Wednesdsay, Oct 10, 2018, 8:44pm

Berkeley – Moon Room


Dear You,

It’s been a while. Sunday through Tuesday was pretty packed. I’ll fill you in later.


I woke up around 7:30ish from a vivid dream:

I was at an outdoor airport that felt more like an entry way into an amusement park. I left my navy blue Jansport backpack somewhere and was looking for it. I thought I was on a plane but I was actually on a shuttle. The people there helping me were nice. I was at the check-in counter with some guy. The women behind the counter all of sudden were wearing these sheer black form-fitting gowns, with their hands over their breasts. They were appearing out of nowhere, and all of them were tall and model-like.  One by one they would choose a guy to go up the stairs and into the funhouse-like building..


When I woke up I realize that’s how the beginning of the Pervette off broadway show will begin. Women coming out of nowhere and picking the participants to follow them..


The light coming though is golden. I feel like going for a walk to catch the light. I try to quickly make some lemon water, pack it in a glass thermos, grabbed my notebook, and Cutie and walked out from my backyard into the woodsy park.


Within a night Indian Summer is gone.


Autumn Chill

Bright sun

This weather reminds me of when I was in 2nd grade, walking to school


By the time I got out the sun had risen and wasn’t as golden as it was when I was laying in bed. Maybe I should wake up earlier from now on and go for a walk just as the sun is rising.

(sorry my tenses are all over the place)

I went to the secret spot, sat on a tree stump. When I stared out into the trees, it felt like I was on DMT. I meditated for a minute.

I wrote out my morning pages, did some stretches and then made my way back.

But right before I reached my house, I decided to go up this hill, and check out L’s crazy house. I’ve never met L, I just know that she’s the wife of a nobel laureate who has past away. And she spends her days in a giant 30,000 sq ft house. I climbed up the hill. As I walked through a jungle of tall dried out brassica rapa plantsI had to use my hands to clear the way  ahead of me, I felt like I was passing through and entering another world. I went further and around some trees and landed on the edge of a hill, from there I can get a view of L’s backyard and her long giant swimming pool that hangs over another edge that overlooks both the bay from one side and the canyon on the other side.

I can see her gardeners mowing and cleaning up your yard. They were speaking in Spanish to each other. All her curtains were drawn. Usually her giant labradoodle would come out and start barking at me, at which point I take off before L comes out to spot me.

This time, there’s no dog, with the gardeners around. This is actually a good time to get closer to get a better view. I start making my way closer, closer than I ever have gotten. I didn’t realize until I was inching closer, that somehow I could actually walk all the way into her backyard if I wanted to, there was no fence, I strategically walked and blocked myself from view behind a tree where the gardeners couldn’t see me. But then my ankles got stuck on some vines.

I looked down. Leaves of three. They were red leaves of three. Just like in the pictures for poison oak or ivy.

Oh fuck.

I had to pull a wet leaf back with my right forefinger and thumb to unhook myself from the vine.

I walked a little further beyond the poison oak, pulled out my phone and googled poison ivy. Got freaked out by what I read.

Oh shit. I gotta go.

I rushed out of there in a fraction of the time it took me to get there. I breezed through the jungle, ran down the hill, into my backyard, kickedoff my tennis shoes into my room, into the bathroom, dropped my bag and took off all my clothes and started rinsing my ankles with soap and water in the tub.

The prickly vines actually scratched my ankles. Not good.

I never got poison oak on me before. I remember P2 saying he doesn’t get a reaction from poison oak, there’s like 15% of the population who doesn’t get an allergic reaction to it. I hope I’m part of that 15%.

I go upstairs, pull out all my herb/healing books start flipping thorugh the index. I get on my computer, start googling “poison ivy immediate remedy.”

Okay. They say you can remove the wax with rubbing alcohol. I grab the 99% isoprol alchohol and go downstairs into the master bathtub and douse my hands and ankles with it.

I go back upstairs, google some more, dish soap it says, I grab the Dawn soap from the laundry room (which I use to wash my latex), and go back into the mastertub and wash and rinse my ankles and hands with that. Then I douse myself with more rubbing alcohol, just to be safe. Then more Dawn soap.

I go back upstairs and Amazon some soap that supposedly cuts through the poisonous wax, some Hyland homeopathics specifically for poison ivy, another oral remedy for poison ivy, some random unrelated vitamins and a Gene Keys book (since P borrowed mine last week).


Wait. After I noticed the poison oak around my ankles and touched it to unfree myself from them, I pulled out my phone. Did I use my right hand? The same hand I touched the poison oak. And then I put my phone back in my bag. Did my phone touch Cutie when it was in the bag with her?


I wiped down my phone with an alcohol wipe or 4. If I do everything 4 times over, I feel slightly better.


Crazy. How something like a poison oak scare can totally derail my pervette productivity day.


Do I need to wash Cutie? What if she’s infected? And every time I touch her  I keep on getting that poisonous wax on me.

But if I wash her I’ll wash away the collective memory dust that’s on her.

I kinda vaguely like the idea how she’s now this untouchable cute thing, that only P2 can hold. In theory.

I would die if I can’t hold her.


Something told me to do less.

Don’t wash her yet.


I google “Poison oak allergic asian” hoping that maybe Asians are part of the 15% who aren’t allergic to it.

I read this study that says contrary to what many believe, you can’t get poison oak on you just by touching the leaves and vines, the plant’s stem has to be broken in order for the poison to get on you.

That’s good to know.

I flip through The Gift of Healing Herbs.

First, when you realize you’ve touched this powerful plant, thank it for what it does to protect the land.

I totally didn’t do that.

Send it your respect. It is doing an important job. I believe that poison ivy is also a spiritual ally..This plant teaches any willing individual to be your own guardian, to be aware of your physical space and what’s around you. This is important medicine.


I read the raving Amazon reviews of the products I just ordered to make myself feel better.


I realize I’m addicted to reading the reviews of products that I Amazon.


I can’t wait around for my Amazon two day delivery.

I set out for Lhasa Karnak, the herb shop..


The goth girl with tribal face tattoo at Lhasa Karnak recommend the soothing oak and ivy spray and jewelweed extract. She says I can do one or the other. I say I’ll do both. Good call she says.

I also found Tecnu the poison oak wash.

They have Curcumin on sale. R, the guy G introduced me to Monday, mentioned Curcumin being good for the hair. I grab it.

What’s this, Graviola Tea? For $15. I never heard of it. It’s made from soursop, I like that fruit. I google graviola. Lots of healing benefits, I’ll take it.

While I’m here, I should get more gotu kola, gingko biloba, and rosemary mint tea in bulk.

I pick up 4 other bulk teas. Some were houseblended.

A short lady comes in asking for CBD, saying her sciatica is killing her. The store doesn’t have the CBD that was recommended to her.

She wS right next to me and passed on the store’s CBD. So I recommend to her Level’s CBD protabs. It’s 25 mg each, super potent and effective. I pull out my notebook and write out the website address for Level along with the other different cannabinoids Level carries for physical pain: Delta-8, CBG, THCA. She thanks me.


P calls me as I’m getting rung up. I call him back when I got my $123 worth of tea and poison oak relief.

I get in the car, call P back and start applying the Tecnu on my ankles.

He says I’m gonna be fine. It’s just a rash. It’s not a big deal. His tone was sincere. So I felt better, like he’s right, it’s no big deal.

He’s on his way to Sawtelle for lunch. Sushi. He figures Sawtelle is a japanesey place where japanesey girls might hang out.




As I’m writing this I think I can feel the beginning of some itching. Is it my mind playing tricks on me?

Things I put inside me: ACV, lemon water, chaga tea, pistachios, chocolate square from Mast’s Everything bar offered to me by the Mornintide shopowner, spinach and asparagus I sauteed, a fried duck egg, more chaga tea, lemon water

Things I spent money on: ~$30 on 3 poison ivy remedy products on Amazon, $23 on Gene Keys; $123 on 7 types of tea, 3 poison ivy remedy products, and curcumin supplements at Lhasa Karnak, $16 on two rubber stamps (a feather and pointing hand saying this is important) at Berkeley Art Museum, $98 on 2 vials of Boiron homeopathic pellets for poison ivy, 1 vial of Boiron vial for mood swings, Garden of Life Mood + probiotics, Garden of Life Coconut MCT oil at Pharmaca; $30 for a piece of water color art by a local Berkeley artist,$25 on Herbee astragalus Fire Cider, $16 on a kids drafting kit (wooden rulers, protractor with waves, 2 circles, triangle, 2 pencils, pencil sharpener) at Morningtide; $10 on The Internet of Things book

Thursday, Oct 11, 2018, 8:44pm


Dear You,

I’m changing things up. I’m writing to you at night now. Even now, I don’t have the energy to write really.

I’ve been outside out and about all day.


So many little things to tell you.


Like how I finally have a handle on my appetite and diet.

The key is not be sedentary. To stay on your feet and go for a walk. The moment you sit your body registers it as time to eat.

That’s why I was going through that phase of constant eating.


I woke up from a dream where I was rehearsing for an aerial performance with friends. But the night of the show, I didn’t have my outfit with me.

I was in the car with P2 and my old professor (in the dream) pulling up to the elementary school/venue for the show. My old professor got out of the car from the driver’s seat to go in. The car was in neutral and sliding, I tried to get it to stop with the gear and not the brakes since I was in the back seat. P2 was sitting passively in the passenger seat. The car eventually rolled and sideswiped a parked mini suv. We were both miffed with each other, me with him for not doing anything him with me for trying to take control from the back seat.

My friends eventually showed up with my costume. I didn’t even know what it look like. I found an open unisex bathroom to change. I woke up before I made it to the stall of the bathroom


That’s three back to back nights of very vivid dreams where I was missing something important and looking for it.

Last night was an affirmation that what I’m looking for will show up right on time.

Maybe I should be more present and enjoy what’s around me (because the context of these dreams were pretty neat), rather than spend my whole dream (or life) looking for this missing thing.

Maybe it’s a sign that the missing parts of Pervette will show up at the right time.


Unlike yesterday, where I wanted to go slow and wander, I woke up with this determined energy to cross things off my to do list.


The check engine light has gone off in my car for the past half year. I was never in the mood to go get it looked at, until this morning.


I called up 101 Auto Body,

Don’t you guys have a sister mechanic shop?

Yeah, that didn’t work out too well, said the nice Asian guy on the orther end of the line.

Do you have any recommendations..

Yeah, Griffin Motorwork.

He recommended another shop and gave an anti-recommendation for another shop.



I called up Robert’s Hot Tubs, P the rep/specialist was out of the office, I left a message.


A texted, she’s going to get her eggs freeze in November and there won’t be a December retreat.

I told her Yay!

I’m glad we had that talk on the ride to the bootcamp, and me and T were able to convince her to reconsider not doing it.


P texts me: With blanket next to iphone charger texting friends

What is he talking about?

Oh he’s talking about me, I have a blanket over me and I’m buy the phone charger texting my friend

I forget he’s spying on me..


I packed my notebook, a printout of Gil Fronsdal’s essay on Dependent Origination (class reading assignment), P’s book, Under Saturn’s Shadow, and the dozen rolls of films I need to develop and drove to Griffin.


The guys at Griffin sound both nerdy and super chill. The space was huge, bright, clean and well appointed for a mechanic shop,. With all the merchandise they sell, it seems  like a place where you can being in your vehicle to get it souped up.

C, the guy helping me was super nice, had a comic book store clerk tone of voice.

They scanned my vehicle with their scanner device, it looks like there’s 8 things they need to look into.

I dropped the car off and then..


Walked through Fieldworks Brewery. Called up my nail salon and spoke to the owner in Vietnamese.

Are you free in 10 for a mani?

How about 30?



I got a Lyft. Since I have 20 min to kill, I randomly punched in Landmark Albany Twin for the destination. Easy dropoff location that’s a few min away from the nail salon. I can go for a leisurely stroll. Maybe even hop in this one random consignment shop that I passed by months ago before Burning Man. It seem like an interesting shop for costumes. It’s along the way.


When I stepped out of the Lyft and looked up on the marquis of the Albany Twin, it read: COLETTE.


Is this a bag within a bag? I ask the shopowner at Karma Closet. She looks like a character out of Liquid Sky: blond boycut hair, blue eyeliner, black 80’s dress, fishnet stocking and black leather booties.


I love how it’s clear. I’ll take it.


How much is that black flapper dress on the mannequin?

$24. And I’ll throw in the shot glass necklace, the side bag and feather headpiece and gloves.

The dress is too big, but I’ll take it. I can have my mom take it in.


Sometimes I feel called to buy things to support small businesses and their quirky shopowners.

Maybe it’s my way of justifying buying things. But I do feel like there’s soul to my money,  if I put my soul money into places that I want to see stay open, maybe it’ll stay open longer.

I want to put my money where it counts.

There’s something about in person transactions. It’s a more intimate transaction..


Check out this Bill Blass dress I just scored today. It’s like a suit on the top. Strait from the 90’s.

Wow. That dress is so her.

I have tons of wings and Rosie the Riveter costumes for Halloween. She moves the mannequin wearing my flapper dress to reveal tons of blue jumpsuits with the red polka dotted head bandanna.

Whoa, you do.


Can I leave pick up my stuff later? I’m gonna get a mani and still be walking around.


Great. See you later!



On my list of to do list is a list of clients I need to contact and reschedule our sessions.

To do is not to do.


I’m in monk mode again. Is this what they mean in the Buddhist text when they talk about guarding the sense doors?

I feel like I should keep my energy to myself

And I don’t want anybody’s to mesh with mine


I’ve been putting off phone calls and canceling hangouts. I can’t do it. Just imagining myself doesn’t feel right


Something tells me, go out, walk around, explore, don’t fret about being productive.

Go on your intuition



So far no poison oak outbreak.



soft jewelry


on the ride home, I started getting visions for the new 3rd page..


reading a billion wicked thoughts and the erotic mind has got me thinking what’s missing form pervette is the erotic path.


I realize I rarely write to you about the supposedly more eventful things, or the lively conversations I have with friends.

I suppose it’s because I know it will be remembered either by me or the friend in conversation.


It’s the small joys in the days I spend alone that I share here. Because there are so many of these tiny moments. It’s so easy for them to slip away.





What I put inside me: ACV, Herbee astragalus Fire Cider,  lemon water, chaga+MCT oil+cocconut oil+maca+macuna pruriens, pretzel with pimento seeds (off diet) and turmeric ginger tea at Hal’s office, kale I got from the farmer’s market that I  sauteed with bacon I got at Belcampo restaurant and butchery, brined sheep cheese from Weirbach Farms and cult crackers (I got from the farmer’s market), fried duck egg, more chaga tea

Things I spent money on today: $16 on 2 Lyft rides to and from the Albany Twin movie theatre, $23 on a little purse within a clear lucite like purse, $28 a medium sized black flapper dress that came with a side bag (that I can use as a template for future bags) 2 necklaces (one is a shot glass necklace, another inspo piece), and black gloves; $70 on a gel mani pedi, $9 on a matinee showing of Colette, $6 on a pretty pretzel with pimento seeds and a pot of turmeric ginger tea at Hal’s Office, $80 on a diagnostic check on my car, $5 on 3 Warren pears, $18 on two types of sheeps milk cheese, $8 on grain-free cult crackers, $10 on 2 bunches of kale and bok choy, $7 on 2 bunches of flowers I wish I knew the name of, they’re really pretty

Reading: Colette’s The Pure and the Impure: Daughters of Emptiness: Poems of Chinese Buddhist Nuns; Gil Fronsdal’s essay on Dependent Arising; Healing Magic


Themes: rosie the riveter (costumes and museum); water color (at morninngtide and hal’s office menu); blick (where to go to get this distressed stamppad and green japanesey watercolor kit); solano ave; mill valley; P seeing me through the security camera; rubber stamps, watercolors, jogging at dusk

next stop: blick, marina bay, rosie the riveter museum,


Saturday, Oct 13, 2018 2:44pm


Dear You,

Something is going on.

All I want to do is spend time


Wandering and wondering

What do I want to do next?


I’ve learned the art of telling people

Not yet.

I’m not ready to be social yet..


I love the term “monk mode”

Fallen out of the rhythm of correspondence

is another favorite.


I realize I also haven’t had much of a desire to be on my computer

hence the lack of journaling to you.


I realize I’m a high self monitor

or a shape shifter

My voice, face, sense of self changes

from one person to the next

It’s as though being with someone brings out a certain side of me

that’s specifically just for them.

It’s still all me.

I feel authentically myself.

But myself contains my infinite selves.


If I’m all of these people for everyone around.

Who am I

When I’m alone?


I feel like that’s why my intuition is telling me

To be by myself

So I can find myself


I find that

when I’m alone

I’m with my child self.


I’m asking her

At every turn, every stop, every go

How do you feel?

What do you want?

Where to next?


Yesterday she led me to the Photolab, Reveille, Aesop, Castle in the Air, the Garderner and Blick.

Even the names of the places sound fairy tale like.

With her, it always feels like a mystery.


Blick was the only destination I had in mind. The rest was all her.

Turn here. Let’s park the car. Walk this way. That looks open. Let’s go in there.


She’s been going up to people asking questions

Do you know who’s playing right now? (She’s talking about the song)

Where should I start? (She’s talking about calligraphy).

What kind of camera do you use?


She’s curious. And finding the right people to ask her questions.

The people she finds are characters, chatty, honest, forthcoming, interesting.

Everyone wants to help her it seems. They seem to be pointing the way, at least what her next stop should be.


She got me to buy for her some fancy japanesey watercolors, paintbrushes, calligraphy pens and ink, colored yard, glue, stamps and stamppads.


She’s been wanting to make these giant hearty salads, eat them on the grass and fall asleep in the sun.

She got to play with her new watercolors on the grass yesterday. The colors are so vivid. Last night she tried out her new calligraphy pens and ink. It’s not easy doing calligraphy when you’re handed. Thank goodness I got the book, Left Handed Calligraphy. This is just how it’s like the movie she saw Thursday. She feels like Colette (the writer).

She’s been thinking about costumes a lot (Belle Epoque era, like Colette).


All I want to do is let her guide me.


I haven’t smoked in days. I haven’t shower showered since Sunday. My hair is crazy knotty. I have a giant dreadlock developing. I look like I just left the house without changing my clothes or washing my face. I’ve been wearing the same outfit for days.  My black comfy black drop crotch pants, black tank top and my favorite comfy blue hoodie (the one with the broken zipper), P’s socks and black tennis shoes.


Back to basics.


I feel like a kid.


The moon room, round table and kitchen are a muppet mess, paper, stamps, stamppads, books, pens, paintbrushes, everywhere.

I feel so blessed

To have this time and space

To wander and wonder

To let every day

be a mystery



To do nothing.

To be no one

for anybody

and myself


I woke up at 5:34am to go pee. I can’t remember much from my dream other than that the chorus of Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself was on loop (it was on the radio when I was in the car).

I peered outside the bedroom door into the backyard to check on the weather and light. It’s still dark, and the air is unusually warm for this hour, which excites me. I don’t feel like going back to sleep. I should get up. And for a walk to catch the sun rise.

I have time to write out my morning pages, drink my fire cider and pack Cutie and the recorder.


On my morning walks, I’m aware that my mind isn’t blamk and I’m not fully present taking in the scenery.


I walk through patches of warm air and cool air. Is this what they mean by microclimates?


The sky is actually prettier on the opposite side of the sunrise. It’s like purple and blue. I walked to my favorite tree. Sat in the tall grass and looked up and around.


The sky is most colorful right before the sunrise. 7:14am. Sun just rose. Time to head back.


I set up my zafu outside in the lower backyard. And set the timer for 33 min.

I set Cutie on the bench beside me. What the bench isn’t super clean. I decide to hold her in my lap as I meditate


Thoughts thoughts..while I was meditating I thught about washing Cutie’s pink clothes instead of washing her. Then I thought maybe I should wash her hat. No I’ll just spot clean that little stain on her hat.


While I was meditating I thought about moving that white rug R brought that’s currently rolled up sitting in the dungeon bunker into the toad room of the house. And maybe I should also move that brass glass trolley tray thing too. I’ll enlist P2’s help


I want to a Fermob style bistro table and chair set for the deck. That way I can eat al fresco. That’s what I was thinking when I was meditating.

When I got done. I meditatively went in and Amazon searched for my bistro table set. They have it cute macaroon blue.


I can’t believe I’ve been in this house for 3 and 1/2 years and it’s Fall now and now I get my bistro table set?

But it’s only now that I really need to be outside more often, I need fresh air.

I don’t care if it’s getting cold. I don’t care if we’re gonna sell the house sometime soon. I want to eat and read outside..


According to Dependent Arising,

I just did the 12 nidannas…ignorance, formations, consciousness, name and form, sense bases, contact, feeling, craving, clinging, becoming, suffering

I just Amazoned primed my bistro table set.

When does suffering happen?

When it doesn’t arrive today, but Monday?



Where do I want to begin?

Maybe where I left off about my day..


S texted me this morning asking if I’m in NY if so he would love to see me. I’ll told him I’ll be there next week.

I won’t be around, he says,

The Bari Weiss article just dropped in the NY times all about him. He loves everything about it, except the photo.

He’s free in 30, wanna read the article and then chat?


I search and find the article.

Oh I see what he means about the photo. The funny shadow, his look, it’s slightly vengeful. He usually looks submissive and sweet. They obviously picked the photo where he doesn’t look goofy but seriously determined to sue someone.


I read the article. It was really well done and rounded out. There’s some crazy shit in there. The creator of the shitty men in media list sounds like a manhater, according to her deleted tweets.


I call S.

It’s so good to hear your voice he says.

Everybody thinks he’s a scumbag. He’s getting so much hatemail. He can’t even check Twitter, just to keep his sanity.

He’s thinking about buying a baseball cap to literally hide himself in NY. It’s that bad.

He’s already been spotted by people on the train since the article came out.

What’s a person who’s wrongfully accused of rape supposed to do? he asks.

Oh my god, the whole thing feels kafkaesque, I tell him.

He agress and thinks it’s Stalinesque.

Don’t your feel like your life is one big misrepresentation of who you are? I ask. Remember that film James Franco made of you that made tyou sound like a pathological liar.

Oh yeah, you’re right.

He wants to see a domme just to get tied up really tightly but he’s afraid to since he thinks everybody hates his guts.

I told him I still love him.

And if I was there I would totally tie him up.

Just as we hang up he says I love you and it’s okay if you decide to hate me too.

I’m not going to, I’m here for you.


Minutes later, the hot tub guy arrives with a new filter.

We meet out back.

The leak I mentioned came from a loose union, which he tightened.

He pulls out my old filter. It’s completely brown.

That’s bad he say, It’s supposed to be blue on top.

Wow, I can’t even see the blue for all the brown. I’ve never replaced or cleaned it oncce since we got the hot tub put in. Uhheheh.

Would you like me to show you?

Yes, I would love to learn.

We spend the next 44 minutes going step by step on how to pull out the filter, change or clean it. He has me turn some knobs and pull out the unit myself so I can get a feel for it. With an imaginary hose, he shows me how to clean the filter. I don’t feel like telling him that part isn’t necessary, it seems to arduous and tedious I would much rather change the filter than clean it.

He’s a very methodical and has a slightly intense demeanor, softened by a subtle smirk. He means well. I wonder who would date him? Maybe a submissive girl.

Filter changed.

I pay him 225.

He leaves.


I make 2 plantain pancakes, from the batter P made and left for me, they were so yummy. I take a picture of my pancake with Ueno, the stuffed panda he got me for at the Ueno Zoo in Tokyo.

See! I’m hanging out with Ueno! I animoji him.

P always accuses me of favoriting Cutie over Ueno and abandoning him., which is true.

But wtf, you can’t just bring in a new panda and expect me to love him like I do Cutie. Cutie and me go way back. Like 30 years.

Anyways, he was happy to see me include Ueno.


I ate my pancakes at 10:44, and hour and 15 before when I thought I would break my intermittent fast.


Then A, my mow and blower arrives, with the mint for the garden and a chainsaw to cut my dead tree out back by the hot tub. He brought his sone to help. I watch and document the whole tree-cutting process. At my request, he was careful not to cut the jasmine vine growing on the tree, he carefully removed it. With a giant hacksaw, he cut the branches off as his 14 year old smily son caught the branches and break them up, then he started sawing away.

It made me anxious how he would set the chainsaw which was still running on the fence as he was (on the ladder) trying to hand the chopped trunk to his son below him.

I asked if I can save a few pieces of the trunk as a memento. He cut me a few nice pieces.

He nicely tied up my jasmine along the fence when he was done and planted my mint.

I gave him a substantial tip for his excellent work and hats off to his son for being an awesome helper.


Then I made a giant salad and ate it on a picnic blanket on the grass.

It’s a stay at home kinda day.

I like how I go out on the weekdays and stay in on the weekends, that feels right.


I read and napped and wrote to you.


I went to the dungeon at 5. P2 was there waiting for me. He helped me move the brass trolley into his car, because it wouldn’t fit in mine. He got the giant white rug in my trunk. And we moved the last rug into the free pile in the building. The bunker is looking better..

I bumped into K, she’s moving to NY in a couple of weeks. It feels like everybody is moving to NY.

I meet P2 back at the house. We move the trolley in and  unroll the rug in the Toad room, it fits perfectly.

We catch the sun right before it hid behind the fog. The sky was pink and blue.

P2 tells me that a few nights ago, he woke up at 3 in the morning with a thought,  he’s going to get a second tattoo (his first tattoo is SLAVE written in big caps on his ass). He’s going to get a tattoo of Cutie on him.

I love it.

I tell him that I was thinking I would let him babysit Cutie for a night before I leave for 2 weeks to LA/NY.

He was very happy to hear that.

Since I take off Tuesday, we decide he can babysit her tonight and he’ll come by tomorrow at noon to drop her off.

That’s perfect, it’s just the right amount of time of being apart with her that I can bear.

I tell him I’m learning how to share Cutie with him, this is all new to me.


He says he saw an excellent film with Ryan Gosling in it, Lars and the (something) Girl. It’s all about this guy’s relationship with a sex doll and everyone (his family and small town) is in on this thing where they all pretend like she’s alive.

He says Ryan Gosling had this doll with him for a month beofre the fi;m just so he can get into character with her.

He reads and talks to her like I do with Cutie, P2 says.

I totally need to check out this film.


P2 does his chores while I contemplate whether I should eat some sheep’s milk cheese and cult crackers. I feel kinda bloated and decide no.

That way the last thing I ate was around 4:30ish. 6 hour window of eating. Not bad.


There’s more to write. About the things that are upsetting P2. But it’s getting late and it’s a lot to get into.


It’s 10:55pm. I think I want to spend the rest of my night reading the Samyutta Nikaya, Gene Keys, and the funambulist pamphlet on Foucault.


Tomorrow I need to respond to p3 , work on the doc proposal, write about power so A can plug that into her book.

I also need to shower, I can’t untangle my dreadlocked hair..



Back to my previous week

Picture up top- Wednesday sunset from home