(Cutie meditating on my blanket in the orgy room)


What I put inside me:


Oh right. Indian Summer. It always happens around Folsom weekend. That explains this incredible weather.




Monday, Oct 1, 2018, 2:22pm

Dear you,

My mind is spinning with so many ideas…

After 3 days of rest, my mind feels sharp again. Or possibly on overdrive..


There is no end to any project, it’s all a beginning of another level


All genres should be deconstructed and reconstructed to fit into a larger picture and purpose


The website, the 2 documentaries, the bootcamp, the sexshow, there’re all parts to a larger organism that is being co-constrcuted by all its parts


I actually have no idea what the end is, that’s the point, there is no end, it’s all feeding into a larger something that I can only make sense of in each present moment.


Nothing is concrete, nothing is set, it’s all soft and fruitful..


There is no end. It’s all another beginning..


I opened up my other MacBook Pro and there was an unfinished email I wrote to myself to not forget to write it somewhere here


In the future, we will all have perfect knowledge

On how to live life.

And we will all thrive on this perfect knowledge.


I can’t tell its it’s the Four Sigmatic chaga I’m sipping, the Samyutta Nikaya I’m reading, the dreams I’m having, the rooms I’m cleaning, the new large notebook I’m writing in, but I’m connecting the dots..


U said he wants to go deep in our interviews, it’s inspiring him to write a novel about a sacred prostitute who gives sermons at the top of Berkeley hills.

P2 last Friday said I should take what I do from the breakup bootcamp and do it here at my house .

Right. Right..


I have to remember that I go through phases

of resting

then I connect

and create


P is coming home in a bit he’s bringing G and A over.

G and I will discuss the sexual trauma doc, and hopefully get A’s blessing on creating our own bootcamp..


Last week, so many doors have opened. I still need to tell you about them.

Doors I couldn’t even imagine.


I’m feeling so grateful for these opportunities.


This isn’t much of a script to Pervette the sexshow, but it’s where my mind was going..


Pervette is not a show. It may seem entertaining. But that’s not the point, because to entertain is to hold you in a certain state of mind. Pervette isn’t trying to hold your attention to distract you from the world that you’re living in, in fact it’s the opposite, it’s trying to expand your mind, by making you more aware of your perceived limits and the way you relate to yourself and the world around you.

Pervette does not end. It only has many beginnings. This night is an initiation into the next level of intimacy. When you have reached the end of the night, you will have begun a new journey. The journey begins when you see yourself as a limitless being who is capable of creating a change within yourself and the world around you.
Pervette has two goals, to show you how to love, to show you how to let go. The means to each goal supports the other.


Please remind me to write about my current state of love and attraction. It’s evolving. I like where it’s going.


I text A, I think I have the answer to your question


When I fall in love

I fall in love with love.


Somehow the a-ha for me is that it’s all neverending, every single project keeps on going and adds to each other.


Remind me to check my Susan Miller horoscope


Remind me to get my palm read by the Hanged Man


Remind me to answer the reader’s questions on the domme guide


What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, green smoothie, four sigmatic chaga with mucuna pruriens, maca, and cacao; a giant spinach salad with almonds, avocados, and eggs; more lemon water, a hot chocolate concoction drink I made for me G, A and P and myself, it was alright, snacking on almonds and sweet potato chips with the girls, the last of the green smoothie shared with the group, grilled asparagus and sweet potatoes made by me and P


Tuesday, October 2, 2018 10:10pm

Dear You,

Maybe it’s the weather (it’s t-shirt weather, even right now). Maybe it’s my current disposition. But I feel like every day is a gift. I love my life.


I stayed up till past midnight reading Chapter 22 of the Collected Discourses of the Buddha. It was about the 5 Aggregates. And the path to liberation.


It’s all about seeing the impermanence of our experiences, and not clinging to them.

Of course there was more to it, but that’s my cliff notes version of it (I’m dating myself when I mention cliff notes)


I almost fell asleep on the biomat as I usually do, but this time I went downstairs and got into bed with P.


I woke up from a really lovely dream (I think it was inspired by my reading) to the sound of rain just pouring down, on our copper roof.

Erratic weather always excites me. It was 6am, still dark, but  I decided to get up, turn on the recorder, go upstairs record the sound of the rain. I laid on the biomat, opened the computer and listened to the audio recording of last Tuesday’s class, since I missed it when I was in NY.


D, the co-teacher with G, has a very soft voice. It was meditative to listen to her teach.


Once you can see it, you can liberate it,


The sky outside changed from dark blue to light blue. P got up, came upstairs and assessed my situation.

Uh huh, you’re on the biomat, you got Cutie, your recorder, blanket, computer, 1, no 2 bottles of alkaline water, yeah this is a mupp situation. And your nipple is sticking out. Yup.

Excuuuuse me Mupps..

I lift up my shirt, point at my tits as if I’m a bro pointing at my abs, Yeah, that’s for you, I say in my bro voice.

P gives me an incredulous look, like I’m so weird. That’s what I live for.


It’s 7am-ish, P takes off for Blue Bottle. I continue listening to the 3 hour class recording, as I get ready and print out this week’s reading.


Oh my god, the rain has made all the backyard look extra lush and technicolor green. I can’t stop staring. I capture a few videos of the rain.


P comes back makes a green smoothie, I pour a little bit of it into a mini jar for me to take to class, along with my glass bottle of Gotu Kola tulsi tea.


C’mon Mupps, we gotta go! P rushes me like he’s my dad and I’m late for school.

Okay okayyy, I sound like a 9 year old, trying to move fast.

I like it when P laughs at my muppety tone.


I drive us down the hill as P crafts a time-sensitive text to his co-founder. I drive down Bancroft. I never get tired of watching the college kids walk to school. My class ends at the same time as P’s last meeting. P and I make plans to get lunch around Berkeley. I pull up to the Institute of Buddhist Studies. P and I kiss goodbye. I give him a little ass pat/spank as I walk away. r

Really? Do you have to emasculate me in public?..That was the look he gave me.

I can’t help it.


Class was incredibly insightful.


I realize it’s getting late and I still want to get some reading in and call my mom before I call it a day.

I realize I want to give you all the details of my day. It’s hard to give you the quick and dirty version..

Because my day is about the conversations I had, the thoughts that crossed my mind, the little things that amuse me.

And there’s so much back story..



K suggests I do the chaplaincy program with G next year. I got chills when she suggested it.

I’m gonna do the chaplaincy program.


After class, I talked to M, a classmate who missed the first 4 weeks of class but has been in the last 2 classes with me.

She did her thesis on the Therigatha. I asked her if she can email it to me. Somehow we got talking, she told me that she’s bi, went through a cougar phase, was married to a narcissist and found out he was cheating on her with mulitple women at a time, after their divorce she went through a cougar phase, and had the best sex she’s ever had in her 60’s.

What’s a cougarphase? I asked her

It’s when women date younger men

Oh right.

I tell her she looks amazing for 72.


After class I walk to Pegasus and got a book by John McPhee called Draft No. 4

P was already a few minutes away. We meet at Gather, our default..


Lunch, home, fuck, nap, hot tub, pancakes, I take P to the airport, then I drove to Lakeshore, went for a walk in the warm balmy night, stopped by Good Vibes and got 32 Glyde flavored condoms (vanilla and strawberry). Stopped by Proposition Chicken and got 6 orders of bone broth. Went home, made some noodle soup with the bone broth and the miracle noodles (my new obsession). Ate, then called P, he was drving from the airport back to Santa Monica, thinking about me and us and how amazing our realtionship was, which was funny because I called  to let him know that all the self work he’s doing, an how he’s following his curiosity and reading all these books, it’s really awesome, I think he’s going to be where he wants to be. I told him I’m so proud of him. He was really happy to hear that.


After we fucked, I had this feeling like, aww I’m gonna miss him after I drop him off. I think it was the time of day, the magic hour that made everything more heartbreakingly beautiful.

I forget how fleeting my moods and feelings are.  Now that I’m alone I’m excited about all the things I want to do..


P asked for 3 things before he took off, the DMT pen, my Gene Keys book and my cookbook on cooking vegetables (the one my slave M gave me). All things I consider valuable but happy to share with him. I’m happy he’s curious about Gene Keys..

What I put inside me: lemon water, tulsi gotukola tea, green smoothie P made, vegetable soup and field greens salad with chicken and egg added, mint tea at Gather (with P), plantain pancake P made with goat butter, some almonds and sweetpotato chips, a tiny piece of Lulu’s raw chocolate, a noodle soup I made with chicken broth from Proposition Chicken Miracle noodles, mushroom, sweet potato, and tons of chili and spices, and a piece of the green papaya that’s been sitting on my altar for 2 weeks.


Wednesday, Oct 3, 2018, 2:22pm

Garden Downstairs – Berkeley


Dear You,

How do I describe to you this blissful feeling? I think it’s the weather. 72 degrees (I believe), a gentle breeze, blue skies, bright sun.

I’m sitting out here in the garden using the the circular bench as my table as i write this, by the bamboo, maple trees, and hydrangeas.

I think it was the vivid dream I had last night, it seem telling, I’m not sure of what. I was hiding my note/books and money in my two friend’s giant houses. But they were concerned the inspectors would find them, I totally understood where they were coming from, and grateful that they even hid my things for me even just for a bit, so I put it all in my leather jacket. The two inspectors (they were beautiful and bitchy) came unexpectedly but I somehow knew that I can easily hide my jacket form them in the woods. And I did.


I woke up, pressed my bird alarm clock, the voice said it was 9:11am. I slept in, yesterday felt like it was a month ago.

I felt strange, like a child home alone. In my morning pages I wrote several times, I wonder..


I have a session tonight. Structure in my schedule feels funny. It’s at 7:30, which means I’ll get to have all daylight to myself.


I placed my picnic blanket and zafu on a mid section of the giant circular bench outside my bedroom. I brought Cutie and my books and notebook. I sat and meditated. I watched the leaves fall. And a squirrel scurry by along the fence. I read a tiny book I got in NY, it’s a collection of interviews with Truffaut from 1960-1976. I make a hearty bowl of noodle soup (it’s my favorite thing) and eat it outside in the same spot, listening to the sound of the wind move through the trees. Holy fuck. This day is so beautiful, all Iw ant to do is stay outside and soak it all up. Which is what I’m doing.


This is next level bliss. I think it’s gratitude or awe of how magical my life feels. I feel like a lucky kid who gets to wander and wonder, what do I want to do? And I get to do it. All. Sometimes it’s just doing nothing but taking all of this in. All this beauty, this magical house that holds me, the yummy food that feeds me, the loving relationships that nourish me, the passion projects that fuel me, this incredible day that excites me. How can this be?

How can I be so incredibly lucky?


Everything feels like a blessing, even this cold.

It’s pleasantly waning.

Every time I blow my nose, it feels like it’ll be the last time.

Without it, I wouldn’t have weened myself off of my slight chocolate and sugar addiction.

Without it, I wouldn’t have rested as much as I did, without guilt.


I wonder if not consuming sugar has anything to do with this bliss.


I’m still thinking about yesterday’s a-ha moment in class.

If one has a healthy relationship with their body and food, they have created the foundation for a healthy relationship with everything else.


It all starts with your relationship with your body.

Your self.


What a difference




going slow

fresh air


good food

no sugar



Everyday is so different from each other. All I can do is try to be present as possible to take it all in.


I kinda feel like Alice in Wonderland


I’m not gonna fret about the days I haven’t recorded or shared with you. I think I have it all in my head or in my recorder. I think I can recall everything I put inside me.


Maybe I’ll read the Collected Discourses of the Buddha out here..

What I put inside me: acv, lemon water, brain tea I made, super yummy soup I made with chicken bone broth (from Proposition Chicken), asparagus, mushroom, egg, baby spinach, romaine lettuce, sweet potato, and miracle noodles, hickory smoked pistachios, 4 sigmatic chaga elixir with coconut oil, mct oil, and Nunaturals monk fruit sweetener.



Thursday, Oct 4, 2018, 9:11am



Reply to P3:

I hope you’re feeling better. I’m almost over this cold. The proposal looks great. I’d love to expand on it. I should have time tomorrow to do that.
I’m really excited that you want to do a portraiture. I think there’s going to be a lot to go deep in and capture, not to mention I think this upcoming year will be a very momentous year to document. I’d love to discuss more of the things I see coming up when we meet.

Also, I’d love to chat about playing with and expanding the structure and genre of documentaries and films. There’s this idea that a film always ends. And the viewer goes back into the world potentially effected or not by what they saw. But what if we create something that when it “ends” it actually feels like a beginning. A beginning for the viewer to start their journey. It’s a call to action..


If we align the pervette doc with the website (which by the time the doc gets released should be in good shape) there’s a way for the viewer to take action, to become a part of pervette.


Pervette being this community, this movement, this intimate level of consciousness..


I think in some way, if Pervette is my gift to humanity, my attempt to create a matriarchal revolution, to bring back the power of the feminine (and masculine), the doc is capturing the very beginning of this, its origin, its momentum, all the key parts and how it comes together..


What’s the difference between a vision and a delusion?


A delusion isn’t grounded in reality, I think.


Sex sells. Or that’s what we think. Because we have been conditioned to become consumers.


But what if sex delivers..


The moment you can see and know that all of life is trying to teach you how to unlock and embrace all contradictions, you win.


How do you want this to end?

For us to fuck


For us to fuck it up


All beginnings and endings are arbitrary.


Everything has become an act devoid of meaning?


Why are we doing this?


Deconstruct FUCK

It’s a very complex word that is both positive and negative


If sex sells, then I will deliver it.


The goal is to laugh

at ourselves


That’s the a-ha


What drives us. Why does it drive us.


Keep on digging..


Explanation as orgasm.


That’s the goal…


I’m beginning to see another beginning..



Days of rest. Brain in alpha.

New connecstions

Leading to endless beginnings.


How do you keep a book alive?

How do you keep a film alive?

How do you keep a website alive?

By never letting it end.

Nothing dies if it grows and evolves.


I have to tell you something.

I’m going to try my best

To start a matriarchal revolution.


I’m 82% manic creative

18% everything else.


No one makes bold declarations anymore.

It’s too much.


The goal

ego death


Death by Ego


It’s noon. My sister is going to pick me up. We’re heading to Healdsburg.

She’s taking me out to Single Thread.

For my belated birthday dinner.

My birthday is Feb 7th


It feels like another day of playing hooky.

It’s bright and gray, sometimes the sun pokes through, I love this weather


You know kids get super excited when the weather quickly changes


Change feels good.



Will I get triggered by her?

Don’t get frustrated if the conversations feel shallow.


Please don’t judge me

Just trust me.


She’ll be here any minute.

I don’t want to get dressed.

I just want to dump all of this out of my head.



rest. connect

rest. create.



it’s days like these where i want to go back and fill in the gaps of my entries to you.

but will it color the mood differently.

but i’m mostly always manic.



(from what I can remember the next day)


My sister comes over, an hour later than planned, which is typical and works for me, I’m slow to leave as well..


On the ride to Napa I ask if we can head to Fish instead. D has been wanting me to stop by for lunch there (for 7 years now). We turn the car around and take the 580.


D was happy to see us. He showed us the kitchen. He introduced me to his cook.


We used to go out, he said to his cook, We never broke up.

It’s true, I said, we’re still together.


I wanted some oysters, the steam basket and a fish taco, he didn’t think that was enough. The food kept on coming out. Everything was too yummy.

We got done with lunch at at 3:33pm

Our dinner was at 5:30pm and over 50 miles away.

We gotta go..

We said hello to and played with D’s dog, S. She was happy to see us.


In the car we talked about real estate. Or should I say she talked about real estate.


I have to ask questions, like

Who’s so and so. And

what’s that?

She has this strange glitch of never contextualizing anything.


I stayed present and curious, kept on asking questions.


Holy fuck. We ate too much.

But it was all






What I put inside me: ACV, lemon water, chaga tea with MCT and coconut oil,



Friday, October, 5, 2018, 11:11am


Dear You,

My gosh, my moods keep on shifting like the weather.


I think it’s social media. I went on it just right now and last night after what feels like a many month hiatus, and it makes me feel like I should be keeping up with the Dommes. I never post about my travels anymore. I never post anymore.

I think that’s a good thing. Or should I say, I feel  like it’s a good thing. It feels good to not get wrapped up. To stay present, stay focused on Pervette. There will be a time when I re-engage, probably when I’m ready to reveal Pervette. Which isn’t now.


Speaking of the weather, it’s officially autumn. This cool weather reminds me of back to school, when I was in 7 or 8.

I think I’m gonna go visit my mom next week, I feel compelled to. It’s the weather. And I didn’t really visit her all summer, like I usually do.

She spends most of her days and nights on her ipad, on Youtube, on Facebook,  on something..When I think about her doing nothing all day, all alone, it makes me kinda sad. But maybe she’s used to it. That still makes me sad. Maybe she likes it. I need to visit her.


My gardener is here leaf blowing. He’s going to plant my new mint that S2 got me. The sun is coming out.


This October weather is rewinding me back to both childhood and Oct 2015, the fall after we moved into this house together and when we (for the first time) started dating other people while we were in the same time, all before we were in a long distance open relationship. This was new for us. We were so young. And I pushed his buttons so hard. He pushed mine back, maybe even harder. We almost lost it.


Holy fuck. I just ate a whole bag of pistachios. I was doing so well all last week with eating moderately and mindfully, then yesterday’s giant epic day non-stop eating happened.


It’s gonna take me a while to list everything I put inside me yesterday. It was insane.


So I ate like crazy yesterday. And I compulsively ate a ton of pistachios. Old me would feel like shit and call myself a cow. That’s old me.


I felt compelled to organize my notebook collection this morning.

When she moved into the guest room, she hired a personal assistant (with what money, I don’t know) to move all my stuff from the drawers and closet of the guest room into clear plastic bins.

In one of the bins is my prized notebook collection. Notebooks I’ve collected from my travels to Europe and Asia. They’re mostly still blank waiting for me to fill them up, as I am, one or two at a time.


As I was organizing them back in my drawer, I opened up a notebook that I had filled up in 2001, when I was a sophomore in college.

I’m contemplating whether I should type it out or take a picture of my old journal and paste it here.


Yup. Still crazy.



Gonna go to LA and OC next next week and fly to NY from LA the week after. .


Part of me feels like I should be hanging back. But I have a show to put on and a second documentary that requires interviewing participants.


Friends I made in this last trip to NY are reaching out today. I’ll be back I tell them.


A friend I made in Burning Man texted,

Why didn’t we all have sex at Burning Man?

She asked.

Good question.


It feels like I’m in continual friend-making mode.

But I don’t have time to keep up with everybody.

Because I’m continually trying to create space

For more friends?


Mom calls, she saw the pics my sister texted from yesterday, it looks like we ate a ton.


This upcoming new moon, which starts on the 9th is going to be the start of  my double bad month. Try not to eat meat. Be extra careful while driving or traveling. Nothing I do in this time will be successful.


Should I go to NY? I really wanted to go to catch Richard Rudd. I gotta feel into it.


My mom tells me about Fan Bingbing, a Chinese actress she likes, who evaded taxes and now has to pay $70 million in fines.


She’s watching a lot of Chinese soap operas these days.

She doesn’t seem to be that excited when I told her I’m coming home to visit.


I stayed up last night till 2am reading the Erotic Mind.

I’m recalling my past peak experiences with my ex, C.


I have the whole day to myself.

I should be working on my research paper due this Tuesday.

I haven’t even started it.


The sun is out.

My mom can hear me typing to you through the speakerphone.

She’s gonna go sweep the house.


This autumnal weather is making me feel so many things.

Nostalgic? Reminiscent? Anxious?


I need to either meditate or masturbate.

Or both.



I masturbated in the orgy room. Staring at the blue sky through the tall glass doors.

Got up.

I feel like I’m feeling every feeling I’ve felt on this day at every year of my life.

I’m recalling memories from the OC, LA, Paris..

I feel these feels when I can feel the seasons changing.


The blue sky is calling me. I just laid out a picnic blanket on the grass in the upper garden.

I’m gonna read the Samyutta Nikaya and meditate.


I realize I spend a lot of time

thinking about the past

and how I want to record it

I feel like I need to let go.

A little.


Diary entry from 1-6-2000


My goal this year is to contemplate more. I’m gonna keep 2 journals. One for the morning and one @night to record my day. I’m gonna try to write more and read more.

I need to be a better person.

I want to aspire to something more than this mundane life.

I want to have more time to be creative.

I want to have fun.

I need to be free.

I need to record my past. Before I forget.

I need to do so much.

I need to utilize my time.

It can’t be wasted.

I need to be efficient.

No more wasting time.

I’m gonna make books and draw and feel better.

I need to take more pictures.

I don’t have time to eat..


Nothing has changed.


Gonna go outside and read the Samyutta Nikaya on the grass while the sun is still out.

Then I’m gonna contemplate how I want to write out my research paper. I think  it’ll be about the nuns, and maybe Mara’s daughters. Something about the portrayal of women in the scriptures..




I read in the sun. I took a nap in the sun. I woke up. Cutie was watching over me. I read the 3 (out of 56) chapters about women in the Collected Discourse.



Nothing like a nap on the grass to slow me down.

And watching these two microscopic green bugs crawl over Cutie.

I always like seeing (cute) insects crawl on Cutie.

It makes her seem even more alive.

And I think she likes it.


I made a green smoothie. Read some more. Meditated, watching my shadow, listening to my thoughts.

I think a lot about food.

Even when I’m not hungry.

What should I eat next?

What’s in the fridge

that I need to consume

before it’s too late?

Bone broth, salmon, clams, asparagus, sweet potato, mushrooms, eggs

I want to make another giant bowl of noodle soip

with everything above

But I’m out of the shirataki miracle noodles

I really want the noodles in the soup

But I’m totally in monk mode

I don’t want to leave the house

The grocery store, people, driving,

It’s too much.

I need to guard my sense doors.

What do I do?

I can do it.

I can catch the last of the sun..





So I went out, and got a ton of shirataki noodles.

Tom Petty was playing on the radio. And at Whole Foods.

The clerk ringing me up was talking to another clerk who was tired and has a another job to go after this.


I feel incredibly fortunate that I have all this time to myself.


I think about P, how he shifted gears this time last year, and stopped throwing himself into his start-up, which was killing him. He just let it go (and let his co-founder take control).

And all of this year he spent his free time in LA working on himself.

He’s evolved a ton since.

And our relationship has never been better.


And I remember how before my sabbatical, or before P and I were together, I was a workaholic. I sessioned like crazy. I even took sessions when I was sick. I just kept on going. Thinking the more money coming in the better.


Now I’m on the other end. I have no desire to work just to make money to save it for the sake of saving money. I’m actually quite happy with no money. Just enough to get by.

Of course I realized I’m blessed that I have a roof over my head, thanks to P.


It’s like I’m in high school again.

I rarely went out,

Socializing was unproductive and inefficient.

If I stayed in and studied all day.

I’m back in that mindset.

I want to be alone

So I can meditate

And create.


I’m on the fence about NY.

I like being there.

But right now all I want to do is be right here.


I want unstructured days all to myself.


I have  44 or more friends who want to see me and “hang.”

I can’t do it.


There’s no time to lose.


Interesting how I’m reading the Erotic Mind and the Collected Discourses of the Buddha at the same time. One book tells me to recall my peak experiences of arousal, the other tells me to abandon desire and lust.

I can hear an old voice coming back. Saying don’t you want you to feel that way again?

But now I can discern that it’s just a voice.

I go back and forth between desire and no desire.

I think I like no desire better.



While I was working on my research paper, P pokes through the security camera. He just wanted to say that he loves and really appreciates me. He’s reached the end of N’s book, The Truth. Somehow reading that made him appreciate me/us.


Late Saturday/Early Sunday Oct 7, 2018 1:22am


Dear You,

It was a long day of being with people.

Dad called on the way to the dungeon. Don’t go camping, he says. He tells me about some couple who went camping in the desert, the nav wasn’t working, they got lost, they didn’t have enough water, then died.

You know what selfie is? He asks.


No selfie.

Men die with selfie sticks more than women, he reports. It’s because they’re standing near a ledge of some cliff, like Lake Havasu, and then fall over..

Her got my check in the mail.

There was some other cautionary tale. The main theme is don’t go camping.

He says he collects these stories throughout the week to tell me so that I can learn from these “experiences.” It’s his lessons for me.

Thanks Dad.



Really good session with S. One hit of viper cookies got me in the right head space. We played with the new electro toys he got for the session. Crushed and electrified his balls, plugged him anally with the electrode, sounded him with the electro sound, and used the violet wand on the tip of his cock all at the same time as he’s spread eagle.


Came home, made myself some noodle soup. Then P2 came over, he was sorta depressed. Kavanaugh was appointed our supreme judge. What??

We visited with Cutie, which cheered him up. We have more Cutie theories.

I think playing with Cutie makes it easy for me to be celibate (or monogamous).


Then I go to S’s at 5:25. There was a strange convergence.. G, S, and T are three friends whom I know from  different contexts, it was strange that were all there at S’s house.

Everyone there did the toad, except for S and the masseuse.

I got a really good massage with a chatty gal, who will put me in touch with a really rad former sexworker/lawyer for women’s rights/owner of a pole dancing school.



I thought I was gonna be there till 8, but I didn’t take off until 12:22am


I get high off of knowledge and ideations.

and Level’s Viper Cookies.


S had a complete shift this year. It’s a blank slate, he says he’s not sure what he’s gonna do next.

We parked 2 domain names.







Oh it always starts as a joke


2 of G’s guy friends come up and chat with me, they were very interesting and engaging

one’s a mathematician/artist and got excited about some math thing behind the space between the fractals


G says she wants a girl on girl experience.

She wants to dress up and embody a Goddess

And express herself sexually without inhibitions.

I said, we can make that happen.

I have a friend who’s going to make us the lace veils.

She touches me

says my skin is soft.


I’m not gonna have a kid, I don’t think.

I’m just going to make love and art with my friends, and that’s our baby.


co-create over procreate


I’m not tired. I’m running on passion.



Back to my previous week