Sunday, March 17, 2019 10:52am

 

Dear U,

A lot has happened.

That’s usually the case when P is here.

.

He left yesterday.

Right now, I’m still contemplating what I want to do with my day.

.

I just opened the glass door next to me (I’m on the biomat).

The air is so nice. It’s almost officially spring.

All the magnolias, daffodils, and other pretty flowers I can’t seem to name are in full bloom.

.

Do I want to do a heroic dose of shrooms today?

Or do I just want to have a leisurely pervette day?

.

At some point today or tomorrow I need to get a mani pedi.

But the idea of being inside a fluorescent lit nail salon seems so wrong.

.

Dad talked for a while about some harvard yale celebrity college admissions scandal.

And how Trump is a hero.

Do I know what a hero is? He asks. They’re fearless people. Not like Clinton or Obama.

.

I cut him off as he was talking about inflation. I asked about when I was born. Was he in the room?

He said no, they don’t people in during the surgery. He got to see me through the glass window after they cleaned me up.

.

He said he doesn’t remember much. I should go to the hospital to find out what I want to find out.

That’s not a bad idea.

.

Before I called Dad, I conditioned my leather jacket with Chamberlain’s leather conditioner, I massaged it in there with my fingers and hands, as G recommended.

The front isn’t as pristine as it was, but it feels nice and soft where it was once hard last week.

.

I really have no idea what I’m going to do today.

.

I think I’ll masturbate and read the Psychedelic’s Explorer’s Guide for a minute.

 

11:58am

 

According to the book, I should space out my psychedelic trips. Since we might do acid in Bali, it might be a good idea to not go on a heroic dose today.

.

Maybe I’ll just do a gram instead of 4. I dunno.

.

It’s so sunny, I never take into account how bright the day will be when I say I’m gonna stay in and pervette.

.

Maybe I’ll pervette for 2 hours. In the bright orgy room.

Then I’ll go outside.

.

Maybe I’ll do 1/2 gram.

.

I dunno.

1:07pm

 

I put away the dishes and I’m setting up my second external hard drive to back up 4 years of audio recordings before I go to Bali, I want to make sure I have a backup. That’s literally my life.

.

I pulled out the bistro table and chair. I think I’m gonna sit outside, plan out pervette, read, and trip a tiny bit.

And make a salad.

.

After Dad told me to look up the college admissions scandal, I swiped left to Apple News.

Mosque bombing in New Zealand

A lost girl’s diary: The hidden anguish of Alexamdra Valoras.  The article showed excerpts from the 17 year old’s diary before she committed suicide.

.

No one saw any signs or clues, she had an exterior self that seem perfect, she knew how to hide her insecurities and anxieties. Kinda like me in high school.

She was an overachieving valedictorian.  She wrote out her goals to get into MIT, they were as ridiculously ambitious as mine.

 

.

I thought about Z’, how after our session, I asked how his daughter was, she’s 17 now. I remember her when she was just 10. She’s struggling right now. Wirth acne, academia, and no social group to call her own.

.

I think if there’s something I can work on with Pervette, it’s creating a space for the hopeless to find hope.

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677GB of recordings will take another hour to backup

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2:10pm

 

I just said a prayer and nibbled on a tiny mushroom.

.236 gram

.

Before that I chatted with P.

He was having a rough morning, snafu issues with charging his tesla, he dinged it along the way and had to reboot his phone 5 times.

 

I said mercury is in retrograde, so it’s all par for the course (or whatever that saying is).

He said that’s what A11 said as well when he bailed on her.

.

He wasn’t feeling it last night or today . to hang out with her. He says he thinks she was shaken up or a little butthurt by it.

He was gonna do a photoshoot with her on the beach with the new lights he got but then he decided he would much rather smoke, masturbate and nap instead.

Is that what you told her?

Yeah, pretty much in those words.

.

We laugh at how awkward/offensive his honesty can be.

He says he feels better already talking to me.  Something about us making fun of  him always helps.  I can hear the shift in his tone.

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I tell him I’m not gonna do a heroic dose today.

It’s kinda busy couple days. And I’m gonns save my big psychedelic journey for us doing acid together in . Bali.

He thinks that’s a great call.

He’s excited but has no idea how Bali will be, other than it’s gonna be a major shift from how things are now. The change in sceneery/context and going from constant smoking to none. He’s concerned the first coupla days will be rough without weed.

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However it is, we’re both looking forward to it.

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P hangs up in a better mood, he said he was really happy he chatted with me. I like knowng that I can lift his spirits up.

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I think it’s so fascinating how yesterday he said it was gonna be hard to not have sex with A11. And today he had no desire to even see her (making it very easy to not have sex with her).

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I think it had something to do with me letting go yesterday, after our pillow chat and as I was doing the dishes (while he was at breakfast with his brother), I just want to give  him the freedom to do and fuck as he please.

And then he came back and did as he please, which was to honor my feelings and request, which was to fuck me (first), to have us break our month + long chastity with each  other.

Without barriers. He took his chances.

We were fluidly connected, with my moon blood.

Sex magic.

.

All last night and today I figure he was with her. Fucking around.

And I was cool.

.

But then I found out that wasn’t the case.

Quite the opposite.

.

Funny how he was about to use the lights he got (for Bali and we packed together yesterday) on A11 first. But then he didn’t.

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I’m learning how to not let any of it matter. And I find that when I do that.

It actually doesn’t matter. Or materialize.

.

Okay, the mushroom will hit in an hour.

I wonder if I can see the bigger picture more clearly with it..

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9:37pm

 

Dear U,

Come to think of it, it was a very uncertain and nice day.

.

I did a lot. For a lazy Sunday.

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I wrote out my morning pages, I tidied up the kitchen, talked to Dad (rather than him talking at me the whole time). I masturbated, read The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide, I looked back and forward on my project planner, I prayed, I cheered P up, I double micro-dosed, pulled out the bistro table and chairs,  sat andI read The 18th Gene Key, I pulled out the picnic blanket, laid on the grass, made a salad, ate it mindfully, didn’t finish it(!)..

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Then around 5, I had the urge to go out for a walk, to the secret spot and possibly bump into P2 there.

He said he was going to go there today. but he usually goes around 2 or 3. If I don’t change clothes and just grab Cutie, the recorder, phone, and mini micro blanket to sit on, I’ll be out of the house in a minute.

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I started walking slowly like a child, mindfully feeling each step, trying to take in the magic hour sun.

I wondered if I should’ve brought a book. I want something to feed my brain.

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I secretly hoped that I would bump into P2.

I intentionally had him come over yesterday to do the chores instead of the usual Sunday, just in case I wanted to be all alone on my heroic dose journey.

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But then I didn’t go on my heroic journey. And I wouldn’t mind now having a small visit with him (again).

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I walked though the bends, and shady shady trees, to the bench and beyond.

As I walking up to my tree, I saw a fellow coming around a bend on the same path

heading out from the tree. He kinda looked like P2 but different, he seem more European with the black wool cap.

Oh wait, it is P2.

.

We walked up to each other saying how crazy is this

Something told me to leave the house when I did and walk at the pace I did.

Something told P2 to go to the secret spot later than he usually would, and stay longer.

If he had left 3 minutes earlier, we would’ve missed each other.

How synchronicitous is that?

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I pulled Cutie out of my bag and gave it to him to hold, which he does like she’s a precious little kitten/queen of sheeba.

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We walk to the tree. We choose a spot that’s sunny and hss a view of the trees, He asks if I want a plastic bag to sit on, I got my mini microfiber blanket, so he sits on the bag.

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Was it Cutie who led us to each other? I asked.

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He pulls out some salted almonds in a small sandwich bag tied with a twistie, and some looseleaf papers, he had a cut out article about Wim Wenders called Angst for the Memories. Funny how I was reading an article this morning about teen angst. He brought two a books A something of the Warrior by Chyogum Trungpa, which he didn’t get to read today. I open it like bibliomancy and started reading aloud, it was speaking to me..

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It was on magic..

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I wish I can remember all the parts of our conversation.

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This feels like an Eric Rohmer film,  I tell him.  Specifically the film, boyfriends and Girlfriend

Something about the magic hour lighting, grass, Spring day and our conversation.

.

We sit in the grass, P2 layed back with Cutie on his heart. And I read to him.

We visit for an hour.

It was so nice.

.

I wonder what I want to do next?

Pervette?

Go for an intuition drive?

COnsume art. Catch a film.

I check the pfa calendar.

.

I let bibliomancy and Trunpa and Sylvia Plath decide what I should do

Sylvia Surgeon 2am poem points to drugs

Trungpa points to meditation.

SOunds like a plan.

Why not do it all? P2 asks.

Maybe I should.

when do we get up?

I have to go pee, that’s when I guess.

We part at the fork in the road..

.

I come back, turn on the volcano,

smoke Jack herer

catch the sunset.

Grab one of my Olivettie typewriters

and start typing

 

If you’re feeling lost..

I made a list of how to find your way out..

Started from 1 to 53.

.

I made a plantain pancake

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P2 animoji’s saying it’s funny how he cancelled on A11, and on his way back from erewhon, E,  a girl form his improv class reached out saying she . was nearby and theyending up having  a smoke sesh.

He’s stoked that more girls form his improv class like him..

.

I’m on Twitter, Tavi’s feed, what rookiemag is folding??

I’m reading her last editorial letter.

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Rookiemag has always been a huge inspiration for pervette. It had a certain feel that felt like it was a safe space for girls..

.

I google adultmag, the other pervette inspo mag.

 

That’s gone too.

They seem to have stop around 2016.

.

Those were the two most pervette-like magazines I knew of.

I would even dare to say if the two had a baby from the future, it would kinda prolly look like pervette.

.

wow, so many blogs and magazines i like are gone…

.

imboycrazy also stopped producing content in 2016,

everything is evolving

how does pervette stand a chance to survive?

What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, micro dose of mushrooms, Lupicia mirabelle plum oolong tea, chaga tea, a few tamari almonds and honey glazed pecans, some green smoothie (P made yesterday), a bit of an Urban Remedy Cacao Chip bar, a hearty overdressed spinach salad (I didn’t finish), a few salted almonds that P2 brought and shared with me, one volcano bag of Jack Herer, 2 plantain pancakes with goat butter and blueberries, the rest of the green smoothie, sparkling lemon acv water, dandelion tea, bee pollen and honey

What I spent money on: $0

 

Monday, March 18, 2019 9:20am

 

Dear U,

I have lots of energy, I feel slightly high.

But reclining on this biomat is making me feel a little too relaxed. Posture is everything.

I feel like if I want to, I can create a page or two on Pervette.

Maybe the advice to self page can be expanded.

So I have today, to tidy up, tie loose ends, pack for Bali, back up my hard drive, get a mani pedi, meet up with Z at 3:30. I totally want to go to another talk at the PFA at 6:30 but I think I should hold back on that. There’s much to do..

.

I had a dream last night, that I would have a page on Pervette where I pay homage to Tavi Gevinson and Rookie mag.

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I think I’ll go back now and write out everything I this past week..

1:50pm

 

I feel amazing.

Is it the spring sunshine? The shrooms I microdosed on yesterday?

Or that I’m stoked about packing and getting ready fro Bali and how this totally brings me back to this time 5 years ago, when I almost missed my flight to Bali (as it turns our 1:00am Tuesday flight means you fly out on Monday night) but made it just in the nick of time and everything after that was the beginning of this magical life that I’m living now.

.

It was just 5 years ago when my life became really really magical.

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I also feel like Pervette is in a really good solid beginning. It’s with this structure that I can begin to see how each path will flow.

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I’m also excited about what books I want to pack for Bali, how I want to work on the Domme Guide and retreat. I feel like a kid excited for her next adventure

And she’s already having a ball packing her bags..

.

P texted saying he’s going to have lunch with A11 today and asks if I still want to meet her. I called him up and said yes, I think it’ll be nice.

.

He says it’s so strange how now that she’s in town, he doesn’t really have a desire to fuck her during this trip. Even though he thought he wanted to before she got in.

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I think it’s the inadvertent blood magic sex we had Saturday.

.

Or maybe that I’ve loosened my grip and there’s no attachment to how things ought to be. I’m just going with the flow.

.

Is that what magic is?

 

1:34am

 

My goodness, what a day. I’m still not fully packed for Bali yet..

.

I had tea and a walk Z.

.

I got into a sold out Moreshyin talk. It was on Digital Colonialism and it was amazing. Our work is somewhat very similar..

.

I talk to E & E (I like to think of them as the post post modern day merry pranksters) they showed me the wiki article they made of Colette Pervette.

Holy fuck.

.

 

What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, turmeric bone broth, 1/3 Urban Remedy Cacao Chip bar (before my manipedi), tamari almonds, sautéed broccolini, chard and mediterraean beef skillet (for lunch) , honey roasted pecans, .189 grams of shrooms, a small side salad and Moroccoan mint teat at Baker and Commons (with Z), a few pieces of chocolate at Casa de Chocolate, No Oatmeal Cookies and Turmeric Shot from Urban Remedy, sauteed broccoli, mushroom, carrots and kale with a fried egg , blueberries, sweet potato awesome chips, lemon water

What I spent money on $70 on a gel manipedi; $9 on no oatmeal oatmeal cookies immunity boost, $2 on parking for the Morehshin Allalshari talk

 

Tuesday, March 19, 2019 10:05am

 

Dear U,

Something very magical is in the air. I can feel it. I went to sleep at 2 and woke up at 7:23am to a glorious orange sunrise. The air is electric.

.

The cool air, the golden gray morning light, I remember this. This is what it felt like when I was 5.  I’m also flashing back to 5 years ago

.

Rob Brezsny’s horoscope:

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Why do some American libraries ban certain
books, ensuring they’re unavailable to local readers? The reasons may be
because they feature profanity or include references to sex, drug use, the
occult, atheism, and unusual political viewpoints. Marjane Satrapi’s
*Persepolis* is one of the most frequently censored books. Others are
Maya Angelou’s *I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings*, *Beloved*, by Toni
Morrison, and *The Kite Runner*, by Khaled Hosseini. In my astrological
opinion, these are exactly the kinds of books you should especially seek
out in the coming weeks. In fact, I suggest you commune with a variety of
art and ideas and influences that are controversial, provocative, and
intriguing.

 

7:2opm

Santa Monica

I’m by the water now.

From the hills to here. I sometimes can’t believe this is my life.

 

.

I totally forgot and missed my hair mineral analysis consult at 9:45 am this morning because I was int he flow of packing of toiletries and bathing suits.

.

I packed 11 bathing suits.

2 are latex.

I forgot to pack the polish though.

.

I packed 5 (smallish) books. 3 norebooks. 13 pens.

Lao Tzu Te Ching’s A Book about the Way and the Power of the Way

Anthony De Mello’s . The Way to Love (bday gift from A2)

Dacher Keltner’s The Power Paradox (signed copy)

Nnedi Okorafor’s Binti (signed copy)

Mission Control and Zoev Jho’s E.T. 101 (random last one, recommended by my singing coach, who believes that we’re secretly hijacked my aliens)

.

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15 little pill bags of 14 vitamins each.

.

And 4 bottles of tinctures

Dragon Herb’s Diamond Mind and 22 Reishi, Good Fight’s Sleep Tight and Dori Midnight’s Full Moon

.

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have to speed up and rush at the end of my packing.

When P2 arrived at 12:45 (he took a long lunch break to take me to the airport) I had time to heat up some bone broth for the road.

.

 

 

.

.

Should I get bangs Mupps?

Yes, absolutely. Either you will look super cute and love it or  you’ll look really awkward and weird and you’ll feel sheepish and self conscious about it for a couple of months and that’ll be super funny.

.

First stop in LA (every time): Erewhon

For a tonic.

CBD Truth Tonic or Reishi cappucino..

What should I get?

I love CBD truth tonic, says the cashier at the tonic bar. Esp for this time of day and weather.

That sounds perfect, thanks for deciding for me.

.

 

I love this place so/too much.

We (or me) loaded up on Honey Mama’s, a new high-vibing chocolate brand called Integrity Cacao (super yummy), 2 bags of Asha pops (chocolate covered and pepper and spice), Hu chocolate covered almonds, raw walnuts, no jet lag, Raw Elements sunblock, 2 kinds of organic natural bug repellant, 2 boxes of Phi Kind chocolate truffles (cosmic mint and golden coconut), 2 bars of Phi Kind chocolate (no. 3 reishi and no.1 dark)

 

.

I’m helping P make some how to videos for his uncle M, who’s visiting at LA and staying at the Santa Monica place and using his car while we’re in Bali.

While high, I filmed him. Showing the ins and outs of a Tesla.

.

Heavy Metal Mupps

is what P is calling me now

.

According to my hair mineral analysis chart I’m crazy high on a toxic metal called Barium.

.

This can be deadly, even. I read.

.

Where am I getting my barium from?

.

“The most important source of barium is the chemtrails that are seen in the skies over many cities in America and other nations.  Barium sprayed from the air lands in the water supplies and in the food supply.

This is a Rogue project that is completely illegal and an invasion of the earth by advanced beings who do not want the people of earth to be healthy.

.

This is deeply ironic, P says.

It’s been an ongoing joke that he doesn’t believe in chemtrails.

(So much that it got very awkward between him and a plant medicine friend of ours)

.

P is making fun of my meledrama and my constant “body issues.”

Hey Mupps, should we tell them this might be your last meal?

Uh.I dunno..

Don’t worry Mupps, we’re going to fight this together.

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P also thinks it’s funny to say everything with a clenched jaw and insert fucking in between every other word.

Hey motherfucking mupps. We’re going to fucking Bali to go fucking meditate. yeah, that’s fucking right.

It comes out super aggro sounding and even though he’s joking, my nervous system is triggered. When I put my hand to my chest, like I’m a frail muppet that just got attacked by negativity, he laughs.

It’s hard being an empath..

.

.

What I put inside me: acv, lemon water;  3 Stone Hearth bone broth frothed(I had a whole jar to finish), sweet potato awesome chips, blueberries (in the car with P2 to JetSuiteX), microdose of chocolate mushrooms (on the plane), Level’s Cherry Cheesecake vape, CBD truth tonic, nibbles of P’s cheese pizza and sips from his green juice at Erewhon, Integrity Cacao chocolate,  a green salad and the radish salad ,a dn striped bass at Rustic Canyon (which as all yummy). Hu chocolate covered almonds (this always happens when I’m in LA, I can’t stop eating)

 

Thursday, March 21, 2019  9:41am PST
On the Singapore Airlines flight to Singaopore (as a layover to Bali
.
I’m on the plane. Sitting upright (on my legs) on the bed with the table out. This is not unlike my biomat writing setup in the moonroom (sans the heated biomat). But this is quite nice.
I can sit like this and write for a few hours to you if I wanted to
.
Cutie really likes flying in buiness class. Here she’s not tucked in my little totebag next to me away somewhere out of sight from the passenger nextby.
Here she gets to hang out and roam freely in this comfy preivate pod with me, She likes hanging on the side table or in the bed with me.
The only people who see her are me, P and the cute flight attendants topping off my tea.
Sometimes P reaches over and takes her without my looking.
.
P is in the pod to my left. Sometimes he pulls the window divider out to make a point that he  His plane ritual is sleep through everything, with his black eyemask and noise-cancelling headphones on. He never eats any of the food on the plane.  I somehow feel like the flight attendants respect him more because of it.
.
There is something about eating airplane food, even though it’s “business class,” it almost feels like you’re having what everyone else is having, which is reheated mediocre food dressed up with a few garnishes to look fancy.
.
I like passing up on the food too, it makes me feel healthy. And “above it.”
But I do like to nibble on their cheese and fruit. And sip on their tea. Quite a lot.
.
We’re the opposite couple on the plane, P sleeps and sleeps while I’m having. a merry time, creating a movie playlist, watching one. film after another and also getting excited about the 5 books I have with me that I want to read.
Funny how it’s been another night of 5 hours of sleep or less. 3 nights in a row.
.
I was up till 2am last night. The cannabis wore off around 11pm when P went t o bed and I got around to editing my wiki article.
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The article has a red box on top saying it’s going to be deleted. I can. see why. The writing is shit.  And totally violates the guidelines.
Jesus Christ, the more I read, the more I’m embarrassed that this is my article.  E and E are really pretty crappy writers. The article is just sprinkled with pretentious words that makes the whole thing sound biased, self-promotional and garbled with postmodern buzzwords.
.
Editing it is really deleting 2/3 of the writing and cleaning up the writing so that it sounds factual. I pretty much could’ve written it myself in a way thatwould make it not get flagged, and voted several 353+ times to get deleted.
.
I write to E about my concern of its deletion. He says it’s becasue 91% of the wiki editors are male losers who have nothing better to do with their time.
That might be true, but it’s also just a very crappy article. That I myself would take down if I were to read it objectively.
.
I wonder why I’m paying E and E $760 for their time when I’m actually just undoing their time spent writing this crappy artivcle.
I can’t believe they were asking 3K for this.
.
I wish they would’ve consulted with me first before they published the problematic article. If I had edit it first, it maybe wouldn’t gt so heavily dinged for its obviously self-promotional  gobbledeeguke language.
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I feel like I’m workign with a bunch of kids who have just enough wiki knowledge to be dangerous to themselves, me and the wiki verse.
.
I have a feeling that I’m paying them to create an article that’s going to be quickly deleted.
.
I question if any of this is a good idea.  Should I have just waited until I offically became a “notable person”  to have a legit article written about me. Rather than by a bunch of seemingly tweaked out hackers do it.
.
Their citations look messy, one has a dead link.
.
To be honest, if they didn’t do it and publish it as they have, I wouldn’t be staying up late to edit it. There’s an urgency to it now that it’s being scrutinized by hundreds of incels.
.
So I cleaned it all up, redid all rthe references and citations.
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What I’m paying them for is their crazy idea and persistance in actualizing it.
.
I feel pretty good about what I have and totally annoyed at what they currently put up.  But oh well, they moved on ahead without my say, it’s like the universe was willing this to happen for some reason I can’t see myself.
.
A little backstory on E and E. I know E since I was 18 thorugh my first boyrfiend, V.
E was a rich kid, born and raised in Newport Beach. His mom was an actress and mouseketeer (on ritalin) back in the days. E was a really good magician, that’s what I heard from V. He performed for the President, Bill Clinton,  when he was 10.
.
Around 18, him and V had these cool artist loft studios in the backstreets  of the arts district of Santa Ana.  We would hang out on the roof.
They were part of the Koo’s Cafe crowd. I guess I was too, through V.
The Koo’s Cafe kids were, in my opinion, the coolest kids in the OC. They were the misfits that never belonged in any social group in high school. Because they were so weird and cool and rare there was no hipster group in high school those days in t he late 90’s, as there are now.
And somehow. they all converged and volunteered in this cafe in Santa Ana, that looks like a regular house, but it was also a music venue.
.
I remember that spring/summer of 2000 so fondly. It felt like we were some OC misfit version of the warhol factory scene. Santa Ana had the coolest art openings pop up. I remember the one in the spurgeon building very vividly.
Being in that mileue at thattime at that ripe age and with my high school sweetheart whom I was madly in love. That was the awakening of the artist inside me.
.
SO anyways, E was V’s best friend. I always rthought he was cool, even though he. was a prankster and troublemaker.
He. has. rthe slightest frame that I’ve ever seen in. a guy, The. cops laugh when. they see on his driver’s license that he weighs 93 pounds.
At t he time, he w as dating A, whom I had. a crazy. girl crush. on, him being with her probably made him seem cooler to me
A has the. cutuest. and most stylish precious pixie girl ever. There was something very child-like to her.
.
He wwas always harassing her. Screaming in her ears. One time he sat on her face naked and farted. She was. traumatized said she got to see how an. asshole flaps and make its sound up. close. up.
God that must’ve been awful.
It felt like E was always got off on s eeing what. he. can. get. away with.
.
He would leave. the craziest voice mail messages, that i wish I still kept.
As years go. by, I would occasionally bump into him, and every time he would look a little more and more homeless.
and. social degenerate-looking.
.
Somehow he found E, a yong skinny cute stripper who. looks up to him as a guru as he would go on these postmodern. schpiels that only make a third sense.
.
Anyways, I told them on the phone MOnday night that I’ll be flying into LA and I can get some money to them, since they haven’t made rent and they just got their evictions notice.
.
As it turned out, they lived near moonstone, the hair salon studio. I. was going to Wed norning in echo park, to get my shag haircut.
I told them I would meet them afterwards and give them what. i had in. cash.
.
So I woke up earlyish wed, kept on editing as P wnet to Farmshop to breakfast (I. didn’t join him, too. busy editing). I showered and got ready to got. to Echo Park. P called me an uber,  I. was running 5 minutes late.
.
WHich wasn’t an issue because H, the stylist had two bangs to trim when I. got there. Her hair salon is actually in the basement of a cute little cottage right across from Echo Park lake.
.
Her and her business partner, who’s the hair colorist just opened up their new salon in. January. N, the colorist lives above.
.
The. place was spare , had no direct light, and had 2 round mirrors and. a dresser (that look. like a thrfit store find) for the hairdressing station.
.
I told her. that I’ve been admring her work on instagram.  I love how she. works in the negative space to create volume.
She said she loved the way I. put that. She.  asked if I. was an artist. I said. yeah, sorta, I’m a dominatrix.
.
.
I haven’t had bangs since middle school, I told H, I’ve been attached to the side part for a while.  I. asked her what she thinks I should do.
.
Bangs, she said, middle school is a long time ago. ANd it’s heavy right here, it’s time to lighten it up. Otherwise the haircut wouldn’t look that much different from what I have now.
I said I’m into the Brigitte Bardot but edgier look.
.
She said she has a vision.
I told her to go for it.
.
So she started razorblading the front and something did shift in the way I looked. I got excited, she. was giving me the long Brigitte Bardot bangs, and my hair looked fuller and luscious.
Then we kept on talking and she kept on razorblading, and by the end, I realize she went a little too far with the razorblade. And I realize I did say something about octopus hair, and that’s kinda what she gave me.
Oh fuck, I had rthis happen before with another stylist who went too far with the blade and it ended up looking more rat tail than anything.
I now have bangs in my face, that gets piecey-looking and I can’t tuck behind my ear and I lost all the volume in my hair. It’s kinda like the Jane FOnda haircut but less edgy.
I dunno..
I gave her 200, a 25 dollar tip and thanked her.
I mean it’s not bad, but not luscious amazing, like I had hoped her. There’s a very fine line with. the razor blade, too much of it and there’s no negative space to crate volume, it’s just flattens out.
.
I fuss with my ahir all day to make it volumous and work, but it’s not workimg..
.
After. I leave I walkacross the street to the park and made my way. to Triniti, which is where I told E. and E  I’ll meet them.
It was fun. exploring Echo. Park, Iwent into. the Space and Time travel mart, that’s part of the 826 Valencis pirate shop.
I got an Apollo 11 moon passport notebook for P, just. to get something and support their kids and writing workshops.
When I got to Triniti, I scoped out the scene, it was.a tiny woody fancy cafe that had. a very spare food menu that seem a little pretentious,
I text E to meet me at Honey Hi. down rthe street instead.
When I got t o Honey Hi, I got excited abotu theri gluten free clean cooking (no vegetable oils) menu. I had. a hard time deciding. I ordered a mushroom dandy blend drink. and some bone broth to sip on while i wait. Isnagged the only nice  table perfect for 3 people. I waited, no word from E. My message was “not read.” I tried calling, it went straght to voicemail. Maybe. their phone died and they never got the message to meet me here instead. The. palce was filling up. If. I left I would lose the nice table I snagged. I finished my drinks and decided to go back to Triniti.
I ran/walked back. And they were there sitting outside wondering where I was, I came up to them, apologized and asked if they got my message. Their phone died. They shared one phone.
I guess the universe decided we were to eat at Triniti so we went inside.
I had. a hard time choosing, but. unlike. Honey Hi, this time because nothig seem appealing to me, oatmealm bucatini, everything seem off diet.
I went with the scrnbled eggs and beet salad.
.
We all got scrambled eggs. Their slice of bread with butter is $8.  For kids who prolly don’t eat out much, I wonder what. tey think of this spare and prententious menu.
.
We all got scrambled eggs.
E got the toast with it.
.
I got. a ceremonial matcha latte with. oat milk. E liked what. I was having so she got one too.
.
We sat outside.
.
I forgot to mention, it. was a slightly cool gray day, it look like it was about to rain.
P came back from breakfast in a mopey mood becuase it was too gray..
.
I gave them their envelope of cash, I drew a heart on it  with E and the E. in it right as I handed it to E.
They said they’re getting evicted for reals, even if they make rent, becuase they pulled out some banana plant they thought were weeds and the owner now has some ground to evict them.
E. says he never got evicted before.
What?  Really? I asked. I found that hard to believe.
Well, we’ve had people attempt to evict us like 25 times but we never got evicted  evicted.
.
Both E and E have a grey, dry, crusty comploexion, that I believe comes from not eating right.
E has this Bonnie (of Bonnie and CLyde) hairdo that’s black and looks as though it hasn’t been washed in weeks which wokrs to give it that nappy wig effect.
Ironically, Em( that’s how I discern the two E’s for you, E1 is the the troublemaker prankster. and Ef2is his partner in crime gf ) and I have the same  shag haircut. Both our bangs look kinda oily. ANd we both got this rat tail shag thing going.
Ohh. this is why I got this rattail haircut, to match. my friends. (I always seem to unintenionally match my friends when I see them)
.
he said that he got his haircut at the vidal sassoon acadamy by this korean women who said she’s going to cut him. last and give him her haircut.
.
E1 likes to talk ad nauseaum about what he knows, which is weird esoteric wiki prankster insider knowledge.
He can’t stop talking about. the wikipe-tan, this strange wiki chahracter that never dies.
.
He loves name-dropping buckminstr fuller and the word “semiotics”. a lot.
.
I occasionally cut him off subtly by asking seeminly urgent questions like.
So how is my article not ging to be deleted when it seems like it’s going to be, since the voitng has been unanimous.
Persistance, he says. We’re going to keep on defeding it. What. we want is for the article is for it to get locked so no one can. edit it, he says.
The idea of the article being locked in its crappy state scares me.
..
E1 says he’s experiencing firsthand the mysoginy and sexism of wikipedia through the posting of my article. He feels enraged and bewildered by it.
.
E1 said there might be a few typos in my articles since E2 wrote it up and she was having her bouts of narcolepsy.
I was? she asked.
Yeah, a few times, you fell asleep on the computer.  E1 told her.
She laughed at herself.
That explains everything.
I remember hearing about her narcolepsy years ago when she was looking into being a domme. I told her narcolepsy is a pretty problematic condition to have. as a domme.
I can just see her tying someone up in a precarious position and then falling asleep on them.
.
I feel slightly impatient with their talk, it’s meandering a lot about critical theory, wiki knowledge, that sounds like crazy talk. E1 does seem like he. has. a slight photographic memory, Hes on the edge of sanity/insanity
.
Our scrambled eggs were emulsified and extra foamy.
My beet salad looked like fishboal of red space food.
I was not impressed with the taste, pretentious and off, too try-hard.
.
.
We talked, or E1 talked for about anour or so.  I wrapped it up.
As. I was hugging them goodbye. E2 said the guy. in the orange oat inside the cafe just took a picture of us.
.
The the organge coat guy. came out, and said to E1 and E2, “I know you guys. You two stole the Matrc Jacobs something something jacket. from my store, I just got your picture. There a re pictures of you all over instagram and LA, everybody knows you two as stealers around here.
He was pissed. E1 smiled widely and started laughing out loud.
.
My back was to the camera when he took the picture.
.
We started walking, so what. happened.
They pieced it together. There used to be an Out of the Closet thrift store. And they would have this schtick, where E2 would distract the clerk by talking to hima nd aksing tons of questions as E1 would try on a jacket, leave his old one behind and they would walk out with new. jacket on.
It. was like. a skit,  E2 said.
.
I’m amused by them as characters, but somethinh tells me it’s probably not a good idea to get entangled with them too much.
.
The last time I saw rthem was 5 years ago. They took me and a friend out to pizza at Lanesplitters . They paid for it with a gift certificate they got fro stealing the Lanesplitter sign and bringing it back to them as though they found it,
.
After pizza, they asked if I can swing. by Target, wait. inthe. car while they get something for their car. While me and my friend P waited, we realized we’re just become accomplices and I’m their. getaway. vehicle. The way rthey walked out of the store and into our car confimed our hunches.
.
E1 said he woke up. from a telling dream choking on his vomit and knew he had to work with me, so he called me up a. few weeks agao when I w as in NY and that’s hwo we got talking about t hei wiki thing.
He saisd they’re doing anthropological work.
.
Someone left a Tony Morrison book, SOngs of Solomon on the street. I. picked it up because in my rob brezny horoscope it said somethnig about reading Toni Morrison and other banned books.
.
And then we parted.  i went back to Honey Hi, said that I wasted my appetite on pretentiois Triniti food. I got a kombuch and. a gluten. free chocolate chip cookie for P. He called me an uber.
The driver’s energy was off.
I felt slightly off.
It could be the shag haircut I got and I’m not so thrilled about. Or the lackluster food I got at Triniti, wben what I really wanted was Honey Hi. or the aimless conversation I had with E1 and. E2 and their social degenerate vibe they give off. It could also be. that hyper focused shot of vehement disgust and anger that guy. in t he orange coat directed at them /us which I absorbed second hand.
This could also be explained by Mercury retrograde.
I put in earbuds and tried to brush the off energy off with some music but no sone I chose seem to help.
I read the preface to songsof solomon, the book was inpsired by her fahter’s death..
.
.
When. I got out of the uber Ileft the used book  on the ledge of a planter.
I don’t want that rejected book energy on me .
.
When. I came back, P can feel my funny energy. IHe can tell I didn’t like my haircut. I  told him about the food I ate and didn’t like. We got muppety and melodramatic, that helped.
.
I told him maybe this isn’t the right energy to meet A11. She was supposed to hit us up after her photoshoot ends in the afternoon. He said he has a feeling she’s not  into t he idea o f meeting me.
He said when he mentioned it, she seem surprised and not super excited.
He said it might be because she’s butthurt from him not fucking her after he flew her out.
.
.
Some part of me got off on the fact that I want to meet her more than she does me.
As P packed, I looke din the mirror and fussed with my hair.
.
I smoked some weed and was able to snap out of it. I thanked P for being so patient with me.
.
Me and P both had this thing where in mid-packing we think we’re gonna have os much extra free space in our luggage but then in t he end, it’s pretty packed..
.
P makes a green smoothie. Like me, he likes. to not waste all the fresh produce he has. Unilke me, he throws. the rest away, while I gave mine to P2.
.
I. give P another haircut. I gave him one last week, which wasn’t short enough, so I got snippety with the thinning shears. He looks like a little boy with short hair.
.
I pack the 5th airplane book into my backpack, the Happy Empath Workbook. I think this funky afternoomn prompted me to look into it. I need to to find ways to not absorb negative energy.
.
Around 5:30, A11 texts that she’s done with her shoot, burnt the fuck out and wishes us a nice trip to Bali. And asks P to send the pic he took of her when t hey had lunch last.
.
She didn’t say anything about looking forward to meeting me in the future or how she’s bummed to miss the oppurtunity to today.
At least she’s honest.
.
P and I got to Erewhon for dinner and to grab me some spirulina and chlorella. (to clean out t heavymetal in me)
.
P is enjoying calling me BerylliumMupps, Bromoide Mupps, and all these other mineral name.
It’s Barium Mupps.
.
The woman sitting next to us at Erewon started talking to P when I got a bottle of water.
She was very drawn to him or us. She kept on asking us questions and was so excited for ur anniversary trip to Bali. SHe thought it was the sweetestthing.
We can both sense how much she wanted to engage with us, more then with her quiet asain friend that she’s with.
.
When we drove a block away, I realized,
I forgot my CBD truth tonic at the bar, that cost 20 bucks. We were in a slight hurry but P swung back around.
.
We get back around 8:30. P does his sped up last minute packing and putting th place together for his uncle and aunt to stay in while we’re away. He leaves notes expalingin how to work out the remote controlled blinds, heater, and biomat.
His speedy. packing reminds me of me when I’m about to take off for the airport. All of a sudden the list of what needs to be done becomes very clear, and you go lightning speed.
.
P opens the fridge, hands me the bottle of acid.
I grab the bood Damn Good Advice
Every page has a numbered advice
I put a drop of acid on each number on each page up to page and device #12. The drop runs and bleeds.
.
Okay, 12 hits. That seems good.
.
And then P calls us an UberXL.
.
I did a few long hits of the vape before we said goodbye to it. I told P I feel like I did too much, I feel like I’m gonna throw up.
He said it’s all the fremetic energy, we’ll slow down now.
That helped.
I got super positive, excited,  and chatty in the car. P can tell I’m super high.
.
Our uber guy is eastern european, rushes us tot he airport to the arrivals side to aboid the clusterfuck traffic.
.
The woman at the business class check in was super nice, and told us what to do when we get to singapore to expedite our close connection.
Do you have TSA pre? she asked
We do, but it wasn’t in ourt bpoarding pass, she punched it in for us
thank goodness I asked, she said.
She w as so muppety nice.
We noticed at security that she was behind us, it seem like she wanted to escort us to our gate.  Which she did.
She’s smile and says she. likes to avoid crowds. So we flowed through, to our gate, the scenery got crappier crappier, it went from renovated terminal, to old terminal to stadium looking terminal, to shuttle to random terminal.
This was exactly how it. was this time last year when I flew with my mom via Eva airways to Vietnam.
I guess Singapore, Eva and Phillipiines airliens gets the crap terimal via shuttle until they’re done remodeling.
.
I told P I think we just got ushered and excorted to our. plane by. guides and angels, without them both, we might’ve missed our flight.
.
I put on my noise cancelling headphones in the shuttle and put on CIgarettes After Sex. P takes off his headphones and asks, Is your music coming out of your phone?
Oh yeah, you’re right.
P laughs, you are so high Mupps.
.
I call mom when we were in the shuttle, I missed her call earlier, she was happy to hear from me before I took off. She wishes us a safe trip She reminds me to text R, my stepdad a happy birthday. since I’ll in the air when it’s his bday. I text him a happy early bday from the both of us. He wishes us a fun trip.
.
We hop on the plane. Into our pods. There’s so much room for all my mupp stuuf. a. shelf for my 5 books and 2 noterbooks. A compartment for headphones, water, and Cutie to hand out in. Another compartment for my bag of stuff and chocolate chip cookies. P and I each have our own compartment for our chocolate chip cookies.
.
The. first film I watch. is. called Hibiki.
It’s in japanese and it’s really good.
It’s about thei s 15 year. old genius writer who’s prone to acting violently truthful but her truth telling and fearless character is what also diasrms the people she attacks. She has this ability to put people in t heir place and gain their respect by holding true to her values..
I feel like she’s an aspect of a higer version of my best self that I. want to be.
.
P mupps has this whole skit with him oepning up the compartment every now and then to get out his chocolate chip cookie and take a bite.
We’re mupps on a plane.
.
P put in the honorific Dr. when. he. was getting my ticket so all the attendants are calling me Dr.
.
I put on Vox Lux for a 20 min and escaped, it was shit. And the editing was really crappy.
I put on KIndergarden Teacher and fell asleep.
When I woke up, P was up and said,
Hi I’m little mupps, i don’t fold outmy chair into a bed, instead I fall asleep with the movie on and my headphones on and my head is all squished and crooked.
Yeah…that was super umconfotable!
He laughs at my muppetyness. And helps me convert my chair into a bed.
He had turned off my film for me when I was asleep.  I like him playing dad.
.
And now here I am, writng to you about my day.
.
There were many more interesting details left out. The conversation that I had with H, the stylist and N, the colorist And mnuch more..
.
.Maybe I should read a book or watch a film now?
I’m 12 hours into the flught, 5 hours more.
.
I slept for 2 hours?
I’m not sleeping, just constantly snacking…
I love flying business for the sole reason that I can easily get up and go pee anytime I want without squeezing over people and the bathroom stalls are ampe and always available. That’s a huge game changer.
.
Oh. and. the flat bed/pods are really comfy and nice too.
And the impeccable service.
And selection of tea.
.
The plane we’re in, the Airbus A350, is a new one, P says.
.
I think P. is. becoming magnetic.
.
I tell him I like being the lucky girl that gets to be with the boy that everybody wants to be with..
He gets slightly bashful.
.
What I put inside me: walnuts and ashapops (in an uber on the way to moonstone studio to get my shag haircut), bone broth and a mushroom dandy blend at Honey Hi, emulsified scrambled eggs and this crazy beet, strawberry salad with farro at Triniti with ceremonial matcha latte at Triniti, a bottle of ginger kombucha and a nibble of a gluten free chocolate cookie cookie ( that I got for P, which he poo-pooed and thought tasted too healthy, more ashapops, Level’s Elevate vape (it help me get out of my funky mood), a green smoothie P made, a 1/3 of Honey Mama’s rose lavender cacao nectar, kale and kumquat salad, faroe island salmon a few bites of some curry kelp noodles from Erewhon (for dinner with P as he had his usual cheese pizza and small soup) a. $20 CBD truth tonic that I forgot to pick up until we drove out of Erewhon, P drove me back for me to swing in and get it, which I did, it was still warm and very heavy, I only drank. half of it), several huge hits of Level’s Cherry Cheesecake right before i got into the uber which made me nauseous for a minute
On the plane: a cheese plate of brie, humboldt fog, and some hard chesse and water crackers, their grapefruit and pistachio topping 2 out of 3 canapes, a slice of some nutty cracker thing from their bread basket, a paleo chocolate chip. cookie,  some soggy sauteed spinach, another cheese plate, a bag of kettle popcorn, a bite of a underripe plum and an Asian pear, some blah. sliced fruit and tons of chamomile, ginger lemon and mint tea.
.
When. I’m sitting on a plane, not sleeping, I. can’t stop snacking…
Friday, March . 22, 2019
Everything was so fluid.
The 17 hour flight to Singapore flew by. I could’ve stayed longer in my space pod, reading, writing, watching films.
When we landed in Singapore, we had enough time to grab a snack. P got Subway. I got spring rolls at a pho place. We ate it on the plane before takeoff. My spring rolls were surprisingly fresh.
.
I watched Shoplifters, another japanesey film. It was really good. It’s about the chosen family over the one we’re born in. And the tangles lives we live when we lie.
.
When I finished the film we landed. A vip service from the ritz.

Saturday, March 23, 2019 10:06pm

The Ritz Carlton, Mandapa, Bali

 

Dear U,

I’m in bed, with P to the right of me. He’s on his iPad watching another NASA video.

He’s been a NASA tear. I mean he’s always been, but even more obsessively than ever.

It’s pouring outside. There’s lightning and thunder. I like how it started to rain while we were having dinner, outside by the river.

.

 

It’s been a jetlag day. I’ve been feeling queasy. In the morning before and after breakfast.

After breakfast we found the gym.

P tosses an 8 pound ball at me. I move to the side and make no attempt to catch it. That was smart, P said. I could’ve hurt myself.

.

P has this thing where he likes to toss things you’re not supposed to toss in the air.

.

Right next to the gym was the spa. I asked if they had any openings, they do in 30 minutes. A woman comes out and massages my shoulders to give me an idea of what my massage will be like.  I’ll take it. P heads back to the room while I go in..

.

I had the who spa to myself. I went in the sauna and steam room for a minute. I sat by the infinity pool as they massuses greets me and takes me into the room.

.

My massage was deep and amazing. The spa room was located right next to the bend of the Ayung river. Every now and then I can hear the rafters going whoa! as they navigate the bend.

.

After the massage, I went back to the room. showered. Around 3pm, my body felt off and queasy. The jet lag was sinking in. We napped. for hours.

When we woke up  it was dark. We decided to take a buggie to the fancy hotel restaurant, Kubu(sp?).

We sat outside right next to the river. It was a lovely setting. Then it started to rain, the servers asked if we wanted to switch tables inside. I suggested we move the table slightly so it sits under the overhang. We were just inches away from the rain. it started to come down hard. I like the fact that were eating in the rain by the river. The servers kinda got wet bringing out food to our table.

.

It was the kinda fine dining that had 3 amuse bouches and even though we passed on the desert, they had 4 courses of mini deserts and petit fours for us, with chocolate to take home.

.

 

I’m learning how to care less about my crappy haircut. I think it’ll grow out fine in a month. For now, it’s a little nappy looking. I really shouldn’t have said the word octopus to her.

.

We’ve been here for a little over a day and we’re pretty sick of the food at the resort. We rush through the meals, trying to consolidate all the courses into one, which rattles the staff. They’re trying to go for the fancy effect, with their amuse bouches and pre desert deserts.

It’s just fluffy packaging for a b grade meal, P says.

.

P’s current schtick is acting like an indolent and petulant teenager, bored of this opulent setting we’re in, kinda annoyed at the overly eager hospitable staff waiting on us, and going slightly crazy that he’s not smoking any weed.

He feels like he’s just checked himself into a fancy rehab.

.

Every now and them, he likes to laugh at my haircut, calling me the shag queen of Bali.

I’m glad that some good came from this haircut.

.

 

 

 

There’s much more to say, but I don’t want to keep myself up late from the blue light of the screen. I’ll  fill you in tomorrow..

 

What I put inside me: a mini omelette, a salad I made with 2 fried eggs on top, a smidge of fried rice and fried mahi mahi, a mini croissant dipped in P’s latte, a tiny taste of the plain yogurt, mint tea, a little shot of some iced mocha latte (that’s what I had for breakfast, I opted for the buffet); a herbal drink, turmeric and ginger tea and 4 tiny oatmeal raisin cookies at the spa; cocao coconut balls (I brought from Erewhon; spring rolls and 3red snapper tacos and carrot juice (for lunch); sala (a new fruit for me), a few tamari almonds, a tiny bite of our chocolate anniversary cake and this coconut something cake that they brought to our room as an evening snack; some cheese and sesame crackers, 5 amuse bouche (campari ball, 2 salmon caviar cones and 2 frothy cheese custard thing ( I ate P’s since he wasn’t interested in them), the black cod with mushroom consomme, and a organic greens and burrata salad, a bite of P’s spinach and something, a bite of the petit fours: a madeliene, chocolate truffle, tiny cream puff..a day of too much sugar and slightly unhealthy resort eating..

 

Back to my previous week