Wednesday, 12.4.19 12:13am

Ritz-Carlton, Bali


Dear U,

A lot is happening..

I’m staying up late working on Pervette.

I’m going to “soft launch” tomorrow when I wake up.


S is in Berlin helping me create the mobile versions of the -trix pages


H is in Austin editing a photo he took of me that I will use as the image for my social media post.


In other news, Im not preggers!

Just got my period tonight.


And just 30 min ago, I just  noticed that my face is starting to break out, like I’ve never seen before.

It’s a little unnerving.

I’m trying to pinpoint what casued this crazy flare all of a sudden.


Is it the “gentle natural scrub”  I  got at Alchemy and used last night?

The gua sha stone I’ve been using on face

Or the micro needle

Or the kratom I got and started consuming

Or all the ginger tea I’ve been drinking?

Or the sunblock?

Or the air quality?

Or something I ate?

The detergent in the towels and sheets they use at the Ritz?

All the ginger tea I’ve been drinking?

The healing oil that Pak Man used when he touched my face?

Or because my period just started?

Or my crazy sugar consumption?

Or something specific that I ate?

Jesus Christ, there are too many confounding variables here..

Tbh. my face was looking a little puffy yesterday morning.

In my Chani Nicholas and Susan MIller horoscope, it said I was going to be in creative solitude the month of December.

I wonder if this breakout going to be the forcing function for that?

Fuck me. I’ve had flawless skin my whole life. This  is kinda insane how quickly it crept up..


I had so many other important things to tell you. And now it’s overshadowed my this weird breakout.

I’m gonna drink a ton of water and hope it goes away when I wake up..




Holy fuck.

I totally forgot the fuck about my fucked up face

and focused on pervette


the new creatrix text flowed from me

i like it for now.


I did it.

I have the -trix pages developed


to soft launch


omg i feel tired but still focused


i should go to bed

and get some beauty rest

god knows i need it


Thursday, 12.5.19 7:40am


Dear U,

Last day in Bali.

My face is still acting up. I feel like I’m more equanimous about it than I ever would be,  so that’s good. I  have empathy for my mom and sister who  also went through a terrible face breakouts in their lives. I think my mom was 37 too when she had hers.

I’m gonna go meditate with the guru one last time here at 8. Here’s an  herbalist, I can ask him if there’s anything herbal I can do about this..


I decide not o go to t he airport with P, since  his flight is 3 hours before mine. I needed all  the time.. to pack and say goodbye.


P and I had one last breakfast at the Ritz. We had brought in K and her two sons, two aunts, and nannies in for breakfast. They were seated at the table next to us al fresco. And the other to the other side of us was A2 and P4. We sat overlooking  the canyon and river.

P had to take off before his eggs benny and latte arrived. A2 came over to sit in his seat and she gave me the chapter in her book about me to read. She captured my journey of coming into my truth succinctly, although there was more to it. She also  had me read the last part of  her book, where she talked about where  she was in her journey of one heartbreak after another and how she fianlly sees these heartbreaks as bridges getting her closer to loving herself..

She  worded it way better  that that.  I got chills  reading it, knowing that what she’s putting out in the world is going to be a splash.


I gave K her Kakimori notebook P had made and didn’t  get a chance to give her. SHe loved it, how every part of the notebook was custom picked.


I  packed and had the butler take my luggage down.

Y, my driver, was waiting for me with my spring rolls he got from Alchemy.

The hotel manager and 6 other staff from the hotel all waved goodbye in unison as we drove off.


I ate my spring rolls and had Y play his music as we head to the airport. We listened to Oasis, U2’s With or Without You..


Y was blown away by the giant tip I gave him. I plut in itn  a nice Kakimori card that P got in Tokyo. I wrote in it. Y, YOu’re the best, We love you!

He asked for a pic of me and him together as he dropped me off.


With the balinese money I had left o me, I spent it on  a book (exactly what I  did last   time I was at Bali). I got  the Skincare Bible, since well my face is broken out.

I  actually feel kinda equanimous with my imperfect face. I feel a  heightened sense of empathy for those who have acne.  Anyways, I I know sound ridiculous.


The  flight to Taipei was awesome.   I ate, slept, read, and wrote. And drank  a ton of tea. I had the whole business class back section to myself. I used the bathroom a dozen times.


At the Taipei airport, I got more washi tape (palindrome), highlighters, and this wooden bookstand, designed in Japan, made in Vietnam. I also got 3 aerosl cans  of hand sanitizer (nice design) and fancy toothpaste.


Flight to SFO was also super nice..

I ate a ton. Of airplane food, even. it wasn’t that bad..

China Airlines Business class is very nice.


Friday, Dec 6, 2019 7:44pm



Dear U,

I woke up at 9 today, from a very vivid dream. My dreams are getting really telling and interesting. At least that’s what I think what I’m in it. Too bad I can’t remember the key parts that are trying to tell me something. But at least I wake up with this feeling knowing that I’m on to something..


Can’t really tell, it’s subtle, I think my face is getting better. It’s definitely not getting worse. Maybe the Miracle Balm is kinda working. Either way, I’m not fretting (too much) about it.


Just as I was putting coconut oil in my mouth to do some oil pulling. I heard J come in and holler to see if I or P was home. I spat out the oil, put on some pants and came up to greet him. He apologized for coming in and waking me up. I told him I was up  and i just got back last night.

He came with a leafblower and some other tools. The rain caused something to happen such that they have to put another layer of concrete down.

He pulled out of his pocket two perfect looking persimmons and said he wasn’t sure I liked these but he wanted to give them to me. I told him I love persimmons and gratefully accepted them. I can actually put one of them on the Quanyin altar.


He checked with his flurry, the master ceiling was dry after this week of rain, so the new side deck (that sits on top of the master bedroom) is definitely working.  Yay!


I showed him the spots on the pan where the rain was coming through skylight and falling onto. He actually brought more weather stripping for the powder room skylight, so he’ll get on it, literally. I was a little concerned for his safety, I  mean it’s a wet copper roof and he’s pretty old and not so limber.


I asked what’s new. He said he got some new pains. A sharp siatica pain from his hip shooting down his leg and another sharp running up his neck when he turns it a certain way. When it happens, the pain lingers for 40 min or so.

Let me check if we have any Level CBD for you, I said as I went to the cabinet. Hmm looks like P took all the medicinal Level stuff with him to Asia and what’s left are the THC protabs.

But wait, there was one Slumber cartridge that had Delta-5 and CBD, which J said he can use bc he’s not getting good sleep from the pain these nights. So I gave that to him along with a pen and showed him how to use it.

I looked inside one of P’s cannabis pouches and luckily found a new packet of CBD protabs, just what I was looking for. And showed J how to open the childproof packaging and told him to take 1/2 and work his way up.

I also gave him so psychoactive Elevate tablinguals, to elevate his mood, since it sounded like he needed that, which he says he does esp when the pain hits.

He was super grateful for the Level products since they worked for him last time I gave some to him.


His surgeon wouldn’t let him fly after his surgery. And his work, surveying catastrophe damage requires flying.

He got pretty depressed when he couldn’t work.

But he finally got to fly again, and was in Puerto Rico for the Thomas hurricane.


R, J’s worker, came over as welland was happy to see me. As they were about  to go on the roof, R asked what was my highlight of my Bali trip. I said it’s hard to pin down, it was mostly just being with my friends there. It sounds almost unremarkable to say, but it w as just the meals and how we connected and bonded over really good conversations.


When J came back in, he pulled out two berries, he said they were from my bay tree.

Did you know that you can eat them?

No, but I was wondering about them though.

He said there’s a little meat inside next to the put that I can eat, but it might make my mouth numb.

Thanks! I’ll give it a try.

I love how J is introducing me to the fruits of my trees. I’m finally getting to enjoy these fruits I’ve had all along here.


I was feeling jetlagged and meditative, at the same time.


On his way out, J said I must really love books. I said I do.

And he noticed that I have a lot of amethysts. I do. I must have 20 or so amethysts scattered throughout the house. I “gridded”  the house with them.

As it turns out, amethysts is J’s birthstone as well, Jan 20th is his bday.

We were standing next to the side table in the moon room, which had 3. I picked up one and gave it to him. He thought I  was just  handing it to him to look at. I told him it’s his. He thanked me for it.

Supposedly they have healing properties, I said.

He says that’s true.

I was surprised that he knew that and believes in it too.

I showed him the biomat I was sitting on and how it’s made of amethysts, all heated up. I recommended it to him, for his pain.


J and R  left around noon. I laid on the biomat and meditated until I drifted into a nap. And woke up around 12:19, refreshed.


Went to the back, paid off my credit card balance, again. I’m getting good about paying it off now. And added 1K to my checking account.

Went to 3 Stone Hearth and got some bone broth, bee pollen,  satsumas, sauerkraut and breast oil (to rub on my breast).

Then to Monterey market for more lemons and avos, and carrots, cauliflower, kale, red onions, etc.


The sky was actually blue  this morning, it had turned gray when I  woke up  form my nap, and just as I was driving hime, it started to rain..


Back home, I called the rep who’s handling my application at Cloud Payment, he sounds like he’s in his 20’s. Possibly a bro.

He talked about bram fees 1K/year, since my website is a MCC SIC code type of business, aka adult content.

And whether I should apply as a sole prop now or an LLC later.


Then I had my meeting with my coach about pervette.  I  was supposed to “launch”Pervette last week, but there were a few hang ups  with the credit  card application process. I had  to switch to a third vendor..and I needed a voided check which  I didn’t have with me in Bali.

She applauded me for being so calm and collected even though I had the credit card processing hiccups in Bali, that delayed my launch.  And  she’s seeing me move from dreamy visionary to getting deep in the nitty gritty of getting things done and materializing them..


It’s true, I am getting deep in it, and I was also very calm as I was in a meditative state, it just came over 30 min before our call.


We talked through whether I should launch before I get credit card processing approval. Yes says my gut.


She walked me though an exercise called standards of Integrity.

I listed some people I admire (P and A were among them), then I  listed their qualities  that I admire, and for the ones I already noted , I put a checkmark by it. Then I circle the many check-marked qualities and ask myself if it warms my heart..

So the qualities I admire in others, which I possess myself, (because  in order to see them in others, you have to be a part of you as well) are:







these are the qualities I want to embody whenever I put my voice out there..


after our zoom meeting,

I placed the persimmon J gave me on the Quanyin altar, refilled the cups, lit a candle and incense and said a prayer,

then  I meditated for 33 min.


Now I’m writing to you.

P facetimed an hour ago. He’s in Singapore, at some diner-themed restaurant at a mall at Marina Bay Gardens. He’s contemplating still going to Sydney tomorrow, in spite of the fires going on, which he just found out about.

As  he w as talking, a waitress put down a giant chocolate milkshake with 3 ice cream sandwiches stacked on top with a mountain of whip cream on top of that.

Classic P to order a milkshake with his burger.

He had to go after he asked me how Pervette was going, since his burger arrived and his shake was toppling over.


I’m not that hungry today. I just had the avocado P2 brought for me, the turmeric chicken bone broth I got at 3 Stone, the other persimmon J gave me, a small bit of the carrot and flax crackers and activated almonds I brought back from Bali, and lots of tea..


It’s raining, and there’s a little bit of water dripping through some gap between the roof and skylight onto the kitchen island. One leak fixed, another appears..


P facetimes again. He says he loved our Bali trip. There was something about it, he said, he just loves me so much,

You’re just the cutest thing. I feel like you’re my daughter  and I just  love seeing you go about figuring out the world in your mupp ways, he says.

He does sound really fatherly, doesn’t he.

Well, throughout the Balitrip, there was this theme coming up. Seeing N and K and their two kids (age 1 and 4) with the two aunts, grandma and 2 nannies taking care of them,  and A2 telling us how she wants kids  to unlock the wider range of experiences and emotions in life, and us still thinking no kids makes the most sense for now..

So P kept on saying to me, you’re all the kid I need.

And I did feel very kid or muppety like when I was around him,  being very well taken care of.

I mean I didn’t spend a penny in Bali. P paid for everything: my business class ticket, my 5 star hotel with room, all the meals for me and our friends, all my shopping  (tea, snacks, variety of ginger and kratom powder, facial products (that made me breakout), supplements) he even gave me 4 million in rupiah for spending cash.

I feel incredibly lucky to have found someone with such a big heart and wallet.


I keep telling P when I make it big with Pervette, I’m gonna pay him back tenfold. I’m gonna get him the VisionJet he’s been wanting. He thinks I’m cute.


Did M, the Australian escort, get back to you? I ask

Yeah, but it’s kinda a hassle, P says.

Something about the deposit.


Funny  how I’m not that jetlagged, only for  a minute this morning.



I thought I was gonna go back and fill in my blank journal days in  Bali today, but instead I had a very meditative day, taking things slowly, and settling back in.


Maybe I’ll give you the highlights here and fill in the days tomorrow.


So here are the BALI HIGHLIGHTS:


Eating create your own salads and spring rolls at Alchemy with P for 3 days in a row.


Seeing R, the sadistic body worker, who worked every knot out in my body and made me yelp the whole time.

Then listening to A2 scream and moan as he worked on her.


Seeing Pak Man, the healer, who did some strange things with this q tip dipped in something strange, which he scribbled on my tongue and forehead  as he said some meantra, and he also did some body work, popping my limbs, and putting all my organs in good order.  As I asked for him to raise my spirits as I push though launching pervette.

(grateful that I have A2 curating all my healer experiences and arranging the hard  to get appts)


Doing yoga with P almost everyday  in our room though his yoga studio app on his ipad. It’s a new us, getting in our bodies together,


Meditating with the guru, daily at 8am, in the very small private meditation circle that I was invited to.


P helping me with the business side of Pervette  as I apply for credit card processing, figure out my new business address, LLC, etc, and he even offered seed funding..

So grateful that I have his love and support like I never had before


Overall, just how loving and  supportive P has been. Everyone in Bali, including our friends, thinks we’re on our honeymoon, the way we are right now is so lovey dovey. It does feel like we’re falling in love in this new, and deeper way..

And our time is just positive, fun and  muppety the whole way through. No hiccups or friction at all.

i attribute it to P being in a really good place, excited about everything ahead, the next chapter that includes houses, boats and planes, sans CA incomes taxes.

And also I  think it had something to do with my last vipassana retreat, which unlocked another level of equanimity in me. And dissolved some ego. I know how to handle P, be fully presen tfor him, in this light and spacious, muppety way, allowing him to be him without judgment. I’m more kid-like when I lose my ego. And that endears him.


Every other meal was with our friends, and it was a slightly different configuration/vibe every time

Me and P with:


A2 and her 2 sisters for breakfast at the Ritz

N &  K and their 2 kids at Nostimo for dinner


A2 and her sisters at Akasha (Mie Gorengs!)

E’s bday party


Friendsgiving with N, K, E and  O


A2 and her beau, P4 for lunch #1 at Alchemy

A2, P4 and her two sisters for lunch #2 at Akasha

The epic going away dinner party with A2, P4, her sisters in the private  room at Sayan House


Anyways. I can go on..


Taking P’s advice to me and getting “focused” on Pervette  and staying up till 3am Tuesday night working on the last of the -trix pages..


This perfect balance and flow between couple time with me and P, our separate but together co-working time on our computers, and time with our friends.


The yummy healthy vegan food: jackfruit tacos, spring rolls, green  juices, chocolate maca smoothies, turmeric hots and chaga lattes


Finding a pervette work flow away from home..


Having the most awesome muppety driver, Y, who takes us everywhere, plays Air Supply on demand, and can order and deliver food from Alchemy and Zest to my room.


The perfectly paced and coursed epic 14 course lunch at Locavore. Where the 5 amuse bouches were these flowers and leaves prepared in such a delectable, yummy way. Everything was impeccably delightful.


The crazy heated political debate between leftist “commie” P4 and staunch right N at Hippie  Fish dinner


How I was the reference for P as he reached out to an Asian escort in Sydney:

“Yes, I  know P very very well. He’s a very generous and sweet gentleman, and yes he is very reliable. Enjoy!”


But really, the highlight was that this was our life, completely untethered. We  get to be in Bali with our friends, who also found a way  to  live untethered lives. And the way we connect through meaningful conversations over lovely meals, feels so nourishing  and incredibly special.




It’s 11:33pm, I haven’t got to fill you in about yesterday, and how I landed and was greeted by P2 and avocados, lemons, a pre-heated and lit house….maybe  tomorrow. I’ll fill in the rest of my Bali trip, tomorrow..


When I start writing I want to tell you everything, all the details. And then I run out of time in the day..


I think  I need to figure out  a set time every day where I give myself 30-45 min to journal to you..otherwise  I fall terribly behind..


Okay, it’s 11:44pm, time for bed..


Saturday,  12.6.19 7:33pm


Dear U,

I’m home. I had a 5 hour session today. It flew by. Maybe because there was a lovely meal in the middle, being served by my naked sub. I asked him questions and got to know him and his history more deeply.

And then there was Story of O, which I got to read during our session..

Everything about today and the day itself is inspiring me.


I had him put on  a  frilly dress because it was kinda cold and maybe too cruel to have him eat naked. I almost forgot how much I love seeing men wear dresses.

The rain came pouring down, hitting the skylight above us.

He brought me what I wanted. Keto steak salad, roasted carrots and broccolini from Belcampo.

He also brought the most submissive bottle of red wine h e could find, called Pool Boy.


Before J2 arrived, P2 was at the dungeon before I arrived setting it  up for me. Where  are all the lighters? He used the electric stove to light the incense.

I have so much  energy I had to dance it off when I got home.

I chanted as well.

I was feeling quite messianic on the ride to and from the dungeon. Words coming out of me in this deep resonant tone.

Funny how I’m not that hungry.

Haven’t been since I’ve been back.

Food grounds you.

Maybe I want to stay airy and visionary.


I remember now why it’s so nourishing to session.

And see the subs and slaves whom you want to see.

My subs and sessions are my muse.

They inspire me.


I also realize,

To tap into that inner Domme

you actually need a sub to draw Her out.


It’s just like how a teacher needs a student, it’s a dialetic.


Anyways, I’m gonna take all this inspired energy and work on pervette..



I pervetted a little.

I youtubed Dominatrix. The top hit is a comedy channel by some former nickelodeon kids, they’re visiting a Domme (I know). They’re making light of the equipment. They try out the activities. Everything is poked at and twisted into slapstick humor. She’s  a veteran and well known Domme, she presents herself well. This video has close to a million views. But it doesn’t shine the right light on to bdsm. There’s no reverence to the ritual and to the practice. All the acts are decontextualized without the emotional meaning that it brings  to  the sub or domme. No one watching is brought closer to understanding why one would want to yes to this..


I Amazoned a poetry book written by A7. She self-published it last year gifted it to me a few months ago when we were in NY. But I want to buy one myself, so I can support her and leave an Amazon review that has the “verified purchase” label next to it. It can be a x-mas gift for someone.

I ended up buying 4 books. The other three were

The Heroine’s Journey

The Writer’s Journey

(Amazon recommends..They’re spinoffs of Joseph Campbell’s A Hero’s Journey, which I already own. Z mentioned in our meeting the other day that my journey reminds me of the Hero’s Journey)

I also got

Rise of the Machines: Human Authors in a Digital World

( the Amazon Recommends Oracle )


I have so much buzzing energy in me, it’s hard to sit still. Something is going on, like a shift, on some physical or even auric level. I have no idea, really. It’s like I’m tripping but without the aid of any psychedelics..


I always feel strange without Cutie. I brought her to the dungeon today.  P2 was already there setting up the space for me as  I got ready. And before J my sub arrived, P2 took off with Cutie. I let him take her for the night. He takes good really good care of her. But  all the same, I miss her.


Sunday, 12.78.19 5:25pm


Dear U,


It’s been an interesting  day, internally.

I have no appetite. I just want to meditate.

Or do everything slowly and meditatively.

When I get this way,  I can always feel it in my breath.

It’s like my body is willing my mind to slow down

By making my breath deep and prominent.


I got up  at 9:20am, like i did yesterday.

Took my temp with the basal thermometer


30.06 degrees celsius.

This is for the Natural Cycles app to track my fertility

Or to know when to not have sex unprotected so I don’t get preggers..


I wrote out my dream.

I don’t know why I opened up Twitter and got sucked into this ad about Blinkist, an app that consolidates non-fiction books into easy to consume summaries, and decided to to subscribe to it.

I’ve been subscribing to lots of things..

Like Insight Meditation,

And not really using these services..

I went through my checking account and credit card account and made a list of all the recurring billing on it.

There’s quite a few monthly, some I’m not using…

Audible, Adobe Creative Cloud package, Rising Springs mineral water, maybe I should cancel these subs


Every one is subscribed to something. Everyone is trying to buy your time and attention.

How does one make something so valuable, so useful that you would return to it daily?

I’m thinking about pervette..


A whole day to myself. Maybe I should pervette.

Everything i s slowed down. Something told me to clean. To  bring the sanctuary in order before i create.

So I cleaned. I fully unpacked my suitcase and backpack from Bali.

I did laundry.

I tidied every nook and corner up.

It took the whole morning up until 2:30pm.


On my second walk  out, to catch the sunset, P2 and  Cutie was driving int o my cul de sac. He  parked and we caught the most unusual sunset. there was a  halo effect from the fog. It  w as mesmerizing.


P2 had a  wonderful time with Cutie, they were reading poetry sipping tea, looking out his window yesterday. A crew of crows was outside putting on a  show for them.


We visited briefly. We were talking about Spectator magazines from back in the day.

He  showed me erosblog. Twitter is  entering its pornacalypse as well, we learned..


I was in  a meditative mood, P2 respected that and quietly did  his chores. We put on the bedsheets and duvet together.






I meditated twice.

Worked on pervette

Then  P facetimed me from Sydney. He  was in the giant penthouse apt he rented for the week, that had  a pretty epic view of the city.


He just had a meh lunchdate with a sugarbaby. SHe had leg  tattoos. He’s not into tattoos.

He was about to get a drink with another sugarbaby.

And then tomorrow, he’s meeting the escort whom I corresponded with last week.


He asked about pervette. I told him that I was planning on posting on social media about pervette this week,  even though I’m still in the midst of the credit card application process.

He says last  week  after our talk, and his advice, he thought I was  gonna hold off on posting until I got the credit card processor in place. I said I talked to my coach  and we thought it’d be good to share what I have already since Pervette isn’t  all about getting people to pay for erotic content. There’s more that I’m offering.

I’m floundering, he  says, and all over the  place. He says the most important thing I need to focus on now is getting credit card processing before anything.

He feels like he can’/t give me any advice because I’m too scattered.


Whoa. I said  I’m listening  to him, and I’m also consulting with my coach.  And yes I was conflicted about this and I’m trying to get clarity on it, and I’m listening to his advice as well.


After a rounds of back and forth, me pointing out to  him that I’m listening  to him, I value his opinion greatly, but it doesn’t  help  when he layers on judgment. he realized he was reacting with his ego and old legacy stuff, like I’m not taking his advice seriously.


He says he’s trying to be supportive and loving and this wwhole way of being (a business mentor  to me)  is new to him.

I can see that.

He says something shifted for him since that one breakfast in Lafayette we had where I started crying and telling him how important his opinions on pervette are to me.

I can see  that. And  I  can also see remnants of the past creeping up when he feels like I’m not listening to him and takng his advice.


our talk, I shifted gears from working on the dominatrix philosohpy text to the footer we needed to create with all the website criteria the credit card processing vendor needed. I exchanged half a dozen emails with S, who was starting  her day in  Berlin.

We made a ton  of progress. I was up till 4. Totally wired.

I w as feeling both grateful that P called and steered me towards pragmatic matters on pervette and  at the same time, upset, that his reaction to my decisions are  so  prickly and negative. And yes he comes around, but the negativity and judgment really gets   to me.

It’s all part of the process. Him learning how  to  help me is  helping him learn how to be more present, compassionate and curious with my process (that’ sway different than his) rather than judgy and reactive.


A texts to ask if I’m around the next couple of weeks. I said I’m around  and free this weekend. I might be in Seattle next week.


I can’t  explain this strange manic feeling. No appetite, not sleepy, all worked up form working on pervette and the heated talk with P  before that, I feel so manic I almost felt like  I  can throw up.

I crawl into bed with Cutie and stared at her under the dim light, until I felt my body relaxed and then I feel asleep with the light on.




Monday, 12.9.19 7:10pm


Dear U,
You’d think that staying up till 4, I’d be tired today. But it’s quite the opposite, I have so  much energy,  it’s crazy.


I woke up  at 10 this morning, a  minute after  I  had woken up. J  and R had come in the house and when they  realized I was still in bed they apologized for waking me. I said no worries, Ia was up late last night. I kinda like how they’re getting so comfortable coming in and out of the house. It feels like family.

I’m glad we arrived as late as they did as they usually arrive around 7 or 8am.

J asked if I like labadorite. I said I love labadorite. Then he pulled out his pocket a beautiful and fairly large palm sized labadorite stone. And gave it to me.

Wow! Thank you! This is one of my favorite stones.

Yeah,  it’s a powerful one. I charged it up for you.

I’m still kinda blown away that J knows how to talk stones..

He said he’ll let me get back to bed, since I could barely open my right eye right. So I crawled back into bed holding my new labadorite stone.

What a gift. And wonderful way  to be woken up.


J says the Level Elevate tab is  working. He took one and it elevated his mood. R said he’s a heavy hitter and that Level Pro-tab really hit him good.

I  was happy to hear Level’s doing its job well.

I gave them some more of the tabs, there weren’t that many left. They wanted to pay for it, but I insisted they take it.


I’m doubly dld they came when they did (9:53am) because I had a pervette meeting with S at 10.


It was too  cold and  moist for them to put  on  the last coat of something on the deck, so R was gonna come back at 2 to see if it gets sunnier. They took off.

I took my call with S

We went over all the nitty gritty nuances of onbaarding members on to the voyeur and voyager levels..


P2 arrived during the meeting to say hello to Cutie and clean  and refill the hot tub.


After my call with S, I masturbated. I haven’t since Bali.

That was really good..


Talk to S3 who’s in Japan, taking a morning bath. He  helped me think through the launch before or after credit card processing quandary. He affirmed what I thought and gave it more clarity. I  could emerge back on social media. Not make a big announcement about Pervette, while I continue getting the credit card process approval going. And in the meantime, reach out to my current subscribers with an update, teaser, and ask for feedback.


After our  call, I masturbated some more, and started doing something I haven’t done in a while. I  started texting and replying to people.

Note to self: masturbating and texting goes well together. Always  a good idea  to send messages when you’re on a high vibration. Nothing really higher than an orgasmic vibration..

I must’ve gotten back to 20 peeps.


Went for a sunset jog even though there was no sun, it was hiding behind the clouds.


Made salad, ate it, even though I wasn’t really that hungry. The first really substantial food I’ve eaten since my salad from Belcampo J2 brought for me on Saturday.


SOmething strange is definitely going on. No appetite. Tons of energy. Feeling focused and super driven.


Stayed up late, organizing all my Buddhist class readings into my binder and per our assignment, I picked a sutta passage to read in  class tomorrow and  explain why it inspires me.

Tuesday, 12.10.19

Last day of  class.

We  all went around sharing our favorite passage that we picked from out  of the reading we did.

I was feeling meditative and zoned it.

As class ended and I was packing up my notebooks to put in my bag, my teacher came up to me to tell me how much she appreciated my comments and contributions to the class.



After class me and my classmate N went to the musical offering to have tea. We’ve been trying to get together for tea for the past year. Today was the day. We talked about his dissertation, my work as a domme, my pervette project, he says he’s gotten into kink in his relationships. I sometimes do enjoy  these encounters where it’s obvious they have some sort of crush on me. And I feel like this monk like character, whom they can’t read into.


When I came home, the workers were gone, and the final coat of epoxy was applied on the deck. I smiled as I saw my fruit bowl in the kitchen, J had filled up it with a ton of pineapple guavas he gathered form my trees.


P2 came over and he  took a few pics and videos of me in the hot tub surrounded by the ruby  red maple trees..



Went to Bar Express. Haven’t done that in a  while


Created a “japanese sub girl” voyager page filled with some very sexxy pics.

Emailed back and  forth with S in Berlin as she smoothed out the onboarding process for the next membership level on pervette. Getting closer to submitting the app for credit card processing..


Stayed up till 5am. I was wired and not at all sleepy. A ton of ideas came to me for social media, once I get back on it.



Wednesday, 12.11.19  3:35pm


Dear U,

I think I woke up around 11:11am today. I woke up from a “cool”  dream where I was at some major rager party where I was looking for my friends, some of which I found, they were funny characters, and I tried to connect with A. I also consumed some magic chocolate, maybe too much, but I remember thinking I’m pretty lucid for consuming that much psychedelics.

Anyways, I woke up pretty late because I stayed up late, till 5am.

I was working on pervette, emailing back and forth with S (who  was in Berlin), she  was smoothing out the onbarding process of pervette while I created the first page for the voyager level.

(when I go back to write in Tuesday’s  journal entry, all this might be redundant).


I have so much energy it’s kinda crazy. Doubly crazy is how little I’m eating. My body only feels hungry once a day.  Now that I’m just naturally  cutting cut out sugar and  dairy and grains as well, my body is getting very clean and clear and it’s communicating to me what it really needs, which  is not a lot…

Bone broth and some veggies..


In other BIGger  news:


I just submitted my application for credit card processing for pervette this afternoon.


And I just had a meeting with my lawyer re setting up an LLC and trademarking  and copyrighting Pervette.


Look at me, muppety airy visionary, trying to do adult bizzzzness things. It feels good.

Thursday, 12.12.19

The crew (J, R, J and son) came to drop off the wood for the deck onlt to find out  that the delivery people delivered the wrong items. It was raining  so I was able to show them where the leak was coming though in the kitchen skylight. They got on the roof to temp fix it for now..

When R was on  the  roof, I learned about R’s tragic heart(break) attack story from J. Crazy how R told me everything that’s been amazing in his life, but he omitted what happened to him recently. But now  all  the pieces make sense to me.


Chicken soup kinda day.

Went to the dungeon where P2 had set it  all up for me. I gave him Cutie for the night.


Sessioned with S2, he  brought me what felt like 20 lbs of freshly picked lemons and a  giant bag of almonds.




Friday, 12.13.19 6:42pm


Dear U,

I think about all the things I want to tell you, every day.

I think about writing you to catch you up on everything that’s going on almost every other hour.

But the thing is there’s so much in my day, so much magic, and I tend to want to give you all the details..

I know that if I sit down to write to you, I can spend hours describing everything that’s interesting to me about my day. But then there goes my day.

So I’m waiting for when I have time.

But I guess I’m realizing that I don’t have much time.


I also feel like when I have the energy to write, I should be pouring it into building out the labyrinth that is pervette.


So maybe if you can wait till tomorrow, I’ll fill in these empty days


These days are quite something. My body, spirit and mind are going through some radical shifts. I can tell by the way my whole body is communicating to me, the way I eat, the way I breathe..

Everything is slowed down, my mind is calm and focused. I’ve never felt better. My theory was right, less food, but high quality food, is better.


It’s 6:46pm, I’m skipping a friend’s going  away party, because I need 5 uninterrupted hours to pervette..

So here I go..


recap of my day

(I actaully spent 30 min to recap my whole day to you, and then with some finger swipe lefton the trackpad  and I lost it all, so annoying. let’s  see if  I  can re-write it as  fast as I can)

woke up at 8:48 from a dream where  I w as choosing 4 classes to enroll  in …weird course titles like, How to Disassociate from Buddhism with Math.

Woke up, laid in bed, heard the front door open.

I hollered J? R? Thinking maybe the workers are comingint to work on the deck this drizzly morning. No reply.

P2? It was him bringing back Cutie, he  brings her down, I wish him a happy birthday, and I’ll see him later


meditative morning


update on credit card processing: inspectors from the the bank merchant want to inspect my location of business..hmm


gather all the materials to put together P2’s present

I made him choco maca bars for his Dionysian Pleasure trance.

Here’s all the ingredients

Cocoa butter
3 types of cacao powder
3 kinds of Maca (royal mama and navitas)
Mucuna pruriens
Moire puma
Black pepper
Balinese sea salt
Ceylon  cinnamon cayenne
Raw local honey
Dreid cranberries
Crushed almonds or walnuts
Goji berries
Bee pollen
Coconut oil
Cacao nibs (from Bali)
Rose petals
I’m a maximalist.
I meditate. masturbate as I  read the David Lynch book that I’m gifting P2. I wrap it up.
Head to motor shop to repalce my left headlight, it was super dangerous driving in the thick fog last night with one headlight.
Came back home, P2 was there with Cutie.
I pulle dout his presents from the cabinet and fridge.
We cut in to the maca bars, I made us  tea, he told me about his dream
He opened his presents. The $222 in the red envelope was for his  very first smartphone that I’m helping him get.
After P2 left, I decide not to go to Bar. I jogged along the hill during the no sun  sunset.
The sun  is  setting and I haven’t eaten anything. My body is feeling  really good, intermittent fasting, it comes naturally now once i’ve cut out sugar  and  dairy and grains. It feels  like it’s getting near peak performance mode.
Roasted cauliflower and had it with ethiopian beef stew. Ate about 7 of the pienapple guavas J had gathered for me from my trees out front.
No karoake party. Stay in work on pervette Creatrix path.
P calls. We’re both having these very productive days. He’s now  a proud owner of a boat named Mary Jane
He tells me about his new Seeking Arrangement strategy.  Make every exhange count. Move the girls from the SA platform offline, get number, catfish test, get coffee, then fuck..
I think about it in relation to Pervette..
After we hang up, I go through my phone to read my horoscope. Then opened up the Coffee Meets Bagel app I downloaded a month ago.
Is now the time to create a Colette Pervette profile to get the potential matches curious about Pervette..?
The app made it so easy to set up the profile..




Saturday,  12.14.19




Back to my previous week