Monday, May 13, 2018 10:44am

 

Dear U,

I feel like I just woke up from the most amazing dream.

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This whole weekend was pure magic from beginning to end.

It’s so hard to even know where to start, when so much has happened.

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Every person, every connection, every word, every release, every shift, every tear, every laugh, every whack of the crop and flogger, every hug, every moment was incredible..

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I can’t wait to tell you all about it.

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..

 

 

The day after ..

Oh my god, what is that? A2 asks, she’s looking at me like I’m a weirdo. I love that look.

Oh this? It’s just my laser helmet..

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Me and A2 are being very muppety right now. We’re sitting on the biomat, taking turns wearing my laser helmet..

She’s creating an Instagram story

 

 

 

Thursday, May 16, 2019 1:57pm

 

Dear U,

I’m finally home alone..

Recharging for a minute.

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Gotta go to the dungeon now and session..

Time to get back into it..

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So much to tell you..

 

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Friday, May 17, 2019 11:44am

 

Dear U,

I woke up this morning and masturbated on and off for about an hour or two, I prolly came 8 times. Or more.

It was a sex magick ritual. Because I saw the future when I came.

I also saw the very next steps I needed to take..

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In between the orgasms, words and ideas came to me.

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Instead of driving all the way to San Jose to randomly show up at this restaurant where L is working, I can just call the restaurant up and ask to speak to her. She might not take the call from a random stranger. But I’ll say my name in Vietnamese. That might help.

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Here’s what I would say..

 

Thank you for taking this call. I just want to say thank you for being you and such a  inspiration. Every time I see you speak Vietnamese and talk about your mom and family, it makes me so proud to be Vietnamese. Which has been my journey for most of my life, learning how to accept and love my race and heritage and the stories we can tell.

I love your authenticity. How raw and truthful you are. And I  just wanted to offer you something which you can say yes or no to. I see that you’re working as a server to make ends meet.

I’m a dominatrix, I’ve been one for the past 14 years. And I’ve been a Domme mom for any of my friends who what to be a domme, I help them become one. If you’re curious and would like to consider this as a possibility, I would be happy to show you the ropes. Because I think you’ll be able to make the same amount of money in one hour as a Domme as you would make working for a week as a server. And in that way, you’ll have more time to do the  creative work I think you were meant to do..

Of course this sounds kinda crazy and out there, so you can just let this sink in and when you feel compelled  or curious, you can just reach out..

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When I got up, I got a text from K, one of the women in the group last weekend. She sent me a picture of her daughter wearing the green leather corset, lace veil and and riding crop that she received this weekend. I initially thought it was a picture of one of the shorter woman in our group because her pose and regalness was so mature.. And then I realized this girl is 8 years old.

 

I also jumped back into the Domme Retreat Whatsapp thread.

 

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4:56pm

 

Dear U,

L2 has left. I cooked for us a stir-fry. I listened as she excitedly share with me her day. She has a new partner who is super attuned to her. And she’s able to reclaim her safety through her vulnerability with him. As he chokes her, she’s undoing the lifetimes of being choked to death. Or so she believes.

I shared with her the heart shaped watermelong and banana bites B2 made for us this past weekend.

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L2 left at 3:37.

I thought I had a session at 4pm. But my sub never got my confirmation email from last week, it landed in his spam folder. So lucky me, I get to not be in the dungeon on this incredibly beautiful day.

I had tidied up the house for L2.

So when she left. I sat in the sunny moon room. The rainbow maker was getting powered by the sun. The new shelves, Cutie sitting on it, the  rainbows dancing around the room, the bright light coming in. It was all too beautiful. How can this be my home?How can this be my day?

 

I sat on the biomat, meditating, soaking in the sun.

I went for a little walk.

I can’t tell where I want to be.

It’s that feeling like school is out.

I just checked the Cal academic calendar.

 

This  is actually the last day of Spring Semester.

My hunch  was right.

I think I do want to go out, by  campus, soak in this

sunny school is out

summer is here feeling.

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I can’t believe how quickly the time is flying by..

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I’m a little concerned that I might forget to tell you about these magical days. Every single one of them, from moment to moment is pure magic..

 

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SO much is  happening, every one is reaching out, I think it’s my vibration..

I need to find the balance between social and alone time..

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9:27pm

I grabbed Cutie and The Magdalene Manuscript and drove down the hill around 5:30pm. It was so bright and nice outside. Along frat row, the frat buys were all outside, on the front decks, blasting music, playing beer pong (or what  looks like ping pong with glass pints of beer of the edges of their table.

I drove down Channing. Kids were hauling their boxes and carts of stuff out of their dorms.

I found a really nice parking spot close to Telegraph. The meter was already fed. Free parking.

Along Telegraph, the air smelled sweet, with a hint of fried food and weed.

I walked though South Gate. Asian kids were in their gown, some with their family in town, they were taking pics in their grad wear.

I walked up to Doe Library, where there were a flock of college kids posing and picture taking.

I used my old Cal student ID to slide into Moffit Library, in their Noisy Level and used their co-ed bathroom.

I wonder at which point they’ll suspect that my student ID is expired.

I head west, towards Berkeley Art Museum. There was  MFA show and talk going on.

I go into the museum shop to check out their rubber stamps. To see if they happen to have the Guanyin stamp. I highly doubt it. The chances are one in a thousand. I go every time to see if they have  it, they never do.

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Oh my God they have my Guanyin rubber stamp.

This is unreal.

I buy it.

I slip into the MFA show without a sticker showing that I paid.

I like the art that I see. Paintings on vellum (my favorite type of paper)

And a strange digital video called The Rituals of Metamorphosis.

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Afterwards, I walk down the street and deposit the two checks A2 made out for me. The expenses and profit from the Domme Bootcamp. We made money. Not a lot. But it was a good start.

I also deposited the money from the sessions I had this week. Hey look at me, I’m not super broke.

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I buy  some organic carrots from the tiny farmers market stand. The guy at t he stand says he loves my sweatshirt, it make shim want to tell his mom he loves her. I tell him he should.

A black homeless lady ask if I can spare a carrot. I was happy to. She was happy to receive the perfect looking little carrot.

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I got eye drops to get the red out. I ran out last week and had to use A2’s. I like how I got to use her eyedrops. It’s like she’s helping me see clearly.

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I walked by Shattuck Cinemas to see what films are playing. I’m always int he mood to catch a film around this time (May)

Sauvage/Wild is about a male prostitute. Hmm, might be good..

I walk by the California theatre, there’s an interesting Korean film with an intriguing Asian girl in a green dress in the movie poster, I’m tempted to catch it  as it’s  starting righ tnow, but  I want to stay outside during the magic hour.

I walk up Bancroft, through Telegraph. There are only boba shops, smoke shops and eateries that are still open and thriving.

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I head home, sautee the last of my greens in the fridge, kale.

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I ate that and the rest of the Urban Remedy bar. I overdid it.

 

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I spend an hour  working on Pervette (like I said i would for my goal this week) , the my wildest dreams page.

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Now here I am. Energy is depleting..

I had so much this morning, then it slowly dissipated. Definitely don’t feel like stalker calling L at the restaurant where in which she might be working or not.

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I did 20 shoulder shrugs and leg lifts..

 

What I put inside me me: acv, lemon water, green juice, walnuts, a brocolli, cauliflower, carrot and shitakke mushroom stirfry with friend egg that I made for myself and L2. Some leftover watermelon and chocolate banana bites that B2 made/brought over for the Domme Bootcamp, Cinnamon Rose Tulsi tea, Urban Remedy Cacao Chip bar, suateed kale, raspberries ( I think I ate too much)

 

Saturday, May 18. 2019 2:19pm

 

Dear U,

It’s a bright rainy day. I’m glad I got out yesterday when the sun was out.

I went to bed early last night, work up around 7:39am, journaled, and decided to go to K’s yoga class. Even though Stadium Way was closed when I got to it and I had to backtrack and lose 8 minutes and ended up being a few minutes late, I slipped in, and made it just in time to say Ommm..

I haven’t been to yoga all of this year.

K’s class is the best, I like her Japanesey way, her philosophy infused instruction. The theme was spaciousness.

I got into it, it felt like a meditation and afterwards my posture/mind felt so light and aligned.

I need to do yoga more often

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I went form class to the farmer’s market. I got the usual: organic everything..pastured eggs, walnuts, tons of broccoli, kale, rainbow chard, carrots, shitake mushrooms, red onions, avocados, lemons, blueberries, lb of mixed greens

Some new, different stuff: beets, dandelion greens, strawberries, mulberries, triple cream goat cheese, tons of cilantro and parsley,

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I came back, juiced some parsely and cilantro (new for me), made a salad

I feel amazing since I’ve been putting really good nutrient dense food in me today

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I’m gonna go into the city bit later and get dinner at Slanted Door with C (a former client now friend of mine) with his wife, daughter and cousins.

Then I’m gonna meet up with S, our first hangout since we met a few weeks ago. I’m looking forward to collaborating on a video project with him.

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I realize

My love language is projects.

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If you want to get with me, let’s create something.

It’s not unlike pro-creating.

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I think my next goal is to balance social and solitary time.

I’m gonna test out Meditation Monday this week.

Where I don’t do any email/text/phone/correspondence thing at all and just rest, meditate, pervette..

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What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, green juice, samples of cheese at the farmer’s market, a carrot, cilantro and parsley I got from the farmer’s market and juiced (it tasted pretty nasty but I got a funny buzz from it),  a hearty salad I made with the usual, walnuts, egg, avocado, blueberries, mu tea, 2/3 Urban Remedy cacao chip bar; spring rolls, crispy imperial roll lettuce wrap, lamb rack, shaking beef, chicken claypot, cellophane noodles, little bit of jasmine rice, cotton candy, 1 1/2 churros, 2 glasses of 2 different types of red wine at Slanted Door; Brooklynite cocktail at Nommo

 

Back to my previous week