Sunday, September 15, 2018


Dear You

Some days move so quickly

I have no time to sit down

and tell you everything.


It’s been chilly

Somehow this weather makes me think of Winnie the Pooh


I sessioned with for the first time since being back from the Burning Man. A3 and I got high on Viper Cookies, he asked

When you love someone, what do you love about them?


Our time together is sapiosexual’s dream..


Afterwards, in the dressing room, G comes in, she looks amazing. She has lost 25 pounds.

She has a crazy pile of clothes on the floor. My OCD side got triggered when I first saw the piles of clothes. She said she could explain.

She’s gettinv rid of all the clothes that don’t fit her anymore.

And her client gave her a ton of lingerie to for our cross-dressing closet.

She was gonna sort through them.

She sat on the rug next to the piles and started holding up each item of slightly oversized lingerie.

It was a decent selection, we picked out the ones that we really like. Then we got carried away and decided to go through the whole lingerie drawer in the boudoir and started editing out the pieces that must go.

Beige, cream, ivory, all those colors looks so blah and dingy. Gone

We have so many oversized Mother underpants, blegh. Gone.

We created a pile, for one-off disposable panties that we can send subs home in or tear them apart in session.

It somehow became an impromptu comedy hour. G holding up each pair of panties and us sizing it into the three piles,


Disposable one-offs



Then we went into the boudoir, and started organizing the out of control adult baby drawers and started sorting everything into the 3 piles.

Omg can we get rid of this??

I pulled out some ugly dress from the x-dressing closet.


It felt so good to purge. And to spontaneously spend quality (productive) time with G, making space in our studio.

I can feel it. The transformation of the space is happening. We’re breathing new life into it.

I have a vision that an army of badass femmes are going to learn how to Domme in our space.

We marvel at the fact that we’ve been business partners and owned this space for 8 years now.

I tell her we need to do a photoshoot together.

G says she’s finally ready for it.


Afterwards, I got my car washed, came home for an hour to tidy up the space. It’s a mupp mess, open books are everywhere, clothes that I’ve shed and thrown around the moon room. My toiletries have spread to P’s side of the bathroom.


Once tidied, I took off for the direction of the dungeon, again, since the aerial hoop class I’m taking is not so far from the studio.


Class was hard and fun…, there were 5 of us,

an 11 year old who can bend her body into a pretzel and in between sets would just do the exorcist spiderwalk because she was clearly in a stretchy mood

There was a tall skinny dude who can barely reach and touch his toes during the warmup

There was a twenty something gal who is clearly really conditioned, I filmed her do her sets and asked her to show me how she did this move and that. She’s been doing the trapeze for two years she told me when I asked about her experience.


P’s flight was majorly delayed today, so instead of coming in at 3:30, he came in at 6:30, and ubered from the airport to the dungeon. He got there at 7:06. I arrived 8 minutes later after I got done with my class. It all worked out.

I had made reservations at Dyafa at 7:30. We drove over and got there with 5 minutes to spare.


Off diet dinner night…




And there was a tall beautiful waifish African American gal who has never done any of this before and was having a hard time, bur when she did the mermaid, she looked amazing..


What I put inside me: ACV, lemon water, hot protein collagen maca, mucuna pririens chocolate drink, pistachios, almonds; pita bread, chickpea bread, labneh yogurt dip, shrimp dish, and layered rice entree, chamomile tea at Dyafa; Quispy Hu Chocolate!

Monday, September 17th, 2018 11:11am

Moon Room – Berkeley


I spent this morning buying tickets to shows

To Then She Fell

It’s everything I love combined:

Interactive, uniques experiences

From the makers of Queen of the Night


Alice in Wonderland


I can’t believe I got tickets for the sold out show when I’m in town

(I kept on scrolling down the TSF FB marketplace page and just when it seem like I was going too far back, voila!)


And I just got one ticket for my friend to join me at Twisted Windows

(Z put put me on their guest list since I’m going to be flogging them for them for their ritual piece on shame resilience in light of SESTA/FOSTA)


Then I was closing window tabs and came across the youtube video of  Daniel Day Lewis’ Reason for Quitting Acting. I rewatched it and took notes.

The reason Daniel day lewis quit acting

Daniel Day Lewis— Toll of being a method actor, exceedingly

I follow my curiosity and it takes me to all kinds of strange places..”
Post-production depression
Emo repercussions of letting it go
The last day of shooting is surreal. Your mind, body, spirit are not prepared to accept that this experience is coming to an end. You’ve devoted so much of your time to unleashing, in an unconscious way, some sort of spiritual turmoil.
Not sure what to do with yourself when finished..
Antidote to this other thing I do. Most particularly, perhaps, because you see this visible evidence, you have this tangible thing at the end, and if you fuck up, you can see it very clearly, and do it again. It’s not a matter of of opinion. It’s either good or it’s bad.
Stay centered, working with your hands
I am, whether I like it or not, a public figure at times. Then I disappear it seems..
Of course, in my experience, I don’t disappear I’m just doing other things, what I’m doing is re-engaging with life.
The work itself is pure pleasure, but there’s an awful lot of peripheral stuff that I find it hard to be surrounded by..
I like it to be swift because the energy you have is concentrated and fleeting..The great machinery of film can work against that.
Emotional and physical risks…
I have a competition me. I want no one else to succeed
I just wanted some time away from it all. I need that quite often.
I have quite a strong feeling of when I should work and when I shouldn’t


Then I went down this rabbithole and watched a clip on how different certain child stars look now, eddie furlong, macaulay culkin, lindsay lohan, the kid in star wars, cindy from the brady bunch, the little kind in family ties, there’s something about the those who play the cute young one, they seem to struggle the most..

Cautionary tale:

Don’t play the young, adorable one..

You will suffer.


Then I watched a sequence of awkward celebrity interviews.  It’s basically a ton of clips where the star breaks form or protocol and alls the interviewer on their shit..


Conclusion: Awkward is good,

because it’s real and pointing out the truth


I wish I can interview actors/actresses and ask them questions, esp about flipping the script..

Like to Robert Downey Jr.

How did you turn it around?


Is is sacrilegious that for two weeks now I’ve been masturbating while reading the Connected Discourses of the Buddha?


I don’t why.


The readings are about Mara the Lord of death and desire visiting the nuns..


Realization: My home is a Goddess Temple,

Must put together more gatherings for healing and playing


Lip balm label: let me be your balm




6:33pm Moon Room


P came home at 5:33pm today so that I can that he can hand off the car to me to catch my aerial class.

But I decided not to go.

I was feeling wobbly..

Sore from my aerial hoop class yesterday.

Maybe I’m also OD’ing on magnesium.

I don’t know if it’s all the masturbating and not eating.

(I swear I don’t get hungry when I’m so satiated from my rolling orgasms.)

Anyways, as much as I want to go to the aerial class, my body was saying rest.

So when P came home, I told him I’m not going to class. Instead I went for a soak in the hot tub, which was perfect for my sore muscles.



I’m here sitting with P in the moon room watching the Space X announcement. he looks like a giddy


In real time:

it’s 6:35pm and

Yusaku Maezawa is the first paying customer who is going to the moon via BFR (aka Big Fucking Rocket)

“I want to go to the Moon, with Artists,” he says.

P is getting all teary-eyed.

(It’s so cute)

“#dearMoonIn 2023, I would like to invite 6 to 8 artists from around the world.”

This guy has instantaneously become the coolest guy on the planet, P says.


Who will go to the moon? P asks. Maybe he will choose Pervette. P playfully points at my thigh. He took that thought right out of my mind.


My god Elon is so quirky and slightly autistic, but honest, it’s amusing watching him talk.


After our moon geekout sesh in the moon room, I noticed the sky outside is super golden.

Quick, we gotta go outside.

We made it to our lookout point and caught the sun setting, it was a pretty one..


Then we made a quick trip tot he store to get plantains and more avocados.


When we came home, P and I decided to make sweet potatoes and asparagus.

We were experimenting, I made mine with coconut oil, he made his with olive oil.


We ate, then P watched his football game, and somehow I was able to concentrate on my reading. I did a second pass on the class reading for tomorrow..


There was lots of screaming and cheering from the TV, I went over watched the replay of an interception that pretty much ended the game. P and I watched the rest of the SpaceX Q & A with Elon and Y..Then I started dozing off.

We went downstairs  to bed together


Tuesday, September, 18, 2018 11:44pm


Dear You,

It was a magical day.

It started with remembering my dream about being in a japanesey or some cutesy Asian village with temples and Gil Fronsdal, was giving a talk..

I woke up with insights about the class reading.

I slept in as D made a smoothie and pancakes, he said he couldn’t believe I didn’t get up for his perfect pancakes. I’m glad I didn’t, I needed the sleep and I don’t think I need to eat in the morning.


P and I packed our stuff. I was going along with P to Blue Bottle, even though I didn’t really need to get a coffee there. Wahen we got tot he door there was a note saying their espresso machine isn’t working. P says he actually wanted to get a coffee in the city. How perfect. He dropped me off at school. (Last week I was the one dropping him off before I head to class).


I was early to class. Weird how I’ve been early. Maybe it’s because I don’t need to wash my hair everyday anymore. That takes up so much time..


The comments I shared in class garnered lots of nods and note-taking.

It pays to read the text closely.I feel like I’m slowly becoming an erudite…


I bought 6 books today..

All about Women in Buddhism..

Then P3 gave me a book on Buddhist nuns..


P3 made me lunch, I tell them that they live really close to the Gates, actually on the same street just 4 blocks down.

Incredible meeting of synchronicities

3333 unread messages in my inbox. 33 unread text messages. I spent $133.33 on books about Women in Buddhism. And I got $33.33 off for a student discount.

On the way to and from the airport, I saw a sign for a gas station, 3.33 was the price of gas. And I passed by a building twice that had the address 333 in giant font on the side of the building..



More to recount.


Tomorrow, I need to water the orchids and trees, pack my toiletries, vitamins, and I’ll be off for NY…


Wednesday, September 19, 2018

I wake up at 8ish. When I pack for a trip, I like to clean as well. Me packing my toiletries means tidying up my mupp explosion in the bathroom vanity.

Me packing my underwear and socks means sorting through and folding all my clean laundry from P’s that I left sitting in the baskets since I washed everything from post-Burning Man. (I have a tendency to avoid folding laundry). I’ll have P2 fold P’s laundry while I’m away.


I have this tendency to take my time at the beginning of my packing on the day of the trip, then when it comes to the last hour. I start speeding up.

Oh shit. I still need to sort through and pack my vitamins. Pack my backpack. Water the orchids. Make a green smoothie and salad. (can’t let all that spinach, lettuce, and avocados go to waste).


What I put inside me: lemon water, I ate the following on my flight from SFO to JFK: kale salad, arugala salad, roasted brussel sprouts, plain croissant from Dogpatch (this organic local place I found at Terminal 1 at SFO); sea salt and vinegar popchips, gluten free snack mix, banana, mint tea; cheese and apple at B’s when I arrived.


Thursday, September 20, 2018


It was a perfect wanderlust day in NY that led me to where I ought to be.



Friday, September 21, 2018


Hudson, New York

Dear You,

It’s been a non-stop since I took off for NY. I’m here in Hudosn at the Breakup Bootcamp. It’s gray, a little ominous but a perfect 69 degrees. I’m outside where the fresh dewy air feels good. The first day of the bootcamp is always the roughest. All 15 women are coning in at their lowest. Looking for a way out of the depths of their sorrow and frustration. For an empath, it’s hitting me. I’m somber. My energy is depleted. After sharing their stories and crying it out, the bootcampers are doing yoga and breathwork. I’m here sitting on the terrace. It feels like all I can barely do is breathe slowly and move quietly.

But writing to you feels good.


The chef’s assistant is happy to see me again. She texted me a while back and is interested in becoming a domme. She showed me her website. She’s an artist. I like her work. She works with discarded objects that have reached the end of their lives.


This is the third trip to NY, my third breakup bootcamp. The schedule and structure feels similar, slightly groundhog day-ish. But all the same, it’s of course different.


I’ll try to go back and quickly recount my Wednesday and Thursday. Hopefully my somber mood won’t color it in a way that distorts the mood that I was actually in.