Sunday, July 14, 2019 10:44am


Dear U,

I woke up from a vivid dream that faded as I cuddled up with P. Something about another gal wanting to do something I was doing and I told her it’s cool, she can do it, I’ll do something else. The color gold was a part of it.


I felt something strange in my throat area. Maybe a burp would rectify the queasiness. But When P left, I realize it was the feeling of needing to meditate.

So I got out the guru-blessed blanket and meditated, I’ve fallen out of the ritual with all the traveling and gluttonous consumption of sugar and alcohol.


My goodness the wine here is pretty phenomenal. I’m not a wine or alcohol person, and it may be because the States doesn’t have an abundance of biodynamic and low to no sulfite wine as they do here.


I had a hunch and it’s been confirmed on this trip that the lower the sulfites, the better my asian glow reaction is to the alcohol. As in instead of looking all funny red around my eyes, it’s a light consistent red glow throughout. The former unattractive, the latter not unattractive.


I’m sitting here at post breakfast with P. The buffet was getting cleared as I was coming down with P. I didn’t want any breakfast, I just wanted to see the spread they have.

The server was kind and showed me their fancy tea selection, I sniffed some out and picked a nice white tea. They also brought a basket of croissants and pastries and cut fresh fruit.

The croissants are filled with fruity compote and the fruit (watermelon, pineapple and cantaloupe feels too sweet for firs thing in the morning.

I took a tiny nibble of the side of the croissant and dipped it in a spoonful of P’s latte (since he doesn’t me dunking my flaky croissants into his latte).


I’m going to list the room numbers of the hotels we’ve stayed in on this trip before i forget:

The Langham in London-613

Bovey Castle in Devon-24?

Santa Clara 1728 in Lisbon-5

The Aman in Venice-1

Rosa Alpina in the Dolomites-130



11:11 says P.

Oh it is.


My goodness there’s so much to tell you.


I’ll say this for now, I’m really glad I decided to do Italy with P.

This has been a pretty amazing trip.


What I put inside me:

Breakfast: special/dandy blend tea, some fancy white tea, a nibble of the sides of the mini croissant that was stuffed with apricot filling

Lunch: spaghetti with creamy marinara, some of P’s spinach ravioli and mountain herbs tea at Bioch, this lodge/eatery at the top of the alps, to which we had to take a cable car up to and hike

Snack: a plate of cantaloupe, pineapple, and watermelon that I had from breakfast and put in the mini fridge to save for post hike, a white donut peach that I brought from the Aman Venice and shared with P as I showed him what I, a little biscuit from the bar,


Dinner: The most amazing meal I’ve had on this trip at St. Hubertus, the restaurant in our hotel, Rosa Alpina, it happens to have 3 Michelin star..we went for the epic tasting menu “Cook the Mountain”..3 or 4 amuse bouches, mountain herb salad (tiny pretty salad with 24 different kinds of herbs and lettuces in it), snails, glazed eel & smoked broth, orzotto and mountain herbs, ravioli and wild spinach, veal tongue and lingonberries, suckling pig’s head, wild teal (a little duck), a pre-sert I can’t remember, a cheese selection of 12 different kinds of cheese arranged like a clock, pine-marshmallow desert where the pastry chef came out to char our marshmallow with charcoal at the table, and this incredible desert #2 goat ricotta, mascarpone and beeswax it taste like elevated dippin dots, and 8 glasses of wine and red wine, and kombucha, it was 1/2 a wine pairing




Themes: “physical touch” (what P and I say to each other in somewhat jokingly as we touch each other), bitcoin on the rise and fall,





Monday, July 15, 2019, 11:11am

Rosa Alpina in the Dolomites, Italy


Dear U,

I’m the only one at breakfast. The staff is clearing the buffet and watering the lemon trees while I sit her at the long bench against the window, typing to you.


I woke up at 5 this morning to go pee and couldn’t get back to sleep. P opened up the back door because he was hot, so the morning light was coming in, allowing me to stare at Cutie for a long while. She’s exceptionally cute last night and this morning. I read a little and got up around 7 to shower in the chroma therapy shower.

I think it was all the wine last night that’s disrupting my sleep.

I was gonna go to breakfast but P was awake so I hopped into bed to chat, he had the idea to close the door and curtains so we can sleep some more, which we did. Thank goodness.


It’s our last day at Rosa Alpina. L&S, me and P checking out at 12:30pm and heading to another hotel that’s even more remote than here. So far, all of S ‘s curation of our stay in the alps of Italy have been really good. Fancy, charming, histoirical, but understand.

Pro moves, as T would say.



I’m a little bit amazed at how smooth this trip has been. P and I haven’t even had one moment of low or high level tension. He seems to find me adorable, a lot. Laughing at my cute quirkiness, I feel extra child-like and muppety around him.


Funny how we haven’t had sex this whole trip and we are both quite fine with that. We’ve been traveling a lot. And our days of non-travel, as unplanned as they are, seem to fill up.


We’re 16 days into our trip, and today we’re off to our 6th hotel and city


In March and April I was gone for a month in Bali,

In this July, I’ll be gone for most of the month here and Orange County.

Funny how for a homebody, I’m away from home so much


I’m not hungry and yet I had


Montag, 15 Juli 18:36pm

Castel Fragsburg, South Tyrol in Italy


Dear U,

I’m sitting atop a high bluff overlooking the spa town of Merano in South Tyrol. We just checked in a few hours ago. P is taking a nap, I’m at the outside patio, I’m the only one here.

This is the second castle I’m in staying in during this trip. Funny how I didn’t know any of this coming into the trip. It’s been a pleasant surprise at every stop.. This place feels like a magical fairytale kinda place.


(Inside the hotel booklet on vellum paper it reads..)

The littlest 5-star hotel in the Italian alps.

Tagline: A place for the fine art of living


The restaurant here is Michelin starred. I see how S likes to pick them.

This castle on the hill is quite something. I just went exploring the different dining rooms. It has 20 guestrooms, each unique as decorated as though time has stood still from 400 years ago (which is when this castle was built). I want to peer inside each room to see how it’s decorated.

Gosh, I wish I had better descriptive words to describe this place an all the places I’ve been to and stayed at on this trip. Each one has been pretty special and very charming.


The tables are slowly filling up around me, with older rich looking white folks. It’s dinnertime. I think I’m ruining their fancy michelin dinner feel with me here on my laptop tapping away and my pot of tea. I think I’ll go up to the room and get ready for our 2nd fixed menu dinner of the week.




The sun is shining brightly brightly and yet it just started to rain.

It’s been on and off like this throughout our day, I love these summer rains.


What I put inside me:

Breakfast: special/dandy blend tea, mint tea, celery, cucumber and spinach juice mixed with my vitamineral mix, P’s mini croissant dipped in his latte, blueberries and plain yougurt in a glass jar, walnuts

Lunch: a seasonal salad of spring mix, carrots, roasted chanterelles salad (I notice here you dress your salad yourself with the olive oil and balsamic vinegar provided), a slice of the mushroom pizza and a slice of the tomato, artichoke heart and ham (sans ham and artichoke on my slice), apple strudel the nice folks at Rosa Alpina gave us for the road after we checked out ..shared with L, S and P

Tuesday, July 16, 2019 10:44am


Dear U,

Last full day in Italy. I have a strong urge to do shrooms and go on a hike with S.

I’m glad I spent most of last night processing my feelings about her, and I received some downloads, pertaining to S and her work on self. that I want to share wit her. But I can’t tell if she’s ready to hear it.


It’s a beautiful day here in the alps. Not hot nor cold. I I came down to breakfast with myself and my laptop and (The Art of Power) book, then P joined, thenĀ  L joined and we had breakfast talking about real estate, bitcoin forks and how insane it is that in the US workers typically only have 2 weeks of vacation.

Then they took off for their hike.

And now I’m here writing to you. The breakfast buffet is once again closing. I’m glad I grabbed the last slice of cake that S wanted before she went off to her private yoga lesson. It’s sitting here with a mini croissant and a plate of pretty fruit.

I’m nibbling on all the cheeses that I thought I was getting for her and not so more now.

I have lots of energy, it feels. It’s the last day of our perpetual indulgence trip in Italy. I think I’m just gonna keep on indulging, having cheese, yogurt and overnight soaked muesli for breakfast. All the food here feels like it’s high prana food, I’m non stop nibbling as I write to you.


S’s yogas was supposedly done at 10:30, it’s 11:11 now, I haven’t heard back from her. I wonder how much longer I should stay here as the servers set up for lunch.



What I put inside me:

Breakfast: my own special blend of tea using all the dozen herbs they have in jars, a special house blend of herbal tea, my special dandy blend tea; super fresh looking raspberries, blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, kiwis, and cherries, some plain yogurt to go with all the fruits, a smidge of overnight soaked muesli, and a spread of cheeses


They have the most amazing tea station at breakfast here.








Wednesday, July 17, 2019 8:24am

Castel Fragsburg, in South Tyrol, Italy

Dear U,

I’m here at breakfast with my two pots of herbal tea I made.

I ordered the porridge and crepes.


Last day here at Castel Fragsburg. And Italy.

Gonna get the 5 Elements spa ritual at 9am


And then we parted.

P to Munich en route to Hong Kong,

S to Rome,

L to San Francisco

and me to London.

Scattered to the 4 winds..


Wednesday July 17, 2019 6:03pm

Seat 3A, British Airway flight from Verona to London-Gatwick

Dear U,

I’m high, on cannabis and on a plane. I feel snacky and chatty in my head, so I’m writing to you.


I woke up from a dream where I traded faces with L, one of my Domme friends.

A11 appeared, in a blue bodysuit and a red fleet ilya harness. I like the color combo, it reminds me of S’s designer dress she wore at the wedding last week. All the while I was looking very “comfortable” in my plain black clothes. I grabbed her by the scruff of the neck like a cat and tried to guide her somewhere away from me and P. She winced in pain. I let her know I’m aware it hurts, it’s tough love I rationalize.

. I wake up, wash my face and brush my teeth, no shower (since I’m doing a spa thing this morning), and I begin packing, which is is easy because I barely unpacked on this leg of the trip.

P and I went dow for breakfast, we sat by the window in the glass room overlooking the alps and town of Morena.

. I wasn’t hungry but it’s the last day, breakfast is included, and they have porridge and crepes on the menu, so I order both. And head to the tea station at the buffet to get two pots of herbal tea. One was a mixture of their local herbs, another was a blend of fruity and berry mixes. I’m going to miss this precious little tea station. But then again, I have my own at home and it has all the herbs I think I need, like gota kola, tulsi, gingko blob, etc.. . I also picked dup a glass jar of what looks like chia pudding but was actually psyllium seeds made with coconut nut topped with flax and pumpkin seeds and blueberries. What a good idea to make psyllium seeds a yummy snack.

And I once again helped myself to the incredible fresh fruit bar. All the berries and even cherries were so pristine-looking.

I nibbled on the sides of the crepe to avoid the jammy middle.

I had a few spoons of the plain porridge aka oatmeal. Meh on both.

P and I did a brief analysis of S. It’s our strong suit/pastime to point out people’s blindspots and “challenges.” We try to do it in the most objective non judgey way we could, which can be a creative challenge. It’s all about word choice. I’m aware that I needed confirmation on my theories.

. Today is the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, says P. He should know, since he’s somewhat obsessed. . I had to take off for my 9am 4 elements spa ritual. . Downstairs spa level hallway feels like a cave that opens up to a sanctuary.

I got the same sweet, well-meaning but not strong handed petit (Eastern European?) girl from yesterday. . The rituals involved in the treatment feels a little woo woo even for me, I think it’s the way she explains it. She holds an urn and shows and explains to me its content and symbolism. The coal represents fire, the sand around it represents water, the terra cotta urn holding it represents the earth and the smoke rising from the incense burning on the charcoal represents air. We light an incense as we say a prayer to the heavens so our words can be carried upwards in its smoke.

The 90 min spa ritual feels like a scrub and stone massage dressed up in “ritual” fluff. In contrast to B, the sacred muse who guided the tea ceremony/meditation yesterday, this feels vacuous. I think intention is everything, otherwise it’s just a going through the motions, actions devoid of meaning and performativity.

. Btw hopi ear cleaning is a hoax, it doesn’t really clean your ears, it only sounds like it does. After the incense ritual, scrub, shower, stone massage, and ear cleaning, I went back tot he room to continue packing. It’s just toiletries and scattered papers/artifacts, and books.

P came back with a slice of chocolate cake, mini croissant dusted with powdered sugar and a glass bottle of the fruit smoothie of the day. It was light green, I took a sip. Mmm banana, and kiwi.

. P had left behind the gray backpack he took from Rosa Alipna and used on his hike yesterday. While he wasn’t looking, I took it, unzipped my suitcase and packed it in. I feel like I’m rescuing an abandoned object. Maybe I can give it a nice home in the OC.

Are we ready? P asks. Yep! All zipped up and ready to go. P takes me large black suitcase and I trailed after him. I quickly ate his croissant scrap right before I said goodbye to room 114. It served us well.

. We checked out of our room at 11:11am exactly. L and S were downstairs by the car. The hotel had cleaned the front window of our SUV rental and left a note letting us know about their good deed. Aww this is how they gain their 5th star. . We

I have the window seat in business class. Upon boarding an overweight man was sitting down in the aisle seat next to me. But then a stewardess said one of the rows in aisle 1 is completely open and since he’s some gold member he can have priority access to it if he wants. He took it and now getting to the toilette is easy and free flowing. I can drink sparkling water like crazy if I want.

Can’t stop shoving these biscuits/crackers and marcona almonds in my mouth. I declined the in air meal. Chicken masala with potato wedges or quinoa supersalad? Lectin bombs. .

P and I hotboxed the rental at the gas station, as we filled up our tank before returning it to Hertz at Verona airport.



July 19th, 2019

Rosewood Hotel, London


Dear U,


I’m all packed up. I got 8 books for my flight (I’m not counting books I’m checking in..)

I’m heading back to California..

To see my mom and give her the yarn I bought for her in Portugal.

Friday, July 19, 2019 6:43pm London time

In plane from LDG to LAX

Dear U,


I’m on a plane, window seat.

I can’t stop eating. Whatever I can get my hands on. I had this miso soup and veggie sushi from Itsu at the airport. I didn’t have time to buy any snacks. So I did it. I ate the plane food. At least it’s business class food. I’m glad P selected vegetarian meals when he booked the flight. I haven’t eaten any meat since I got into London Wednesday night.

My teeth feels funny when I ate the eggplant, chickpeas and broccoli in some marinara sauce that’s heated by the airplane’s microwave.

I also spent 6 bucks and bought some cashews and fancy corn nuts in flight, and ate all of that too.

And now I’m eating a bar of mint chocolate. The only snacks I packed were artisanal chocolate from CA and London and a green apple from Rosewood. .

My god, there’s so much to tell you. I ‘ve spent these past few weeks away from the computer

With P, with our friends, exploring New (to me) streets in East London Lisbon The Dolomites (aka the northern alps of Italy-it’s amazing btw) Eating more deserts and cheese and drinking more (biodynamic) wine than I have all year. It’s been a true indulgence of my senses. . Right now, I’m with Cutie. She is and has been by my side.

. At my request to try something more economical, I told P to book our flights to and from London via Norwegian. He acquiesced because he had a feeling he might not come back from London with me, so he felt fine throwing away his return ticket.

The in flight film selection is pretty shit. And slim. There’s some action films for the new releases and the classics consist of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York and Mrs. Doubtfire.

I’m glad I rented and downloaded a criterion collection doc on Ingrid Bergman through iTunes. . I was dozing off after take-off. Do they do something with the cabin pressure? Why do I always feel sleep during or after take-off?

I woke up and ate the plane food. Out of all the more appetizing plane food I’ve declined, I accepted this meal that was seemingly healthy but really a lectin bomb.

Something is telling me to eat so I can stay awake and write to you and record my thoughts. .

I wasn’t planning on watching any of the films they had, but I saw they had Ready Player One. A sci-fo action film. Not exactly my favorite genres..

I remember A talking about the book, how he really liked it.

And then something told me to watch it for Pervette inspo. . And sure enough my intuition was right..

. Halliday, the creator of the Oasis game in the film, has a virtual library of his journals video surveillance and photos and videos of his days for people to visit to learn about him and the pop culture that shapes his world, to unlock clues to help them find the 3 keys to the 3 gates in the game. . Dots started to connect. I know why I met S2 at the wedding, the millionaire miner who is building a VR simulation of the pilgrimage to the Hagge (sp?). We had a mini mind melt about what I can do with Pervette in the VR world. He thinks I have a winning formula, sex, spirituality and VR. . And I know why I wear the veil and don’t show my face. (I mean I’ve known for a few years now why it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made, to not reveal myself. You see, I’m trying to get away with as much as I can. The only way I can spread a message is by bending the rules and playing outside the lines.


What I believe in is not even legal yet. Sex(work), drugs, and.. . Anyways, .

. I know why I opened the Taschen book of symbols in my room at the Rosewood (great book to just have in their guest rooms) to the page on The Veil. . I know why I haven’t moved as quickly as I thought I should on Pervette. . I know why I keep on saying to myself, that I’m going to create a world where everybody wants in. . I see myself telling my story. That will inspire others to tell their story and in time, all our stories will overlap, through this inter webbed network of connections that I will create in Pervette. I’m going to create a world in Pervette that mirrors reality, one where everybody become hyperaware of their choices and true reality. And the only way to survive and thrive is by connecting and making love.

How our story becomes one is when we all connect and create something together.

. Do all revolutions involve war? I ask the group at dinner the other night. I think we were talking about the riots in Hong Kong. . L says, most of them do, except for the sexual revolution.

. I kinda know why I’m so adamant about recording everything and keeping every artifact I can get my hands on. .

The pieces are coming together in this very dream-like way. Like I’m imagining and making al this up, like it’s some crazy sci-fi fairy tale. Like I actually have a chance at making a dent in this world and changing the course of our evolution. I realize I have to think like this, like a crazy person, who has let go of impossibility (which I did last Wednesday in the alps of Italy with a sacred muse over our rosemary tea ceremony).

. The sugar and lectins are making me sound crazy high, or hyper, because I am and I’m writing stream of consciousness, as I often do, with you. .

Jesus Christ, 7 more jours on this 11 hour flight. 7 more hours of snacking on lectins, writing to you, and reading the 8 books I packed with me on this flight. I wish I had some pistachios and carrots to munch on in this flight. I want something crunchy and all I have is dark chocolate.

I’ll eat my green apple..

. Ate green apple. More sugar. I wonder if I should order a salad. Note to self, pack a ton of healthy snacks on Norwegian flights.

Something about flights and sitting, it makes me want to non stop eat… . . Anyways, what if VR and haptic suits are the future. What I f I can create a virtual world in this very analog way on Pervette as the first level, and to level up, you move into VR via headsets, and then next level with haptic suits, and then the very next next level, is the real world. Oh yeah, cam girl.

I think I want to go far out, to edgy and scandalous frontiers. . The last thing I talked to L about over gelato at the Verona airport lounge before I took off was the idea that Ontogeny recapitulating phylogeny And vice versa.

I was streaming subconsciously with big words I learned in grad school. But the jargon helped me figure out my knowledge in pieces.

. He added something important. The idea of two types of knowledge construction.. .

With respect to epistemology, ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. And in some rare instances ontogeny can recapitulate phylogeny. . Because (as L pointed out), there are two types of knowledge constructionL there is learning accepted (known) knowledge, and there is leaning by discovery.

Textbook knowledge vs Christopher Columbus knowledge. . I want to be in the rare instance of phylogeny recapitulating my ontogeny. I want to expand what we know by going to the far edges of reality.

I want to make visible the invisible.

. We’re in an invisible cage.

Awww…to go to the next level I need you to..

(The exhange begins)

. I’m going to create a structure that is incommensurable to the current structure, the currency is not money, per se. It’s time and intention to stay open and go deeper. . I get why I’ve been quiet. I trust my instincts to move quietly and seemingly slowly. I won’t compare, I won’t judge myself for not doing what everyone else is doing. What I’m doing (if I go with my gut) is always different.

. I think the goal towards fame is to not lose your freedom (which is what happens when you show your face) but to gain influence over others and change the way they think to help them find their freedom. The veil is one of my most powerful tools. . . In the age of hyper surveillance, I’m going to make the veil the most fashionable accessory. It’s your tool to reveal your true self but at the same time not give everything away. It’s total control over you. .

I thought I was gonna go back and record my days but here I am writing what’s on my mind in real time. It’s so hard to go back when there’s so much going on right now.


I’m going to read the letter Z wrote to me and reply to her.. . .

I like watching the two stewardesses make their way down each of their aisles in unison. They seem to be so different each other. One looks like a newbie, a sweet girl from the countryside possibly, earnest to do her job right but kinda awkward in her earnestness. She’s plain in her appearance, no makeup and hair tied back in a bun. The other has immaculate hair and makeup, red lips, eyelash extensions, hair pulled up like a princess in a Disney cartoon. Her facial expressions and movements in pouring drinks into cups and handing them to the passengers are poised and graceful. Even though she was serving others, she seem in control. While the other gal seem submissive. It was apparent that she was trying hard, while her polished counterpart seem effortless. Is that what power is? The grace that comes from practice towards effortless ness..



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