Thursday, July 1, 2021

Woke up with M8. We typically have a “triple dip” morning every morning when we wake up. But today we have to hit the road by 10:30am. So we fuck only once. It was good and hard and deep.

I shower as M8 snooozes. I pack my toiletries. Love my new cadence travel containers (IG ad made me buy it). When I’m in packing mode, my mind is unusually focused, but yet still slightly ADD. I go from room to room, grabbing this and that. Bikini, veil, markers, hair cutting scissors, mini Thoth tarot deck..

Do I need two skateboards? Just in case, I throw them in the back of the trunk.

Eventually M8 is up. I have him grab the volcano carrying case in the top shelf of the garage which I can’t reach. I ask him to unplug the volcano (vaporizer) and pack it in the bag.

Let’s see. Acid, dmt, k, weed. Check, check, check. Should I pack the 2cb? I pass on it.

I make us matcha lattes.

M8 is unlike P, in that he’s pretty quiet and let’s me pack and do my thing. I’m used to P rushing me, giving me the time check every 5 minutes and telling me I gotta go.

P texts. He says the dinner party is at 6:30 and we should arrive straight to the Bel Air house. No time to check in at the hotel and freshen up. Hmm. Dinner at 6:30?? Yhat seems unusually early. I think he’s making the dinner time up, way earlier, because he “knows me” and knows that I tend to arrive “later” than I anticipate.


Crazy how last night I couldn’t walk because my left knee was so painfully achy. This morning I feel fine after a night of wearing the compression brace and epsom salt bath.

Since P is rushing us to be on there and I think M8 is a slow driver (he doesn’t switch lanes when he’s behind slow cars), I volunteer to drive.

As we pull out of the house at 11:44am, P calls, I put him on speaker. H asks if we’ve left the house.

We’re leaving just right now.

Good job Muppsy!

Hey is dinner really at 6:30? Or are you just saying that to get me there on time?

Yes, dinner is at 6:30, he says. I detect a smirk in his tone. I don’t believe him. But I’ll motor anyways.


M8 is uneasy with my driving. I kinda weave a lot. I can’t stand being behind cars.

As the driver, I feel like there’s an unspoken rule that I should control the music and M8 should be engaged with me in conversation. When he’s on his phone, I ask what’s going on.

He’s posting on IG. This time he doesn’t need help with his caption.

I wonder what’s the pressure like for him to post daily. With a million and a half followers, he says it’s a more a dopamine high than everything.

It’s funny how I post once every 5 months. And when I do, I never feel good. Did l learn to not play the game so well that it’s no longer fun? Or is M8 playing a different game and winning?


I sometimes can’t believe that I’m dating M8. I’ve admired his art for years. I remember coming across his erotic drawings years ago on IG. I remember how it turned me on, esp this one X-ray drawing of a cock inside a pussy with flower seeds emanating from the cock into the vagina. His style is so sweet and child-like and yet what he depicts is so so naughty. I would wonder who is this anonymous artist who speaks to my soul and pussy’s desire?


Strange how the one of the very few posts I posted was of my bday party invite to aquarians and sexworkers last year in Jan 2020. Funny how he came across that and DM’ed me asking to come to my bday party.


And that’s how it all started..


Crazy to think IG brought us together.


Isn’t it weird how the first time we met I watched you have sex? M8 said.

Yeah. That is kinda weird.


I feel queasy form all the matcha and bone broth lattes. I eat a ton of almonds. M8 feeds me the Istara cheese and sliced apples.


It’s a crazy hot day, we found out when stepped out of the car.


We stopped at Harris Ranch. My favorite stop, the only stop I stop at along the 5. They have nice and clean bathrooms. And a country shop. M8 and I peruse the different kinds of Rice Krispie treats they have. One was covered with rainbow sprinkles. Another was glazed with caramel.


We fill up the tank. Get some Kevita cayenne lemon probiotic drink and water.


M8 says we should eat the leftover salad, lemongrass chicken and sautéed chard before ewe hit the road. So we did. It was quite yummy. He really dressed up the salad this morning.


If anyone asks, can you say that I drove? M8 asks, jokingly.

I do have this way of unintentionally emasculating the men in my lives. What can I say? I love taking control.

But if M8 drove as fast as I do, I would gladly let him drive.


In the last hour of the drive, I felt queasy, uneasy. We pulled over, M8 took the driver seat. I immediately felt better sitting Indian style min the passenger seat with my shoes kicked off.


Now that I’m feeling more comfortable, I decide to make the rest of the car trip convo more “productive.”

Can we talk about condoms and babies? I ask.

M8 didn’t expect that one coming..





Wednesday, July 7, 2021 12:39pm

Berkeley, CA

Dear U,

I’m home. And all settled in. I woke up this morning 9:12am, late to the Clubhouse room that I was supposed to speak in at 9am.

But it turns out it got postponed to next week, phew.


I did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, unpacked the witchy stuff I got at Spellbound Sky and my books. Feels like a cleaning meditation kinda morning.


I cleaned all the water cups and activated the shrines. I said a prayer in Dad’s room, at Guanyin’s altar. I meditated for 17 min. Even that helps. And I said a prayer to my guiding circle.


I shuffled the tarot deck. 3 of Wands-Virtue and 10 of Disks- Wealth fell. I drew 9 of Wands-Strength and Knight of Disks.


I picked up the orange Creativity magic candle that I got from Spellbound Sky. I said a prayer as I held it in my hands. And lit the candle.


Then I made almond milk and a matcha latte. Finally, a yummy matcha latte with ALL the adaptogens..Mmm


I’m tuning into all the things on my mind. I know this is the time to Pervette. Get the next iteration out there. It’s all ready to go. I’ve done all the work of setting this up. Now I just need to write, share my stories, dreams and wisdom.


I’m thinking about M3. My new little sister friend. My little angel is smitten is P. And P is smitten with her. They’re a thing now.

That’s so strange. Yet not.

How I feel about it?

I’m happy that she gets to be charmed by P.

He’s going to fly her around on his new plane. Fancy meals, shopping sprees, being treated like a princess where ever she goes.

She deserves to be treated like the princess she is. Heck, that’s  even her moniker that she goes by.

I’m excited that she’s my sister wife.

It’s my dream coming true, really.


A part of me wonders, should I be envious, like a “typical woman” should be when her partner directs his desire, money, charm and attention to another.

It’s weird that I don’t feel it.

I have no desire to long for that time again with P. The time of living it up with P, traveling the world, staying at luxury resorts, eating like kings and queens. The time of being whisked away by his charms and extravagant taste and lifestyle. He gave me everything I needed. He gave me a life of luxury. He gave a cocoon to do the deep work in. He showed me how to value my time. He gave me this opportunity to make this dream house mine. He gave me the domain

He truly is an angel. Of course I want others to experience the gift he gave me. I don’t want it all to myself. I don’t need it.

I got what I need. All the pieces are here. Now it’s time to put it all together. To show P and the world what I got. What I’ve been working on. Myself. My vision. My art. My writing. My voice.


I pulled the shrink-wrap off of M8’s Dorothy Iannone’s Censorship book. (We each got a Dorothy Iannone book at Hauser and Wirth in DTLA, he left his book in my car since he was traveling East and didn’t want to lug it around. I’m reading his book first since I won’t be in possession of it till long. I got Iannone’s “You Who Read Me with Passion Must Forever By My Friends” btw. That can be the subtitle to Pervette, come to think of it).


I read the first few pages, which was a newspaper clipping of how Dorothy filed a lawsuit to get her confiscated copy of Henry Miller’s Topic of Cancer. Then I read another clipping of how Grove Press eventually published the scandalous book. I love Grove Press. I wish I can create a publishing house just like that.

That sent me down the Bay rabbithole of “grove press books”

Is there anything like that for this time? Is anything too obscene anymore?

Well, I guess if we’re talking social media. Yes, but is there an edgy and cutting edge publishing house?


Just got a 12 book box set of the Bible by grove press for $17. Stopped myself from getting the 2nd Edition copy of Tropic of Cancer. Stopped myself from getting another copy of Story of O, that would be my 7th. And Boudoir the scandalous magazine, and Evergreen Review issue 1, and Story of O and Emmanuelle illustrated by Guido Crepax. Look at all the self restraint I have.




Just bought over two pounds of Pili Hunters pills nuts. My new fave keto snack. I’m not really on a keto diet. Anyways, thanks Erewhon.


I felt the spirit. It’s an indescribable feeling. Queasiness, lightness, something taking over. Shakipat?


I laid down, I masturbated to Deric Wan. Connected with m vision.

Burned the Talking Father and Spider Woman incense..




Sunday, July 11, 2021 9:40am

Dear U,

I’m doing something different. Instead of writing in my physical journal first thing in the morning and write out my morning pages, I’m going to start writing here.


It was an interesting morning. I woke up earlier than usual at 7:43. I felt the call to meditate in bed. It felt so right.

Then I went to Dad’s room. Changed out the batteries of his lotus flower light, and meditated at his shrine. Then I prayed for and to him.

I felt a sensation in the back of my head, it wasn’t a headache, it was a pressure that I feel when my meditation concentration is focused.

I lost focus at times thinking about M8’s cock inside me. He’s coming home tonight. I’m going to pick him up at SFO. I’m looking forward to kissing him and him putting his cock deep inside me.

I feel trimmer after yesterday’s active day. I think about his hands on my slimmer waist, grabbing it tightly and as he pulls me towards his cock. My sex drive feels unusually high. I typically don’t wake up thinking getting fucked. And yet here I am trying to concentrate. I could’ve unlocked something in my deep meditation, instead I go in and out between mindfulness and fantasizing about being bent over and taking it.


I go upstairs. I can tell by the air in the house that the heat wave is gone. It feels much cooler today.

I make a pot of tea. I pour some into Dad’s three tiny teacups. I meditate some more. And then I masturbate.

I’m thinking about M8 playing Professor tonight. In his last text he says I need to see him during his office hours. It’s about my art history paper that I didn’t turn in. He’s giving me an extension.

It feels like I’m going to be bent over “his desk” I should be wearing a short skirt.

I think about wearing a school girl outfit. I have the plaid skirt that J gave me (RIP, it’s actually a kilt of his Irish heritage’s tartan, anyways, it’s legit tartan wool and looks like a naughty schoolgirl skirt). I think I lost my old schoolgirl uniform shirt a while ago when we were moving. I pick out 8 Peter Pan color uniform shirts of different little girl sizes. Am I  a size 12, 14, 16? In white, pink and light blue. I order white knee high socks to complete the look. And some Charmin toilet paper. It looks like we are officially out of the pandemic. Charmin is back with no prices surges.

What’s the quickest way to kill your meditation? Amazon Prime.

Actually any online shopping is a good way to take you out of your mindfulness. I’ve been buying so much stuff in the past week. I’ve probably spent well over a thousand dollars on books, hair vitamins, Agent Provocateur lingerie (there was a sale!), Vegemour hair tonic and biotin gummies, witchy candles, stones, RMS makeup, and tons of random Amazon “necessities.”  It’s”my essentials.” I wonder if I can stop, like right now. I mean I got a mortgage to pay.

I have to remember that I have Dad’s compulsiveness to buy things. A lot of things all at once. The dopamine hit is real.

I have to remember this is how Dad died. Because he couldn’t stop.


As I light the candle on Dad and Grandma’s altar. I check his phone. Only the big clots of dried blood is still on it. He has a missed call from a 424 area code. I wonder who it is. It feels like all the 1 800 numbers from credit card companies and collection agencies have finally stopped calling him. It’s been a year now. I wonder if they got the news.


I love writing to you. It feels so liberating to write as freely as I want. Now that I’ve put my diary behind a paywall, I feel more compelled to be even more raw and honest. When I had this diary fully out there, I think I was still slightly inhibited knowing that anybody can read my thoughts. Here I know it’s only the players like you who are willing to pay for this who can see into my world. I almost feel compelled to give you the most secret juicy bits to really give your money’s worth. Interesting how money does that.


I go back and start journaling from the beginning of July.


I get distracted land on the Chakrubs website. Oh shit I wouldn’t buy anything anymore but I forgot that I have Q and I our homework assignment, to each buy a Chakrub and create a “spiritual practice” with it. Aka sex magic.


Q offered to buy my Chakrub crystal dildo for me last night after I showed her the site. I said that’s too much. She can just buy my crystal healing sacred pleasure Chakrubs workbook bundle. Maybe I should’ve said yes? Then I had the idea that we can both buy each each other a crystal dildo, that way, it’s more special for both of us. I really want the amethyst dildo.

I look on my bookshelf. On it sits a Charkrub rose quartz dildo in the shape of a perfect cock. It was a birthday present my former lover and his girlfriend gave to me. I only used it as a shelf decoration and photoshoot prop. I’ve never used it to masturbate with.

When M8 first saw my rose quart dildo, he commented on how it looks just like his cock in shape and size. He’s quite proud of his cock, I might add. He says all his erotic drawings are autobiographical, it features his cock.


I’ve had this crystal dildo for 6 or 7 years now. I scan the site and found the dildo, it’s called the heart cock dildo. It’s large compared to what’s available in the online shop. It’s time to break it in. I take it off the shelf, it was propped next to Adler’s The Fifth Dimension,  functioning as a bookend for the shelf of my kaballah/mysticism/tarot books.

I wash it with dish soap and water. I sit on the biomat in the moon room, next to Dad’s shrine and lit candle. I take off my underwear. Insert the sizeable dildo in and proceeded to fuck myself with it. It felt really nice. I rarely masturbate with anything inside me. I masturbate with my blanket. I come through clitoral stimulation. Like the way I did when I discovered self-pleasure at the age of 3. I really should branch out.

I washed the dildo clean. Made some almond milk. And rushed to the Temescal farmer’s market.


I arrived at 12:47, the market was gonna close at 1. I got what I needed. Spring mix, radishes and carrots at Happy Boy Farms. Strawberries, white peaches and nectarines and pluots. Some kale and herbie curd cheese. Quick in and out.


Now I’m home. And journaling to you..


Do I really need another crystal dildo? I already have the biggest and coolest cock-shaped rose quartz dildo there is.

But I’m drawn to the amethyst one. I love amethyst.  It’s my birthstone.

I propose to Q that we buy each other our crystal dildos over a voice message. It’ll feel more special and potent. She likes the idea.


I edit the list of lingerie brands for the Power Play participants to look into when buying their Domme outfit. I stumble across a Cosabella mesh bodysuit. Fuck. I can’t help myself. I want it. So I buy it.

I should really consider creating a wishlist. Listing all the things that I want. I’ve never created a wishlist before. I’m like the only Domme who doesn’t have a wishlist.


I’m listening to an old Deric Wan cassette tape of mine in Dad’s boombox while writing to you. I held the spellbound sky creativity candle in my hand as I said a prayer. Please let my words reach the hearts of many. May I change lives. I felt the tears flow. Then I lit the candle.

I received a reply from A7. He said yes to my idea o(f chatting with his gf) that I proposed to him last night before Iwen two bed. He has a way of writing where the email unfolds in this surprising way. As I read on he introduces me to his girlfriend, I realize she’s also in the thread. Whoa. This is crazy. And pretty fucking amazing.

I love it.

This affirms my desire, of where I want to go. I want to work with couples. I want to be the “Mistress” that adds fun and exploration and deepening intimacy in relationships.

Women feel safe with me like I’m an older sister offers “interesting choices” that expands their worlds.


Funny how I’m extremely behind in correspondence with a couple dozen friends, but this new connection feels timely and I want to direct my energy towards it.


I wonder if A7 know that he’s the first “Player” on Pervette. He somehow found the link to the subscription page (maybe through my journal?) before I made it live.

Now that he’s a Player going down this rabbithole, he’s experiencing the weird magic of Pervette, the magic of truth seeking and telling.

He did something that blew my mind. He made the bold choice of coming out to his gf.

Surrendering to the truth that is. Believing in its power to create a shared reality, which is the essence of intimacy.

He showed her Pervette.

What happened was incredible. She liked what she saw. She is open, curious and excited. From their exploration of Pervette, it’s spawning deeper conversations, they are exploring together..

He says this is a dream come true for him


I had no idea that Pervette can do this. It can inspire one to come out. It can start conversations for a couple exploring together. I mean this is my dream come true.


Anyways, it’s all very strange and magical. It gives me so much fuel. To keep going.


I’m going to ask A7 and his gf when I chat with them next how comfortable they are with me writing about them. So far they’re the only ones reading this.

It’s so meta.

I love meta.


All it take is one person to see what I’m doing and get it to validate years of this journey I had with Pervette.


I’ve been creating this in the dark. Following a vision that I receive in small pieces. At times, I don’t know what I’m doing, all I know is that I have to create a page that looks like this or that. I know I’m supposed to practice writing in the most raw and real way I can and put it out there. None of this came easy to me. It’s been a process of dissolving the ego, facing every self-conscious obstacle, quieting the inner critic that says my writing is cringey. I’ve been excited and embarrassed by every iteration. It’s been a process of slightly going crazy. 7 years??

What am I doing?

I’m finding my voice.

I’m finding my truth.

I’m gettin in touch with my wildest dreams.

I’m creating an intimate space that feels safe to go deep and far out in.

I’m doing what my 7 year old me wants to do.

I want to do it all.

Tell my story in the most creative way I can.


The most personal is the most creative.

That’s what Bong Joon Ha said Scorcese said.


7 years of listening to my soul. Quieting everything else.

The soul is the fearless  7 year old who is a know it all and is touch with her dream.


Are dreams messages from the soul of a possible future? The future that’s within your grip? That is if you choose to follow it.

I keep on saying (just last night and today)

The most powerful thing you can do is to be in touch with your dreams. Know it. Follow it. Live it.


I swear to god. I had to lose myself to get here.

I had to hold two realities. The one where everyone is questioning me and where I’m going with this (esp my partner, P, who thought I was all talk, my family too). And there was the other reality, the one that I felt to be most true. That this is unfolding in the way it should. In its divine timing. Which doesn’t match the material world’s time. This is my soul work. It’s not linear. It’s not clear or straightforward. It’s a constant of cycle of seeing the patterns that hold me back and breaking through them.

This is all in service to my wildest dream. My dream to change the world around me, to make it a more fun and intimate place to explore and play with each other.

Everyone thinks it took me 7 years to build a website and launch it. It’s not just the website, it’s me that I’ve been working on. This voice. This knowingness. This intuition.


Working on Pervette is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. To follow a dream. To materialize a vision. To put my voice out there. To face my self-conscious fears, doubts and weaknesses. To keep on believing that somehow building this weird website that can hold and connect stories, dreams and wisdom has the potential change the world?


Exactly 7 years ago on 4th of July, P and I were having dinner at Quince. It was over the 4th course that he said I should write and create a blog. People want to hear what I have to say/share.

And it was only last week, that I came home from celebrating P’s bday and 4th of July with him and M8 and friends did I sit down and started writing out my dreams and wisdom.

7 years.

Jesus Fuck. These 7 years of the greatest loves, the heights of ecstasy, the depths of loss and suffering, it was everything I needed to get to here.


Everything has pushed me to here.


Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my Dad. I know he’s with me. I know I’m guided by his spirit and the spirit of my ancestors, angels, guides and masters. I know that I’ve been guided all along.


The teleologist in me believes that everything is happening for a reason. Everything.


And the reason is for me to learn and grow and to serve the world with my knowledge.


If you know my birth name you’ll know that I’m on the path of living out its meaning..


I haven’t shared this with many. Now that my diary is more private I feel like I can say it and risk sounding crazy.


It’s still too hard.


I know this work is divine. I know this is from another world. I know that I’m channeling something. I know that I’m here to bring the world around me to the edge of our evolution.

I know that I’m here to raise consciousness on a global level.

I know I’m here to use my wit and my tits everything god gave me to do this work.


I know I’m a spiritual messenger. There are many of us here on this earth doing this light work. And it’s the most fucking amazing creative challenge. How do you spread a message as far and wide as possible.

It’s not just the content. It’s the structure that holds the content. And that’s what Pervette is. A new structure that holds a radical vision of the future.

Weird how it’s finally hitting me. I have to tell my story. I have to share my dreams and wisdom. Like. Now.


What am I waiting for?

This is it.


It’s my hope that once I start sharing my stories, dreams and wisdom it will inspire you to share yours..


Almost every day without fail, I’ve been getting this strange nausea. For me it’s a physiological sign from shaktipat/spirit to meditate. And when I do, it’s always a deep one. Yeah it could also be the cocktail of adaptogens in my matcha latte.


This Deric Wan cassette tape is bringing me back.

Cutie is doing something magical

Have you evert tried dancing and writing?

It’s pretty magical to find your groove and let it flow. From body to words.

Poetry in motion.


Okay everything above was a crazy stream of consciousness. This is what happens when I give myself time. I write whatever the fuck wants to come out..


Seriously how do I solve this “compulsive buying addiction”


Wishlist and wait for someone to gift my desired objects to me?

The wishlist is also the playlist of the brands and products and small businesses that I support. Anyways.


I had a deep meditation around 7pm. I always feel like a born again child when I come out of a deep sit.


I love these days of ample space and time devoted to writing, meditating, following my impromptuition.


I shower, get ready and drive to SFO to pick up M8.

He lands at 9:53, I arrive at 10:03, apparently 20 minutes to early. M8 is still getting off the plane, he’s in the back row. I circle around the terminals to avoid getting shooed away by the security guards. The circling around and frenetic airport energy is a lot. Every time M8 is not outside and I have to circle again, I get a little bit more frustrated. Thank god P calls me to take my mind off the circling.

I tell him I’m picking up M8 at the airport.

Is someone gonna get railed tonight?? P asks in that jocular tone of his.

Uh I dunno, maybe..anyways, mupps. anyways..

P tells me about his day of flying a sugar baby to Catalina Islands. He’s getting really good at flying no, he says. His landings are getting really smooth.

He’s not sure how he feels about this particular sugar baby today. He feels like he needs to “train” her and isn’t sure if he wants to invest that energy into it.

It’s kinda like you with your new subs. It’s so much easier to just be with your old subs who knows you.

Yeah, I get it.

P and I talk about girls like we’re  dudes in the locker room. It’s our way of bonding.

I tell him I have to go bc I’m pulling up to M8 right now.

Okay have fun! Tell M8 I said hi. I love you mupps!


I pull out the old mixed cd from my ex that I was listening to. Probably not good to play that while M8 is in the car.

I recognize I didn’t give that much energetic sepace between my talking with P and pulling to see M8.

As soon as M8 got in, I sensed a frazzled energy. Even though he was leaning in trying to be sweet. I subconsciously don’t want to be near this energy. I think he absorbed some strange energy on his flight back. Or maybe it’s the whole trip home. Our usual dynamic is not there. My voice is different. I’m not lovey dovey baby. I don’t see him as Daddy. On some subtle level, I feel like I have to be the one that’s the anchor, the solid one. Again, I’m behind the wheel. I feel like the dude. Or at least the more masculine one. I can sense that he can sense this distance. I can feel his self consciousness.

Strange how all morning I was so looking forward to being the student, the baby to Professor Daddy. But now that I’m with him, I can’t get into that space with him. I’m so sensitive to energy.


When we got back to my house. I turn on the shower for him, hoping that will wash away the weirdness. He wants to lay on my bed and so we do. I’m aware that he’s in his grimy airplane clothes but I’m not gonna be OCD right now. M8 tells me that he was fielding a lot of energy when he was with his family. And it’s throwing him off. I told him I can sense that. He’s grappling with the reality of his dad’s health declining, his mom’s dynamic around that and his sister’s distorted reality. I wipe with my fingers some of the tears that trailed on to his nose and cheek.


He showers. W


What I put inside me: acv, tea with Dad, sprouting almonds (that S2 got me), pili nuts, blueberries (that S2 got me), radish from the farmer’s market, matcha latte with 30 adaptogens and fresh homemade almond milk, avocado with olive oil and fancy balsamic vinegar (S2 got me), more pili nuts, tulsi tea (low appetite)




What I put inside me: matcha latte with all the adaptogens and 2 plantain waffles I made for me and M8 with buffalo butter, pili nuts, pluot, three stone hearth thai ground pork with sautéed onions (from garden) and carrot, oral greens energy drink, more pili nuts, spring mix salad with strawberries, avo, almond slithers, radish and carrot,  (no appetite after deep meditation, but ate anyways)


What I bought: Chakrubs Xaga Slim Crystal Dildo, Prism Yoni Egg and Hemp string for Q, Chakrubs book bundle for $249

Tuesday, July 12, 2021 9:06pm

Dear U,

I feel so sharp. light and energized. I think it’s a combination of meditating, getting more exercise, and eating less and eating cleanly. It’s so strange how I haven’t had an appetite since the new moon. Susan Miller did say that July 9th was a good time to get back into shape and start an exercise routine. I feel so motivated to keep going now that I’m at my peak energy. I feel so clear, in all the ways. It’s kinda a super human feeling.


I’m not hungry even though I haven’t been eating that much. I’m eating a little here and there because I think I should. I wonder I I should just fast? But I’m doing some high intensity exercise at Bar Method. I think I’ll still eat.


Today I did something huge. I posted on Instagram. My second post this year. I kinda had to since A2 was on my case about promoting Power Play.


So I posted. It wasn’t a stressful endeavor as I thought it might be. I wrte out the caption pretty quickly. Maybe I’m getting over my IG laziness or the idea that social media is a time sunk or a bad thing since it’s structured around an addiction model.


The post was so warmly received. Many reposted it to their story. And quite a few women DM’ed me and are excited about the Domme Bootcamp and have already applied on the website.

And I also reconnected with some old friends.

Oh I see the upside of social media. Connections.


Before any promotion o Power Play, we already have 9 women book their spots, just via word of mouth. We were initially thinking we would have 10 participants max, but now we’re opening it up to 15. It feels like it’ll be pretty easy to fill the rest.


Today was mostly devoted to Power Play. Connecting with A2 about it, talking to dungeon owners aka headmistresses in LA. We got out dungeon booked for the demo shadow session. Talking to O


What I put inside me: Acv, tea with Dad, blueberries, three stone hearth chicken liver pate and avocado, orac energy green juice, matcha latte with all the adaptogens, radish, 3SH Thai ground pork sautéed with carrot, broccoli, and onion from garden, half plantain waffle, buffalo butter, strawberries and blueberries


What I bought: Esther Perel’s Game of Stories, Where Should We Begin? for $44


Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Dear U,

It’s technically Thursday as it’s 12:52am

Holy fuck. What a day. I’m getting so much done.

All the pieces are coming together for Power Play.


I want to share with you all the details of today.. but I’m so tired now..


I’m such a generator (my human design type). I go and go until I have no energy left.


What I put inside me: acv, tea with Dad, blueberries, pili nuts, chicken liver pate & avocado, brillat savarin cheese with pink lady apple, my matcha latte, orac greens juice with kratom, radish, carrot, a spring mix salad I made with strawberries, duck egg, slithered almonds, radish and carrots, rest of pink lady apple


Sunday, July 18, 2021 4:44pm


Dear U,

As you might know by now, when you don’t hear from me in a while it means A LOT is going on.  And just because a lot is going on, it doesn’t mean I’m not think about writing to you. I think about it everyday, almost every hour, in fact I crave it. To be in the space again of writing to you. To reflect on and share my world with you.

Everyday, there’s one thing after another. It’s all good things, magical even, and they energize me in the moment of doing it. And I keep thinking I’ll write at the end of the day, and then by 11pm or so it hits me, I’m spent. And I can’t lift a finger.

I do worry that with too much space in between my entires I won’t ever have the time to fully catch on all my days. But I keep thinking I will.

I will have some time tomorrow and Tuesday to write..


Most of last week was devoted to getting Power Play all ready to go. And I think it is. I promoted it. We have 10 gals signed up. We’re opening 5 more spaces. I have a dungeon secured. My demo sub secured. And now it’s just the details..


This morning, I work up early. M8 was snoozing and snoring. I laid in his arms. I couldn’t go back to sleep, I was awake and ready to get started with my day. M8 tends to sleep in till 11am. He also loves waking and lounging around together in bed. I wanted to get up and journal to you.

I realized I had my laptop with me, sine we were watching The Game last night with it. As I reach over and pull it out from underneath the bed, M8 sees my ass, and grabs it, and so the journaling was delayed. As he was touching me, I’m imagining he’s daddy fondling me in my bed. Then he says he’s imagining me as a student athlete coming to his office because I wanted to be a part of the summer program for something or another. Then I got wet. I like how in sync our pervy minds are, I was hoping he would tell me a story of who I am and how he’s going to take advantage of me..




Totally skipping around, I can recall what happened earlier or I can form my thoughts re BDSM as a spiritual practice.

BDSM is an unorthodox spiritual practice. it’s the opposite of asceticism, but can be just as effective. It’s not denying yourself your desires, it’s giving into them. But if you do it reflectively and contemplatively, you can begin to see yourself more clearly. How you can lose your self to another, how you can act and be for something or someone beyond your self.  When you surrender and let someone in, you see how soft your boundaries are and how malleable your limits are. When you let go of your attachments to what’s right or wrong, good or bad, masculine feminine, pain pleasure, you are transcending the dualities the life and when you can embrace the paradox, you are unlocking your power to be truly free.


Monday, July 19, 2021 12:26pm

Monday, July 19, 2021

Dear U,

I finally have a free day…

When I woke up this morning, I opened the glass door from my bedroom to the backyard  I sat and looked outside until I can feel the cool air on my face. Sometimes if you hold still enough, there are no thoughts, it’s just that moment, and when I’m fully there,  I feel like the child who is truly free.

I recorded my dream. A giant worm was leeching on to my right arm, from under the skin, creating a big open wound I wasn’t worried, I went to the doctor, his medication made it magically go away..

In my dream, I contacted the 2 iboga practitioners (that I was plannign on doing today).


My morning pages turned into a long to do list..


I found the bottle of vinegar water that I had made for the last time I had unprotected sex with M8 but had forgot to use. I douched. It slightly burned. This is my form of birth control. Thanks to my herbalist friend’s rec. We’ll see how effective it is.


I said a prater in Dad’s room. Sniffed his shirt.

Went upstairs, took care of my stepdad’s ejury duty summons. Mom called, wanted to know how the Sandro crochet outfit fit, I sent her the pic I took last night. She thinks I look great in it and is happy I’m keeping it since she can use the outfit as a model to work from when she crochets me a top..


I reach out to C, the 5meo practitioenr to see if he can help with V’s opioid addiction as well as find a time for me and M8 to do 5meo with him.


I look into the other practitioner that my plant medicine friend, J, recommeded, he said he’s the best. I looked at the website that J sent me about the other ibogaine specialist who can refer V to the right treatment center.

I text J the website, telling her what I found, sending her the website, I told her to send this to V’s mom, this might convince her to help us (we need her to help pay for the treatment, but she’s skeptical about ibogaine’s effectiveness). I told J I’m happy to talk to her as well. Even though I haven’t talked to her since I last saw her in 2000 when we were all vacationing together at her Connecticut beachhouse, when I realized that J’s mom is a very subtle rascist and doesn’t like her son dating Asian girls. Ironic how V had a child with J, a Chinese gal.


I feel confident that ibogaine will help Virgil get clean. Of course rehab doesn’t work for him, the group setting and sterile structure wouldn’t work for any individualist who thinks they’re different form the rest.


I clean the water cups, and fill them with spring water. I pray to Guan Yin at her shrine. I pray to be just like her. A boddhisattva. Who can help people who help people who help people. All my prayers are in Vietnamese. My words are simple. I pray the same prayer everyday. It’s a prayer that I want more anything. The repetition of these uttered desires are embedded in my DNA. All I see is how my prayers are gettign answered everyday, I’m on the path to helping people who help people who help people. When tears flow in my prayer, I know I’m connected with the spirit and they’re all listening..

The healed become healers. I see circle of healers and helpers around me. It’s a widening circle that encompasses all.

I see and feel the vision so clearly. V will overcome his addiction with ibogaine. I will be here to help support him and his integration. It’s love that will push him to change and grow.

V was my first love. My high school boyfriend. He’s a werido like me. He got lost at some point in college. But he’s survived many attempts of suicide with his motorcycle. He was meant to be alive, to be here and get through this, to tell his story, to help others who have lost their way..


I flipped the Deric Wan tape in Dad’s boombox, hit play, did my sex magic, I thought of P. How incredible he is.

He’s living his childhood dream. He always wanted to be like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman ever since he saw that film when he was little. ANd now here he is, sweeping girls off their feet,litterally by flyign them in his plane, lavishing them with luxurious gifts and expereinces, treating them like princesses (and fucking them like whores, like the way they want to be) and being the charming man he always wanted to be.


I text P telling him I’m thinking of him and how awesome he is.

You’re totally the real Richard Gere in Pretty Woman

But even cooler since you can fly and stuff

Ahh Thanks Muppsy, he replied. It’s been such a fun wild exploration of life and literally you’ve helped propel me here. I couldn’t have been in a position to dazzle M9 without my expereinces with you.

He sends me a video from his cockpit of his plane of his propeller flying through the clouds

Fun flying from Dallas. In New orleans for lunch, will be in Miami tonight..


One of these days, I gotta tell you one of the most incredible love stories I know. It’s how me and P started this 7 year journey of choosing love and freedom, exploration and play, and hyper learning and growth. We were so unpolished, full of ego when we first got together. And through the years, we worked away at ourselves through each other, through being radically honest with ourselves and showing each other what we couldn’t see, our blindspots and weaknesses.  We were the complete oppsites in some ways, he was aspy and offensively honest, I was sauve and can bend truth. We rounded each other out, learned how to be witheach other be learnign how to be with ourselves. It’s the movemnt from loneliness to aloneness. We are good and whole now from allt he worok we’ve done on ourselves becasue of each other  I’m making a long, riduculous, funny, crazy surreal story short here.


The more we evolve, the more I see us in this fantasitical way. How we came together, to help each other become the highest versions of ourselves and live out our wildest dreams and from there we pay it forward and help others along their journey, helping them realize their wild dreams by showing them a way.. of carving your own unique path.

I see P as an Angel. In his own wacky way.


After the text with P, I said a deep potent and tearful prayer to my guiding circle.  Thanking Dad again and again. I felt him so deeply.

I’ve started this spontaneous ritual of chanting to the spirits before my prayers. I feel like I’m calling them in by realeasing some energy that wants to come out of me..



While I was high on this spiritual wave, I recited the trestleboard and my pervette affirmations..


I went outside, it’s a perfect day, with my laptop and started writing to you..


M3 texted earlier, saying he called the mystery girl out on her fake photos. She had no excuse and just said to trust her that they’ll meet next month.

Given this new light, he said chances are good that he can  make the drive down to be our sub/maid for Power Play.

Everything is going to according to plan. I’m so happy our meeting last night prompted M3 ro seek the truth of this catfish relatiosnhip with a “girl” he’s been texting with for months and has never talked to.

Tell her you can trust her once you talk to her this week, I reply to him.

He siad, that’s what  I told her.


J3 texted sayign he’ll bein Berkeley 25-26th and would love have him help him overcome some blocks. I told him I’d be happy to.

he said we can discuss Aug 15th the Domme Tea Party then as well. All my subs are finding their way to yes..

I feel so grateful.


I’m gonna work on Me and You today. I’m embarassed by my vomit draft. I was prompted by the prompt I came up with, When did you realize you were different?

Now I think I’m gonna go with a different prompt, list some of the most important choices you made?




Oh my god, you keep on saying it, but I didn’t get it till now, N said. He’s realizing that just by sharing his desire for a 4some with his girl friends, it’s starting the conversation among them..they’re down..


Weird how my friends at the party knew who you were without me pointing you out to them. Maybe it’s the way you carry yourself.


Tuesday, July 20, 2021 8:26pm


Dear U,

I went through my old MacBook Pro and dug up my old writing and journal entries and transferred them onto an external drive, before my computer dies. It’s ran out of startup space for years and the battery is nearly shot. I want to go back and read my old journal entries from 2014. The year when my whole life changed.


I had multiple docs called sleeping dreams, waking dreams, I used to journal my dreams on computer? So wweird, I’ve beeriting them in my physical journal for years now I can’t remember when I made the switch. I read an old dream entry. My description was so detailed I could recall that dream so vividly.

Oh the power of journaling and recording, do you se why I’m obsessed? This is how I can remember everyday, every moment, every magical element, lI don’t want to use a thing. For me, this is my treasure trove, my memories.


My biggest regret is that I didn’t hold on to more things from my childhood. I wish I kept my old homework, my writing, my music sheets, my old tapes, my old Goosebump bumps, every art piece. I wish I held on to everything. I am the opposite of Marie Kondo. Or maybe not. Everything from my past that helps me recall who I was and what I did sparks immense joy in me.


P facetimes me. He’s in Mimi. Ih his new condo at the Four Seasons. Watering all his new plants in his fancy bathtub.

How can you have all those plants when you’re never there?

Oh I have someone who takes care of them for me, he says.

Something about us FaceTiming, and the sleek modern high-rise in his background gave me deja vu, a throwback to when we first got together and when he lived in Tokyo, in the sweetest highrise apt in Midtown. This was very similar. He showed me the furnishings that NB Design did on his pad. It looks great.

NB Design must be so happy to have P as a client. They did a half million renovation on his Seattle house, which was already freshly remodeled to begin with when he got it, but he wanted it “optimized”

Then 6 months later he sells the Seattle house, gets the Miami condo at the Four Seasons,  he doesn’t  take any of the new furnishings from the Seattle house and has NB furnish his condo with all new furnshings.

Meanwhile, M8 decides not to get a new bathmat at Ikea today. Instead he pulled out his old ikea bathmat that he used from his old apartment (that he had for some time), washed it and reused it.


It’s an ironic joke on my mom that I’m deciding to start a family with my other partner, the very frugal artist.

No I haven’t told her about “my baby plans” yet. I’m waiting till I build my multimillion dollar fempire and show her I don’t need a man’s financial support to start a family. That’s all.



My vintage paint with water coloring books and grove press bible box set arrived from ebay in the same box. Did I buy those two disparate things form the same seller? The paint with colors book is brining me back to my childhood. I wish I kept my old coloring books.



I do worry that I might be able to catch up and fill you in on the more interesting days. I notice a pattern, I only write when I have time to, and that’s usually on the most mellow days. When things speed up and I’m connecting with many, where the magi



Baby. Is it strange how much I love licking your asshole? M8 asks, it’s not like I feel that way with others. Just you.

He says the sweetest things..


Wednesday, July 21, 2021

I woke up in a meditative state. So I meditated and the idea of connecting 12 Perversions (my ghostwritten memoir) to Pervette came to me. As well as attaching my booklist to the playlist page..


I added the line I came out to my mom about my poly lide int he you and me page and then pulled out my planner book to find the day I did that. May 3, then I wento my external hard drive of audio recording s and located the recordings.

I edited the recording and posted it up on Pervette. Then I found the old ego death pervette page and linked that up to you and me. I hit play and listened to the recording of my ego death. Listening to it, I had a body flashback to that moment and tears started to stream down my face. It’s incredible how the sound of that moment can bring me back.


Over a Clubhouse “dream dinner party with Ruth Reichl” room that I was invited to as a speaker, I found 12 Perversions in my hard drive and started copying and pasting the first few chapters and created a rabbithole in the You side of You and Me.


I like how working on Pervette has so many parts, writing,  photo/ video/sound recording and editing, creating pages, playing with the visual layout, and creating the whole structure of the transmedia storytelling experiences. It’s the most creative project I can possible work on. I love that this is my life art project.


Creating those rabbitholes in Me and You was so fluid and easy. I love that I’ve arrived at the point of connecting all the dots of my life. Everything prior to this was making the dots..


I decided to to go into my voice lession with S4 with no guilt about not practicing. When she told me what have I done since we last met. I told her not much, I’ve been super busy.

I usually feel bad leading up to the lesson, worried that she’s going to be disappointed again. I think about wanting to stop our lessons because it’s creating this strange dynamic where I feel bad about not practicing and she makes me feel bad about for not being disciplined or doing the work. I would always say I practiced a little. Which was a half truth. I did practice a few minutes right before the lesson. This time I just owned the truth. I didn’t practice.


She said she’s trying not to harp on me.


Whoa. It worked. How you come into something energetically can shift the old dynamic/patterns.

The thing is you’re just so cute and lovable she said.

I did look like a pretty cute “studious” music student with the keyboard in front of me, smiling at her over Faceltime.

I realize this is how I can get away with almost anything. Being honest, owning the truth, and being super cute.


When I did the sound meditation with her and practiced the scales, she said my voice is getting stronger. I felt it too.


If only I was practicing my pitch, I would be really good she said.

She said I need to get on clearing any debris, dead leaves and trees around my house.

You went through all of this, you put so much money and time to get this house. I would hate for something to happen to it, she said.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot. It’s fire season and I’m in the high fire zone, right next to the woods. And my house is surrounded by trees and plants.


I was just thinking earlier how you’re the least judgmental person I know. I really admire that and you inspire me, I hope  to be like you, M8 said to me as I was clipping and arranging sunflowers in vases.

Have you always been this way, so non-judgmental?

No, I think I learned how to not be in my relationship with P

Thursday, July 22, 2021

We woke up, I held his hard cock, he touched me until I got wet and he put his cock inside me. SHould I tell himt hat I’m ovulating or would that break the mood?

After a little dip he pulled out and reached for the condoms underneath the bed but couldn’t find them.

Oh right I put them away because of the maids, I went tot he bathroom and pulled out the container of condoms. I moved the assplug to the side and found a Magnum among the variety that I had.

I went down on him and then slipped the condom on his cock. He fucked me nice and deep.  Surprisingly he came.


We cuddled. I was in his arms and Cutie was in mine. I felt like a little girl. We had the glass door open. I looked out into the backyard, the maple trees surrounding the hot tub, the bamboo, the giant tree that drops its little leaves. There are a lot of plants and trees out there. It’s overgrown.

Should we have a day where we count all the leaves in the backyard? the little girl in me suggested to M8, Wouldn’t that be a silly day?

M8 laughs, silly is the right word to describe that.


We showered together. M8 soaps and scrubs me with my loofah. I love how he treats me like his little girl. I do this thing where I rinse my hair in the bathtub because the water pressure is better under the big faucet.

You look so beautiful baby. I love your body M8 said as he admired the way I sat on my knees and arched my back as I rinsed the soap out of my hair.


I quickly made us almond milk then gave M8 the vitamix to make the plantain waffle batter.

We talk about anti-vaxers as we made breakfast.


Do you ever think about wanting to be a male sex worker? I randomly ask M8.

I do.

How do you see it happening?

I have to visualize it more. But I want women to pay me to worship my cock, he says in a joking way, but kinda serious too.

Why do you ask?

I just know that the next wave will be male sexworkers and women will be paying for pleasure..


M8 lays out all the printed pages of his new coloring book in the orgy room. He wanted me to help him sequence the pages. That was so fun. To think about the arc of his erotic art from page to page. To see his art all spread out. Among these were his classics, th eiamges that made me fall in love with his art. So cool I get to e a part of his book creation process.

He showed me the cover that he arrived at, after so many weeks maybe months of itereating and designing so many versions.

I saw it and felt what he felt. It’s perfect. The bolder gold lines the rainbow colored petals/cum shot. It’s neat how it all clicked. Funny how aesthetes can feel it, when the balance is just right..

I love it! I tell him. It’s so nice to see him finally be happy with the cover.

M8 brought over the Thoth tarot deck that we drew from yesterday.

What did you draw yesterday? I asked as I was shufflingt he cards.

Knight of Swords, he said.

I dshuffled some more and spread the deck in one hand and pulled the Knight of Swords.

He holds me, showers me with I love you so much Baby..

Then he takes off. Earlier in the morning I was so ready for journaling and pervetting. But it’s noon and sunny and I went from being in his arms to being alone. I feel lost.


Then I listened to the voice message A8 (I’m getting name letter numbers mixed up I’m sure) sent me. I was so happy to receive it. It was his visceral reaction to listening to my ego death on 5meo. I’m so glad he decided to share this with his spoken words instead of written because I can hear how he felt. I can hear how it left an imprint on him. There’s something so powerful about the way sound travels. I’m so glad I shared something so intimate, and it was received with the same reverance and awe of my experience. I’m so grateful for his reaction, his thoughts on pervette, my storytelling and esp this ego death path..

I trust that this is all happening as it should. That I’m workign quietly and creating Pervette with a singular player in mind. It feels like I’m creating all of this just for you.


I felt a strange energy, that I couldn’t poinpoint until I got an animoji from M9. It’s about Power Play. She was pouty. As she and O wanted to stay at the Bel Air house during that weekend so she didn’t have to drive back and forth. But I told her earleir that A2 wanted only the facilitators at the house, so that we can go into planning/regrouping during our downtime between programs.

She said she has low stamina and could only probably do 2 out of the 3 days and wanted to know which days she sould come. She asked if we can talk.

I was initially perturbed by her lack of commintment. Is this what happens when you don’t pay for something? You don’t value it? I worked it out with M9  and O that they can attend Power Play as a trade for promoting it through their IG channels, as they are an influencers with over 200Kand 60 K followers respectively so we decided if they promoted/posted about Power Play that can pay their way to the bootcamp.

I called A2 asked her if M9 and O can stay at the house as they have a long drive. She said sure.

Then I called M9, told her that they can stay at the house. Sh ewas releived to hear that. She also had qualms about the trade agreement that A2 drafted up for them. She typically charges 2K for 1 post and 3 stories. A2 asked for 3 posts, 9 stories, a reel and highlight, which was a huge stretch for her. and she’s concerned about her audience and brand (her clients are Disney and other cutesy kidsy brands) might not jive with the edginess of PP.  I told her I get it. We can probably skip the reel and highlight and do less. I told her it might be easier to chat with A2 rather than emailin her back as the language of emails can sound too businessy and impersonal. She liked that idea and was really happy that we talked and she felt understood. She feels better now.

After we hung up, she called A2. Thn A2 texted saying they negotialted and everything is beautiful. Phew.

Then M11 called, we were both not in a creative mode to talk about Sex Country. We decide to change things upm, in our next call let’s flesh out an episode of Sex Country.


Where’d the day go? I quickly made a salad, ate it, got ready, zipped to the dungeon. O had just arrived 3 min earlier. We were toting our Pervette totes.

Yay! Your second session, I said.

She’s excited. O is my new baby domme. This is her second shadow session with me. I’m having S2 help subsisidze her discounted Power Play admission with tonight’s session.


She wore her latex. I wore my AP playsuit. S2 arrived at 7:30, he was so happy to see us. He brought us peach flavored san pellegrinos. And gave us our Papyrus cards with a sweet handwritten note in them with our tribute. It’s a ritual of his to pick out a pretty card and weite a sweet note. He is effusive with how much he loves me. And then he goes off on a tangent about the new covid lambda variant. Then reigns it back.

When he went tup to rinse before our session. O said to me wow, all your clients are so quirky and different. They’re like Pixar characters.


Our session was a night of many firsts for O. It was her first time using electro gloves. S2 loves explainign the science behind eletrical currents. He’s giving her a lesson as she shocking his cock and balls with the gloves on. Then she got to sound him with the gloves on, which sent a current down th inside of his cock. Then the vacuum pump. the grand finale. Strap-on anal play.

With each activity I would go first, show O how I do dit, then she would give it a go. She enjoyed it all. Esp the sounding.

It’s like fucking the cock, S2 says.

It’s funny how casual S2 can be while he’s getting topped. Our conversation is pretty lucid and every now and then he would give a purr and moan whne he’s really feeling it.

This was out first time sessionign since S2’s prostate was removed because of cancer.

I made him come as I fucked him int he ass. He came hard, no ejaculate. But it was euphoric all the same.


When I got home, I rinsed off and had the energy to do some ab exercises and reply to sub emails, who have written to me over the past few weeks.

Friday, July 23, 2021

In the spirit of experimentation and getting intimate..




I don’t know how I feel about voice journals over writing., It feels different. It’s a different medium. It captures things ina. differnet way. i still prefer to write. Words flow differnetly when you write vs when you talk.


I met with my next door neighbor today to go over the branches and arbutrusses  of his that’s crept over into my yard, he’s planning on cutting down for fire safety reasons but it might mean I lose some of my privacy. I told him it’s okay, I’ll find a solution. with some new plants.

I’m glad I’m on his good side. My favorite neightbor, T, hates him. She says he’s a weirdo and a bully. I did hear him attack her a few years ago and then the cops came. Crazy to see old people get violent. He’s a wingnut, seemingly quiet and nice walking his dog. Extremely snoopy, and territorial about the neighborhood.

My wife checks the real estate listings every now and then and noticed that your house was on the market earlier this year.

Oh yeah it was, I bought it from my partner.

Are you doing okay being here by yourself?

Oh yeah, it’s great. I’m happy that I’m staying here.


My neighbors must be really confused. As they only see me come and go from the house. P hasn’t been around for years now. They first knew us as the new young couple on the block. But now it’s just the young girl living in a giant house by herself.


Mom calls. She says Vietnam is in lockdown, and the situationis pretty bleak.

She’s feeling anxious. All our San Jose relatives are visiting SoCal and want to stay at her house. 15 people in her pristine house. It makes her head ache thinking about it.


As I’m talkign to mom, I see R7 is calling. I tell mom I’ll call her later and take the call. R7 is someone who reached out to me many months ago, he found me through Facebook, and watched my interview with La Maison du Rouge. He said he loved everything about me and wants to fly me out to Kauai where he lvies and spoils me. Hmm. I took my time replying to him. As I don’t tpyically say yes to these sorts of invitiations and esp from those whom I’ve never met. And it was last week when he emailed saying he’ll be in town and would love to meet.

This was our first time talking. I’m glad we did. Becaue he sounded sweet, and interesting and thoughtful. He asked how would I like for us to meey. I told him in my dungeon is a great way to start. We decided on the 2nd of August. He’ll fly in to see me. I suggested he stay at the Claremont. I booked us table at Iyasare for an after session dinner. So strange how via email he seem so questionable, but over phone my read is that he’s sincere and I should make this conenction..


Speaking of another new connection,

I chat with M8’s friend who wants to be a Domme. I give her advice on how to get started. She appreciates my philosophy, perspective and suggestions. I told her to reach out to my NY domme friends who own a dungeon in Manhattan.

I go for a sunset walk. The meditative mode sinks in. When I got back. I meditated.

it helped. I’ve been feeling a strange energy that makes it hard fo rme to get in my creative pervette flow.

I was hoping today would be the day I get a ton of pervetting done. I did a little on my high school page. Still not sure how I feel about spoken storytellign over written..


I think it’s the full moon in Aquarius that’s making me feel something..

I pulled the most unusual tarot cards, Death, Tower, Heirophant, Defeat and Emperor. Could explain the wobbliness..

Some days, I have all the energy and positive drive. Today I’m feeling somehat uncertain about the direction of Pervette.


I get excited and then I get uncertain. It’s the pervette way, I experiment and see how i feel..


Meditate, meditate, meditate. When in doubt..




Tuesday, July 27, 2021 12:02am


Dear U,

If you wrote me a really incredible email sharing your journey and extended a beautiful offer (I think you know who you are 🙂  please hold tight..


Oh my god I just found out that my journal (which I thought was behind the pervette player wall) is open to all to read..


I’m feeling it…

A meditative morning..deep in my spiritual practice.. connecting with Dad, grandma, my ancestors, my guiding circle, all shrines activated. 

Tears flow when I thank my dad and grandma, my ancestors, I feel my guiding circle with me. 

I’ve been lazy about praying to my guiding circle daily. It’s my third prayer, that I’ve been skipping. I just did today after my prayer to Dad, to Guanyin, and holy fuck..

I feel it. 

I say my affirmations..

I masturbate, listen to Deric Wan, Cutie sitting in my chest, I light my creativity candle, the abundance candle..

I pull books from the stacks …Gene Keys, Reality Hunger, Chertotic Magic, Finite and Infinite Games..

 and open them up bibliomancy style… everything is speaking to me…

I meditated for 16 min on the mini front deck outside the moon room. I haven’t steppe spout there to meditate in a while. The day is warm, bright and calm. 


I chant, I move my body in some 

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this path I’m on.