(photo of the Temple Burn at Burning Man on Sunday)

 

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Burning Man – Black Rock City

 

Dear You,

I’m writing about at Burning Man from when I got back.

It’s Thursday, the 6th.

.

From what I can remember…

.

It was Sunday, the last full day at Burning Man.

We went to bed at a decent hour the night before, around 2am.

.

When we woke up, P had gone out to get his latte at Center Camp. I hung back, laid in bed, recorded my dream, wrote, then got ready and tidied up our RV.

.

P returned. He had a great morning despite not getting his latte. Center Camp runs on volunteers. And as you can imagine there was a shortage of volunteers the morning after the Man burn.

I think we had bacon for breakfast. And some green smoothie I made. And something else, I wish I can remember. It wasn’t plantain pancakes. Was it leftover walnut bread with pistachio butter?

.

We were scheduled to help with lunch prep, which probably meant doing the dishes again. We were mentally prepared to tackle the crazy heaping pile of caked pots and pans in the makeshift kitchen sink outside by the trailer.

..

When we arrived for kitchen duty, it was a different crew and it looked as though they had everything under control. They were no dirty dishes. ANd they had a system a wash/rinse system in place. Wow. We walked away, and back to our RV. Phew!

.

Just as we were about to nap. A, G and their friend C came to visit. We bust ourt the snacks.

Oh my Goddess! G exclaimed when she had a sip of our green smoothie. We passed the jar around until it was all gone.

G is looking for a ride back tomorrow. We told her if T, the camp leader can’t make it on our flight back, she can take his place.

.

To fill in later..

Woke up from nap,

Is that an optical illusion or is your back tire flat, P asks.

Oh shit.

.

We made asparagus, brussel sprouts and something walnut bread for dinner.

.

We walked to the temple in the gloaming. It felt like a pilgrimage.

.

Quiet somber burn..

.

We walked to Center Camp and saw a bunch of art along the way, the line for a hot drink was too long for us (we both have a strong distaste for waiting in lines).

.

The camps are clearing out.

.

Monday

 

Made sweet potatoes and brussel sprouts for breakfast and shared it with A and her new boytoy.

.

 

T decided to hang back to help break down the camp, so G gets to take his place.

P and I moved so efficiently as we packed. Got done just in time for T to take us to the airport in the van. I supposedly sat next to a princess, she had the subtle air of one. She was nice..

.

Funny how the two guys who were supposed to ride back with us cou;dn’t make it, so A and G got to fly back with us.

It was P and 4 ladies on a chartered plane. Well worth 11K.

Up in the air and looking down on the congested rode out of Black Rock City, we were all so grateful that we got to avoid the long lines/ride home. For some it can take 8 hours, for us it was a 2 hour flight from BRC to Oakland.

.

P rode up front with the chatty pilot. They were enjoying each other quite a bit.

When we landed, P concluded that he’s getting a pilot’s license.

.

I’m gonna eat a burrito, G says.

J says she wants In and Out.

We grabbed seperate ubers and parted.

.

It was so nice to come home with just a backpack on our backs and arrive at an immaculate house.

P2 had swept, took out the trash and changed the hot tub water.

.

D took a shower first. When he was done I hopped in. Was it just me or did my hair smell like piss? Thank god I didn’t notice it until a second before I stepped into the shower.

.

I took the longest shower ever. Applied 3 kinds of shampoo.

.

While I was showering, J, the cute scientist guy at BM who has a crush on me after I told him I was a domme arrived. I took my time in the shower. Him and P were talking about Level cannabis products and how awesome it was.

Right when I got done showering and drying, which was 40 minutes later, I can hear J saying give my regards to __ as he left.

Perfect timing.

.

J’s craving for In and Out made us hanker for a burger. So we decided to do Belcampo, a new place I found through SF eater.

When we started driving out P noticed that I had a flat back tire.

We came back and P changed the tire.

It felt like carryover from BM, him taking care of all the many things..

.

We decided Belcampo might be too far a ride for our spare tire, so we opted for Clove and Hoof, which we’ve never beem. Their meat is supposedly high quality since it’s a butcher shop as well.

I got the C & H burger sans the pimento cheese. I added bacon and gluten free bun. It was insanely delicious. It was huge, it had 2 patties. I savored every juicy bite and finished it.

Then we went to Whole Foods and got the staples, I got a bunch of pink tulips.

Can we stop by P2 to pick up Cutie? I asked P.

P intentionally ignores me just to see me squirm. We stop by P2 since he lived 2 blocks away from Whole Foods.

P2 was waiting outside, when he saw me get out, he lifted his satchel cover and there was Cutie’s head poking out. So cute!

As he handed her over to me he said he had the best week (of his life? or all year?) with Cutie.

I could imagine.

He went upstairs and grabbed my valises of treasures. It felt good to be reunited with Cutie and my important artifiacts.

On the way back we stopped by Blue Bottle, on Broadway, We shared the yummiest latte together.

That totally perked me up, P observed.

I can’t remember what happened next..

Tuesday,

 

Dropped P off at Downtown Berkeley Bart, he barted into the office.

Bumped into S as I parked my car, for a change I was 30 min early, so we went for a walk and talk.

First day of Buddhist class.

So happy I signed up for it.

The usual  G groupie gang was there.

.

G and D went into the background of the Samyutta Nikaya.

The text is derived form an oral tradition.

It was all memorization and recitation back then.

.

Feels uncannily connected to my obsession with wanting a photographic memory.

.

We chanted a few verses call and response style.

.

K, my old grad advisor, was there..

Isn’t his pedagogy amazing?? She exclaims.

I agree.

.

During class break, the usually closed IBS bookstore opened its door for me and S to peruse.

I got an iridescent silk/rayon zafu with a dharma wheel on it.

Like my swatch watch, these purchases are amulets.

.

2 hours into the class, we finally went around and introduced ourselves and why we’re here. 2/3 of the class were grad students studying theology. The G groupie gang, which I’m a part of, were all auditors.

.

Uhhh..

Hi, I’m ___. I was a grad student at Cal. K was my advisor. After I got my doctorate, K got me into meditation and told me I should take a class here with her. So I took my first class last year studying the Long Discourses of the Buddha. This is my third class with G and D, I enjoy their teaching styles and the material they cover and so that’s why I’m here.

.

I should’ve mentioned that I learned how to meditate by listening to G’s guided meditations and that I was there because I wanted to deepen my practice and understanding of Buddhism by getting closer to the teachings of the Buddha.

Anyways..

.

 

After class, at 12:30pm, I drove to the Claremont Hotel, where D was eating a crab salad at Limewood. I finished his scraps.

We got high on the terrace and was in the best mood.

Then we went down to the spa. P extended our massages so there weren’t any gaps between our scrub/massage and facial.

.

We parted at the gendered lockers. I went for a soak in the jet spa by the window. I had the place to myself.

.

Then I went in for my scrub/massage. My masseuse was pleased to hear that I gto back from Burning Man, she just learned about it from a recent couple who got a massage as well. She said they flew in. Hmm. Kindred spirits. .

.

I was a dreamy half sleep state as she softly scrubbed me (I wish she scrubbed me hard like int he korean spa) and put stones on me and massaged me.

.

I lost track of time.

Then the hydrafacial, which felt nice and gentle as well.

 

We both came out at 5pm  in a dreamy haze.

.

Home, napped, woke up, I made us tacos. P loved them.

Then we went to Gather for pizza.

We’re hitting all the comfort foods. And totally going off diet.

.

We came back and crashed.

I think we slept for 11 hours.

 

 

 

Wednesday, September 5, 2018, 6:44pm

Moon Room – Berkeley, California

 

Dear You,

I’m home and fully decompressed from Burning Man.

My gosh, there’s so much to tell you..

It’s gonna take a minute..

.

Another leissurely day.

.

P and I got mani pedis at my usual nail salon.

.

 

 

 

Thursday, September 6, 2018 11:44am

Moon Room – Berkeley

 

Dear You,

P has just left for a full day in the city. Which means for the first time in 2 weeks, I’m finally alone.

.

And I’m fully decompressed from Burning Man.

.

I can’t tell if it’s..

the way I woke up (and recorded my dream and wrote out my morning pages),

or the way I went to bed (I meditated and started reading the Connected Discourses of the Buddha),

or how P and I connected this morning (over plantain pancakes and bacon and in the hot tub, talking about our parents and traveling..and  the prospect of taking over Mission Heirloom)

the hot drink that I made that has all they yummy goodness in it (it’s been a while since I made a hot drink)

or the Magnesium calcite I took last night

 

I feel centered and calm.

.

P asked for a healthy lunch spot recommendation this morning as he was texting his friend, L,  on where to meet.

I suggested Beloved. It’s in the mission (and can seat 8 people at a time)

His friend wanted a place closer to the Marina.

He suggested La Med.

But it’s not on diet.

What about that one place that catered my birthday party? I asked. Seed and something?

I googled “vegan sf seed”

The result: Seed + Salt

That’s right!

“Permanently closed”

Awww…

What’s up with all these healthy spots closing? P asks, Like our favorite spot, Mission Heirloom..

Which reminded me, I wanted to see what the update was on Mission Heirloom, has it been taken over, will it reopen??

Fingers crossed.

.

I found an article on Berkeleyside on its closing.  How the couple/owners lost their operations manager. I also learned about their story, how the wife had two autoimmune diseases and was able to heal herself through a paleo diet.

Then there was a link to its for sale listing. I clicked on it.

You can buy the whole business for 650K.

Which includes a wine/beer license.

Whoa.

I showed P the listing..

Our minds started swirling and we went into ideation/thought experiment mode..

It was so fun to think about its possibility..

.

It’s kinda perfect since P has been all about clean eating and pontificating about how we need more high-vibing food places/education

.

We’ve also been inspired by S & M, a power couple I met (whom I’ve been wanting to meet) at Burning Man.

At the beginning of our relationship, P and I followed their trek online when they rowed together from SF to Hawaii to test their marriage and broke the world’s record to raise awareness about the harm of sugar.

.

They started a company together and they were also on the no kids path forever, until they rowed together.

.

What if P and I start a company together?

What if P and I decided to do something totally fucking crazy, like have a kid together?

.

As we were ideating, I emailed the listing to D, my ex who’s an executive chef (and recently has been super aimless and depressed, esp since his breakup)

.

Just an hour ago I emailed the listing this is to my high-vibing friends who also love Mission Heirloom and were heartbroken when they found out about its closing…

Here’s what I wrote..

Can you imagine???
Mission Heirloom reboot!
Mission Heirloom menu favorites
Plus
Our yummy additions
Paleo/keto/gluten/Lectin-free options
Erewhon-style concoctions/drinks
CBD elixirs
Menu price point options from low to high so everyone can afford a meal and drink (from $3 tea to $33 elixirs with deer antler, cordyceps, etc 😉
With our curation of our favorite healing products and books
Multi purpose space to hold gatherings, events and classes
A little beautiful cozy corner/cottage for massages, tarot readings, etc.
Co-op run?
Evolving Inspired menus: beloved, squirrl in LA, mission heirloom, gracias madre cbd snow cone,
We can even say that that these items are inspired by our favorite high vibing restaurants
Aaaahhh!

.

I can already see how all my friends  cooks, healers, bodyworkers, entrepreneurs) can be a part of it..

D and all his restaurant friends can help manage the operations

My sister has always had a dream of opening up a cute breakfast place,

My friends who are healers and bodyworkers can rent out the cute healing cottage

.

I know I know I should focus on my current projects, like Pervette, first..

.

I just got carried away by Amazon Fresh. I’ve never tried it before and D has been recommending it to me since he thought it would be convenient for me because I live up the hill.

I shopped and was about to place an order for some organic avocados,

But they don’t have what I really want..

Hu chocolate bars.

.

Okay, it’s 1:22pm. Time to get focused…

.

I want to recount everything I ate for the past week..

.

I want to catch you up on Burning Man, how the experience has helped me reconceptualized Burning Man, since I came in with some preconceptions.

.

It’s interesting how the the things that are most divisive have something for us to learn…

.

I haven’t masturbated in forever. I should masturbate.

.

Maybe I should alsm smoke some Jack Frost

and/or

DMT

2:22pm

I masturbated, came twice.

And made myself a bacon and egg taco. Yum,

Okay.

Time to get going on Pervette.

.

I think I’ll start at the beginning…

Work on the settings page.

.

Fuck I just went down the Super Mario Brothers and Galaga play youtube rabbithole, as I look for the right terminology, is it settings or player options?

.

Going with Player Options.

.

I can’t stop masturbating with Cutie sitting on my chest.

I love the way she bops up and down, up and down

When I come.

.

3:00pm

 

Just updated the Player Options on the hello page.

I’m trying to steer you away from your phone.

Because Pervette is best experienced through a computer.

9:44pm

 

I was on a roll cleaning up some pages on Pervette: transmedia, intimate playground, lines

then I got the mail.

Among the catalogs and bills was a letter from a collection agency. That’s strange.

It was for a parking ticket that I never got.

Oh right..

I had rented a car for a friend because she didn’t have good enough credit. She had gotten a parking ticket with the rental, which I later found out because I got a letter from the City, which I gave to her to take care of. It seems as though she still hasn’t taken care of it.

.

I was disappointed.  This was among a few loose ends she still hasn’t taken care of.

.

I could try to forget about it or I can express myself.

.

I took a picture of the letter then I crafted an email to her. I stated my feelings, facts, and requests.

.

I felt better.

.

Then I went for a walk with the DMT vape pen. I passed by the barren spot where the trees were cut down, then I made it to the secret spot and when I landed at my tree. I took a long  hit and stared at the trees. They were animating..

.

I came back and made a yummy salad and ate it. Had a nibble of chocolate and did the dishes.

.

I started taping receipts/lists/quotes/artifacts into my journal then P came home. He was in a chipper mood. He had a good lunch with L, coffee with A, and his parents were in a surprisingly great mood when he picked them up at the airport. He took them to the Claremont, where his brother was waiting and they checked in. All four of them had a had a great meal at Limewood.

.

He “tivoed” the first football game of the season. He was still snacky. I told him I can make him a taco.

Oh really? That would be great Mupps, P says all excited.

So I made him an egg and bacon taco which he had as he watched the game.

I really like this Main Mupp thing he says, all bashful and goofy sounding.

.

It’s a new thing

him asking for me to do something for him

(historically, given his relationship with his overbearing and record-keeping mom, that’s not easy for him)

And me cooking for him.

And to top it off he loves my cooking.

.

I like this newness.

.

What’s this? P asks picking up a pair of my panties I threw on the ground by the stairs, Did someone juice their panties?

Yeah, maybe, I reply like a 10 year old trying to say no big deal.

.

I can tune out the din of the football game like it ain’t no thing.

Funny how that sound used to trigger my abandonment issues.

.

I took a cold shower this morning.

For the first time.

Intentionally.

Sorta.

.

P and I were soaking in the hot tub, P got out a took a shower first.

It looks like the hot heater went out at the end of my shower.

Hmm..it’s cool.

I’ll fix the hot water heater after I take a shower.

.

I soaped up with some lavendar soap and then rinsed.

Whoooooooo! It’s cold.

Especially on the back.

As a fan of hot steamy showers, this was new.

And slightly invigorating.

.

Everything that’s uncomfortable and different from your norm is kinda like bdsm.

.

 

What I put insinde me:

ACV, sip of green smoothie and a whole plantain pancake P made, lemon water I made, willow tea organic mint mate, hot drink I made with Ancient Organics chocolate keto protien, Bulletproof chocolate collagen protein, royal maca, mucana pruriens, golden milk, calming adaptogen, mct oil, coconut oil, vanilla bean powder, vanilla extract, cinnamon, cayenne, real salt, and a shaving of saigon cinnamon with my microblade, a bacon and egg taco with grated parmasean cheese and Fix siracha on Siete cassava tortilla, a sip of green smoothie, tons of vitamins, DMT, a spring mix salad with friend bacon and eggs, blueberries, almonds and walnuts, a tiny piece of chocolate, lemon water

I stopped eating after 8pm. Gonna try to intermittent fast if I can..

Back to my previous week 

 

Saturday, September 7, 2018, 10:10pm

 

Dear You,

I just lost everything I wrote for the past hour. Argh.

.

And I ate too much. And I have this tendency to tighten my stomach when I do.

Which doesn’t help my cause.

.

If I sound slightly annoyed, it’s because all of the above.

.

It was a great day. Until I ate too much.

.

I thought I was gonna work on Pervette. But that didn’t happen.

.

I woke up in a great mood.

I was feeling androgynous.

Like Mr. Magoo androgynous.

.

I had a clear directive from my subconscious:

Go to my safe deposit box. Grab what’s left, and deposit it into my account. Pay down my credit card debt.

Then go to the post office and set up a P.O. box.

.

As me, P and Cutie were laying in bed, I asked P

Hey Mupps. Do you think you can drop Cutie off at school today? And can you pack her lunch too?

Somehow it felt nice to pretend like Cutie was our kid and we had all these responsibilities, to highlight the fact that we’re so lucky that it’s not really real.

P went to Blue Bottle. I hung back and wrote and masturbated and stared at Cutie.

I need to write about Cutie. I need to dedicate pages and pages to her.

Just her existence makes me believe in magic.

.

P came back with an Oatly latte, I took a sip and threw it in the vitamix and jazzed it up with 11 ingredients.

.

P went for a soak in the hot tub, I sat outside on the bench by him. We chatted about something I can’t remember now.

.

We went to Whole Foods to get the staples and items for tonight’s dinner.

I picked up some yellow tulips and fuschia dahlias.

I wanted to throw in an impulse item, Bitch magazine, because there was an fashion editorial spread inspired by cults. But I didn’t because I didn’t want P to think I’m getting yet another magazine that I won’t read.

I should’ve just thrown it in there he was distracted by Twitter while checking out.

Elon Musk is smoking a blunt on the Seth Rogan show, P says.

The clerk with dreads ays her boyfriend loves the Seth Rogan show.

.

We went to Monterey Fish Market and got some black cod. $80 dollars worth.

.

We went home to unpack the groceries.

I was just gonna drop P off at Chow so he can have lunch with his folks while I run my errands, but I ended up joining them. Everyone was in a great mood. I was there to listen so his parents had someone new to talk to about things that P and his brother probably already heard.

Did you know the only difference between white and brown eggs is their color?

P’s dad wished he asked his parents more questions before they died. Like how did they meet?

P’s mom lost 25 punds on her keto diet. We were all on a more paleo/keto diet, except for his dad who had a chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream for desert.

P’s dad is the ultimate Mr. Magoo.

 

P’s mom was wearing the mala bead bracelet I gave to his dad for Christmas. She said it was because it was blue and for her trip she packed everything blue.

.

After lunch, P decided to not head back home to nap, so I dropped him off and went to the post office. It was empty and the clerk behind the glass wall was my favorite post office clerk from another branch. He was so happy to see me. He said he hasn’t seen me in forever. It’s true, I now have my slave going to the post office for me these days. He helped me set up my P.O. box. He suggested that I don’t get the biggest box. I thought I was going with the second to largest box which was 11 X 11. I asked for an interesting P.O. Box number, one with repeating numbers. He was happy to go back and look for one.

How about 8555?

That’s great.

When he gave me the keys to my box, I realized it was the second to smallest size. He assured me that I don’t need a bigger box, if I get any packages that don’t fit my box, they’ll place it in the locker and leave a note and key for me to fetch it.

Alright. I can already tell I want a bigger box.

They have some old school looking air mail stamps. I grab a sheet.

.

After the post office, I went to the bank. Inside my safe deposit box was 7K. In my head I thought I had 13K. Oh well. I took all of it. Deposited 1920.

I now have two empty boxes.

.

After the bank, I passed by a rug store going out of business. I perused it. I was thinking I might want a tiny little rug. But oriental rugs are really pricey, I conclude.

Then I went to a store next door that older Berkeley women would shop at. I found 2 Indigo silk scarves made in Vietnam. I tried one on and wrapped it around my head like a head scarf. I feel like a Muslim or an old professor lady.  I like it. I got one for myself and one for P’s mom, since it’s her birthday and it’ll go with her blue ensemble. I also got her a blue stone bracelet.

.

Then I went to Pegasus and got P’s mom a tiny book, Pema Chodron’s Awakening Loving Kindness. I flipped through it. I wanna read it myself.

 

Came home, wokeP up form his 2 hour nap and catnapped for 20 minutes. Got up at 5 and started tidying up the house.

.

P’s folsk came over as we started prepping for dinner. I was hyperfocused and made the fish and asparagus. P made the walnut bread and brussel sprouts. We cleaned as we cooked and chatted with P’s mom. P’s mom says we work so well in the kitchen together. It’s true. We move so fluidly around each other now. And we know exactly how to divide and conquer.

There was a learning curve, I told her.

She winked back at me.

.

everything came out of the oven at the same time. We plated. P was impressed with how quickly I moved, which I didn’t even notice until he pointed it out.

.

We sat at the long dining table in the dining room. A first for us, since we’re so used to eating at the round table in the breakfast nook.

P says he has so many fond memories of this wooden table. He got it when he was in tokyo..

.

 

 

What I put inside me: ACV, lemon water, Blue Bottle Oatly latte plus all my hot drink fixings; poached eggs, avocado, tpmatoes and gluten free toast at Chow, pistachios, 2/3 of a Hu chocolate bar; Dinner me and P made for us and his mom, dad, and brother celebrating his mom’s birthday: lemon butter black cod I made, asparagus I made, brussel sprouts and walnut bread with goat butter P made, lemon and plain pound cake plus pistachio and rum ice cream S made, lemon water

 

Saturday, September, 8th, 2018, 2:00pm

 

Dear You,

I stayed up last night absorbing blue light from being on the internet. I created a wishist on Amazon. I see why people create wishlists. It’s kinda as satisfying as shopping but without the money spending part.

It’s weird how after I binged on deserts and felt sick, I consoled myself by staying up until 2 binging on the internet.

And then I woke up feeling still slightly disgusted with myself for having no self control.

I feel like I’m triggering my old high school self, the binging one that had no self control when she went off the deep end.

It’s so easy to go down this spiral.

.

P was in a great mood when he got back from Blue Bottle which only highlighted my moodiness.

The art car from our Burning Man spontaneously caught on fire, he reported.

And while he was flipping through this aesthetically pleasing cannabis magazine called Brocolli, he came across a whole spread on J, the friend in our BM camp, whom we gave a ride back in our chartered plane.

While P was mI told him I think I need to bail out of lunch with his folks today, he was slightly disappointed but didn’t want to push me to do anything I didn’t want to do.

He knows that I’ve been in a funny spell since I overate last night.

He made a giant pancake with a circular mold we got from Amazon yesterday. It kinda didn’t work too well, once lifted, the batter just ran, but the pancake turned out yummy. I asked for him to make another pancake using the new unicorn mold. He joked about how I probably don’t need to eat another pancake.

I act extra sheepish and disappointed in myself.

You should have the last bite, I tell P. He says he’s done. But then he says he’ll save me from myself. He cuts the last big bite into two and wolfs both of them down in front of my face.

He laughs as he sees the sad dismayed look on my face.

Somehow I turned my mood around slightly by having us make fun of my “eating disorder.”

.

As he went for a soak in the hot tub, I made a giant salad for him to take to his brother’s bbq. I made a giant salad for myself.

I told P to bring the loaf of keto pound cake with him to the BBQ that way I won’t be tempted. He said let’s just leave it here, but just don’t eat it.

How cruel.

He took off. I tried to mindfully eat my salad. I cleaned. Meditated. Laid on the biomat. I should be working on the Pervette parths. I should be doing the reading for my Samyutta Nikaya class. I should be more productive than I am.

But I’m moving slowly.

I want to write about how real this struggle is, the one that I think most girls face everyday. The struggle with learning how to love and take care of their body.

As “good” as I am about my diet, one of the first things I do when I wake up is lift up my shirt and check out my waistline. My whole mood can revolve around how I feel about my body..

.

I think the culprit is sugar and nuts. I’ve been feeling fat since I’ve been eating tons of dark chocolate dipped in pistachio butter.

I also can’t help myself when I see a Hu chocolate bar. I must eat. All of it.

It doesn’t help that I’m Scrappy Mupps when I’m around P, who snacks constantly but eats like a bird, and leaves tons of scraps for me to inhale.

I think my relationship with food has always been weird, ever since growing up poor. I would eat a ton whenever there was food thinking that could hold me over for days when there wasn’t much food.

I know that earning how to moderately and mindfully eat is part of my lesson and journey.

I need to read the Plant Paradox book and Mindfully Eating.

.

I can feel it, some part of my high school self wants to go on a sugar binge.

I can’t believe P left the pound cake here.

.

I’m gonna start listing the things I’m grateful for, to distract me from my sugar cravings..

.

I’m grateful that after all the time and money we poured into Burning Man (5 weeks and $50,000), it felt like it was totally worth it. So many things could’ve gone wrong, but it didn’t  The experience of harmoniously living in a tiny RV together (with intermittent power at first) in a desert with tons of stimulation and magical encounters was a true test of how far we’ve come in our relationship. We couldn’t have done BM a year sooner.

.

I’m grateful that the weather has been amazing all last week at Burning Man and here now in Berkeley.

I’m grateful that I signed up for the Buddhist class and was fully rested for it.

I’m grateful that P and I had 2 full days to decompress with a scrub, massage, facial at the Claremont and a manipedi at my favorite nail salon.

I’m grateful for a perfect birthday dinner with P’s family last night and the opportunity we had to cook for his family.

I’m grateful to witness the evolution of P’s family. How everyone’s EQ is getting better, making their get togethers more harmonious.

I’m grateful that P is becoming aware of his tendencies to want to run away or retreat (esp with his folks in town) and he’s opting to be hold still and be fully present.

I’m grateful that P and I know how to flow together like a team, esp in the kitchen.

I’m grateful for our friends, family and acquaintances can sense how good our energy is together and they love being around us.

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I’m grateful for having a binging moment so that I can become more aware of my relationship with food and my body and find ways to -oh wait, I can hear the garage door opening, P is home..

 

9:44pm

 

P came home, We fucked (or made love). It felt good to connect physically, P said. Funny how we haven’t had sex since pre Burning Man and it was just today when the timing felt right.

We’ve been so connected on so many other levels we almost forgot about sex. Or at least I did.

I remember when I used to think that sex was the glue that holds a relationship together.

After sex, we napped for an hour and a half. Woke up at 5. P got a missed call from T, the BM camp leader who’s coming in today with our BM stuff and 26 foot long truck. P called him back to coordinate. We eent upstairs. I dug into the keto coconut cake that S made for the BBQ and P brought back. It was so moist and dense and super sweet. I just ate around the three layers of frosting and ate the cake parts.

I felt guilty for a minute.

We hopped in the hot tub for 11 min and 11 sec. The weather was so perfectly calm today.

P’s mom was in the mood for burgers, Belcampo was booked so I suggested Henry’s. Again I bowed out. P can tell them that I’m staying home and awaiting T’s arrival with our BM stuff.

Or I can tell them that you stuffed your face and now you want to stay home all day.

Anyways..

P takes off. I did my reading for my class outside.

Something about that cake, possibly the 40 grams of fat, it made me feel incredibly full for the rest of the night.

I made myself a decent sized salad with bacon, eggs, blueberries and walnuts.

T and F, the leaders of our camp, arrived just as I was walking out to catch the sunset, we started unloading and stacking our 11 playa dust-caked bins and bikes into the garage.

They were in a surprisingly good mood, all things considered..

(I’ll list all the things that went wrong later)

F said this was an amazing year at BM.

I agreed.

They were grateful for P renting the largest truck possible for them. And for the beach wagon (P got to haul our produce across the playa) which helped considerably during the camp breakdown.

and for the boom speaker which came in handy during the long ride home.

 

I gave them a loaf of the lemon poppy seed cake S made. F was into sweets so he was grateful. I was grateful that he accepted it and now I don’t have to tempt myself..

When they left, I started opening up the bins, I found the snack bin which also had the old vitamix, I pulled that out. I can’t wait to make my hot drinks in the old vitamix.

I started looking into aerial classes in the east bay. I think I’m check out a new aerial place on Monday. And the following Sunday, maybe I’ll drop in for an aerial hoop class at another aerial place. Am I finally getting serious about this?

P comes home. He parks the car next to the BM stuff. We hop into bed and squirm and cuddle together.

Did you shower? P asks.

Umm, partially.

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Do I have to come get a little mupp from the biomat again tonight?

I almost forgot that P got up at 2:30 last night and came upstairs to guide me down to the bedroom. I had fallen asleep on the biomat.

It’s a ritual now. I always fall asleep on the biomat. Wake up around 3 and go downstairs to the bedroom..

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I’m glad I had a day almost all to myself.

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I’m going back and quickly filling in the rest of this week. Before it slips away..

 

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I know I know it’s slight body dysmorphia to think that I’m fat. I’m at peace with myself right now.

I’m excited to learn how to eat right and moderately. I really think I need to cut out sugar. Or at least stop eating a ton of it..

Themes of the week: craving burgers (J’s In and Out, Me and P’s Clove and Hoof, P’s mom), flat back tires, (on my bike and car), wheels (P replaced all 4 of my wheels, the dharma wheel on my zafu), palindrome arc of T and F returning our BM stuff, Empty boxes (safe deposit and P.O. Box), loose ends..

Highlights: Coming home, seeing Cutie, days of pampered decompression, buddhist class, just being with P, after so many days together, we’re still enjiying each other’s presence, cooking with P for P’s mom’s birthday, getting motivated to get back into shape..

What I put inside me: ACV, lemon water, 2 plantain pancakes P made, shaped as circle and unicorn, a salad for lunch, coconut keto cake S made, a salad with bacon for dinner..