Themes: books, books, books.. getting everything in order, time to come out and connect,  meeting new peeps (in Tahoe and LA); Tahoe part part, from uncertain to amazing, stretching out of comfort zone (running, sun, expressing my desires/needs to A) frittatas and pizza, deepening unconditional love with P and A, sisterwives fantasy getting more vivid, how much P and A are showing me their love, meeting so many badass AZN American artists, writers and filmmakers (LA weekend), storytelling, start of putting in 3-4 hours of writing everyday, songs on repeat..Bjorn’s past lives..Ruth B’s Lost Boy, weekender bag packed for the week hopping from Berkeley to Tahoe to Berkeley to Santa Monica to the OC and back to Berkeley, reading Nothing Ever Dies..


Sunday, September 1, 2019 10:00pm


Dear U,


I spent most of the day organizing my books.

It turned out to be a slightly labor intensive job.

1/2 my books are in the library upstairs, a third are downstairs in the blue room on the opposite end of the house, and the rest are in the toad room and moon room.

With a stack of 10-15 books in my arms, I must’ve made at least 20 trips down/up the stairs


I’m opening and reading books as I go. Oh yeah, I remember how this book was so so exciting to me..


I’m excited about my new way of organizing my books..

In the toad room,

I have a shelf for Evolution and History books

A shelf for Education and Linguistics

And a shelf for filmmaking and photography


In the library,

I have a shelf for large arty books

and for kink, sexwork, and sluts

And witches, shamanism, and healing


Another shelf for sex, relationships, and psychology

And new age/spiritiuality

And Buddhism

And Women and Buddhism

And other eastern/esoteric religion

And psychedelics

And philosophy



P came home at 4:44pm excited to tell me about his camping weekend with the company..


He took a nap as I continued to organize the books in the library. Something about the time of day or the activity of putting my books in order and giving them love and attention, I was in a very blissful state.


When P got up

I cooked us dinner, a veggie stirfry with ground beed. I also baked myself some salmon I got at the farmer’s market (no salmon for P since he doesn’t like salmon, too fishy he says).

P says he loves it when I cook for him. I can tell he’s learning how to not feel guilty that I’m doing all the cooking, which I actually enjoy, more than cooking with him, since I can go at my pace and style, as opposed to precise P who overthinks and under spices everything..


After dinner, I continue to organize my books. It’s getting to the fun part, the hard part was last night, figuring out how to organize all my books and place them where.

It becomes less daunting as each shelf gets taken up..

Now there’s just one long shelf in the library that needs to be filled.

And then I get to still figure out the shelves  in the moon room.


I’m being more methodical organizing books by how easily I can access them for pervette. and the way they’re grouped is more intuitive..


They were never really grouped that thoughtfully before. They were just piles..


I tend to eat more than I should when P is around. He snacks and nibbles like a bird while I wolf everything down..

I just ate the veggie stirfry leftover that could’ve been a second meal, which it was.


I like how P gets a kick out of seeing me in my amber blue-blocking glasses. He says I look like Yoko Ono. He says I’m his Yoko Ono.


I likehow I can make him laugh and be overwhelmed by my cuteness at the same time.


There’s a lot of people I said I will get back to on Thursday and I haven’t yet.


My god, I love my books, every time I open any one of them, i get excited, the knowledge contained in each book. If not in content, then in form. Just how these words were composed..I love studying words on both levels, of the thinker, and the writer..


I have the top long shelf fully open, the last of the 4 in the library. How do I want to organize the rest of my scattered books?

By poetry?

by author?

I have a few random clusters..

surrealists authors/poets

Writing with constraints.

Books by

Alain de Botton

Milan Kundera


Anais Nin

and Henry Miller

Zone (the awesome publishing house)

New York Review Books (love their uniform covers)


books in 2nd person

I would say 1/5 or 1/6 of my books are fiction.


If I were to read all 1300 or 1400 of my books, I would know everything that I need about everything that I ever wanted to know..


Just reading inspires me to write..and allows me to write more fluidly..


I have successfully spread my books to both ends of my house, the north and the south walls, actually on the west and east walls too.

I have books in the library, the toad room, the blue room, and the blue room walk in closet..

The books in the blue room closet are the books not worth flaunting, like books on numerology and how to books on podcasting, and public speaking..


I’m aware that I’m organizing these books with this hyper awareness of what would people think of me..?

because you can totally judge a person by their book collection..


Susan Miller just posted the September horoscope..

This month is all about finances, supposedly I’ll be fine financially..




Labor Day Monday, Sept 2, 2019 12:44pm


Dear U,

It’s a beautiful day. P is in the library, sitting on the black leather chair (we got originally for his Tokyo pad) reading/learning about flying, and I’m here in complete bliss, doing two things I love doing. Opening up books and reading as I organize them.

This is the fun final stretch of organizing my books.

I’m working on the moon room shelves.

Here I have:

an dominatrix/erotic shelf,

and erotic art shelf

a Colette shelf

a Gaunyin shelf,

a plant medicine shelf

an Alan Watts and Osho shelf

a female sexuality/empowerment shelf

2 current pervette inspo shelves



I do have an aesthetic order to the juxtaposition of my books, I go first by height, frm ascending to descending if the books are organized from left to right, and vice versa if organized from right to left of shelf..


I notice in the moon room, where the books are very visible, and there’s a heavy aesthetic component to the arrangement of books, I’m organizing with color of spine in mind..(while maintaining the height order)


I arrange, step back and take it all in, and then add/move/delete..

I realize this is what I love, composition and books..


In the 4 and a half years I’ve been here I haven’t really organized my books in any meaningful manner. The books that I organized in the library were kinda crammed in and laid dormant, almost forgotten. And I would order/buy a ton of books, then stack them in piles.. And every now and then when I see a book that catches my eye in the stacks, I grab it, read a bit  and it ends up in another pile when I tidy up my mupp messes..


I feel like I’m not finally giving them their proper home/designated space and also giving them their potential to be found (when searched for) and read.


There’s something quite powerful about putting things in order, it’s doing something to the thing put in order and the mind of the person (read:me) that’s putting it in order..

I’m keeping a close inventory of my books in my brain, and the opening and reading them randomly primes me to remember the magic and power of each book.

And the more I open and read, the more creative I feel..


As John Waters said, There’s nothing more important than a library of unread books…

I’m feeling that…

And would add, a library of unread “but perfectly organized” books


I’m excited to tackle all my files in my hard drives next…

And then the materials for my mail art..


I feel it..

Magic is happening..



This morning while we were int he hot tub, P thanked me for taking such great care of this house, he loves coming home now, now that he’s here more because it’s a nice midpoint between Seattle and Santa Monica..

He loves that I’m cooking for him. And he can just sit in the library and study/do work as I cook.

I love it too.

We’re surprisingly becoming a normal-looking couple P says. I think he’s talking about the heir of domesticity in the house..


I thanked P for giving me such a wonderful place to land these past couple of years, to not worry about surviving as I worked on myself to find this balance from within and without, as I prepare myself for the work ahead..


It’s been amazing between us, he’s super appreciative of me and very loving.


My hip flexors were super sore this morning and last night. It’s either from kundalini yoga or walking up and down the stairs organizing my books..


I’ve been keepingmy food log on paper, in my weekly planner, but I should report it here so you can see how it’s slightly changing, more grassfed beef in my diet.


Oh, I’ve been drinking a lot of water now that I have Fountain of Truth live spring water delivered. I think subconsciously I never drank enough water because I didn’t want to drink filtered tap water when I ran out of my bottled alkaline spring water.


This live spring water feels really good. I can’t tell if it’s the water itself or the extra volume of water I’m consuming, but (warning TMI ahead..) my bowel movements have been super frequent (3 times a day) and spectacular. Anyways, I feel amazing. Everyone should be drinking live spring water. Seriously.


Tuesday, September, 4, 2019


I wake up with P.

He say with an animated voice, Is tonight the night? you get a STD?

Aww c’mon man. Don’t say that..It’s not like that, I said.

Yeah I say that because it is like that, P says as he laughs.


He’s talking about my trip to Tahoe today, to see A. And he’s referring to the last time I was in Tahoe with A, and how he gave me chlamydia.

Very funny, mupps.


Today’s also the first day of my class with Gil Fronsdal,

The class is on “Readings in the Theravada Text: On Liberation”

And then right after class, I quickly pack up and head to Tahoe..



P is making fun of me, he comments several times how I’m getting ready for “my boys”

He’s talking about A and G, the professor of the class whom I admire, since he’s (I think) a bodhisattva.


P recognized the little book, that kinda looks like a bible, entitled The Imitation of Christ. I got it in Tokyo and gave it to him, and then took it back when he abandoned it in his drawer when moving out of NEMA.The tiny book is actually a secret case, when opened, it can hold a few small items, like 2 DMT vape pen cartridges, 2cb, and MDMA, which it did, and P saw as he opened it.

Yep, got some goodies for tonight, I said, feeling a little sheepish that he saw what I was possibly up to.

I shoulda told him that I just have it as backup, in case we wanted to go there. But quite honestly, I wasn’t feeling it since I’ve been on this meditation high. And I pulled a card from a Goddess oracle deck last weekend saying I’m ultra sensitive right now and i should avoid chemicals.

Anyways, I also packed acid and mushroom chocolates and ketemine. Just in case.

But that was we parted.

I was packing my toiletries as I got ready and then all of a sudden I realize I gotta motor, I pack my libations, said goodbye super quickly and dashed off. I’m not sure when I’ll see P next, since he’s off to Santa Monica, we’ll miss each other, since when I fly down to Santa Monica, he’ll be on his way to Atlanta..


I actually made it to class right on time. Thank goodness it starts at 9:40 instead of 9:30.

Class was held in the same room and same time every Tuesday, 9:40-12:30pm


When I slipped in, I was happy to see familiar faces. The usual suspects, or G’s groupies as I call them. There’s K, my former graduate advisor, and S and F. And then there were two (pretty decent looking) guys, my age, from two previous Gil classes that I chatted with in the past. It was a nice intimate group. We all knew each other so well at this point that there was this pleasant at home feeling and I felt at ease to be the first to break the silence when the instructors ask a question a

I’m so happy I signed up for the class, it’s an investment in time taken away from Pervette and money ($900), but so worth it. Gil and D are pretty incredible co-teachers. This is my 4th class with them over the past 3 years. I wanna take every class they offer/


This class on day one in particular was incredible. I love the group, the rapport, the way we can joke with each other, the material, the teachers, the exercises, the readings, the discussion, everything about the class was sublime.


And I admit I get this secret pleasure from speaking in class and seeing the look on Gil’s face when I say something insightful.  (I have this new confidence and concentration, I can see the themes and connections more clearly). His look has this combination of attentiveness and bring slightly in awe..


I have to say I feel very different from how I was when I first started taking classes with G and D. Back then I was more self-conscious and shy, and always thinking I didn’t know much to say anything useful, I thought.

I can go on and on about their pedagogy. In fact, I had to offer my feedback at the end  of class when D asked if we had any questions. I said I really appreciate their unique pedagogy and the thoughtfulness that went into their handouts and exercises. Everyone seem to agree and was glad I said It what they felt as well.

Also it had to be said, because I’m a teacher’s pet. Always have been and always will be..


When I got out of class I replied to A who texted earlier that morning saying Tahoe is beautiful, and asked if I was still planning on coming up. I was in a rush and didn’t reply until 4 hours later, saying yes, I just got out of class and will be on my way soon.


He replied saying he’s looking froward to seeing me and that

he has some friends staying at the house..


All of a sudden, the fantasy that I had of our time to Tahoe quickly dissappeared. I’ll still bring all the drugs but I’m pretty sure we’re not gonna have our night on MDMA and open up to each other like we never have..


I’ll still go up but I admit, being at a house with a group of people I don’t know does’t sound as appealing as staying home and organizing the last of my unshelfed books..


I threw a ton of produce, and 3 stone hearth food and drinks, almost everything that’s perishable that I had in the fridge in two giant insulated grocery bags


Loaded up the car and headed up..


Hitting pockets of traffic here and there.

Listening to G’s dharma talk on concentration

(per K’s recommendation today during our break)


Was it the color thrapy glasses

listening and trying to concentrate on the concentration talk

while driving

or the energy around me of people commuting

trying to make their way

or a harbinger of the 2 days ahead

but I felt weirdly uncomfortable

queasy and slightly headache-y

talked to mom on the drive up

she’s dreading the thought of hosting her visiting friends from high school next week


I made it to A’s in at 6:37.

About 4 hours of driving..


A pulled up as I did as well.

Met his friends, a couple, W and S, who were also at Burning Man..


Added my groceries to their overly stocked fridge.

Apparently the cleaners didn’t come after the last Airbnb rental, and so the house inherited a crazy amount of conventional Safeway food, plus W&S did their own grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s (they’re gluten free), and then there was my groceries (lectin-free, organic, grassfed, farmer’s marke etc)



I grounded and meditated in the grass staring at the trees and sky as the sun set.

The air was so sweet.


I made a veggie stirfry, they grilled chicken. W and I got to know each other as we cooked. Him and his wofe are running a start up together…

She’s 12 weeks preggers.


W kept on going to the garage to do some K “before it goes bad” he says (jokingly)


After dinner, A proposed playing a board game.

Bored game?

This is not how I thought I would be spending my time..


We played Codename.

It was actually not that bad.

We chatted. And then went to bed.


I was staying in A’s room.

We got ready for bed.

I saged our bed.

I asked if he can massage myhip flexors, they were still sore.

He did.

And he also massaged some other more inner areas that needed a good massage.

We tried to not make so much noise.

It was lovely.

And so was our post coitus talk.

I wish I can remember what we talked about.

I have it recorded, at least, I’ll go back later..


Wednesday, September 4, 2019


(From what I can remember..)

I woke up around 2 or 3am wide awake.

It’s the elevation..


I quietly went downstairs got my zafu,

brought it back up to the room, and meditated for about an hour at the foot of the bed

(reminds me of my first night in Seattle with P).

then went back to bed and eventually went back to bed


woke up with A,

me, A and S sat on the back deck staring at the trees and meditated

first to A’s Waking Up guided meditation onhis app

I find guided meditations to be too distracting now

that I don’t need the guidance anymore

I sound like a meditation snob


Theu got up after 15 minutes, I kept on meditating for another 1/2 hour.

Thwn I went to my spot in the grass and wrote out my mornig pages and the very vivid dream I had w A and his ex, S, in it..


I should describe the dream, because it was vivid, and felt very real, and I remember the emotional charge I felt. Annoyed and indignant. but it was actually my own doing..


Overcoming my heliophobia, I decided to go for the mile jog to the lake with A and W (and S on her electric bike since she’s preggers)..


I haven’t jogged that far and for that long in a long time, it wasn’t that bad.

I sat on the towel and watch A and W, take off their shirts (both have pretty decent looking muscular bodies) and jump in the water, minutes later, S went in too.


They got out and then we headed back, I got to lead and set the tempo, it was sprinty at first, and then we walked and talked..


We made fritatta with the dozens of eggs we had,


I facetimed P outside on the grass, I told him being with my lover really makes me appreciate being with my partner.

I mean I can be home reading a book right now, but instead I’m here in a house with people whom I haven’t really chosen to be with.

P kinda secretly loved hearing that and said he totally felt the same way..

He was gonna meet with a sugarbaby today but then he got lazy and decided he just wanted to stayin and watch plane videos..


Wednesday, Sept 4, 2019

First time making pizza, 5, and they were all pretty yummy..

After our pizza party and surface level group chat around the sofas, W suggested playing a board game.

I said I have DMT if anyone wants to smoke it. W’s eyes lit up and so did a few others..

I grabbed my pens. And we all headed outside on the meadow-y grass. L brought out her psychedelic blankets from Burning Man, we all sat on it, and I helped guide the uninitiated on how to work the pen, inhale, hold as long as you can…


U, the beautiful Indian girl with red cornrow braids, was having trouble getting enough vape in her to feel anything. I helped her out by sucking on the pen, taking a pretty huge hit, and then giving her my hit through my lips.

She looked like a Goddess bathed in the moonlight, how can I not?

Anyway I can make out with a hottie, I will.

I asked if I can kiss her, she said yes.

Oh my god, there’s almost nothing better than making out with a girl on DMT, it feels amazing, in the body, and super intense..

I cradled her head with my hands and and went in pretty deeply, so much that she fell back with her whole body in the grass as I got on top..

Moaning as I kiss her, the act of making sounds feels so good…


Thursday, September 5, 2019

Tahoe & Berkeley


Dear U,

This is one of the most perfect and profound days I’ve had with A.

Lots of breakthroughs and new levels of depth..


It allbegan when A tried to “wake me up” by “raping” me

(which was the request I made the night before when we went to bed)

but he did a terrible job at being a convincing predator

I don’t think he was even trying..


So I showed him..





Friday, August 6, 2019 11:51pm

From Berkeley to Santa Monica


Dear U,

I know I’ve been absent here. Again, so much is happening. I don’t even know how or where to begin…to catch you up…on all the magic that’s unfolding..


Today I woke up and went for a walk and run in the foggy hills. There were dew drops coming down from the trees overhead, making it seem like mystical rain.


Ever since Tahoe, I’m into the idea of jogging and running and seeing how far I can go before I’m too winded to run anymore..


I went to the secret spot. Someone had planted a hawk feather in a tree stump, near where I usually sat.  It looked so pretty and intentional. I wonder if it was P2?


I meditated for an hour in the mirror room. So many insights came to me.. I think the residual DMT is playing some part in this..

More lines came to me in the shower, I had to write them down as soon as I got out.


I mapped out the levels of meditation, that I’ve experienced..


Packing was easy since I already had everything packed from my Tahow trip, it was just a matter of swapping out some dirty clothes with clean ones..


I had time to juice a whole stalk of celery and 2 bunches of kale. P2 arrived just as I was about to drink the second glass of juice. It was horrendously bitter.

I finished my beef tortellini soup, even though I wasn’t hungry. The Asian in me can’t waste good food..


P2 took some photos of Cutie..


And as always, by the time we get in the car, it’s slightly a close call to the airpoirt


JetsuiteX is officially not a secret. Everyone is on to it. And the once empty terminal is now booming with passengers.


I made my flight. I was in the mood to listen to music with a more intense beat. I think the lingering DMT is making me crave intensity


At high altitudes, I like to let my mind drift..into fantasy mode.

I saw and felt the possible futures..

It was incredible.

It’s a strange feeling to embody the absolute certainty that my wildest dreams will come true..I just know that I’m on the right path..


It’s funny how I made a playlist for A, but I’m the run actually listening to his songs. I did a little creeping and found the playlist he made for his girl in Guatemala.

There are three songs I like and have been listening to in on repeat.

Ruth B’s Lost Boy

Lourde’s Liability


Bjorn’s Past Lives..


The last song feels very relevant because I do think A is my soulmate and we’ve known each from past lives..


As I do with P, but with P, I feel like he’s my twin flame soulmate..



I land, it takes an hour and some to get to Santa Monica. P leaves the key for me at the front desk, the young friendly front desk guy hands me an envelope with my name written on it, the edges of the envelope and card inside have been burnt by a flame..

Inside are the keys to the apt and a ard that reads P -> (heart) Lil Mupps

P had used a flame to burn out a heart shaped hole in the card

(speaking of twin flame)

ANd when I got in the apt, it was nice and clean and there was a japanesey custom made kakimori notebook that P had made when he was in Tokyo and a note next to it that reads, this here is a notebook for my lil mupps.

I must say I’m quite moved.


It feels amazing to be in the Santa Monica apt. The ocean view, perfect weather.

I found a bag of pistachios and ate all of it.

Then I quickly freshened up and got an uber to Semi-Tropic in Echo Park to meet Z.

At first google maps saif it would take 24 minutes, and then it readjusted to an hour and 21 minutes. Welcome to LA.

I had a feeling it would be like that and that’s why I grabbed an uber. It was a productive  ride, I replied to a few folks, via text..


When I got to semi-tropic, Z was sitting at the bar. She had been there most of the afternoon getting work done.


One of the hipster bartenders asks me where have I been. She’s been waiting for me for hours, he jokes, but kinda sounding a little serious.

I order a smoked trout salad

As we catch up, another fellow, Asian, comes up to us and says he’s so glad that I showed up because my friend has been waiting for me all day. He’s joking and shakes my hand.

Z can’t seem to get over how odd it is that all these guys are coming up to us. She says no one was coming up to her when she was alone. And she sweared she wasn’t looking at the door like she was waiting for me or anything..

I think there’s something about our synergy..

I told her she does have an intense energy when she’s alone. She laughs because it’s true.


We head over to the production studio where the filming of this new show is happening. It was rather serendipitous that the weekend we decided that I should come down to do the Power workshop Z had organized for me and her with her friend Y (whose awesome book I own) was also the same weekend that Viet Thanh Nguyen (A pretty renowned Vietnamese author whose books I own) was getting interviewed for this show and Thao of the Get Down Stay Down (a band that I like) was performing and since Z is Viet’s editor, she was on the guestlist and invited me along..


The show was filmed in this really cool loungey bar in the basement of this really neat  production studio (which we learned later is one of the oldest production studios in LA)

So the show is being filmed in this neat bar. We got cocktails, mine was called Smash no. 7, it was quite sweet and yummy. We were part of the audience casually seated like patrons..


I got to meet Viet. He was fascinated by my story, a Vietnamese-American professional dominatrix reconciling her job with her traditional mom. He asked what does a professional domme do, it had to be continued as they were about to roll..


I was deeply moved and inspired by some of his answers in the interview..

Funny how one of my goals this weekend when I’m in the OC is to collect my mom and stepdad’s oral history, and here he is talking about the importance of storytelling to preserve that history that can so easily get deleted or forgotten..


And I was also fantasizing on the plane on dabbling in making music. I pretty much want to try out every form of art in my lifetime. Music is one of them. But how they do it? Write songs? It seems so hard..


I got chills through most of his talk.

And also through Thao’s interview.

It was so cool to have both a Vietnamese author and musician both of whom I admire sit together in the same room and talk about their personal experiences being a Vietnamese refugee or a child of a refugee. Their experiences and story echo mine.

Kindred spirits..


I know with more certainty than ever that I need to be a storyteller for my family and my country.


And both Viet and Thao talked about putting in 3-4 hours a day writing. I gotta do that too.

It was fun to see how the whole production of filming a show looked. How they would have the interviewer do over some parts and still have to make it sound fresh as if it was the first take.


Thao was amazing in her performance, which they had her do again because they didn’t get the right shot. She was even better the second time around.


I got to chat with her briefly afterwards. Saying that I loved how her VIetnamese name in is the name of her band..


Z wanted to learn more about the show and the studio so she asked one of the guys who worked there about the space. He said this production studio is pretty special, it’s called the triangle studio by those who are int he industry. It’s been around for almost a hundred years. He was very excited to be working there. He felt it too, it was a very amazing night. The filming, the interview, the great performance (he’s been listening to Thao’s a lot recently so it was serendipitous for him that she was performing tonight)





It was a very fun LA night with Z.

The air was balmy even at night, it was t-shirt weather at 10pm when we got out.


On my uber ride to and fro, I had two Asian drivers. Both quiet. The driver on the ride home was deaf.

Saturday, Sept 7, 2019

Santa Monica


I woke up at 6:30 intuitively and meditated remotely with the guru.


Then I masturbated for an hour.

I was in this blissful haze. Thinking of my good fortune to be in a relationship with both A and P, two incredible human beings, and my love for both is so rich and deep and incredible.


I was inspired by last night and Viet’s talk about his writing ritual, 3-4 hours a day.

My morning pages flowed into my pervette writing and I wrote for 3-4 hours..

I felt the spell comeover me and I had a short meditation and masturbation sesh (again) and then I wrote about my love life.

My realization that my love for P is unconditional, as well as A.


I was kinda overwhelmed with joy and gratitude, that this is my life, I get to have both my partner and lover and love them equally.

It’s crazy..

I didn’t want to break the hypnotic blissful spell I was was so good.


Then I went to Erewhon to go buy snacks for the Power workshop I was hosting for me and Z with Y teaching..


The bill was 150 bucks.

I swore I only bought a couple of things, like lunch and snacks like tortilla chips and guac, and figs and blackberries, some medicinal mushroom bone broth and pistachios. That’s Erewhon for you.


I came home and ate my lunch, tidied up and laid out the snacks and at 4pm Y and Z arrived. They were blown away by the ocean view. The last time Z was at the beach was with Y 3 years ago. It’s crazy how the east and west side of LA feels like worlds away.


I asked Y if she can sign my copy of her book. She was happy to, she drew a cute comic character in it.

Then Z gave me a little witchy zine called Intuition 101, I’ve seen it before and wanted to get it so it was perfect..

The power workshop that Y led was beautiful. There was a writing portion and an embodied portion. I really like her guided meditations. She thinks I should all her witchy azn friends, they would love me, she says. I like how eyes lit up when she had me share my power fantasies..


I venmoed Y $88 for her time, she said she couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon, and they were off.


I went for a walk int he gloaming along the beach. I was in such a peaceful meditative place, I could’ve walked for hours. I stopped to smell the roses in the small rose garden. My posture feels more powerful.


I ‘m glad I didn’t reach out to any of my friends other than Z (and M) this weekend and gave myself space to focus on writing and being alone.


I came home, I can’t remember what I did, but I remember one of the last things i did was re-read my Susan Miller horoscope, She said I should buy a charity raffle ticket on the 5th or 6th. I’ve been vacillating for weeks if I should spend 150 bucks on the Yerba Buena SF Dream House raffle ticket, on the very money I have left.

I spent 150 today on lunch and snacks…Fuck it. They had a 24 hour hotline. I called it around 11pm. And got a very nice rep with a British accent. I got one raffle ticket, and one add-on drawing ticket,  for a total of 170 in my sister’s name, with my home address. Oh there’s a reason for that.


Back to my previous week