Dear A,

(This is pretty stream of consciousness so please pardon the rawness…)

I haven’t stopped thinking about our call last week..

The tone of your voice,

how meek you sound.

How sad you felt

having to ask him for permission

if you can be in the same room with him.

How you said,

This is humiliating.

And how our call ended with me offering you an invitation

To step into another world,
a new possibility

I want you to feel into that invitation.

Because that invitation is still here.

As far as I can see

You have two choices:

A) You continue

doing what you’re doing,

waiting

Hoping for him
To come around

and change his mind

and heart

Or

B) You accept my invitation

to come out

and play
with me
And I show you how to change
and take control
of your life
And become a dominatrix
.

Here’s how I see the two choices play out..

A) You continue. Waiting for him to come around. Hoping things will be like it was in the beginning.

You continue to ask him to spend time with you, to hold you, to show you affection, to surrender to your undying love for him.

But the more you ask of him, the more he feels suffocated and pushes you away.

He doesn’t receive your love as love. He sees it as a burden.

The more you need his love, the more you drain him.

Because he’s not in a place to give.

He’s still broken and grappling with his own self-doubt and future

after his career plans fell through

His ego doesn’t know how to deal with this reality.

And so he’s running away.

He’s using dating apps and other girls to escape.

Because they don’t know his reality

Like you do.

To face and be intimate with you

is to face and be intimate with reality

That he’s trying to hide from.

.

And so you put your life on hold,
waiting for him to be ready
To come out
To come to his senses
To see what you see.
.
But he just doesn’t want to
And so the painful cycle continues
Down a spiral

The more he rejects you,

 the more it crushes you,

 the more you long and crave for his affection,

which he does give you

From time to time

in small little spurts,

just enough for you

to hold on to hope,

To wait
For him
To change
.

Your biggest fear is that he’ll run away with another girl.

You wonder, should you tell him know this,

In hopes that it might not happen if you say it

But the truth is, whether you tell him or not, it will still most likely happen.

Because if you continue down this path of waiting

Living in fear
Living on hope
Staying with him,
isolating yourself (in a foreign country) with him,
of feeling alone when you’re with him,
And continue holding on to him
Your happiness will continue to depend on him
and his fickle moods.
You are losing your power.
This relationship is draining you.
I know it’s hard to let go.
You do what comes naturally
When in fear
You hold tight

But the tighter your grip,

the harder he pushes you away.

To maintain his distance.

Until at some point, you or him can’t take this push and pull anymore..

And it eventually unravels, he runs away

Your fear becomes your reality

Like a tragedy.

(You will be devastated.
And feel sorry for yourself
But in time you’ll move on

And find another.

And if he happens to be another love avoidant

(which tends to happen)

You will repeat all of the above.

.

In choice B

You choose to end the cycle..

You remember the subject line of your email when you first reached out to her.

I WANT TO BE A DOMINATRIX.

.

And somehow the universe delivered.

.

A domme (who rarely checks her email and even more rarely responds)

Heard your cry

And is writing to you,

reaching out to you,

Inviting you

To take this journey

To become the person you want to be

A woman in power

.

But in order to do that

She asks of you to take a bold leap

Of faith

And let go.

Of him.

Of the past.

.

She asks you to face your fear.

Imagine seeing him falling for and being with another girl.

And now imagine yourself being happy for him.

Because you are happy.

You have created the life that you wanted

You have everything that your heart desires

Because you went deep into your self and found an endless well of love

For your self
And the world around you

.

And you thank him

for pushing you away,

For saying those words that stung so much

I want to be with a woman who has confidence

You thank him for making you suffer,

so that you had no choice

but to make this bold leap

to find your own path

Without him.

.

.

When we were on the phone,  you said to me,

I wish he would just surrender to me.

To my love for him.
.

What if that that was your subconcious trying to say those very words to you,

Or what if I’m trying to say that to you right now..

I wish you would surrender to me..

To the love that the universe has for you,

But to get to the other side of this sorrow
And experience the magic surprises that the universe has in store for you.
You have to

Let go

Let go
Let go

And say

Yes
I accept
The past as past
And the present is offering me a clear choice..
That I’m ready to say yes to
.

I promise you, Ann.

Choice B, the uncomfortable and daring leap into the unknown,

will be one of the best decisions you ever make.

.

So I ask of you

To not let your story become a tragic one.

I ask of you to not play the victim

I ask of you to stop waiting for love and life to happen to you

But to find and create it for yourself now

I ask of you to face your fear.

I ask of you to trust me

I ask of you to fall

In love

with the mystery.

I do hope you say yes

Because I have so much to show you..

I want to show you

The Dominatrix

You were meant to be

The woman who embraces her truth

The woman who steps into her power

The woman who keeps on choosing

To live the story

That she wants to tell…

.

If you say

yes

I accept

Your journey begins.