re solid and whole enough that we can let go of each other. And be totally happy with that.

I see the arc or cycle of relationships moving from being Independent (when you’re single)

to Codependent (when you’re falling in love) and then interdependent (when you’re growing in the relationship)

And maybe at some when you break up you become Independent again

.

I think a lot of relationships get stuck at the Codependent phase

.

Anyways, it felt like a realization to me that if we start conceptualizing relationships as opportunities to grow rather than looking for safety and comfort in another, there’ll be less heartache and possibility more growth in relationships.

It’s work.

I think people forget that relationships require work.

.

Something’s happening. I’m feeling really productive.

.

When I got home from the dentist, I replied to G, a gal who was was ready to become a pro domme and interested in learning more about the Domme weekend.

My reply to her became a page on Pervette detailing Channel Your Inner Dominatrix Weekend

.

In the past two days I created 2 pervette pages, posted it on social media.

And in the past two nights, I’ve had 3 phone calls with 2 participants of the Domme weekend to learn more about their desires and intentions

And I chatted wirth a friend of a friend who’s tired of serial dating and wants to go to a sex party.

I feel like that’s a theme, women are ready to break free of the traditional models of dating and getting into serious relationships.

.

These past two days, I’ve meditated, pervetted, got a good walk in during sunset, and cooked my own meals and ate very cleanly.

I’m doing it. The 4 pillars of a good day.

.

I’m coordinating with all the facilitators of the Domme Weekend. I’m doing the promotion, establishing relationships with the participants. I’m pretty much doing everything and it feels good. It’s a lot. But manageable.

.

Tomorrow I have a Zoom call and Ask Me Anythingwith the Breakup bootcamp almuni to talk about relationships and power dynamics at 6pm. I want to prepare some talking points on that.

.

Power is in silence/space and facing your fears in search of truth.

.

I feel like I’m channeling my old valedictorian self from high school. I’m reverse engineering, making lists, ticking them off as I go.

.

Btw I’ve been a vegetarian for over a month now. Well except for bone broth.

I think I’m good with a plant-based diet and with the very occasional pasture-raised poultry and grass-fed and finished red meat (maybe once or twice a month), if even that. I have no desire to eat meat.

.

It might be the warm weather, but I don’t have much of an appetite for food.

.

I do have an appetite to read a lot. That’s what’s keeping me up  at night.

.

I haven’t microdosed today or yesterday. No drugs. Yet I feel high, ultra creative and inspired.

.

I feel like I’m disciplined somewhat.

.

Note: I haven’t sat oor laid on the biomat yesterday or today.

.

Meanwhile p is in Santa Monica meditating 2 hours a day

He thinks he’s going to develop zapping abilities like the high priestess in no time

.

He checked with his acupuncturist, apparently that zapping ability is legit (like I thought it was), his acupuncturist knows of several people who have that capacity.

.

I know like P and I are in some muppety race of who can be more enlightened.

.

What I put in me: lemon tumric water, a teacup of golden milk chocolate hot drink, a  few walnuts, 2 jujubes, samples of the protein bar at Urban Remedy (UR), UR No Oatmeal cookies, some UR curry carrot chips, a veggie shirataki noodles stirfy I made (added noodles, not bad), more no oatmeal cookies, tulsi tea

What I spent money on: 240 for dental exam, 20 on UR cookies, crackers and green juice

Wednesday, April 24, 2019 11:14pm

Orgy Room

 

Dear U,

Today started off nice and slowish, with a quick 11 minute meditation in the hot tub.

.

I showered.

Then I meditated for 17 min in the orgy room. Just  as I finished the garage door repairman called saying he’ll be there soon.

.

The repairman was young well mannered half black and took his shoes off when he came in through the house, and quickly  identified the problem. It’s not the garage door, it’s the circuit breaker for the garage plugs, it keeps getting tripped.

I need an electrician.

.

So I get an electrician. And he identifies the problem. It’s the sump pump and the backup battery that’s overloading the circuit.

He pulls open the cover, and has me do a water test wit the tub. Nope the pump is not working.

It hasn’t been working since I’ve been back. Then where is all the water going, if not in the main sewage line?

.

I call up a plumber. They can  come on Friday.

In the meantime, I need to not be using water like  a crazy person.

I decide to not use the japanese toilets that auto flush, instead I opt for the regular toilet downstairs, I’m peeing and not flushing.

This reminds me of being at the retreat center where we’re advised to not flush  after every pee since they get their water from a well.

.

I didn’t have time to cook lunch. Instead I had yellowfin tuna on curry carrot crackers, outside in the backyard.

Dealing with all the contractors, I had way less time than I thought to prepare for the Zoom call with the women talking about power dynamics and ask me anything.

.

I forgot, I also had to do a post on Instagram about the domme retreat while being present with the electrician to troubleshoot.

.

Right after the electrician left. I had less than an hour to sit outside in the backyard and quickly type up something to say for the zoom call.

I decided to talk about reconceptualizing relationships, to see them as work on self..

.

I felt like I was moving from one thing to another. The call was good. I was great at the Q&A but I can see how my opening could’ve been better.

.

A2 said afterward in our debrief it’s best when I talk about tangibles, things they can do, otherwise it just sounds like buddhist philosophy.

.

I want to go back and collect all the questions that was asked and expound upon them, they’re good fodder for the workshop.

.

I went for a mini walk to catch the sunset. It’s nice to have this ritual.

I talk to my friend the personal chef about cooking for the Domme weekend workshop. My budget for her seems low, she said. It’s what A2 gave me to work with.

.

I sauteed kale and mushrooms with a fried egg for dinner, even thought I wasn’t hungry. I figure I should eat.

Then I talked to S4, my dancer friend, about the Domme weekend and her role as the dance/embodiment facilitator.

.

It feels like one day after another of promoting, coordinating, and taking care of house stuff (or yesterday it was the dentist).

.

I’m getting tired..

.

P is coming home tomorrow around 4pm, he’s driving up.

I still need to tidy up the house. Pack the rest of my mupp stuff in bins and haul it to a storage unit, which I still need to get.

.

I’m just almost slightly getting overwhelmed.

All I want to do is meditate and read and write.

And watch a film and go for long walks in the late after noon.

.

I’m grateful for the warm weather allowing me to work outside in the backyard at the bistro table..

.

I should meditate a little bit and then go to bed. Tomorrow’s another full day.

What I put inside me: lemon water, UR Glow green juice with green powder, Tonnino yellowfin tuna with UR curry carrot crackers, blueberries, walnuts, sauteed kale mushroom with fried egg (not hungry today)

What I spent money: 240 to replace the garage springs and barrings and  to troubleshoot  that it’s the circuit breaker, 150 for the electrician to come over and troubleshoot that it’s the sump pump

Thursday, April 25, 2019 12:25pm

 

Dear U,

I woke up at 7 to a knock on the door. The garage door guy came to reprogram the garage door. His demeanor reminds me of my friend, L, who I would describe as an enlightened crypto nerd.

.

I meditated in bed before sleep. These meditations feel extremely trippy. Like I think it’s either rewiring me or sending me through some portal or both.

.

Since I was up early I called up Roto Rooter, they had someone over by 9am. I cancelled my other plumber.

.

I feel bad for the roto rooter guys, they have no idea what task they have until they arrive..surprise!  You get to replace a sump pump.

I’m not gonna complain how much work I’m doing when I hear them grunt through  the window as they dig into the pump area.

.

I had something cycle through my head, whenever I tell P how much work I’m doing, he spins it around, oh poor you, he would kinda say in a sarcastic tone. I got worked up in my mind, lashed out out loud  to no one in the kitchen , I just want appreciation and acknowledgement!

.

I feel tired, slightly drained, so I slowly and mindfully clean the kitchen.

.

I reserved a public storage unit, the largest they have, a 10X10. It’s in the same location as Her storage unit. I wonder if we’ll run into each other.

.

I call P, he’s at Harris Ranch, I gave him an update on the sump pump, and garage and storage unit. He’s in  a good mood. He meditated for an hour this morning.

He wants to meditate with me when he comes in. I love that idea.

.

A2 texts, You’re so on it! Impressive!

P texts, I’m really proud of you for being on the ball with everything.

Thanks Muppsy

I love you

.

Appreciation.

It’s all I need.

I run on it.

.

I need to get back to some gals who are interested in attending the Domme workshop.

I also need to clean up  the rest of the house before P gets back around 4pm.

I think I can do it all..

Wish me luck.

 

Friday,  April 26, 2019 9:48am

The Round Table-Berkeley

 

Dear U,

I did it all yesterday..

I tidied up the kitchen, breakfast nook and the moon room (of all my books, notebooks, pens and pencils), the orgy room, the library, the downstairs hallway that had my bags of dungeon stuff, the laundry room, the master (mistress bedroom), the garage. I watered the orchids. I was in OCD cleaning mode. It felt so good to clean..

.

I felt the energy of the house shift when I got done cleaning, it felt spacious, open and bright. Just as the house felt different, I felt different.

I felt like I was transported to another time, to all the times when the house was perfectly in order.

It was, I was serene.

.

I was done with everything at 4pm. I hopped in the shower and just as I was shampooing my hair, P jumped in the bathroom and scared me.

I screamed.

.

We were very muppety and happy to see each other.

.

We chatted as I showered. After I got done with my shower, he hopped in  to wash off the 7 hours of driving from Santa Monica, and as I got ready he continued chatting.

He had lots to say, all the changes he’s been noting since he’s been meditating..

.

After we got all clean, P showed me his bag of fancy driving snacks he got at Erewhon.

I don’t think almonds are on t he diet, I tell him.

Yes they are, he said.

I’m tempted to pull up the plant paradox list of foods to show him that he’s wrong

.

I should mention that P has pretty much fallen off the Plant Paradox diet since last November. When I was at the vipassana retreat at 11.11.18, I got super serious about it, while he went to Cabo with his SA chick, then Vegas, got crazy high, ate like shit and now he’s eating pizza at Erewhon everyday.

.

After snacks, we wen to the orgy room to prepare for our first one hour meditation sit together post Bali and in the house. P was very excited with all the pillows and zabuton we have (as he should be as we spent 6k buying a TON of them for my bday party) and the layout of the sofa and rug (which he had the idea of when we were on Aya this past new year’s and we set it up for my bday party)

It was all very conducive for his perfect meditation position that he was joyously creating with a fort of pillows and cushions.

.

I love how since out Ayahuasca New Year, he’s been putting love and attention into the house (with the redecorating house project for my bday party) and now it’s loving him back. All the 10 giant zabuton cushions, all the pillows, all the rearranging of the sofas, it made the orgy room a completely different space, one that’s perfect for meditation and holding a retreat..

.

I had my one round zafu that I put on its side and ride like a horse, P had his back supported by the sofa and mountain of pillows and we started our meditation.

.

I used to think that a couple of who does drugs together stay together

But now I realize it’s actually

A couple of sits and meditates together, stays together..

.

My mind was filled with thoughts on the domme weekend, house, working again..

.

Afterwards we went to our friend, J’s place in the city, we took the pretty scenic route via Marin bridge.

.

P had a lot to say about the shifts he’s seeing with his new meditation practice.

7:1 is the ratio of talk about him vs talk about me.

I’m the listener.

.

It was a wonderful group dinner with a lot of our friends who were in Bali with us.

They were mostly P’s friends to begin with, now 5 years later, they’re my friends. And it was yesterday that I had this heightened appreciation of how brilliant and interesting they all are, and how they all carved out for themselves untethered lives. No boss.

.

There were lots of interesting bits here and there throughout the night. But I don’t have time to share, and it’s best to keep it private anyways.

.

P and I woke up this morning and another one hour meditation. I  can tell his mind was full of thoughts, because mine was too.

Then he showered and took off and here I am writing to you.

.

It’s interesting how quickly the weather turned. I sensed it yesterday morning. It was no longer warm, there was a slight chill. Which continued this morning, I’m turning on the heat for the first time since I’ve been back.

.

There’s a lot going on in, in my mind. I  decided to skip my morning pages and report directly to you all the thoughts that want to spill forth.

.

I wanted to tell you the shift that happened yesterday. Remember how I was upset in  my mind about how P doesn’t see or validate or appreciate all the work I’ve been doing, and I started getting worked up talking/crying to him in my head then out loud as I was doing the dishes..

After I said all the words I wanted to say..

I just want appreciation!

.

I then said out loud to myself, What is it that he’s not getting from me that makes it so that he can’t give me what I need?

What does he need?

.

I realized it’s not that he doesn’t want to validate me, it’s my tone..

He doesn’t like the tone of me sounding exasperated, tired, and telling him everything I’ve been doing. It comes off as complainy.

Because complainin is devoid of gratitude.

And I have much to be grateful for.

I mean, he is providing a giant house for me to live in for free, for the time being.

.

So when I reported to him yesterday all the things that are getting done, it was delivered with a very focused and easeful tone of someone getting a ton of shit done.

And then he texted later how much he appreciated me being on top of everything..

.

Funny how a little thing like tone and gratitude (plus awareness) can shift everything.

.

In my meditation, I thought about the Domme Weekend, the meals, the people I still need to reach out to. I  also thought about all the books I have and how excited I am to organize them. The guest bedroom will have the askewed bookshelf filled wirth novels..

.

The new DWR shelves in the moon room will have books that excite both me and P, like books on spirituality and plant medicine..

.

Oh P likes the new blue in the guest bedroom. It’s not suicide blue as he thought it was. Now that he likes it, I like it too. I only didn’t like it because I feared he thought it was too blue..

.

Anyways..where am I?

I have a lot to do for the Domme weekend.

I mean I still have to figure out what I’m saying or doing for all 6 sessions I’m leading..

I have ideas..

I have a feeling all next week in my silent retreat at home, it’ll all come together..

.

I’m excited to create a scholarship fund for the Domme Weekend.

.

To slow me down, because my mind is racing, I made some green tea in my cast iron teapot from Japan. Mindful sips.

Or

I pull out my pad and I start mapping it all out…

The traits/appeal of a Domme

.

Remind me to write about my thoughts on the new Netflix series, Bonding that everyone is talking to me about

.

All these photographers are reaching  out, following up on potential collaborations wanting  to set a date.

.

It’s time, it’s time…

 

.

1:36pm

 

I feel like  I’m high. Bursting with ideas.

I see all of them so clearly.

.

I have to chant to let out this manic energy. It wants to come out…

.

I thought I was gonna try to slow down.

But I might as well harness this energy and do everything that I need to..

It’s actually a good time to reply to people, when my vibration is so high..

.

I see what I need to do to gather the participants. I need to reach out to my network of subs and friends who want to help, gather resources for a scholarship fund..

.

Perv.org is on its way..

.

Why is everyone all of  a sudden reaching out asking if I know of any amazing parties in town?

Should I be  putting one on?

.

P called, he’s on his way home. We’re excited about moving today and  tomorrow, installing the new shelves in  the moon room, moving the tv into the library, moving the bins into public storage.

 

I love how P is getting excited looking at my collection of books, and picking out the ones he wants in the moon room library.

.

We’re going to enlist his brother’s help installing the shelves.

.

I ask P if he wants to watch Bonding tonight. He says 110%. We both can’t wait to watch it with a critical lens a la Mystery Science Theatre 3000

.

My god, I’m bursting with manic energy. So is P I can  tell from talking to him.

.

(from what I can remember..)

P came home, we loaded up all my mupp bins into his car and mine and we caravanned to Public Storage.

.

I thought I saw Her opening up the gate, but it wasn’t her.

.

I got the last 10X10 unit, it was conveniently close to the entrance and I can just drive up  to it.

.

We unloaded, my stuff barely filled up 1/11th of the space.

.

I suggested Iyasare for dinner. We  head there.

We stop by a new store across t he street, Top Drawer, a japanesey store for nomads..

Oh my.

.

We slid in  as Iyasare was just opening at 5:30, got 2 seats at the bar. I saw  that they have the slow expediter, I told the server that we need to be out by 6:30.

.

I got the salmon, I had them cook an undercooked filet a little longer. I ate rice, It’s been  a  while since I had grains..

.

They didn’t bring  out our eggplant in time, we decided that we were good without.

.

Home, I did an  one hour meditation with P, laying down, since I was so full.

.

It  was  pretty trippy in spite of my body using up its energy to digest dinner.

When we were done, the sun  had  setted and it was getting dark.

.

P lost momentum and desire to watch Bonding.

.

He was texting  wit ha girl from his improv class that he was kinda into and she was asking him dating advice. She’s interested in the Domme workshop. She said she’s “an influencer.”

.

I was texting with AZ, a sub/friend of mine,we’re doing a pervette bdsm art project together. I had texted him my idea, he’s down…

.

I got back to J, a sub of mine. He wanted to confirm our date for our journey..I’m in.

.

It’s happening.. the next chapter of my work is looking very different from how it was before. These “sessions” are evolving along with the relationships with my subs. It’s getting more dynamic, interesting, and edgier..

.

P had a second wind and started getting the power tools to screw in the  shelves. I didn’t tell him maybe he should wait till tomorrow morning when there’s more light and his brother’s help.

He figured that out for himself 15 min into it.

.

I like saying less.

What I put inside me: lemon water, green drink, bone broth, 1/2 UR protein  cacao  chip bar; fancy seasoned almonds, pistachios, kale chips and  Ritual  70% chocolatr that P brought back from his Erewhon snack bag, a piece of volcanic salt dark chocolate  from Bali H gave us, salmon on a plank, asparagus served all fancy, lavender mint tea at Iyasare, a mango I put on the altar

Saturday,  April 27, 2019 3:46pm

Dear U,

I’m still manic. In  a  really good way..

I have so many ideas flowing, it’s just slightly overwhelming.

.

Q’s email about Bonding, her take on it, and how she thinks this is good for pervette,

got me thinking

It really is time.

And the timing with on the Dominatrix going mainstream and the workshop coming up couldn’t be more perfect..

.

I saw how the recruiting of the next iterations of the workshop will be.

I like how we’re starting very small and humble in this first round.

.

Ideas are flowing for the workshops..

I can feel it all coming together.

.

P and I did an hour meditation.

Then his brother arrived to help put together the shelves. It was really good  to see him..and both of them working  on a project together.

.

As they went out to get breakfast and the right anchors at the hardware store, I was chanting, letting out all the feelings and thoughts swirling..

.

I’m going to collect enough money to subsidize the costs for M and C, one a rape victim another a domestic violence survivor.

.

E called. He talked about his film project. I asked if he can chip in something for the fund, he put in a hundred.

That’s a start.

.

P came home, and napped, at noon.

I coordinate  with L on food at the workshop.

I text A2 advice on how to to text her former lover (who’s pursuing her) so that they can hook up but she can still maintain the upper hand..

.

P woke up, showered and left to go grab a quick bite then pick up his folks at SFO.

I decide to hang back.

.

I had a veggies stifry and egg

I chatted with slave a on his role as my demo sub for the Domme workshop, he’s very excited..

.

J3 added us to  the meditation with Guruji whatsapp thread  so we can all meditate with guruji remotely at the same time.

I texted I’m in for today’s 5:30 sit.

.

I’ve been doing really well with the meditation practice, esp with P around.

.

I’m getting good with eating.

And I’m making momentum on Pervette

.

Oh and yesterday, I emailed the head of the aerial studio :

 

I just wanted to stay in the loop with the classes offered this May. I would love to sign up for N’s class and I’m also very interested in H’s 5pm class is it’s offered as well.
Also, if you happen to know of anyone I can reach out to to see if they are open to offering  private hoop and/or silk lessons at my home in Berkeley, that would be so wonderful. I have both a hoop and silk installed in my house and am so ready to go.
To be honest, my giant goal is to work up to the level where I can be considered to join your class. I was fortunate enough to be in a class that you taught on Monday at 6pm (to substitute for N when she was out) and your teaching style blew my mind.
I never felt so free and creative and  fully self expressive on the silk. It was truly amazing. Thank you so much for that.
I’m so looking forward..
.
you can see what a teacher’s pet I am, always have been
i mean i just love being the learner
who can makes the teacher happy to be a teacher
.
She replied:
Come this Monday  I am subbing for N 6-7:30pm
..
How perfect.
I’m going to get serious on this aerial thing.
.
Oh, I’m really proud of myself. I made my one visit to the farmer’s market last Saturday, and almost everything I got there, I have cooked and eaten by today.
I still have some cut up carrots, onions, broccoli, and mushrooms for my stirfry later, and some broccolini  for tomorrow.
.
I’m learning how to portion control my buying  and eating. I can eat super cleanly, organically, for about 111/week.
Not bad.
.
I’m doing it, disciplining myself, building the rituals of fruitful habits..
.
Right now, I’m very excited about the domme weekend. Yeah I still need  to figure out what I’m gonna say/do in my workshops and we only have 3 set participants, but I’m hopeful, that I can gather money for the scholarship, and whoever shows up are the ones who are supposed to be there this first time around..
And I know that the inspiration is coming to me..what I’m going to show/tell will be me channeling my inner Domme…
.
I’m wet, I should masturbate,  and  vision
Then I’ll meditate with the guru and meditation group remotely
.
What I put in my body:
lemon water, green powder juice, walnuts, chaga tea, veggie stirfry with fried pasture raised egg, walnuts, P’s yummy almonds, bali vocanic salt dark chocolate,
1/2 UR protein bar, another veggie stifry for dinner (even though I wasn’t hungry).

Back to my previous week