Sunday, Feb 17, 2019

Hudson, NY


(from what I can remember)

I woke up around 7 to the sound of A2 screaming. I wake her up.

She said thank god I saved her. She was being chased by a giant stinkbug in her dream that she had to kill with a hammer that she had in her hand.

We fell back asleep.


I woke up around 8.

Today’s the day I lead my session.

Do 3 one on one sessions

And co-lead a second session with A2 (which we did not really prep for).


Even though I’m adding a slightly new beginning and adding more structure and a new element to the session, I feel ready, and strangely not nervous, as I usually am.


I decide not to shower, my hair’s fine.


A2 and I are in the main house. She asks what song was I playing when I gave my speech. Jon Hopkins, I tell her. She puts together a Renew playlist on Spotify.


As I prep a little more for the session, L, the chef’s assistant chats with me about her upcoming art exhibit. I’m fully present and engaged.

It’s strange to me that I’m not anxious. I feel calm.


Maybe I’m channeling Gil Fronsdal? He’s my hero. I always wonder how he does it, dharma talks just flow from him. He gives one almost daily at his retreat. And they’re the best.


When the girls break out of their embodied dance/tantra session (or something), it’s my turn to got to the yoga house and set up.


I get dressed. I put on my Lascivious bra, AP waspie corset, and AP panties and thigh highs, then I put on my regular uniform over the secret domme outfit.


I hide my heels. Laid out my Emotional Support satin robe.


The women start trickling in..


I turn on the recorder and tell them they can take notes or not, since I’ll be sending this out..




I started..


It was 7 years ago when I decided to snoop through my boyfriend’s email because I suspected something was going on..

(They all leaned in..)


I wanted to start with my own story of my hardest heartbreak, so they know that I know how it feels..


I talk about the space in between, that’s where we’re at.

Don’t run away…


Then I frame the session, of how I’m going to lead them through a series of exercises that mirror the steps I took in being a dominatrix and just a seeker of life and love..


Then I had them close their eyes, open their mouths, and take in the self-love elixir.

And when they opened their eyes, they saw me in my veil

And I told them,

I have some things I want to tell you…


Then I reveal to them one by one, my shame

Of my body

Of my race

Of my class.


They cried


Then I shed my layers as I let go of my shame.


Then I stepped into my heels

And into my truth and into my power


And they saw before their eyes a transformation..

From the girl who hid behind her layers of shame to a woman in power.


I did this, I said, to show you that you can’t talk about power without talking about your shame.


When your shame becomes your story it becomes your medicine.

It can heal you and make you whole.

And that’s when you find your center..

And in that center is your power.


I led them through 4 acts, where they got intimate with me, with themselves and each other.

One was a writing exercise, to their surprise they had to share with a partner.

Another was a role-playing exercise, they took turns being the domme and sub, in negotiation, learning the art of creating a safe space

And then they either got to participate or witness a snippet of a session..


I took my bra off, I pulled out my flogger.


They saw the art of the session



Everything flowed..


And I got to close with a parting line..


Your power is in your truth, and the way to your truth is through love..


They were buzzing over lunch.


Then I did 3 one on one sessions.

2 of the women were sexually abused when they were young.

And ever since they feel as though they have been trapped inside a shell, dying to break out.


I listened closely, reflected back, then I offered advice.

I felt like there was a sage woman coming through my voice.

Her advice, her fun assignments for them to find their freedom felt like an exercise in creativity.


They each came out of their session, excited and hopeful.


Then A2 came in after my 3rd session.

Are you ready for our session?

Oh shit, our joint Domme session is happening in 10 min.


We go through our spotify playlists trying to find that power anthem.

I play Amanda Merdzan.

Too slow, A2 says.

She queues up a song.

Too sad, I say.


Then I go into my pervette bday party playlist,

I have 3 covers of Girls Just Want to Have Fun.

One for the everyday self walk

The second for the goofy silly dance

And the third for their Domme strut.


We listen, A2 nods,

I fucking love how competent you are, she says, It’s such a breath of fresh air. I’m so not used to this. I’m always the one doing everything.

I take that as the highest compliment form her.

Then we head to the yoga house..


Me and A2 were sitting up front in our stools.

Thank god they spinned, everytime they were in the midst of their assignment, writing on their masks, we would spin our stool with out backs to them as we figure out the next logical step in the session.


Oh right, their Domme names..

I can lead that part, I tell A.


Everything flowed.


Slumtupp came out..



In the end we were all dancing to 3 version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun..

The lights were red and blue..

And I told them to introduce themselves to one another using their new Domme names..


It was so fun.


Last line: Ladies, say hello to your new Domme Self!


The whole day, I felt a new self emerging.

She was the Educatrix.

She was wise, powerful and emotional.

A new deeper more resonant voice came through.


D, the psychic facilitator, came up to me after my session, she was enamored by Slutmupp.

She said what we do is so similar..


It’s true, Slutmupp has own own philosophy of life..


D takes off after dinner, she says she has to beat the snow, it’s going to snow tonight.

At dinner, we sang Happy Birthday to A2.

E, the chef, baked her a magic cake all for her..


Then A2 led the last session of the night on Attachment Styles..

Her teaching style is all lecture sprinkled with her anecdotes, the women take notes.. I feel the drop in energy. I wonder if I can help A2 with her pedagogy.


The way she cuts the woman off if she thinks their questions are tangential is very jarring.


it starts to snow..


Monday, Feb 18, 2019

Hudson and Manhattan, NY


Last Day of the Breakup Bootcamp..

I sleep in and meditate.


Group photo, I have my veil.

Closing circle, tears all around..


The women are sad to leave. It’s been a whirlwind of a weekend, they are all in high spirits..


Hugs goodbye..


J, the driver comes and drives us back to Manhattan.

Me, A2, and A2’s sister are in the car debriefing..

We should do a men’s retreat..


I godaddy

It’s taken.

I buy the Buy Domain Service they offer to see if I can bid for the domain..


J abruptly drops me off at the corner and not at the front door.  As he goes out to open the trunk, we’re all flabbergasted by his abruptness, I thought he was into female supremacy?


When I got in, it was 3:30pm, the magic hour. I drop my bags and go out for a walk…



Back to Naturopathica for a maca latte, the woman thought I said match latte.

I chatted with the two women writer/artists next to me, who were disgusted by their visit to the creepy KGB spy musuem.

I asked for a museum rec. They said they liked the Brooklyn Museum.




Wednesday, Feb 20, 2019 10:33am

New York


Dear U,

It’s been a while since I last wrote. Because A LOT has happened. God I hope I can catch you up on everything. It’s been pretty magical.


I changed my flight last night. I’m staying another day. Due to the snowstorm.

So I did end up with a full week in NY after all.


When I woke up this morning, I had nothing planned.

And then I replied to those who randomly reached out last night and they happen to be in NY.


OMG why didn’t you tell me you were coming!!! J asks

I rarely tell anyone I’m coming until I’m in town! And I try not to make plans until the day of (insert uhhehheh face emoji)

I like feeling my way..


Within half an hour, peeps have replied, and I have a basic idea of how my day will unfold..

But leaving room for lotsa maybes and possibilities too..


Maybe today will be the day I finally get to wear my parka that I packed, and maybe tonight I’ll finally wear my cape.

(I have this thing where I like to wear/use what I pack or else it makes me feel like I just wasted space and weight)


Thursday, Feb 21, 2019

On the Delta flight 1466 from JFK to SFO


Everything is a palindrome

Films I watched:

From SFO to JFK

Bohemian Rhapsody


Jane Fonda in 5 Acts (watched first half)


From JFK to SFO

Jane Fonda in 5 Acts


Queen:Rocks the World


The first film I watched on the flight to JFK was Bohemian Rhapsody

The last thing I watched on the flight back from JFK to SFO was Queen: Rock the World


The only reason why I ended with Queen was because The. Greatest of All (the doc on greath athletes) had some weird glitch 7 min into it and just timed out. I tried twice to resume, but to no avail.


The second film I watched from SFO to JFK was RBG, the doc on the Supreme Court Judge

The second to last film I watched from JFK to SFO was Whitney, the doc on Whitney Houston.

Ruth is eighty something, tiny but strong willed, still alive and going strong.

Whitney blew up like a superstar,, had a a codepedent relationship with Boby Brown and died at 48 addicted to drugs.

Both were notably powerful women with strong voices.

Ruth had this deep sense of purpose and well of strength from within while Whitney was stilll looking for her sense of purpose and connection until the very tragic end.


Jane Fonda in 5 Acts was in the middle.

Her first 4 Acts showed how she shaped herself around the men in her life: her dad, Vadim the Frech producer, Tom the Activist, and Ted Turner. In her final act, when she divorced Ted Turner and was by herself, she felt whole and fully herself.


Probably out of all the women I watched and learned about, I resonated most with Jane Fonda.

It was neat to see how she was so entrenched in the Vietnam War. How she raised money by making a workout video that created a whole new industry: the home video. And how she struggled with bulimia. How she made films to spread the messages that were important to her..


I was telling P2 on the way to the airport that I wanted to watch more films. I got my fill. I’m in no mood for fiction these days. I have a hunger for reality. I want the truth, I want to know what’s possible. I want to learn from other’s stories.


I’ve been snacking non-stop on the plane, eating anything I can get my hands on.

When you’re sedentary and sitting, your body thinks it’s time to either eat or rest..


Funny how the day before my flight to NY, Delta sent an inclement weather warning saying my flight will be affected, and I opted to change my flight to a day later, so I wouldn’t be stuck at the airport with a continually delayed flight.

Making my usual 7 day NY trip (from Wed to Wed) a 6 day one (from Thu to Wed)

But then the day before my flight back, Delta sent Delta sent an inclement weather warning saying my flight will be affected, and so I changed my flight to a day later.

Making my trip 7 days from Thu to Thu


Funny how A2 extended the Breakup Bootcamp from the usual Fri to Sun to Fri to Mon.

I was planning on staying to Sunday before dinner.

Days before, I was feelign sensitive and told A2  I wanna come in on a Saturday instead of Friday .

My session was on Sunday, and Friday is usually a very heavy day of emotions, with the women comning in at their downest. In the past, I felt everything they felt. I albsorbed all of it. This time, sincce my MDMA bday, I knew I couldn’t handle it because I was feeling pourous.

She said that was fine. but her preference was that I stay till the end on Monday at noon.

I didn’t have anything planned till Monday night, dinner with my Azn domme sisters.

I felt into it, it felt right ot close it our with A2. She was grateful because all the facilitators will have left at that point, it was just gonna be her and her sister there. It felt nice to be there till the end with her.

I like our flexibility and communication.

A2 said that if she had not voiced her preference she would’ve built resentment. I’m glad she did as well, bc stayinn unti the end was the right call.


The first place I was walked to when I got into NY was Chelsea Market, which is where Matt Green suggested we meet (at the front of the Market on 9th Ave)

The last place I walked to was Chelsea Market, which is where I picked up a salad and a few presents for C and J, to thank them for letting my stay at their awesome pad. I got them 3D coasters from Kikkerland, 2 blue Moroccan glasses (since they have a a bajillion Fiestaware mugs and no glasses in their kitchen) and a 3D postcard of red cherries. I gigure the 3D coasters and postcard might appeal to Y, their 3 year old little girl.


The first and last thing at C and J’s place is pulled out the book, Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, from their library, behind it is  my little stash of Level cannabis cartridges. It’s a ritual now..


On my first and last night full night in NY, I saw D. He professes how smitten he is with me. He’s all smiles.

We talk about the show we’re going to make: Will She or Won’t She. He talks how the networks will love it. I decide to wait to tell him that I think it should be on pervette.


Right now Pervette seems like nothing to most. People will think I’m crazy if I tell them what I see. It’s going to be the only platform I want content to live on. It can only exist on the platform I build. That’s how I know it’ll thrive.

It’s where I have the most creative control and freedom to do as I please.


Last night, even in my dream, I thought about how I didn’t want to meet with C2 on my last morning in NY. She had really want to meet, she had reached out, we were gonna meet at Soho House.

This morning, I got a reply from her. She said since she didn’t hear from me, she was in Brooklyn and asked if we can meet at 1:45 instead.

1:45 was the time I was gonna leave for the airport, I told her.

I was careful not to say, so bummed I miss you! (because that wouldn’t be true)

We’ll have to catch each other next time! I said.

Aww so sad, bummed I miss you! She replied.


Last night, I thought how I get in Thursday night, then I leave Saturday morning for LA. I only had one day in Berkeley, Friday. And I have a (double) session that afternoon. I wish I didn’t have to session, I thought. I really just want a full day to myself, to Pervette.

Today, at the airport, I checked my mail. My client tomorrow said he just went to to the oncologist today and the dr found that his lymph nodes were swollen adn he has to go back to do a bipsy tomorrow, so. he regreftfully has to cancel our session tomorrow.

In our session,  I would always sound him (for the entire session). I was a Dr. (of Philosophy) performing an invasive medical act in his penis. Instead, he’ll be seeing a medical doctor performing an invasive act in his penis.

Point is. The universe is either listening to me. Or I’m feeling into what the universe alrady had in mind for me..


On my first full day in NY, I had lunch at Hanamizuki Cafe with AB, my old roommate.

On my last full day in NY, I had lunch at Hanamizuki Cafe by myself.

I went there because it was a block away from the Nutrafol office, which is where I had my meeting with Dr. M at 12:30 to be a case study. I had time before to have lunch.  it seem perfect.

I sat a table away from 2 guys. I overhear one talking about this game he created, that sounded interesting. He was showing his friend picture of it. It has old school video game graphics, I heard them say. I love old school video game graphics. His girlfriend is a burlesque performer.

My intuition tells me where I ought to be. My intuition is very circular.

The Palindrome Effect I see being played out is part of the circularity or singularity of everything in life.


Was it yestedday that I had this stange (sci-fi cinematic high) feeling that my whole life is a palindrome. If I really stop to examine it, I’m reliving, revisiting moments of the past. And the future forward will be a continual circle back.

I am almost certain that the dreams I had of myself as a child will be realized in the future perfect.


My fantasies are visions of the future.


When I got up from the table at Hanamizuki to bus my table and ask for more hot water fro my tea. I saw that the friend from the table near me had also gotten up to go to the restroom. This was the opening..

When I walekd back to my table, I scooted over..

I have a question.

The video game guy looked up, Yeah?

You meantioned that you made a video game, was it about Science?


It wasn’t a video game.. but a game that you play in person with each other. It was called Pasrsely..

He said we can play it right now.


He started..

When he descibed it to me, I said..

This sounds like a choose your own adventure game.

It kinda is.


We both have the same Choose Your Own Adventure book UFO-UB40.

That’s his favorite. He says there’s a page in there that you can only get to if you cheat..


What I put inside me:

Friday, February 22, 2019 11:18am



Dear U,

I’m home. I feel strange. Maybe it’s the time and space change. And my house isn’t fully put put back together since the bday party.

Maybe I got used to waking up and walking outside in the snowy and crowded sidewalks of NY.

This morning, I thought I had woke up late because it was so bright outside, I could tell through the curtains the sun was already high in the sky, but it was only 8:30.


I journaled, what do I want to do? Go for a walk? Clean? Pervette? Meditate?

I feel like I’m 4, before there was structure and school, there were open days and this feeling of not knowing what to do.

Even though I feel like I have so much to do.


Maybe I don’t feel grounded.


I talk to P. He’s in a very feisty mood. Maybe it’s this improv class that’s bringing this out in him. It’s strange. It’s like slightly bitchy.

Am I on speakerphone? he asks. He hates being on speakerphone. He can hear his echo. But that’s how I record our conversation and tidy up the house while we talk.

He thinks A2 should ditch her birthday dinner in NY and fly to LA. He doesn’t understand why she’s flying out to Tulum next Tuesday when she should be in LA. It feels like he’s judging her for not being in LA, so he can have someone to hang out with.

He thinks her NY Post piece on love contracts is bunk. That’s how you scare people away, he says. He also thinks she has textbook knowledge on relationship but no experiential knowledge and that he’s more equipped than her when it comes to how to be in relationship.

I thought talking to P would be grounding, but his tone is slightly off. I don’t know about flying down to LA tomorrow to spend a weekend with him. Maybe I need more alone time, to ground myself and work on Pervette. But I haven’t seen him since the day after after the bday party.


It’s a very bright and sunny day, chilly still. The birds are chirping. I feel aimless.


There’s so much catching up we need to do. I want to tell you everything I ate in this last trip.


I hung up on P because JC called to check up on the leak, it’s still going when it pours I tell him. We plan on redoing the deck when it gets warm and dry, like in the dead of summer.


I missed my sister’s call, she texts and says she just called because she learned from her Ninja Training class that it’s better to have real interaction.

I call her back. She sounds different, more focused and energetic. This Ninja Training class was everything she needed she said. It was part real estate part life.

It’s all about connections, she learned.

The teacher also said to keep a gratitude journal if they don’t have time to keep a journal journal and so she pulled out the 5 minute journal that I gave her, which she misplaced a few weeks ago and started journaling in it again today.

She thanked me for it.

She used to list the same things over and over for what she was grateful for. Today she wrote that she was grateful for a new her.



When we said goodbye, she said I love you. I said I love you too, L.




I feel like people are changing rapidly around me. P feels different. L, my sis, feels different.


I feel a little tired.

I feel discombobulated. Like I should meditate or go outside..


I just downloaded the Tile app, and activated one of the 4 tiles. I tested it out. I cut a little snippet of a pink velvet ribbon from the birthday flowers that R&A sent to me and used it to tie the tile to her amethyst necklace.

Now P2 (and I) can rest assured, if she gets lost, I can ring her.

I guess Cutie kinda has a cell phone.


Mom calls. I was planning to call her. I wish I beat her to it, so she felt like I was thinking of her..


I just remembered that her birthday is tomorrow.

I played it cool and asked what her plans were for tomorrow.

She says nothing, birthdays don’t really matter to her. It’s a not so great year for her.

She’s turning 63.


As  I was tidying up my artifacts and receipts, I found a clipping that P2 gave me of a new cafe/bookstore/record store in Temescal called North Light..

Maybe I should go there?





I feel bad that I’m not telling my mom that I’m flying down to LA tomorrow, so close to wish her a happy birthday in person, yet an omission away,


I feel this anxiety, that I might not have the time to go back and tell you everything that happened.

So much has happened since the night of the birthday party..


I already can’t remember what I ate the day of Jan 28..


It’s so bright, I think I should go outside, I’m packing 3 books, my project planner and colored pencils, I just want to go back and draw/color my days


I feel so much right now. I should be meditating I bet…


P2 wants to babysit Cutie tonight…



What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, chaga tea, walnuts; chicken soup and chickory salad with chicken and chai latte at Babette the Berkeley Art Museum cafe; kava chocolate, more walnuts


Saturday, Feb 23, 2018

Berkeley, LA, Orange County


(From what I can remember the day after)

I woke up feeling amazing.

Like light and powerful amazing.

Was it the micro-dosing?

Or maybe it was my 20 minutes of laying on the slantboard before bed the night before and then again when I woke up?

It could be that.

It could also be that I ate pretty cleanly and lightly the day before.


I showered and washed out the oils from my hair (that I massaged in earlier)

I packed my toiletries.


P2 arrived with Cutie. He’s always in a good mood when he spends time with Cutie.

He gave me a quote and some pictures of Cutie sitting in the the giant bush that we had  taken out a month ago (because its trunk had snapped a while ag0).


I’m only packing one tiny little book with me, The Way to Love, it was A2’s bday gift for me.

I was moving in a very unrushed manner. I was watering the orchids and having P2 water the trees when I realize, it’s 9:06, my flight is at 9:45, it takes 28 min to get to JetSutieX, holy fuck, I gotta go.


No time to froth some bone broth. I grabbed the giant bag of macadamia nuts, my backpack, and we were on our way.


Cutie should have a birthday we can celebrate, P2 suggests.

Good idea. I told him about my synesthesia and how I see numbers in colors. 6 is pink, 8 is black. Somehow a pink and black birthday feels right.

I felt like I got her at the bowling alley in the summer.

Did I win her when I was 6?

Making it 1988.

Or was I 7?

It felt like it might’ve been 89

I felt into July. Maybe early July like  7.6.88

Or more like 6.28.88

Pink.Yellow Black. Black Black

That was what we settled on yesterday.

I feel like I got her the summer before I started second grade.

Which is 1989

9 is also black.

The more I think about it

I think it’s 6.28.89


The weird thing is I really do feel like that’s the day I won Cutie from the claw machine in the bowling alley.


I listened to The E Myth Revisited on audible on the flight down.


I checked out what’s hot on LA Eater and on the eastside.

Atrium in Los Feliz, it’s behind Skylight Books.

That feels like a nice lunch spot.

I always have food on my mind whenever I’m in LA


P was outside when I landed. We hugged as he saw each other.
We started kissing. He started making sounds like he was eating my lips like it was a muffin and he was cookie monster.

Nom nom nom..

Umm Mupps, can you not do that?

He was trying to be romantic, he says

And the Mupp show begins..


P goes inside jetsuite to use their bathroom. I’m inside the car, I help myself to two of these leaf-shaped sencha mints in an attractive tin.

P comes back.

These mints are yummy, I commented while sucking on them.

What? How many of those did you have? P asks.

Two, I said.

They have acid on them!

Oh what? I ask.

They each have a hit and a half, P seem really alarmed, or possibly improving. Acid or not, I guess I was kinda ready for it, maybe even looking forward to it. But my logical brain knew you can’t get 1.5 hits on an individual mint.

Yeah, I’m joking, P says, I’m an actor now!

Oh boy..


We chilled out in the car as we tried to map out our day/weekend.

Who do we wanna hang out with?

J and L?

J and T?

(We have two plant medicine couple friends whose male partner have the same name)

I’m down to see both couples. I text L that I’m in town.

I’m 40% on going to the OC to wish my mom a happy birthday, I tell P. I really wanna see her, but I realize it’s a big ask to make our Saturday a road trip to the OC.


The mupp way is to only half plan and never decided on anything until we have to at the very last deciding minute. If one of us gets too fixed on something it just feels off. It’s as though we have to decide on the last minute together where we’ll head together. One can’t fully take the wheel in this mupp operation.


We head to Atrium because it was nearish Burbank, we weren’t too hungry yet but will be in 30 min.


P said he stole something this week and it’s not AA batteries (he’s making fun of me).


The drink menu at Erewhon. He’s been studying it.


I tell him we should go on a tonic tour of LA (or internationally) and steal menus from places that can be good inspo for the tonic cafe P wants to open.


I was torn between Rick’s Eggs or the smushed avocado toast.

I asked the server what i should get, she said the avocado toast is pretty good.


(I got avocado toast at Dr. Smood this past Wednesday in NY).


I ate a half of of the avocado toast and the rest of the avocado of the second half, the focaccia it was on was super dense and thick. Totally off diet.


I think the feng shui of atrium is a a little off. P agrees. There’s a dark corner spot in the back where no one wants to sit. It needs either a skylight or a yurt to warm it up.


We went into Skylight Books.

I still remember the first time I went to Skylight Books.

It was freshman year of UCLA. It was my first outing outside of the dorms. I had Darren Aronofsky sign my boyfriend’s underwear, which he was slightly amused by. But then when I pulled out another set of underwear (of a dorm friend) for him to sign, that’s when he seem slightly annoyed (rightfully so).


A magnetic notebook with magnetic pages? I was tempted but I didn’t get it.


There were so many books I wanted.

But I settled on two:

Lao Tzu Tao Te Ching’s A Book About the Way and the Power of the Way

(I love the footnotes or the translator’s notes on the bottom)


The Guardians by Sarah Manguso

It was a signed copy. I like the way she crossed out her printed name in the book and signed her name with a sharpie underneath.

And I had read (and finished!) her book Ongoingness last year. U gave me that book. Which I related to. It was about her obsession with recording her days.. and how she had to let go of it once she had her baby..

I also got it because on the inside there was a quote by David Shields. I love David Shield’s Reality Hunger. U recommended that book to me at the same time he gave me Ongoingness.


I also got 2 postcards, one of Anais Nin and another of Colette. My two favorite French female writers.


P got me my books and postcards..


At Atrium I asked the server if there were any good tonic places around here, she said Lassen has a good tonic/juice bar, it’s a few blocks form here.

We decided to walk over to Lassen.

It’s like a more granola version of Erewhon with a juice bar that wasn’t that impressive and had a long line. We grabbed a bunch of healthyish candy protein bars instead. I went crazy and got 5 or 6. And we got some water.

I was in the mood for something cinnamon-y.

I think it was from walking past a Cinnaholic (cinnamon roll shop) the day before in Berkeley.


On our way back to the car, we found a cute corner house that was converted to an ice cream.

Oh what?? It’s so muppety! P started running in.


I tried a few flavors and decided on a kid’s cone with one scoop of oatmeal lace (to satisfy my cinnamon craving) and cookies n cream. P got a strawberry milk shake.

I picked up a free cope of Edible LA, it was the Drinks issue and there was a page devoted to the contributing writer’s favorite drinks in LA. Perfect research material for our Tonic Tour.


When we got back to the car, I said I kinda wanna go to the OC. It just feels right. Or wrong to be this close to my mom and not got that extra mile (or 44) to wish her a happy birthday in person. We can just pick her up some flowers and drop them off her for her. It’ll be a fun surprise.


Google says it’s an hour and 20 min to get there. P’s down to make it a mupp adventure. He starts vaping. We put on a Tim Ferris podcast. He interviews this reclusive polymath, whose name escapes me. It’s an interesting interview, they talk about Wittgenstein and language, I take notes.


I google and found a flower shop called In Flower that’s close to my mom’s house. We found a nice white orchid in a jade green pot. The sweet japanesey woman who owns the shop puts a nice gold ribbon on it. I write a Happy Birthday Mom note on a little card, which she clipped to the stem with a ladybug clothespin.


I call my mom, wishing her a Happy Birthday, asking her what she’s up to.

She says thank you, she’s just getting ready to go out to dinner with R, my stepdad. She says a lot of her friends have been wishing her a Happy Birthday over Facebook today. She’s been on the phone with a high school friend, chatting for the past hour. I said I was with P and just wanted to wish her a happy birthday, we hang up.


They’re still at home, I tell P, and she’s got her face on , this is the perfect time to do a drive by..


J (of J and L) calls us as we’re about to turn into the gated community about plans for tonight. We make tentative plans to meet in Santa Monica about 9, but we’ll confirm in 45 minutes after the flower drop off we tell him.


We ring the doorbell and hide our heads behind the orchid plant D is holding up.

Door opens..

It’s my stepdad


What the heck is going on??  R laughs and asks in disbelief, he is pleasantly surprised. My mom is upstairs and rushes down

Happy Birthday!

She laughs, says thank you and hugs us.  It’s always just a little awkward with the language barrier between P and my mom. But maybe because P is high and in a very joyous mood, it all works.


We ask what they’re up to. They said they’re just about to head to dinner.

You guys should join us, they say.

We tell them we have plans to have dinner with friends,

Awww. they reply.

We can both feel the disappointment in their tone.


They show us Boba, their new mix Chihuahua, he’s hanging out in the garage. He’s black, pretty tiny and cute, and barking at us because we’re strangers to him.

He looks esp cute hiding underneath the garage cabinets, with his nose sticking out.

He’s gonna start school tomorrow, R says.


Oh, the new shower? I remembered.

That’s right. You guys haven’t seen it, R says.

They show us the remodeled shower in the guest bathroom.

Oh nice!! We both exclaim. We like the new granite or marble they picked out.


And then they showed us the new custom made shelves they put in the family room, it’s now a lit up shelving unit for R’s fancy cognac collection.

Oh wow! we both played into the excitement of all the newness in the house.


My mom wanted us to sit down and chat for a while.


As we were about to leave, something told me to ask her if she wanted us to join her for dinner.

She said yes.

So I turned to P and asked if we could do dinner with my mom and stepdad. A part of me was concerned that maybe I was dragging him into something he didn’t want to do.

He just smiled and said sure.

So I said okay to my mom and she said she’ll quickly get dressed and ran upstairs.


As P and I sat on the sofa, we stared at each other.

The way he said I love you Muppsy.

The tone, it felt trippy

Like we were both on DMT and in another dimension..


There were 17 parties ahead of us at Brodard.

The owner of the restaurant bumped us to the top of the queue.

Thank goodness she parked her Cadillac next to my stepdad’s Mercedes and they happen to cross paths.

My stepdad knew her from when they were in high school in Nha Trang. Vietnam


P, to my surprise, liked the sugarcane shrimp rolls and lotus stem salad. He usually doesn’t like fishy things.

He really liked his bbq chicken and garlic noodles dish.


He had an apple tart and tiramisu for dessert.


R and Mom thinks P looks like a young Joe Montana, we google young Joe Montana.

I can kinda see it, they have similar noses and facial structures.


I’m so happy we went to dinner with my mom and stepdad. Us being there made it a more special, it felt. Otherwise it would’ve been a typical Saturday night dinner out as they always do.


I’m so grateful that P went along as was happy to be a part of the surprise.


We gotta charge the tesla before heading back to Santa Monica.

13  out of 24 stalls available at Westminster Mall.


Whoa. This mall got super ghetto. I don’t remember it being this bad. It used to be a mid grade mall with stores like AnnTaylor and the Gap.


The only thing that was open was John’s Funland. The price of admission is 12. 50 which includes an all you can eat pizza, pasta, desert buffet.

Are we gonna do this?


Surprisingly and without trying, I beat P in skee ball, the football game and air hockey


These games are super short. The last no longer than a minute, it felt. Moneysuckers..



What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, macadamia nuts on the car ride with P2 to jetsuitex, sparkling water on the flight to Burbank, 2 sencha mints that P tricked me into thinking they had acid on them; avocado toast with quail eggs and mint tea at Atrium; a kid scoop of Oatmeal Lace and Cookies n Cream at Ample Hills Creamery; a nibble of P’s almond butter Perfect Bar, a nibble of the Nush almond cake (then tossed it), chocolate covered Ashapops (pretty yummy), 1/2 of this healthier version of a Almond Joy,, Chai Rooibos tea at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (we needed to use their restroom while orchid-shopping for my mom); 2 sugarcane shrimp rolls 1 pork roll, lotus steam salad with prawn cracker, glass noddles with crab, a bite of the apple tart and tiramisu and chrysanthemum tea at Brodard restaurant; one tiny nibble of cheese pizza from John’s Funland


Photo above: Cutie in the orchids P and I picked out for my mom at the In Flower flower shop, with the nice owner of the shop to the right



Back to my previous week