Sunday, August 26, 2018 11:11pm

Berkeley – Moon Room


Dear You,

It was another long day. With so many parts to it. I’ll just write some lines now to help me jog my memory when I come back later and fill you in on the details..

Woke up nauseous and kinda puffy

I was journaling downstairs in the bedroom, then I I heard P through the security cam upstairs.,

Hello? Is there a mupp there?

I ran upstairs..


P2 comes over. He’s very leery of the new security cam.

Where is it? He asks

Oh it’s just right there on the altar, I point out.

He gives me a quote on a piece of paper he painted with yellow and burnt red watercolors


You speak to me of narcissism but I reply that it is a matter of life.

-Antonin Artaud


I like that. It’s like in defense of narcissism.

We visit, I show him the videos I made yesterday.

I explain to him how capturing my lived experiences in this house is making the experience of parting with it easier. That’s really all that I want to make my time here complete. If I can find a way to memorialize it..


He asks, Noe when you say I can be with Cutie. Do you mean only here at this house?

No, you can take her home. That way you’re watching over her the whole time.

He was happy to hear that.

We coordinate our plans, he’ll come here Tuesday afternoon after we take off for Burning Man to pick up Cutie and all my white attache of prized possessions: notebooks, hard drives, family photos, old diaries, random ephemera from my childhood


I give him a hug goodbye as he starts on his chores..


I always manage to get out the door at the last minute. I race to JetSuiteX in Oakland. P lands as I merge on to the 880. I’ll be there in 11 min says google. I shaved some time going 80 mph


P brought me some ketobuns he got from erewhon.

He says he’s not gonna be hard on himself. But just as the jet was taking off he realized he left his laptop in Santa Monica.

He needed some files he was working on for his fundraising deck to work on tomorrow..

His options were:

To buy another Macbook Pro

To fly back tonight and fly back in tomorrow morning.

To get M (his ex, now good friend) to FedEx it to him

To have V, his sugarbaby, to fly up here with it


I suggested why not have M email him the documents and he can use my laptop tomorrow and she can Fedex him the laptop and he’ll have his laptop here when he gets back.

Oh yeah! That’s a great idea, Mupps, he says.


As much as I want to, I can’t continue filling you in on all the details of today, I need more time than I have right now.


I’ll give you the bulletpoints and fill in the rest later


I know I keep on saying I’ll fill you in later. And yes I am afraid I might never get a chance to.


We head to Mountain View to our friend’s place to pick up the goodies for BM. Mushroom/Lion’s Mane in capsules, Liquid acid, DMT in a vape pen cartridge.

We gave them an InstantPot.

A and I are waring similar outfits, all black, drop crotch pants and drop armholes, hers in a onesie version.


She feeds us.

We talked about how much we love Erewhon. How when we’re in LA, we just go there everyday.

They’re opening one up in SF?



Then we head to our other friend’s house in Oakland. They give us a their drug supply to take in (and some MDMA for being their drug carrier). They were super grateful since it’s been in the news that they’ve been pulling people over and really cracking down this year.


Eat out? P opts for staying in to catch a football gamr. We head back as I put in an order for Millennium (fancy vegan) though caviar.


P turns on the preseason football game

We start reading through the BM Survival Guide that came with our tickets.

P shows me a video of the Man crew erecting the Man this year.

Then we watch a video of how they survey the land and build the streets.

Then our food arrives just s the video ends.


We ordered a ton just to try everything.


Oh no I think I ate too much, says P. He goes to lay on the biomat. I stay at the table finishing my plate and eating his scraps.

Oh no I think I ate too much, says me. As P turns to his side on the biomat to open the moon room door (it’s a grey gloaming), I swoop in and spoon him on the biomat.

2 mupps 1 mat.


I fed him some digestive enzymes. I can’t stop eating them, it makes me feel better about my overeating.


P’s gonna use my laptop tomorrow.

Oh shit, I think I have a lot of stuff open. Like maybe some documents that I started working on last year.

Can you close them so it won’t slow me down?

Uh sure.

Yeah just so we can shut down the computer.

Oh, you wanna shut down, eh? Humm..

P laughs at my digital hoarding..


You and your piles of shit, he says jokingly.

Hey, I laugh too, it’s not shit.


When do you think you’re gonna launch Pervette?

I think by Chinese New Year or my birthday..


Do you ever think you’re gonna look back on Pervette and think it’s just a bunch of random musings that don’t really go anywhere, and you’ve spent all this time on it, do you think you’ll ever just give up?

No. I’m gonna weave it all together at some point. I’m a master weaver.

He laughs.

What? That’s what my tarot reader said yesterday, that I’m a master weaver.

He thinks I’m ridiculous.

I mean it’s all a work in progress, like everything.

Yeah, I know, he says sarcastically

Besides I’m just making a ton of dots. I’m gonna connect them later.

He laughs some more.


I like that he can’t take me seriously even when I’m trying to be serious.


Remember 3 years ago when you thought you were gonna launch Pervette at the same time as (insert his company’s name)? he asks while cracking up.

Yeah, I remember, I chuckle.


I do think there are a lot of parallels between the launching of our projects, timewise…

Not gonna explain it to him. I think our idea/definition of launches are different


We go to Whole Foods at 9pm to load up for BM.


We see 2 deers while riding down the hill. P stops the car and pulls back, I roll down the window.

That looks like Branchez, P says.

Branchez was the deer with antlers that used to come inside our backyard all the time before I got the place Iandscaped and deerporrofed it.

Hey, have you seen Branchez? I asked the deet, Branchez with a Z.

They freeze and look at us as if they’re thinking about dashing away.


Now they’re just ignoring us.

P honks twice. Which startled them.

Whoa mupps! What are you doing ?

P laughs as he drives on..



Once we hit the flatlands, I talk about how there should be an auto-response for texting..


I go on a rant..

I feel like we live in an era where it’s normalized to steal time from each other.

Every time someone texts me they’re stealing my time away from me.

And they get upset when I don’t reply? I’m like it’s not me, it’s just your ego, dude.


Remember how 4 years ago I had an email problem? And I just replying.

Now I still have a text problem.

The rules of the game are different with texts.


I’ve been thinking about writing a Dear You, please don’t take it personally if I don’t reply..

Where I explain why..

And that can be my auto reply.

A text that reads. “Hey sorry if I’ve been terrible with texts. I can explain.. (insert link to pervette page explaining why)


The produce section at Whole Foods looks pillaged.

Let’s just get we need for tomorrow, and we’ll do another run tomorrow.


Oh shit, P says. He eyes the Hu chocolate bars..

Let’s keep on walking, Mupps.

Yeah, good call Mupps.


P sees a box of crispy chocolate chip cookies by Simple Mills that are gluten free.

What do you think Muppsy?

Sure , we can give it a try.

He opens the box, pulls one out, I take a bite, he eats the other half.

Oh shit, That tastes likes a Chips Ahoy.

Ooo that’s really good, P says, I used to love Chips Ahoy.

Me too. Remember when they came out with the Chewy kind?

Oh my god, that rocked my world.

Mine too! I literally can eat a whole box.


At the checkout, we’re munching on the cookies, sharing each one. Our clerk said he placed the box of cookies in the bag in a way that’s easy for us to grab.

Ahh thanks!


P pulls another one out of the box and feeds me half as we walk to the car. I realize he pushed a bunch of buttons on the credit card pad and didn’t sanitize his hand, so I casually dropped my half out of my mouth when he’s not looking.


I grab the box out of the bag.

Let’s bring it in the car.

He grabs another one out, do you wants some?

Yeah, but you gotta sanitize your hands.

Okay! he says as he lasughs with the cookie already in his mouth.


I sanitize our hands and feed him cookies as he drives. He takes a a bite, I finish the second half.


I stop after 3 cookies.

It’s not so bad since we’re splitting it, I said.

Yeah, you wanna split a box of cookies together?


He pulls another one out, eats half, and gives the rest to me.


Oh shit. I ate too much, he said.

Yeah, me too..It was that last one that really sent me over.

Yeah totally, he says, It’s always the last one. I mean it’s never going to be the first one.

Oh man, I feel like throwing up.

Yeah, me too..


I like how lately my eating disorder has rubbed off on P, and we both sound like girls with eating disorders. It’s really endearing.



P says we’ve been eating too much nuts, that’s why we’re feeling chunky.We’re only supposed to have a quarter cup at most a day.

Holy fuck, you’re right. I’ve been going nuts on almonds and pistachios. Eating a pint of almonds in a sitting as I write. No wonder I feel fat even though I think on following the diet. I’m not. This portion control thing is hard.


P says he’s been kinda over Seeking Arrangement…



He likes how he can be super weird with me. And to be anyone else just feels like work..




I got an idea

To connect with me

You have to create with me


Zero waste correspondence.

From now on, I want all my correspondence to be potential content on Pervette.

If you don’t want to share, that’s fine. Just know that I most likely won’t respond to you.

Unless you’re cool with sharing (anonymously if you wish)

All responses will be crafted to you through Pervette.


If you think about all the emails you wrote that are read once and dead after. What a waste.

Now what if that correspondence was shared.

Now it’s not a waste, but fruitful.

This encourages thoughtful writing..


It’s a combination of McKeown’s Essentialism and what the tarot reader said yesterday, that this is the time I’m moving fast and have to be transparent with people about where I’m at and not think about how they might respond. I need to be focused.

And the swatch watch I got and am wearing, it brings me back to high school, when every minute of my time counted.

I remember in high school I used to think hanging out with friends was a waste of time.

Looking back, I thought I was kinda dramatic and crazy.

But actually, I think I need to get back to that mindset. If it’s not related to what’s essential to me

Which is Pervette.

I can’t afford it.

Time is ticking…



I thought I was just gonna briefly write to you. It’s been almost 2 hours.

I should go to bed.


What I put inside me: ACV, Lemon water, 2 egg tacos, A bar of Lulu’s chocolate dipped in  pistachio butter that I fedd half to P on the drive to Mountain View, Flow spring water, chai tea A made, rice and steamed vegetable  A made plus argan oil from Morocco, walnuts, half a keo bun toasted with goat butter…a tonf of food from Millennium..

10 halves of chocolate chip cookies..

Monday, August 27, 2018 8:55am

Dear You,

I’m saving and closing all my open files since P is using my laptop today.. iAwriter is saving my files in some documents folder I can’t seem to find, so I’m concerned that I might not be able to find them.

Maybe I should just copy and paste all my files here..


What do I want to say?

I want to say change with me. Help me learn. Help me grow. I want to keep on going, in letting go, every time I do, I learn something about myself, my fears, my beliefs, my doubt are starting to dissolve when I stop clinging to the things I think I need, or can’t be without. I think things have to be in a certain way or else everything will be off. Nothing is off other then my version of reality. The goal is to bring ourselves in alignment to reality as it really is, not what we want it to be. It’s our expectations, beliefs and conditioning that leads us to resist change. We’re afraid of the unknown. But the way out is the unknown. Everything we know will only take us so far, to where we are. But if we only knew that there’s so much more, than what we know. And the moment we think we know, we lose out on all the possibilities. We cling to the familiar. If we let go, we will find all the answers to our existential problems. If we commit ourselves to change, to the possibility that we don’t have all the answers, that this life is meant to be a mystery that keeps on unfolding, then our lives will become the story that we want to tell. Invite the unknown, invite possibilities, invite magic, invite lessons to be learned, invite love, invite spontaneity, invite newness and change, invite our dreams, invite…




We had the most giant pancake for breakfast.


Day of running errands with P..



Institute of Buddhist Studies to signup for Gil’s class

Guerilla cafe to swoop up P

Lunch at Gather

Post office to return ill-fitting Shop Untitled and ASOS Burning Man clothes

Dry cleaners for P to drop off

Wholes Foods for our week at BM; 25 avocados, 30 lemons, tons of romaine lettuce, spinach, mint (for our 15 batches of green smoothie and salad), 30 eggs (for our plantain pancakes, egg tacos, walnut bread, salad topping), goat butter, paramasean cheese for Italy, brussel sporuts, lip balm

Monterey Market for asparagus, some 2 plantain bananas, and something else

Tokyp Gish Market for our black cod

Berkeley Bowl West for greener plantain bananas

Local Butcher shop for our filet mignon, 24 strips of bacon


When we came home, P was in hyper pre-wash pack everything into our cooler bags to see if it all fits, it fits into 4 not 3 cooler bags.

1 cooler for eggs, beef, fish and cheese

1 cooler for lemons and avocados

1 cooler for spinach, romaine, asparagus

1 cooler for brussel sprouts, sweet potatoes, and something else


I set up our second security camera


We test out our new DMT vape pen, under different voltage settings, in the orgy room


Whoa. It works.

It feels quite heavenly..


We try out the dmt while making love




Then we jump in the hot tub.

It feels like we’re floating in the clouds.


Then we try out this Chris Kronenburer’s new place called Henry’s..

Not bad..


Then one more one to (a different) Whole Foods to find mint containers to stash our (as well as our friends’) drugs.


We come home to “pack”


It was a long fun day of the last of the BM prep. P is really excited that we’re gonna eat well. He really invested a lot of money and energy into it. I mean he did charter us a plane so we can carry all our produce.


The running joke of the day is my “fat ass.”


So tired, it’s 11:44pm, just watered the orchids, I’ll pack all my vitamins tomorrow.


I’m not gonna bring my laptop, so you most likely won’t hear from me until next Tuesday…


See you on the other side..





What I put inside me: ACV, Lemon water, split a giant plantain pancake P made, sip of his green smoothie; chamomile tea, Albacore tuna, little gem salad, and bites of a pancetta egg pizza at Gather; Simply Mills CHips Ahoy-like cookies, Level’s Viper cookies, DMT; hamachi crudo, ribs, Full Tilt Farm chicken, mussels, shoestring fries at Henry’s, simply gum

Drugs we’re packing: a TON of Level’s cannabis, 100 hits of acid, DMT vape pen (good for 40 hits); 50 capsules of magic mushrooms with lion’s mane, 14 tabs of MDMA (fingers crossed we don’t get checked at the airport)





We got

Back to my previous week