I didn’t have many toys nor did I receive much attention or affection growing up.

So in my fantasy world, I was a beautiful, dark, and mysterious girl with magical witchy powers. I had a pet raven on my shoulder. I was always in the far woodsy corner of the playground. I had an intense gaze. People found my aura enchanting. Boys were both afraid of me and in love with me. Everyone wanted to get closer and play with me.

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Sometimes I imagined holding a boy’s hand quickly walking and running, leading him down a trail in the forest laughing as we go.

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The feelings were so visceral. The feeling of being magical. The feeling of being loved, having people fall madly in love with me.

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My father wasn’t around after my parents got a divorce (when I was 3).

I bought a Deric Wan cassette tape when I was 7. He was a Hong Kong actor and singer. Even though I wasn’t Chinese or understood Cantonese, I would listen to his tape on repeat with my headphones and walkman. It was the soundtrack to all my fantasies.

 

 

 

 

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