I didn’t have many toys nor did I receive much attention or affection growing up.

So in my fantasy world, I was a beautiful, dark, and mysterious girl with magical witchy powers. I had a pet raven on my shoulder. I was always in the far woodsy corner of the playground. I had an intense gaze. People found my aura enchanting. Boys were both afraid of me and in love with me. Everyone wanted to get closer and play with me.


Sometimes I imagined holding a boy’s hand quickly walking and running, leading him down a trail in the forest laughing as we go.


The feelings were so visceral. The feeling of being magical. The feeling of being loved, having people fall madly in love with me.


My father wasn’t around after my parents got a divorce (when I was 3).

I bought a Deric Wan cassette tape when I was 7. He was a Hong Kong actor and singer. Even though I wasn’t Chinese or understood Cantonese, I would listen to his tape on repeat with my headphones and walkman. It was the soundtrack to all my fantasies.





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