I know. That thing you’re resistant to do. It’s not for you, you say. You like your thoughts and thinking too much. You have so much to do, how can you possibly just sit still and do nothing? It’s too uncomfortable when you tried it for a few minutes. It’s just boring and kinda feels like a waste of time..

Those were my thoughts on meditation before I got into  it. There was so much resistance.

But then I kept on hearing how amazing it was.


And so I made an effort and really gave it a try..


And here’s what I’ve learned after I got into it and got it:


Meditation is the single most important thing you can be doing to further your growth and evolution in this lifetime.

Of all the psychedelics, entheogens and healing modalities that I’ve explored, the practice of Meditation by far the most psychedelic and life-changing experience(s) I’ve ever had.

And if you want to tap into unknown superhuman powers within you (that will surprise even yourself), you have to put in the hour(s) of Meditation daily


Here’s what I’ve also learned:

The things that are “good for you” won’t necessarily feel good when you start to do it (e.g., eating less and consciously, exercising, meditating)

But if you discipline yourself and keep practicing and build that practice like a muscle, eventually those “good for you” things will feel soooo good to you that you can’t even imagine your life without it. Once you get into it, you will know on all levels (physically, emotionally, psychologically, energetically, spiritually)  how good this good thing is, and you can’t go back. Your body knows better now. And you actually can’t unlearn things that are life-changing. That’s what evolution is.


There are levels in meditation. The deeper you go, the more profound the changes you will experience as you progress..

1st Level: Denial and Resistance

2nd Level: Painful and Uncomfortable, Highly critical

3rd Level: Keep on going..Lessening of pain and discomfort

4th Level: Insight, it’s how you return to the present

5th Level: Bliss

6th Level: Psychedelic Ecstasy

7th Level: Meditation calls you

8th Level: Insights, transformation, beyond


You can track your evolution in life just by how you meditate. Are you still in denial and resistance in mediation? Then you’re still in denial and resistance to opening yourself up to the fulness of your potential and what life has to offer you.


You can measure your level of self-love and love for others by how you sit in meditation. If there’s a strong and loud critical voice telling you that you’re doing it/meditating wrong. That voice is the same voice that criticizes and judges you and others.  As judgment is the antidote to love and acceptance. With practice, you can quiet that voice until it completely dissolves.

If you can dissolve that judging voice, the part of you that runs away from the uncomfortable, and run towards the pleasant and pleasurable..then you can sit with everything. Even all of yourself. Once you can be with everything and all that you are without judgment. You will find inner peace that no one or nothing can take away from you. That’s true power.


You can measure your personal power by how you sit in meditation. You can measure how present you are in general by your sit. You can measure your self-actualization and individuation by your sit.


Basically, meditation is both the practice to and measure of your evolution.


The longer you can continuously sit in meditation, the more potent the shifts in your evolution are.


Initially, the key to sitting for longer is finding the right zafu/cushion and position. I experimented with all sorts of cushions and positions. It took me many iterations until I found the perfect setup that makes sitting feel comfy and easeful.


Btw Samaya makes great zafus.


I am so grateful for this practice. It saved me and carried me through my darker days so many times.

Through my triggered states and storms in my intimate relationships.

And when my dad passed away, meditation allowed me to sit with all the emotions that came up in my grieving. And though the pain, I was able to see the beauty of the divine expression of his last choice. It was incredible. To feel everything and accept it as it is.

And by sitting and holding still, I can feel his spirit. I know deeply that he never left me, he’s still here.


Everything can be a meditation. Meditation is just awareness. The act of being so present, you can see/hear/feel everything more clearly.

When you’re thinking while you’re eating or another person is talking, you’re not present to the taste of the food or the words and emotions of the other coming through.

Food tastes way better when I’m only concentrating on how it tastes.

I learn more when I truly listen, when I’m not thinking or judging but taking in every word that’s being said.

To fully receive, unfiltered by thoughts, is a superpower.


Doing things, multi-thinking, thinking, feeling, all these things can speed things up. Typically moving fast feels good because you feel productive.

But something happens, when you do the opposite. You slow everything down, you strip everything away. And you don’t do, you don’t take anything in. You guard your senses. And then see what comes up in that space that you created.

If you continually do this, something magical happens.

You slow down so much that you can see how everything is connected. You begin to see subtle patterns and connections. And these connections lead to profound insights.


Sometimes you can track which level of meditation you’re in by the sensations in your body..


Buddhist teachers tend not to talk about meditation in terms of levels, because they don’t see it as a game. There shouldn’t be a goal, they say. The process is rewarding in and of itself.

I talk about the levels of depth in meditation because that’s how I can make sense of my experience in going deeper in meditation and the profound shifts I’ve experienced because of it.

If you read the Buddhist scriptures, you’ll find that the Buddha does talk about meditation in terms of levels, called jhanas. And the final level is nirvana.


Nirvana is the death of the ego. The ego is the sense of self that protects you from getting hurt. Ego = fear .

When you dissolve the ego. You dissolve your identity. The sense of self or who you are. Death of self = freedom.

That’s why BDSM is is liberating and cathartic. You dissolve your ego and judgment when you play. When you role play. Lose yourself in the act of that role you take on (as Domme or sub) and you lose your self in the feeling of playing that part and not thinking (what would they think). You act as if until you are.

BDSM is just an aggressive form of meditation.

There’s no room for thinking or judging in kink. When you think about the moment that you’re in, you lost that moment.


Meditation makes you fully present, therefore it makes you a better improvisor in life.

And improvisors are often the more interesting, fun and funny people to be around.

Improvisors are flexible and can rill with things, make light of the heavy and unexpected.

Being rigid is typically never fun. You want to stay light and buoyant.


Meditation allows you to hold things lightly, it’s the practice of softening your grip, your attachments and expectations.

Meditation is a practice of radical acceptance.


Meditation is the most subversive thing you can do right now. Esp during this time when everything (social media, your texts, emails, phone) is trying to compete for your attention.

To close your eyes, shut everything out, and hold still is the most radical act of self-love and self-care. To guard your senses, become aware of what you put inside you energetically is so important, esp right now, when there’s so much tension and chaos around.


To be continued..

As these notes to self are always coming and evolving..