Sunday, March 31, 2019 8:54am

 

Dear U,

It’s another day in paradise.

It feels silly to say something so cliche, again, but that’s what it feels like.

.

I’m at breakfast, by myself, writing to you. Maybe I’m feeling the micro dose.

.

I only have so many words in a day. I didn’t write in my physical journal this morning so that I can have these words for you.

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I’m now good with intermittent fasting. I I have no appetite for breakfast in the morning.

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In spite of ordering 5 deserts and cleaning all the plates last night at Sayan House, I feel not like a cow. Almost trim even, it could be the 34 min walk I had from Yellow Flower Cafe to Sayan House.

.

This morning, P and I had a good chat in bed when we woke up. He’s good on his feelings about A3. She’s just a normal girl with a normal job in finances, who’s getting married to a blue blood VC, and his parents has a house in the Hamptons. His hunches about her normal ness was confirmed by N last night, who when high, can be speak the truth more offensively then P, which amuses P greatly.

.

Left-leaning, virtue-signaling, 2nd tier something, I give them one more round of funding before they run out of money.

N sized up A3’s fiancee by looking at his photo and company profile

To her face

.

Asian women’s breasts are the most valuable per pound, N says.

.

In bed, P talked about how and why he got triggered over the seating preference at lunch yesterday.

It was the way I enlisted my friends (A2 and A3) to prefer that spot before consulting with him. I had already made up my mind.

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He thought A2 might’ve said something to me when P was looking for another seat.

.

She did say,

We’re dominant women, we can decide for ourselves our seating preference

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P thought that something shifted, because normally I wouldn’t be so adamant, he had a hunch A3 said something.

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I told him it a combination of many things, but maybe that affected my steeliness a bit.

.

But we smoothed it all out. I heard him.

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Yesterday in my journal at Yellow Flower, I wrote maybe being financially dependent challenges me to be more patient

.

P says he did get riled up knowing that he paid for all of this trip, the business class flights, the suite, the meals for us (and our friends), and if he wants to sit somewhere with back support…

I get it.

.

I take it as a positive.

It’s just more motivation to start making money.

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I wrote in my journal yesterday morning, the more I can let go of “my preferences” the better off I’ll be.

(as that is the path to Enlightment)

And the seating preference hiccup was a good case in point.

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Before P went to breakfast. I said there’s one more thing I’d like to bring up.

.

My eating is like your smoking.

And it doesn’t help to have you tell me when I should stop eating.

I appreciate your concern and I’ll let you know when I need to judge my consumption and tell me when to stop.

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It took him a sec to take it in

You’re right. It doesn’t help. I think somehow you enlisted me from dinners at Gather.

I don’t think I ever asked for you to “save me from myself” but I’ll let you know when I need it.

And it could be that here in Bali, we want to indulge ourselves, and it’d be nive to do that without judgement and guilt.

.

He heard me.

It feels good to get that off my chest. And to be heard and understood.

Somehow, the analogy of eating to his smoking is what resonated with him.

I’m glad I gave myself some space to think that one through.

.

I’m not a fast responder, sometimes I wish I was. I can win debates if I was quicker.

But debates are not my thing anyways.

I need time and space to gather my thoughts and organize them.

.

A2 and A3 went to Semaniak to go shopping for the day. I decided to hang back. It feels too much social commitment.

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I’m looking forward to the 10:30am sit with the guru, the yummy lunch after (I wanna try Sage), and maybe get some pervetting in..

 

Sunday, March 31, 2019 3:11pm

The Ritz – Bali

 

Dear U,

We’re back in the room. P is napping, I’m in the bay window writing to you.

.

Our 10:30 meditation was good.

Before we began and everyone was getting situated on their cushion.

I was settling into mine.

The guru said to me across the way in his Indian accent

It looks like you’re riding a horse.

It feels like it, I said, it’s very comfortable.

P laughed.

The guru said (it was hard to hear him) there’s a vedic monk who would meditate on a horse.

You can’t fall asleep on a horse, he says.

.

The sit was good. I saw how my thought kept on creeping back in every time I cleared them and was present. It’s so moment to moment.

But the hour went by quickly.

D, the former Bulgarian model, went deep into her meditation, for a good 20 minutes, she was laying down, spread, convulsing, kinda like the exorcist, eyes rolled back and fluttering. It was pretty trippy. And then when we were all done, she got up and seem back to normal.

Does anybody want any coconut juice? she asks the group.

.

Me, J and P went to a new spot, Sage. They were known for their jackfruit tacos, which is what we all got.

.

P and J went out to smoke. I hung back. When they came back. P said he thinks C, his co-founder should have an executive coach.

I think it was a month ago when I suggested that to P. Or I asked him if C has a leadership coach, and P said that he kinda was that for him. I didn’t feel like saying that he’s not really a coach for him as he’s too enmeshed with him and their histotry as co-founders to be a coach.

I hold back from saying that was my suggestion and somehow it was glossed over.

.

After lunch, L, P’s other best friend texts to say if we want to come over and check out their suite at the Aman, this was a good time, so we had over driver take us to the Aman.

.

The Aman was nice, but at 30 years old, it wasn’t quite as nice as the 3 year old Mandapa Ritz. Their room was spacious but spare and there was a wooden spiral staircase to their upstairs bedroom, which felt claustrophobic and muggy.

Their infinity pool was nice.

.

 

L and his gal, S, came in Thursday but this was our first time seeing them.

 

How’s S doing? we ask.

She’s good. She got 17 shots. 8 in the face.

.

S was petting a mongoose Friday, they’re supposedly friendly animals, but this one bit her in the face, and was shaking its head to and fro, like in the cartoons.

Apparently most mongoose have rabies and there’s a rabies epidemic in Bali. So S had to get a ton of vaccination shots, but be weary of the “fake rabies vaccines” out there. The chances of surviving rabies without vaccination is less then .001%. In a way, she was pretty close to death.

But she was a good sport. She’s very andro and dude-like so all of this was a good story for her to tell.

 

.

After our visit, P and I both agreed, we’re not gonna move to Aman, our spot at Mandapa is pretty much the nicest and best mupp spot in all of Ubud.

.

What I put inside me: lemon water, mint tea; sips of P’s mint forrest smoothie, super green juice with spirulina, summer rolls and a jackfruit taco at Sage (for lunch); some jackfruit and Raw Ubud chocolate squares back at the suite; Level’s elevate vape; 95% ceremonial cacao, chalice of ganesh (detox) drink, Run, Piglet Run dish, some sauteed broccoli and cashews, a piece of the eggplant tapioca flatbread, and the smashed avocado flatbread, smashed avocado and tortilla chip at Zest

 

April 1 , 2019 8:32am

 

Dear U,

The conversation I had with N, J, L, and K at our end of the table got my thoughts flowing about the philosophy of bdsm.

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It’s a movement from fear to love, through the path of truth.

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I think BDSM is actually a physical medium to express of the point of life.

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The next frontier of your evolution is to make sense of what you initially can’t make sense of, and the way to make sense of it is through experiencing it…

.

 

These are fragmented thoughts…

.

.

This morning, I hollered for P from bed. Am I being abandoned? He was in the bathroom. He came back..

He says he’s going to skip the 10:30am meditation.

What? You’re going to ditch meditation?

All of a sudden I wanted to ditch school too.

.

But yesterday, after our meditation, T, the swarmi, invited me to sit with the guru, for a one on one Q and A after our sit today.

I can’t ditch the sit now, even though the thought of a free unstructured morning to pervette sounds really nice,,,

 

10:44pm

Dear U,

It’s been a very spiritualized day..

After the 10:30 sit, the guru and swarmi opened up the space to Q&A. No one knew when it fornally began, we were all silent..

Then the guru looked at me and said I have a question…

.

When the thoughts, do you just let it drift by as you gain more awareness or do you..

.

This practice is different from all other meditation practices..

You can’t control the mind.

Shakti, prana, removing impurities..

Something about being connected to the source..

.

We all have superintelligent powers inside us…

.

 

The swarmi came up to me after the Q&A..

I don’t know what it is but I feel compelled to tell you, that you should some as much as you can to the meditations. This is a very special experience to have Guru-ji here in such an intimate space.

She said that with his help, it can help accelerate me on to a path..something about changing the world/helping others, I was sold..

.

A2 and I both agree, we wanna do both the 8am and 10:30 sits..

.

The high priestess meeting got magically moved from 2pm to 4pm, giving me and A2 ample time to enjoy our lunch at Sayuri…

.

Over lunch, we unpacked the “Moksa table tension” that happened on Saturday.

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We also unpacked the peacocking behavior of N and P with A3.

.

I told A2 how P says he wants to have a conversation with her on how he thought she influenced my “divisive behavior” at Moksa..

We joke how she’s becoming my sisterwife.

.

Guy snatching 101.

.

As one woman came out, A2 went in for her session with the high priestess.

Was that a machine? The woman who just came out of the room asked her friend.

No. Those were her hands.

What? That was incredible..

.

When it was my time, I came into the dark small room with a giant altar, she told me to take off my top, I did.

She laid me down on a narrow rickety table by the wall.

She rubbed coconut oil on my legs, stomach and upper chest..

And then what came next was inexplicable..

.

She touched my feet. And I felt jolts of electricity..

Everywhere she touched vibrations of energy came shooting through.

I can hear the electricity in my body.

What??

.

The trippiest is when she pressed her fingers on my third eye..

The light I saw thorough my closed eyes…

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She said I have a lot of male energy.

It’s a good idea to tap into the feminine..

How I ask.

Through mirror meditations..

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What I put inside me: green juice A2 got for me at Alchemy before my 10:30am meditation; ceremonial cacao shot, punch and glory gut essencfe shot, big bowl of ocean love spirulina soup, toasted gluten free bread with curry “butter” some of the A2’s Pirate Kitchdi and her reishi miso soup at Sayuri Cafe; a few bites of the spirulina cacao ball and a nibble of A2’s charcoal cacao ball, ChloroOxygen drink, and passionfruit cocokefir drink from Sayuri Cafe (on our ride to the high priestess); s bite of the gluten free banana bread and brownie I got for P at Sayuri, a sqaure of the Raw Ubud chocolate As snacks at the Mandapa; Laksa Nassam soup and a kale salad at Moksa for dinner, a few bites of the kale chocolate truffle and beetroot chocolate truffle, and coconut chocolate cup from Moksa

Tuesday, March 2, 2019 11:11pm

 

Dear U,

Every day it gets more perfect and magical, it’s a little crazy.

.

I’m glad the 8am sit didn’t happen, I woke up at 8. P had left at 7 for breakfast. I stared at Cutie for a while. I’m moving slow.

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Around 8:24am, I made it to the bay window to journal. When P came back from breakfast, He saw how unready I was, unshowered, naked, wrapped in a comforter, writing.

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We have a morning routine now, he leaves around 7 for breakfast, by the time he gets back, I’m on my way out for tea. But today was different. I was moving really slowly.

.

Are you not going out? Am I not going to get my alone time before 9:45.

Uh I dunno..

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P was upset. J was at breakfast at 7 too so he didn’t really have his alone time yet, and now that I’m here, it’s throwing everything off for him.

His voice was harsh. He wish I wold let him know beforehand that this was happening. I just thought we can talk about it now. And maybe we can even spend some time together this morning since we didn’t really get to see each other and have one on one time most of yesterday.

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Anyways, he was not nice. And not into any of the above. I got triggered.

.

We had an agreement, he kept on saying.

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I got flustered and started crying.

I didn’t want Business voice, it’s so cold and unempathetic. But that’s what I got.

I just needed a hug and a mupp voice, and I would be fine. And now that I’m triggered it’s gonna take more time out of his morning..

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He says, he won’t go to the 10:30 meditation, that way he’ll have his alone time.

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And then he did a state change, got muppety, and gave me a hug. I cried in his arms, like a little girl.

He says we need to be flexible, things aren’t going to be rigid and the same all the time. I’m glad he’s realizing that.

Even though he’s muppety no, I’m still triggered and trying to recover.

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I feel like we’re on our spiritual path, P says.

I feel it too.

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Eventually, I hop in the shower, my eyes are all puffy.

.

At some point, he joins me. I wish I had the recorder on, because it was a nice conversation. He makes fun of me for being a sad wet mupp.

We talk about our dinner with A2 last night.

 

.

J comes over to smoke, him an dI are gonna pick up A2 on our way to the villa. But it takes me a while to get ready, it’s hard to pout on eyeliner when your eyes are all puffy.

.

J ask how I’m doing, I say I’m frazzled, he asks, why, I start crying..

J gives us a minute, I’ll meet him downstairs.

P hugs me in the bathroom

I’m so fragile this morning.

.

It might have something to do with the zap session with the high priestess yesterday and then having P’s harsh tone and words trigger my nervous system.

 

On the car ride to Lazy Cats to pick up A2, J tries to make conversation with a mopey me.

.

He says he asked T, the swarmi, yesterday, if she’s read any good books lately.

She said she doesn’t read. Whatever she needs she gets through transmissions.

Whoa, I said

I know, J replied.

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He said she also said else that’s interesting. If you focus your energy on something really deeply, you’ll bring other’s focused into it as well.

Whoa. I thought about that one. Should I focusing on pervette harder?

.

We picke dup A2 at Lazy Cats, a new discovery, she says she likes that place. I haven’t been. Our driver also said it’s a nice place, or so he heard,

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I should mention that ever since A2 has been in town last week, she gave P and others the contact info of a driver (or a group of drivers) whom we can hire for 10 hours for $50 and we’ve been using them everyday since. It’s a total game changer. They just wait while we’re meditating, eating or whatever and are ready to take us to our next destination. It’s so crazy convenient and cheap, it’s nuts.

.

There was someone next door with a chainsaw or weedwacker cutting something and making the loudest noice

While we were meditating in the open air loft area of the villa.

.

At first it was annoying because it drowned out the pleasant sounds of the roosters and cicadas.

It was harsh, just like P’s words this morning. Is this the theme of the day?

.

I felt something in my right foot.

Tears streamed, maybe it’s from this morning, maybe it’s the chainsaw, maybe it’s the guru’s blessing, I feel like he was giving us more fortitude as we all sat though the unpleasant sound..

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I began to fold it into the meditation, now it was just a part of the whole soundscape.

.

Then it stopped, and the guru hummed. And the was hour was over.

I didn’t want to get up, I continued to sit, even as the chainsaw started up again. I welcomed it.

.

Tears flowed, I sat for a while. I was eventually the last one. I got up, just as I was about to walk downstairs, I turned back around, I didn’t wan t to come down and talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone, and quiet. So I sat on N’s cushion. tears flowing.. eventually, I came down, I didn’t want A2 to wait for me to go to lunch.

.

A2 was there, she and K, were sitting around T, the swarmi. I joined and listened on.

.

How do you feel, she asked.

I feel quiet and still, like I don’t want to talk or engage with anyone.

That’s great. Then you should go back upstairs.

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Tears spontaneously flowed.

That’s good, she says, you’re making me cry too.

She holds my hand and tells this the shakti awakening inside me.

.

It’s not a coincidence that you two are here, T says to us.

.

I turn to A2.

Her look was so caring and sweet.

Can you tell P that I’m going to continue sitting? I asked through the tears.

Of course, she says and hugs me.

Everyday, she feels more and more like my sisterwife.

.

T gets me some water

Everyone is noticing my strange state.

.

I can feel how sweet you are, T says, I don’t know what it is but all I feel is deep sweetness.

She kisses and holds me, and gives me a glass of water

I go back upstairs.

I sit for a while, then I did a laying meditation, I can feel prana..

.

At some point, I fell asleep. I woke up. When I eventually turned my head, I noticed O, sitting, he had joined me at some point.

 

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There’s more to write in detail. For now everything below is shorthand

.

I went to Sayuri..

Reishi miso soup

Ocean Bowl (I took it to go)

.

Came back for the 5pm sit.

I sat longer.

When I opened my eyes, K was beside me, we both looked out onto the grass at the beautiful flower mandala she and K just made together while I was at Sayuri.

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When I came down, I got P’s whatsapp. He had left with A2 for Sayan Hosue to have dinner with L, S, J, and M. His two best friends and their girlfriend. I’m welcome to join them.

I’m happy that A2, my sisterwife, was my stand in.

.

N asked if anybody wants the last slot with the masseuse he hired for the day, whome he says is thebest massusese ever. Everybody was heading out to dinner.

I’ll take it, I said.

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P is out for the day and you catapulted into another universe, J2 says to me, you went far today.

.

I had one of the best massages ever. Her hands were  almost just as magical as the hot hands of the high priestess yesterday.

.

P had given away my Ocean Bowl that I left in the car and was gonna take back to the room to eat

So I had the driver take me to Lazy Cats..

.

I got jackfruit tacos and ginger tea.

They have nest postcards, for $2, I can write on one and they’ll stamp it and mail it out for me. I choose the owl one. I wasn gonna send it to P2. But i don’t remember his address, I text him, but he’s still asleep at 5:43am in CA.

The only address I know by heart is our address in Santa Monica.

So I write the postcard to P.

.

After my dinner, I decided to go for a walk.

I got more AA batteries at Circle K.

I got baby wipes, hair oil, lip balm and q-tips at the pharmacy.

.

I slipped into the Periplus bookstore (I see it almost everyday on the drove into town) 5 minutes before it closed.

.

I grabbed Steven Pinker’s Enlightment Now.

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I’m walking, moving slowly..

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When I get back, it takes me a few minutes to really engage with P.

It’s been a day of being so quiet.

.

P had a wodnerful day to himself here at Mandapa, reading, meditating and being in the spa pool.

..

I like how if it weren’t for me moving slowly, which “violated” our Alone Time Argreement, and the subsequent tension this morning,  P wouldn’t skip the 10:30 sit, and I prolly wouldn’t have sat longer knowing that P wants to get lunch afterwards as we normally do. And I wouldn’t have gone deeper in my meditation..

.

I swear, when I was staring at Cutie this morning, she had this look like she knew what was going to happen.

 

Funny how our days are evolving from together to time apart..

Just like how it is these past 5 years..

Bali is a microcosm of our relationship.

.

I’ve been falling asleep in the bay window.

Just like how I fall asleep on the biomat when I’m home in Berkeley or Santa Monica.

I wake up around 3am and then crawl into bed with P.

I think it’s the empath me that can’t fall asleep with P.

.

I need to sleep alone, at least half the time.

.

Ubud is a really special place.

That combined with all our amazing friends here,

Makes this one of the most magical times ever.

.

There are so many side stories I can’t even fill you in on, I wish I had more time..

But for now, I’m staying present.

.

P.S I didn’t eat any sugar today. I had no appetite after all the meditating..

.

What I put inside me: reishi miso soup and pirate tonic at Sayuri for a late 4pm lunch, 4 mini jackfruit tacos and ginger tea at Lazy Cats Cafe

Wednesday, March 3, 2019

9:44am

 

Dear U,

I woke up feeling amazing.

This trip has been/is pretty incredible.

Getting spiritualized

in paradise

with P and all of our friends.

It’s insane.

.

Okay, I gotta run to the morning meditation..

.

 

10:39am

 

Dear U,

It was another magical day.

.

I had a really good convo with J2 on the ride to the villa.

.

At the villa, I chatted with T the swarmi, before the meditation in the kitchen.

Don’t go to parties and crowded places during the time you’re building your prana, she advises.

She said she rarely cries, but something about me..

.

Then J3 came up to me, he said when I’m free, he would love to hear about my experience yesterday, he said he can tell I went really deep. I said I would be happy to, we can trade notes.

.

J3 is prolly the most devoted convert to the guru of the group. He’s a techie guy who started a notable wiki thing (I’m being intentionally vague) and sometime in the past year, N introduced hi to the guru and now he’s been deep on this effortless meditation path. It was because of J3’s request that the guru added the 10:30am meditation slot, which I’m grateful for because the 8am sit is too early for me..

.

He said we should extend our trip, so I can meditate with the guru some more.

That’s not a bad idea, I said.

It’s a great idea, he said.

.

And T is coming in a few days, you can meditate with a celebrity, that’s kinda cool, he says. He’s really trying to sell it to me.

T should totally interview you on his podcast, he says, after that you can raise your rate even more.

He wants to introduce me to his wife, who’s coming in on the 10th, the day after we’re supposedly leaving. He doesn’t know he’s going to tell her about what I do. She’s already weirded out by all this meditation business.

I just met J3 in this trip and over the past week, he’s really warming up to me.

.

While everyone was still chatting downstairs, I went up to get settled into my cushion. My usual spot on the ottoman in the back by the balcony seem to have been claimed. So I took the spot right in front of the guru’s designated seat in te front. His seat is covered in an orange and red silk scarf.

To my surprise the guru came up and sat down, in front of me. He asked me what my name was. I told him.

He said my practice is very good. And I will go on to help many people.

He said I should come to his ashram in India. The energy there is very high. I told him I would love to.

.

Another deep meditation, where I feel like I’m frozen in place, completely still, except for the breath moving in and out, and I start to feel the tingly crawly sensations in different spots in my body. That’s supposedly the prana, removing the impurities..

.

After the sit, I have the driver take me to Alchemy. He then picks P up from Mandapa and we3 get lunch together at a nice window table that I snagged.

It’s his first time at Alchemy, he really likes the vibe there. It’s another raw vegan food cafe.

The spring rolls here were super yummy..

.

K whatsapp and asks what I’m up to today. I can tell she wants to hang. She’s been wanting to these past few days, months even.

.

P and I head back to the Ritz. We lay in bed and chat about how all these girls back in LA are falling for him and how far he’s come from 5 years ago. He used to be the needy and sexually leaking one. Now he’s smooth and charming. And doesn’t have to pay for it anymore.

He says he wants to make these girls be his sub and do degrading things to them. We joke about him pissing on them. Let’s see how many girls he can get to drink his piss.

I like building him up.

.

We nap for 20 minutes and head to the villa to make the 5pm meditation.

.

I went deep, I was the last one sitting, again.

.

I walked out on to the grass by the pool, where the guru was. I told him I just wanted to step on the grass barefoot. He said that’s really good white energy or something.

.

Then the whole group walked to Tulen for dinner. We colonized the giant mess hal; table outside by the rice patties.

I was sitting next to K, who really wanted to talk to me. But after a gameof musical chairs of sorts, I ended up sitting next to the guru at the head of the table.

I got to ask him questions..

.

T the swarmi, says this is very rare, as the guru doesn’t really go out to restaurants, and the chance to sit and chat with him is quite special.

.

The guru is also a dotor of ayurvedic medicine. He says coconut water is good for my detox of heavy metals. And wearing 24K gold is also good for me.

.

On the car ride back, P, A2 and I have a debrief about the dinner. We love sharng our observations of group dynamics.

.

Air Supply comes on and we all sing

I’m all out love..I’m so lost without you..! While the muppety driver, whom we really like, raises and waves his hands like we’re at a concert.

.

What I put inside me: mint tea, lemon water and a mini salad I made with a few almonds at the Ritz for breakfast; walnuts (on the ride to the villa), virgin mojito, summer rolls, a slice of P’s raw Hawaiian pizza, some of the Alchemy Lover’s salad, and a sip of P’s PB and J’s smoothie at Alchemy Cafe for lunch. A bite of P’s strawberry lemonade Jolly popsicle, two mangosteens I shared with P, a wedge of te salak fruit back at the room at the Ritz; mint tea, edamame salad and pad thai, some chapatni bread dipped inthe guru’s ghee and chutney he brought from his ashram in India (so yummy) and raw chocolate and peanut butter bar for dinner at Tulen.

Thursday, March 4, 2019

8am meditation with the guru and group. And then the

 

Friday, March 5, 2019 12:30pm

Alchemy Cafe, Bali

 

Dear U,

I’m sitting in a communal table at Alchemy Cafe. It’s the first time I’m on my computer outside of our hotel.

.

I have table envy, I want a table by the window.

.

I don’t even know where to begin.

So much (magic) is happening.

Inside me, I feel this calmness and desire to meditate for hours and hours.

Outside me, so many interesting things are happening with me and P and our circle of friends that keep on widening.

.

With a few clicks of the keyboard and a flick of a pen, we extended our stay for another week. Originally we were returning on the 9th, now it’s the 17th.

 

8:55pm

 

Dear U,

While I was writing to you at Alchemy, then all of the sudden the lights went out and music died and you can hear a collective dismay. I wish I had the recorder on.

.

Then the table I was eyeing, bench seating by the window, cleared out as I was eating my spring rolls, it look like it was going to be snagged by a gal, she satb down, but seeing that the power went up, got up and left. I quickly migrated over.

Ahh.. bench seating, I can kick my shoes off and sit Indian style.

.

Wait, let me rewind back.

.

P and I woke up this morning around 5:44am. We laid in bed and talked, he mostly did, I listened. P’s feeling detached from the company, he’s considering stepping down from the advisory board. He thinks he doesn’t have much influence over C and B. He sees all their blindspots and feels like they don’t want to change, hire high level peeps, because it’ll challenge the status quo.

I tell him to not act on this, stick around.

I say this because I think his role in it is going to change and he will be able to influence them for the better. All it takes is a conversation to shift consciousness. I didn’t tell him this. For now, I think it’s good that he’s feeling detached. That’s a good sign. That’s when shifts happen. When you let go..

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He felt heard and understood then he got up and went to breakfast.

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I meditated for 20 minutes at a time 4 times. In the bay window, outside on the balcony and back inside.

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P came back from breakfast with K and J2. He said I should thank him.

J2 wanted to come back to our room to vape. But P said I’m meditating, so he’s coming back to grab the pen and go to J2’s room instead. More alone time for me.

I thank him.

He says he’s not gonna do the zapping session with the high priestess today.

I tune into whether I want to still now that he’s not. A2 cancelled on her since she went to Canguu. I don’t want to be her 3rd cancellation.

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An hour later, P comes back and he says he’s gonna do it.

T and his girl, who just arrived last night at 1am, are also in.

So it’s me, P , J2, T and B.

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I head to Alchemy. I’ve had their spring rolls three days in a row.

I’ve been eating vegan almost everyday.

The power went out for a good 40 min and then P arrived. We decided to stay and order more food.

The power went on, everyone livened up and then it went out again. It was quite comical.

.

Thank goodness it was a raw vegan cafe, so we can still order food. Smoothies and hot blended drinks are out.

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The power was out for the whole block. We tried getting cash out of an atm, 2nd try succeeded. Then we headed to the high priestess.

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T and B went before us. B was in shock. T can’t explain it..

Then P went in.

T and B were surprised to hear this is my second visit. I said I’m going in with an intention this time.

T said he hopes I receive what I’m looking for.

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I waited in the only area to wait, in the patio. Watching the rain drop. I can hear him chatting with her throughout the session, which is strange, because usually  these sessions are pretty quiet..

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When the door opened, P was shirtless, smiling widely, giddy almost.

Wow, that was so wacky! he said

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When I came in, D, the high priestess seem frazzled and flustered.

I cannot see him again, she says.

She said he kept on moving and talking which broke her focus and concentration.

He’s koo-rees. It took me a while to figure out what she was trying to say.

Oh, yes, he is curious.

I apologized. She said it’s okay. She says she doesn’t know what it is, guys named P have always brought trouble to her.

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I told her that I want to remove the heavy metals in my body. She says she has it too. Which makes me think she probably can’t remove mine if she can’t remove her own.

I told her I’d like to go deeper in my meditations. If she can focus on my head more, that’d be great.

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I wore the same outfit I wore Monday when I saw her. The last time she had me take off just my top, this time, she has me take off my jersey bikini top and shorts as well.

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As I’m laying in on the table in my underwear, the mailman pokes his head through the tiny window to deliver her mail.

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The electric currents from her hands feel different. More pointy. Yet my body isn’t reacting (by involuntarily jerking) as much.

It’s a soothing electrical sensation, I almost can develop a fetish for it. Especially when she was touching my heart.

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At some point she turned off the box where this chinesey meleody dung by a women on loop was playing. And she grabbed her phone, and put on a guided meditation (in english) for me. I followed it’s breathing instructions, as she placed her hands on my forehead, third eye, eyebrows.

I was going in and out of a liminal state. I saw the trippy white lights in my mind’s eye. It reminded me of yesterday’s equally trippy sound and light theta healing meditation we did at the pyramids of chi.

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When I came out, I was even more quiet and slow than before. P, on the other hand, was ecstatically hyper.

It’s like we’re perfectly complementing each other..

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We were gonna clothes shopping for P, since the hotel is shrinking all his clothes.

We’re getting laundry service daily here. My underwear does feel a little bit tighter.

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P’s getting hungry. I suggest we get a snack somewhere.

We sat down at Kafe, the menu doesn’t feel inspiring and high vibing even though it’s vegan, we take off, we check out Kismet, decent ambiance, but again, the menu isn’t high vibing, we stop by Mudra, they’re only serving drinks. Then Clear Cafe it is.

We like all our friends have pretty much checked into Mandapa (the Ritz Carlton) today. It’s like we’re some sort of  gravitational pull and everyone is coming to us.

J2 is directly below us, and K2 is staying with him tonight.

and below him is T and B.

Next to us is R, and A2 is staying with him tonight.

And in the building across from us, N and K are staying in the same suite same level directly across from us, our bay windows are facing each other. We can pretty much see each other very clearly and wave across the way.

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We ended up hosting the 6pm meditation in out room.

It was nice to set up the space for our friends, all 8 of us sat through the full hour. It was the longest hour sit.

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When it was over, the group decided on Dumbo, P spearheaded the decision to not eat in but out.

I hung back. I told them I was feeling pretty zapped after the zapping session.

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K look disappointed that I wasn’t coming, She says she thinks I’m so good with self care.

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She said she and J were at the lobby today and they saw me meditating in the bay window.

Oh what? You can see me?

I guess it it like a fish bowl. I’ve laid/sat naked and masturbated in the window quite often. Now I know.

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After everyone left, I drew a bath with sea salt and soaked in it. Then I tried the charcoal/betonite clay mask I got at Alchemy. With my fingertips, I painted my whole face except for my eyes and lips black with the mask.

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I made some dandelion tea (which A2 gave me last night).

And now I’m here writing to you…

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I’m still trying to figure out how to write to you when I’m here.

I’m either deep in a meditative state, or connecting with a friend one on one, or in a big group, or doing something muppety.

It’s all magical.

How do I stay present for the magic and have time an energy to tell you about it after.

I find that I’m so present and deep in the mupp adventure,  that by the end of the day all my energy to write is gone.

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What I put inside me:

Breakfast: The Octogenarian tea and gluten free matcha pancakes with strawberry puree (that I split with A2 and she treated me to), a sip of A2’s matcha latte

Lunch: (raw vegan) Vietnamese spring rolls (I’m obsessed) and a make your own salad at Alchemy, a classic green juice at Alchemy (with K, a lunch which I treated her to)

Enhancer: a nibble of the mushroom chocolate that I shared with A2 and others before our sound healing session. Some hits of the Level cannabis pen, Elevate formulation.

Snack: 2 Ubud something tonics, one with guava and turmeric (too sweet) and another with pea flower, some of the Ubud Raw chocolate from a jar that I

 

Saturday, April6, 2019 1:59pm

Mandapa- Bali

 

Dear U,

Everyday our spirits climb. Today P has reached some state of ecstatic bliss and I’m feeling a new state of calm bliss.

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I went deep in our group meditation this morning.

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This deep state I’ve been talking about, I never quite described it to you, but it feels like this:

-I can’t feel my arms or most of my body, every part of me is so relaxed that I feel like I can sit in this exact position for hours.

-Even though I can’t feel my limbs, I can feel a tingly sensation come and go throughout my body.

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Supposedly that tingly sensation is prana and it’s purifying all the impurities in me,

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Prana in combination with chlorella and spirulina, I feel like one of the themes of this trip is “purification.”

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How long are you staying here till? the Balinese server at Mandapa asked me as she just removed the plates of finished food.

Till the 17th.

Oh wow, you’re here for almost a month. I was gone for my break, and I come back and you’re still here, she said.

Yes, we love it here so much we extended our trip.

And all your friends are here too.

Yes, they all came to Mandapa.

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Today, K and J are leaving. 3 dayss ago, J1&M and L&S took off.

P says we’re the anchor tenants along with N&K, we’re here to witness the flow of friends coming and going.

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This trip feels like a gradual psychedelic trip that’s bleeding into our everyday reality. We’re as high on bliss as if we were on MDMA, our perception of reality is bending as if we’re on mushrooms or acid.

It’s slightly like burning man, there’s not a care on the world, we’re fully present exploring this town, moving from one amazing meal to a soak in the pool to a sit with the guru.

I love how we all come together in the group dinners and then we peel off into smaller groups and everyday the configuration changes.

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K is so happy we finally got a chance to connect. We’re almost certain that we’ve crossed paths in a Princeton Review course when we were in high school, she was only one town over from me. And we crossed paths again freshman year of UCLA in our Economics class.

 

Back to my previous week