Sunday, May 26, 2019

Santa Monica, WeHo, and The Oc

Another magical day.

I cut P’s hair.


We get brunch with his new friend , J, that he met at his improv class, a gal he was initially interested in having her do a line of coke off his dick but then decide to relegate to friend zone.


She brought her friend along and we had a lovely brunch, gorging on yummy vegan food. Giving J guy advice, as she tends to attract narcissists whom she falls for, then gets ghosted by.


She says she definitely wants to come to the next Domme bootcamp. I can see how she would benefit from it, a lot.


After brunch, instead of heading to downtown then the OC, we head back to SantaMonica to take a siesta after our giant meal.


Then we get up, get on our laptops and start researching hotels in London and Lisbon for our July Euro trip. P is feeling flush now that bitcon’s on the rise so he wants to get a baller room in London and Lisbon.


Places we went: Gracias Madre, Through the rainbow on the 5, Mom’s house

What I put inside me: lemon water, macadamia nuts, chips & guacamole, ensalada del mar (kale salad?), brussel sprouts, jackfruit tacos, ginger tea at Gracias Madre; more macadamia nuts, kale chips, banana bread walnuts, I finish the bag of macadamia nuts on the ride to the OC,

Weird synchronicities:

P ordered the biscuits and gravy at Gracias Madre today, later in the afternoon when I was on my phone, my Photos popped up showing me what happened this time last year on May 26, 2018. There was a picture of the biscuits and gravy that P ordered at Gracias Madre.


At Friday dinner, A2 gave me a giant beautiful crystal quartz as a thank you for blowing her mind at the Domme Bootcamp. I was a dream to work with she said.

At Saturday dinner, K gave me a giant spherical selenite as a thank you for creating the Domme bootcamp and having her be a part of it as she’s experienced so many shifts from it

The two stones were white and similar in size, the quartz was angular and selenite was round, they complemented each other perfectly. Two perfect talismans/tools for the Shamanatrix


I made three last minute reservations for Friday, Saturday dinner and Sunday brunch. I got all the places I initially wanted to go to and at the time I wanted to go.

Plant Food Wine at 7pm on Friday for a party of 6, Shojin at 8pm on Saturday for party of 2, and Gracias Madre at 12pm for a party of 4.

All places are typically crowded and hard to get in, and ll three places are vegan.


Memorial Day Monday, May 27, 2019  9:47am

The OC


Dear U,


Shifts are happening.

My breath, my body, my perception, it all feels very light and heightened.

I feel like I’m constantly slightly high. Heart-opening MDMA high.



Ideas are coming to me.

For pervette

For the Dominatrix

For the Shamanatrix



I’m gathering tools very rapidly.


Some notable themes..

I’m moving towards a plant-based diet.

Never thought I would say I would go vegan, but I’m tempted to.

All the signs are pointing me in that direction, not to mention my body..

Funny how I used to scoff at vegans, thunking they were just extreme fanatical vegetarians and now I get it…


There’s so much to tell you….


I woke up this morning from a telling dream about the future, L was in it.

It’s weird how I’m not feeling inclined to record my prophetic dreams.


I felt strange when I woke up, all I could do was meditate and masturbate, and so I did.

Then I was able to move like normal.


I pulled out the two giant stones A2 and K gave me this past weekend.

I mediated with them by my bedside table

In my old lilac room


I amazoned 2 books on healthy tonics

and Live to Eat (per my dinner conversation with K)


Dad calls to confirm our lunch plans for today.

Brodard at 11:30 to beat the crowd.


He surprises me with his weekly “life advice”

Instead of cautionary tales from the news

He talks about Buddhism, mantras, what to say when you’re about to die so your spirit can be escorted from your body with ease.


How in my past life I was educated and in this life I’m just continuing my studies. He says he wasn’t educated in his past life and so in this life, he didn’t much more than a high school and associates degree.

It was strange to hear him talk like this. Maybe my autistic dad is delivering me messages from another realm?

Life is getting more interesting.


I went to Danielle LaPorte’s website and ordered two truthbomb decks


I’m gathering so many ideas for my guided journeys..

plant medicine

I’m incorporating all aspects of plant (herbs, tea, tinctures, essential oils, tonics, juices, my salads, stirfry) as medicine

I’m also gonna go deep in sound healing..

I’m tapping into all modalities..

I’m getting so many Shamanatrix ideas.

I’ve been gathering all the medicine and tools almost subconsciously these past 4 years, and never really using them, until now.


I now get why we have this house, these tools, these experiences, and all healers coming into our widening circle of friends.

It’s all coming together.


I’m connecting all the dots.

It’s like the puzzle is coming together, and I can see it so clearly now.


Everything feels accelerated. I feel like I’m on this super fast paced ride.


I feel like I’m giving you 15% of my days at most. You’re missing all the crucial pieces..

Like what I’m eating and buying..

And saying

And thinking


I come downstairs, R, my stepdad is hanging out with his new puppy Boba.

It’s the first time I’m really engaging with Boba, he’s super friendly today, I pet him, he wants to play

I arrived at Brodard at 11:33am. I put my name on the waitlist. There  were 44 parties ahead of us.

Dad arrives 11 min later. At 11:44, there were now 33 parties ahead of us.


I hand him the 3 lottery tickets. Mega millions, Super Lotto Powerball. He was happy to hear I got my tickets in LA. Someone won 34 million at the Circle K nearby in Westminster, he said, and just a few months ago, somebody in Fountain Valley won 400 million or something. All in the OC. He thinks that the odds of winning are lower here now.


He talks about social security, taxes, IRAs while we wait.

We walk over to his car so he can give me the brown leather backpack he got for me at Marshalls a few months ago.

It was hideous looking.

it’s genuine leather, he says, and I see that it says that on the tag. He tells me to scratch the leather with my fingernails, he demonstrates himself. It leaves a barely visible mark, and he proceeds to unzip all the compartments for me to see how many sections there are. There’s like 8, he says. You can’t find stuff like this anymore. Look at the original price, $300. I got it for $70.

I don’t know how to break it to him that I’ll never use it. I tell him brown’s not my color but it’s cool and tI tell him not to get me any more backpacks, let this be the last backpack he gets for me. He’s given me several hideous brown leather backpacks over the years.


I have a thing for bags, myself. I do collect bags.

I wonder if I got it from him?


I try to steer the conversation from social security to Buddhism.


I agave him my journal ask him to write the mantra he told me to utter when I die.

Ai Di Da Phat


After lunch with dad, I pick up some durian macaroons and coconut jello for mom.

She texts me a picture of her attempt at crocheting something from all her youtube research, a pink and lilac butterfly, using the leftover yarn from Cutie’s pink cape and hat.


This is the beginning of her/our art career.

She thinks she’s just making these little outfits and trinkets for Cutie.

I haven’t told her what I have in mind.

How her crochet pieces are going to be an integral part of Pervette..


I go to Mother’s Market.

Spend 25 on two large custom juices for me and mom.

Mine  had celery, beet, parsely, cilantro, kale and lemon

Hers has pear, apple, pineapple, spinach and a little bit of ginger


I spent 110 on a glass straw, intestinal cleanz fiber thingy (I’m really into detoxing and doing intestinal cleanses, some part of me wants to keep purifying my body, sasparilla tea, scar cream, palo santo, blueberries, carrots, high quality nutritional yeast, inka plantain chips, hand soap..


When I get home, I had a little time before Mom was ready to go to Michael’s to go yarn shopping.


That shakti feeling came over me and I went upstairs to go mediate on my bed. Then I masturbated.

It’s a funny one two combo that seems to be the perfect combination that helps me integrate the shakti shakes..


I get up and we head to Michaels.

Mom said she might need a pearl or two to stitichinto her flowers. We were in the bead aisle.

Wait. There’s a giant sale in the beads section. Some of the beads are pecious stones, like crystal quartz, rose quartz, amethysts. I suddenly can see the stones dangling on the bottom of the crochet bookmarks mom’s going to make..

We go crazy in the beads aisle. Whatever mom liked, I told her to get it. She likes the shiny iridescent beads. I load up on all the quartz, amythysts, and moonstones..

I like how we’re both kids in a craft store, excited about all the possibilities of what we can create..

I love that I can buy her all the pink and yellow and green yarn, crochet needles and princessy-lloking beads that she wants.

All $160 worth.

We actually saved $107 on all the discounted stone and glass beads we got. Good deal.


I like how the little pom pom gift tag that came with the present K gave me became the bookmark inspo for my pervette swag that Mom is going to make..


P texted me when I was with my dad, he was journaling and reflecting and just wanted to say he loves me so much and how he’s full of gratitude for me and life


He later sends me an animoji telling me how much he loves me.

I love how lovey dovey he is. I think my shifts are having a very positive effect on our relationship.

He’s proud of me and happy for me.

Our love is at its best right now. And I imagine that as I keep on going at this rate, it can only get better.

I know how to be with him, and stay open to everything that comes up..






What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, walnuts, 3 sugarcane shrimp rolls at Brodard with Dad, a ton of samples at Mother’s Market, my custom juice from Mother’s, wakame seaweed salad, kale salad, 2 more sugarcane shrimp rolls with Mom, 2 rice crackers, a bag of Inka plantain chips, blueberries,


Tuesday, May 28, 2019 9:19am

At home with mom in the OC


Dear U,

I feel motivated to be very productive today..


I’m procrastinating by reading Rob Breznhy’s email newsletter..

A thousand years from today, everyone you know will be long dead and
forgotten. There’ll be nothing left of the life you love, no evidence that you
ever walked this planet. That, at least, is what the fundamentalist
materialists would have you believe.

But suppose the truth is very different? What if in fact every little thing
you do subtly alters the course of history? What if your day-to-day
decisions can actually help determine how the human species navigates its
way through the epic turning point we’re living through?

And finally, what if you will be alive in a thousand years, reincarnated
into a fresh body and in possession of at least some of the memories of the
person you were back in this era? Reincarnation is a taboo theory among
fundamentalist materialists, but it won’t always be so.

These are my hypotheses. These are my prophecies. That’s why I say: Live
as if your soul is eternal.


Everyone influences the world in some way. No matter how powerless we
may feel, each of us is a creator who continually churns out energy that
bends and shapes our world and the people in it.

What is the signature of your effect? How do you change the environments
you pass through? What magic, for good or ill, do you perform in the daily
rhythm of your life?

I invite you to take inventory—and to fix any discrepancies between the
mark you ideally want to make and your actual impact.



Today is followup day…

I’m sending out the resources and Domme photos to the participants of the Domme bootcamp.

And I’m doing a post journey integration call with two of my subs



I want to be a fierce a fierce manifestation of compassion


Compassion is not a wishy-washy ‘anything
goes’ approach. Compassion can say a fierce no!”


Compassion and precision



“If I had the influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over
the christening of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in
the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last
throughout life, an unfailing antidote against the boredom and
disenchantment of later years, sterile preoccupations with things that are
artificial, the alienation from the sources of our strength.”

—Rachel Carson, *The Sense of Wonder*


AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s the Forever Season, Aquarius. You have
a poetic license to act as if your body will live for a hundred years and
your soul will live for all eternity. You are authorized to believe that in
the coming decades you will grow steadily wiser, kinder, happier, and
wilder. During the Forever Season, you may have dreams like flying over
a waterfall at sunset, or finding the lost magic you were promised before
you were born, or discovering the key to a healing you feared would
always elude you. As you careen through this unpredictable grace period,
your understanding of reality may expand dramatically. I bet you’ll get
practical epiphanies about how to express yourself with greater






Dear U,

I’m working on pervette, editing the shamanatrix video.

Sitting on the large sectional with my mom, who is surrounded by all her muppety yarn and beads, crocheting a flower bookmark for me.

We’re both working on Pervette. She just doesn’t quite know it yet..


I love how we’re co-creating together.

She asks for my take on what I want her to crochet first, or next, on the length, the beads, stones, tassles, she holds up the beads she likes and we decide together.


I love how amazing it felt to take my mom to Michael’s and Joann’s and let her get whatever needles, yarn, of all her favorite colors she wants and needs to create. Her frugal side would usually be opposed to buying so much all at once. But some part of her, the 5 year old in her who learned how to knit/crochet at that young age is saying yes..


She spent the last month or so down the crochet/knitting rabbithole of youtube taking pictures of every little flower, sandal, dress, hat she wants to make for Cutie, and now that I’m home, we’re getting all the supplies for her to crochet away.


And funny how just days before, on Saturday night, when I had dinner with K, she gave me a present and on the very top of the handles of the bag was a knitted pom pom which I took off as I was opening my present and placed in my journal. It made the perfect bookmark.

I love how you always put flowers and now this in your books, she said.

When I saw the cute pom pom sticking out at the top of my blue journal, a light bulb went off. All the little things that mom wants to crochet will be the tops of the pervette bookmarks..


Wednesday, May 29, 2019 11:16am

The OC


Dear U,

I’m sitting in the U-shaped sectional with my mom on the center end and me on the left side.


I had a spontaneous meditation earlier, it was incredibly deep. I know when to meditate when I see the flashing light in my peripheral vision..


Tracers is what you call them. I just texted T to ask what they’re called..


I just Amazoned 13 spools of crochet thread for Mom.

She really loves picking out the colors. Like a kid in a toy store.

She likes the light pinks, the light sea foam or avocado greens, the lilacs, the banana yellows, I love indulging her color fetishes..


Funny how last Saturday P picked up the book The Secret Lives of Color, and I read about the yellow and pink stories..

The Baker Miller pink, which is skin to my pervette lipstick pink, and how it was painted in the prison cells, which pacified the violent..



HIGHLIGHTS from trip:

How I handled P when he picked me up and was feeling “flat” and cantankerous bc he didn’t smoke that day (yet). I was non-judgmental when he said he just wants to smoke. I told him we can head straight back to our Santa Monica pad so he can smoke before we do lunch. We headed in that direction, but then he said let’s just go to Erewhon bc it was on the way..

Earlier on the ride I said I wanted to grab a meal with J and T, our plant medicine friends. And then at Erewhin, P spotted T in the kombucha aisle. They’re taking off for her sister’s wedding tomorrow, the only time they can get together was tonight.

We had plans to have dinner with A2 at Plant Food Wine, I invited T and  J to join us, she said she will. It worked out that I made resy at Plant Food Wine (PFW), since T was vegan and she loves that restaurant.


A2 earlier asked if we were open to having L join us for dinner at PFW, we said yes, then I asked A2 if she was “open” to having J abnt T join us for dinner, she said yes..

I called in to change our dinner rezy party from 4 to 6 and they ended up giving us the really special table in our own private cottage in the garden. Which was perfect because our convo went very deep.

Seating preferences: P wanted me to sit next to him at the table, which was at the end of the table, but I wanted to sit in the middle seat across from A2, and diagonally across from him, which would give me room to have a conversation with everyone at the table easily. He was attached to wanting to sit next to me. I had an idea, there was no seat to the right of me.

What if we pulled up a chair here and you can go back and forth between that chair (next to A2) and this chair next to me?

P thought about it and liked the idea. So L got the server to bring us another chair.

This is legacy from our Bali trip where we had a few incidents where P was triggered by me wanting to sit at a certain table or chair. And oftentimes I would move seats and gave him the spot he wanted.

And here we are, me holding my ground and finding a way to make both of us happy. And it turns out, there is..

When I spoke to J and T about my calling as a shamanatrix, I channeled my educatrix/shamanatrix side. The words coming out of me are palpable. P got up to sit next to me and hold my hand.




(I lost everything I wrote about today (wed) because of some glitch,  I hate it when that happens, will re-write later)



Thursday, May 30, 2019 12:12pm



Dear U,

I’m home, sipping on some mushroom tea, with a laser helmet on my head.


I thought I had a session today but I just checked my email and a domestic emergency came up so it’s postponed till tomorrow and now I get to work on Pervette.


There’s always so much to say


Friday, May 31, 2019 9:01am


Dear U,

I woke up from a dream where I was going on a field trip in a bus. P was there, my old friend and trip buddy, M, was there. Some guy was speaking French to me, and I replied with a decent accent. He was trying to get my attention by putting a ribbon with bow over his sunglasses. Not a bad idea. I didn’t realize we were driving all the way from Orange County to LA to catch this film/play at one of the theatres.


I woke up at 7:48am, just in time to join the remote group meditation with the guru, who’s currently staying at J’s place in Bolinas.


I didn’t sit for the whole hour. 40 minutes. I made myself a custom tea with horsetail, holy basil, cinnamon, licorice root and gotu kola. It’s quite nice.


My left ring finger is still stiff. It’s been like that for a little over a week now. I thought it was from doing the strength conditioning exercises on the silk. Now I’m concerend if it’s early onset arthritis.

I feel like I always some issue wit my body.


Instead of writing in my journal this morning, I decided to just write to you.

I feel like a lot has been happening and I haven’t really filled you in as much as I want to.


I’m blending my new tea with my old tea from yesterday.

I didn’t finish the mushroom tea I made.


Life feels like a dream right now. I periodically stop to take stock of how incredible everything is.

Like right now, I’m sitting here in my home, which feels like a temple, that I get to create and meditate in, all of this is a gift.


Even this morning, I think about how next Thursday I’m taking off for NY for 2 weeks. That’s 2 weeks away from this paradise. And then soon after that, we’ll be in Europe. I know NY and Europe will be amazing and action packed, but I’m also quite happily content being here all alone, creating, meditating, reading, writing.


I’m grateful for this home, which I feel like I want to call the Temple. When P and I are not calling it Mupp HQ.


I remember the shaman Malidoma saying that I’ll create a headquarter for a community. I wonder if Mupp HQ is becoming that.


I’m grateful for all of last week, coming down to Santa Monica to be with P and  our friends, old and new. Our relationship is at its best right now, prolly because we’re at our best.

This being fully present and non-judgmental thing is really good.

It feels like we can navigate through any rocky terrain together. Or when P isn’t at his best, or is being triggered, I know how to handle him with grace and ease.


I’m so grateful that I got to spend time with my dad and mom. I feel like I should try to make this a monthly ritual. Or at least every other month. I like the back to back Santa Monica to OC visit. Spending 2 full days with mom feels really good.


I love how I got to get her all the colorful supplies she needs to create whatever her heart desires. And what she desires is clothes and accessories for Cutie and these bookmarks that I can give to my friends or patrons of Pervette.

I told her my idea, how she’s helping me make Pervette swag, she likes that she can be creative and productive.


I’m so grateful that I can help my mom get back into crocheting and knitting, which is her passion and her gift.


I’m trying to think about how I can get my dad back into dancing, which is his gift. I want to get him a place with a mirrored him so he can blast his music and see himself dance. I think I need about 2-3 years to pull it off.


I’m thinking ahead, how I can give him a job so that he can quit his current job making medical supplies, where he has to stand all day.  I want him to do something that he wants to do, and at the same time it can help me do the work I’m supposed to do (which is to spread a message).


I like thinking about about how I can give my friends and family a meaningful and fun job. No more working for the man.

I know that I can. Pervette is going to create a synergistic network of he(art) and creativity.


I’m very content with the new page 3 of Pervette. I think I finally landed on a solid beginning. Funny how it took 2 years to get here. But the timing was perfect. I couldn’t create page 3 without being ready to be put my offerings out there. And I wasn’t ready  to be a educatrix, shamanatrix and dominatrix 2.0 until now.


I’ve been thinking a lot about my BDSM offering. I’m going to create a new structure for it. There’s the classic BDSM and then there’s the new version of it..

Which will attract those who want to accelerate their evolution.


I realize yesterday when I was in the shower how perfect that my doctoral work was on conceptual change and evolution.


Crazy how I was so lost in grad school for the first couple of years and then somehow I ended up specializing in these two areas..evolution? conceptual change?

Of course, it all makes sense now.


I have to say I’m glad I went with my intuition to write out my morning pages directly to you instead of in my journal. As much as I like the pen to paper feel and aesthetic, this feels really nice. I feel like I can flow even more easily with this tap tap on the keyboard and knowing that you’re reading my thoughts.

I don’t feel like I’m altering my writing and flowing just bc I’m writing to you.

Jeez, maybe I should switch from journal to computer in the morning from now on. At least you’ll feel more connected to me..


I have a longish session at 12:30 with my regular. I should probably go shower and get ready..




Dear U,

I’m back and finally settled in on the biomat.

It was such a summery bright day. I was in the mood to listen to throwback songs from summers past.

I was looking for Lykke Li’s No One Ever Loved on my playlist. I wanted to drive down the hill listening to it. It was one of the repeat songs I listened to when P and I first moved into Mupp HQ aka the Temple. Which was around this time 4 years ago.

That song always makes me think about our love. In all its incredible epicness.

Sometimes I still can’t believe that we’re together. It’s a crazy feeling to reconnect with your soulmate. Not even soulmate, your Twin Flame.

I know I sound crazy talking about soulmates. I never believed in them until this relationship.


My session was really nice. With a regular I’ve known for years. He came with an article from the NY times that made him think of me. it was about an artist community in New Mexico.

We caught up, and then sessioned.

I made him take his blue pills with my piss midway through the session.


I’m contemplating what my new rate should be. 1111 for an 111 min?


After the session, I went to California Typewriter. I brought in my Olivetti Valentine, I needed to replace the ribbon. The two men there were older African American typewriter specialists. One had the deepest and most cinematic voice I ever heard. He showed me how to replace my ribbon. And how the 1 key is actually the L key. And to make an exclamation mark, it’s apostrophe, backspace, period. Good to know.


Then I went to Three Stone Hearth. I got some natural dental soap, Dandy Blend, and apple cider vinegar.

Then I went to my nail salon, and got my cherry red gel nail manicure taken off.

Awww.. I feel better..

I haven’t seen my bare nails in over a year.


The sky started to turn grey when I was heading towards the nail salon.

On the drive home, up the hill, I went up and beyond the fog. I like how it’s sunny at the top of the hill.


I made a yummy salad. And ate it.

And now I’m here. Listening to Lykke Li.

I’m about to call P.

He said he had a breakthrough today in the Europe trip planning.

I feel like we’re constantly either planning out the next trip or in it.

Our life can be bookmarked by our travels.

And our housing situation..




I feel like I want to go back and fill in all the details of the days here.

You’re missing all the interesting stuff.

When I’m fully present, I can’t write to you. Or else I wouldn’t be fully present for what’s happening to me.


Lately, I’ve been having this heightened appreciation/gratitude for life. More than usual. And usual is pretty outlier high to begin with.


It’s this knowing feeling that everything that’s happening is a miracle. And there’s this absolute certainty that I can feel in my bones that the work I’m going to do and put out in the world will have an impact.

There’s this unstoppable force inside me.

I’m just going for it.


I’m so happy that tomorrow is a free day. No commitments, no seeing anyone (other than P2 when he picks up Cutie), no showering.

I’m gonna read, write, pervette, go slow, get muppety messy with my arts and crafts…

I’m so excited!




I just lost what I wrote about my night of discoveries tonight And about this past Wednesday..Oh internet glitches..


Q tells me that she reads my journal every Saturday. I feel compelled to fill in the days of this past week more completely for her, before she gets to it (by it I mean this).


Oh fuck. Agent Provocateur is having its semi annual sale.

I perused, there was nothing I must have..

Thank god.


Saturday, June 1, 2019 11:00am


Dear U,

I woke up, wrote out my dream and to do lis tin my journal (back to the journal today), masturbated, came twice, and hopped in the hot tub.


I just flipped through some mail/magazines.


Now I’m ready to go to the farmer’s market again  (I went on Thursday) to get lemons, mushrooms, and avocados. I think I want to make a green smoothie (inspired by Three Stone Hearth’s smoothie I tried but didn’t get yesterday)

It’s a glorious day. Sunny, bright, makes me want to go out.

I’m also going to get some tinctures, stones, and a book at Homestead and Sacred Well for my sister’s bday.

I think I’ll give her the bookmark mom (and I helped) made. I’ll put in her book..

Birds are chirping.


I really want to go back and edit and add to this week’s journal.

So Q if you’re reading this. Know that it can be better..


Dear  U,

Funny how last night I thought this day was gonna be a super productive pervette day.

But it came a go slow self care day.


After I last wrote to you, I trimmed my hair (third day in a row). I’m becoming a little obsessed with trimming all the dead ends of my hair. Per Judith Powers recommendation, apparently if you have dead ends, it makes the rest of your dry and unhealthy. It’s a tedious process to trim my layered hair, it’s one strand at a time, but I enjoy it like I do tweezing my eyebrows.

I’m digging the bulbous, octopusy shape I created with just a little trim here and there with the thinning shears.

Lesson learned, no more shag cut with a razor’s edge, that’ how you create dead ends.

I’ve also been a little obsessed with buffing my nails. The manicurist and I agreed yesterday to not go too far with the electric file in removing the gel lacquer so there’s still the base coat of polish on some of my nails.

I feel like I’m in some self-care grooming mood. Must remove toxic polish and trim dead ends. Can’t stop until it’s all gone.


And then there’s the wanting to put vegetables in my body, esp as the first thing I put in me.

I made a salad for lunch (even though I wasn’t super hungry but I figure I should eat before I venture out for a coule of hours) and ate it outside in the backyard, it was such a nice day.

Dad called, talking about Trump’s genius policies on taking Mexico for their inbound immigrants and fining those who assist their relatives in coming to the States and seeking government assistance.

I see how the country can be pro-Trump when I talk to my dad. It must mean most of America is on the spectrum (of autism).

He always ends the call with, If you’re gonna get today, pick up a few lotto tickets and see if you win so we can do give it to charity.

Okay, I said.


I went to Sacred Well, which changed it’s name to Raven’s Wing Magical Co.


I spent an hour picking small stones for my sister’s bday present. I want the stones to be tiny enough so that she would put them in her purse and carry them with her.

I got her a tiny pink oganza bag and filled it with rose quartz, carnelian, amethyst, fluorite, hematite and prehnite.

I also got a few stones for myself: a selenite tower, rose quartz tumble, quartz with rutilated gold (supposedly it promotes learning and hair growth), and calcite golden tumble. All in all $70 at Raven’s Wing.

P2 stopped by the store to pick up Cutie, we chatted briefly and then they took off for the bird sanctuary.


I stopped by Neighbor randomly, to see if there was anything to get my sis, I didn’t see  or get anything.


Then to Homestead Apothecary. I brought my mystery herbs with me to see if they can determine what it is, they can’t.


I got a “cleanse” de-stressing esssential oil balm for my sis, and two tinctures (one for attaining spiritual mastery and another for becoming conscious through relationships.


They had these bigger stones on sale, the purple clear mugquiz fluorite was calling me, so I got it.

I also some oatstraw (new herb for me) and more licorice root.

I can feel the shakti pretty strongly as I was shopping and getting gas and lotto tickets (for my dad)

Then to Whole Foods, to get the Bach Rescue Remedy for my sis

As you can see I’m putting together a little De-stress, self-care package for her with my favorite things, tinctures, essential oils, stones, book (entitled How to Breathe) all in a  little cloth handbag (from Bali)


I also got lemons, avocados, cayenne, almond milk (for my dandy blend tea), shiitake mushrooms, romaine lettuce, spinach, and an impulse Onpoint magazine all about How to Become a Fearless Speaker


I got back, made a broccolini, carrot, shiitake stirfry with fried egg.

Ate it mindfully.


P and I facetimed. He’s been missing me,  he says. I sage my sister’s new stones and mine as we go over the Euro Mupps travel google doc. P has added some new possibilities, Porto, Comprota, and this one area that has a treehouse resort. Alternatively we can go to the alps in Italy or Switzerland, he found some eco resorts with treehouses as well.


I’m feeling into Lisbon and just one city in Portugal (th one with the treehouses) instead of 3 cities.

We feel into him coming out to NY when I’m there. I tell him I’m gonna be a little busy with prepping for the prezo and seeing friends.

He says, Drone guy gets it, he doesn’t want to get int he way.

(Inside joke, P refers to himself as droneguy when he’s feeling left out, it’s from my bday party when I was talking about having an all girl orgy and her can be the guy controlling the drone to film it)

It’s really cute when he acts all dejected and rejected and calls himself droneguy.


He says he’s been chilling pretty hard these days, he’s up to two naps a day, he might go for three tomorrow.

Bitcoin is on the rise.

He says it seems like the harder he chills and the more he smokes, the more money he makes on bitcoin.

He’s thinking of getting a new Tesla.

The last time Bitcoin was on a tear, he put a 50K deposit down for the Tesla roadster.


I’m noticing that he’s been smoking quite a bit. I’m suspending my judgment.



Man, I thought I was gonna fill in the blanks of this week’s journal entries but I’m losing steam from a long day of grooming and self-care shopping.


I wanted to tell you about how I completed the palindrome of my socal trip on Wednesday.

How my mom and I circled back to Joann and Michael’s arts and crafts. How we returned the not so pretty and comfy crochet needles at Michael’s (while getting more beads) and got the superior pretty and grippy crochet needles at Joann’s. I also got her more see through plastic cases for her to sort all her beads and yarn and thread all pretty in them.


Or how P2 picked me up from the airport and how nice it is to have a ritual of him takin me and Cutie to and from JetSuitieX.

How nice it is that he takes care of the Temple and Dungeon when I’m away.

He painted the moon room, swept, did the dishes, took out the trash at the Temple.

He did the laundry, monthly finances and paid the rent for the dungeon.

He always has a picture of Cutie that he took and printed out to give me when he sees me.

He also gives me a quote he handwrites on a tiny piece of paper that he colored with watercolor.

I so appreciate P2 and his muppetiness.


And how on Thursday, I went to the farmer’s market to get the usual organic produce and some pink sweet pea flowers. And how I watched 6 episodes of Bonding, so that when Z came over at 7, I was prepared. I pulled out my fancy podcast recording gear and we recorded our review of Bonding, what they got right or wrong in their portrayal of Domme work.

And then afterwards we went for a soak in the hot tub and get caught up.


Maybe I wanted to talk more about the synchronicities of the socal trip. I think I mentioned how I got two giant stones on back to back nights.


I don’t think I talked about my dinner with K, a new friend of mine (although we believe we were in the same Princeton Review class in high school and Econ class in freshman year of college) who was a participant at the Domme Bootcamp.

How transformed she feels post bootcamp.

She said she used to be the girl everyone ghosted on, and her close friend told her she was boring bc she nevber expressed herself. And now she’s speaking up, considering open relationships and guys that once didn’t give her attention are flocking to her. But she’s happy now doing her own thing. And she no longer has FOMO.

Energetically she feels like a different person..

I’m so happy the Domme Bootcamp was transformative for her..


Oh and how Dad told me how the other week, he saw a homeless guy with no shoes on, holding a sign asking for money to buy food and shoes. My dad asked him what size his feet were and took off his sandals to give to him, and he drove home barefoot.


It’s these little anecdotes that I don’t want to forget to tell you.


Funny how I didn’t work on Pervette today, instead I had a slow and mindful day.

Oh but I did start a new notebook, with things to do for each side of me (dominatrix, shamanatrix, educatrix, etc).



Anyways, I should probably sign off. It’s 10:18pm.

I have to wake up at 5am tomorrow, to drive to Bolinas. The guru and T, the swamjii are there at J’s house. The first meditation is at 7:45am.


What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, orac green powder juice with chlorella, hearty salad I made, dandy blend tea with honey, 91% cacao chocolate, veggie stirfy with egg, pieces of coconut, 2 white donut peaches I got at the farmer’s market, and 2 pieces of Rowe of Venice cacao coconut cbd sqaures, more dandy blend with almond milk and honey.

What I bought in the past week: Lots of goddess headdresses (4), stones (17), books (8), yarn and crochet threads (~44+), crochet needles, beads (a ton), essential oils, produce at the farmer’s market, silicone molds to make chocolate, expensive custom juices at Mother’s for me and mom, vegan food at Shojin, Audrey and Au Lac, oh and the domain (after my dinner with T and others on Friday night, see we got last year, and