She was always the curious girl who wanted to play.
So maybe it was a good thing
her parents never played with her
And she discovered how to masturbate
with her blanket at the age of 3
So that she found a way for her friend,
the blanket, to soothe and pleasure her
when the word outside wasn’t so pretty and full of glee
She was always afraid of being bored or abandoned.
So maybe it was a good thing
she grew up pretty poor and slightly abandoned
And had to create a fantastically fun fairytale land
inside her head
So that she found a way to escape
her dull and hungry days
just laying in her bed.
She was always an overachiever.
So maybe it was a good thing
she pushed herself to the extreme
to be the best valedictorian
to make her mom beam
And that she graduated in the year 2000
The same year Bill and Melinda Gates
created the Millennium scholarship
So that she found her way
to financial freedom
when she was offered a full ride
to college at UCLA.
She was never a numbers person
and always instead trying to make art.
So maybe it was a good thing
she listened to her mom
and picked a more “practical” major
like psychology
And she listened to her sister
And minored in Education
(because it was an easy A)
So when Bill and Melinda later extended her scholarship
to grad school but limited it to within 5 disciplines,
Math, Science, Computer Science, Library Science, or Education,
she found her next logical step after graduating UCLA
She went to Berkeley for grad school in Education
She was always following things that sound interesting.
So maybe it was a good thing
she didn’t know what she wanted to study
for the longest time in grad school
(And subsequently felt like a fraud)
But one day she signed up for a class
called Conceptual Change
because it sounded neat
And so then she accidentally found her area of expertise
looking at misconceptions
and creating conditions
for conceptual change.
She was always looking for a good story to tell
So maybe it was a good thing
her friend told her about her day
at work at a dungeon called the Gates
And her mind was blown
that someone would pay a woman
to tie them up, whip them, and so on
So she went in for an interview
And she found a way to tell this story
that she moonlighted as a dominatrix
at a dungeon called the Gates
to supplement her grad school income
from Bill and Melinda Gates.
She was always a cautious risk-taker.
So maybe it was good thing
that there were rumors
that the Gates was going to get raided
And even though she was sad to leave,
she had to leave
And so she accidentally found
a new kind of freedom
working as an independent domme.
She was always following her gut.
So maybe it was a good thing
the privately owned dungeon
she was renting from
was up for sell
And so she took a leap of faith
and bought it
with another Domme
she didn’t know so well
So she found a perfect partnership
in creating a space for themselves
and other independent dommes to work and play in.
She always knew that she didn’t like authority figures.
So maybe it was a good thing she didn’t go down the academia route
after she got her PhD
And she continued working as a domme
She found that she unwittingly became an authority figure herself
And that where ever she was
was where she wanted to be.
She always thought she had a type
(charming, sensitive starving emo artist)
So maybe it was a good thing she said yes
to someone she always said no
And went to Bali with her client
and did acid for the first time
And the veil was lifted
That the offensively honest
new money
techie with aspbergers
Is actually the type
She needed
to balance her
To help her see
What she couldn’t see
To show her what she didn’t know
what she didn’t know
To help her learn and grow.
She always thought she could get away
with living a double life.
So maybe it was a good thing
her sister outed her
to her mom.
And she had no lies
to hide behind
And had to finally tell the truth
So that she found
that the only way
To find your way
(and purpose)
is found in truth.
She always thought writing and sharing was too vulnerable
So maybe it was a good thing
that her partner has a lisp
And called her a pervette one day
And said she should start a blog or something
Because people want to know
more about the world
of this girl in the glossy photo
So she found a new project
called pervette.
She was always bored of things that were already made
So maybe it was a good thing
she started a blog
and stopped
Because she didn’t like the way
her words felt
Sitting in static boxes
and readymade templates.
So she imagined a new website
That had a permanently
evolving structure
Where each page is organically growing
like a conversation
or a tree
And to move
from one page to the next
The reader had to follow the branching hypertexts
And choose their own adventure
The deeper they go
the deeper she gets
So she found
a new way
to express herself
Through layers
and levels of intimacy
on Pervette.
She always wanted to change the world around her
Maybe it’s a good thing that the world around her
Needed a lot of changing
And that she lived in the age of the interweb
Where going viral was everyone’s task
And she found
all the tools necessary
to weave a ripple
within her grasp.
She always believed that whatever she focused on
she can achieve
So maybe it’s a good thing
she wanted to focus on
human suffering and shame
And how to move through it
And help others find
that in the end
There’s no one to blame.
So she found a reason to strengthen her voice
And speak the truth that came from within.
And she kept on finding that the truth
is found deep within her shame.
So she kept on finding a way
To let it out.
She always thought every problem was a creative challenge.
So maybe it was a good thing
that there were many problems out there
And maybe it’s a good thing
that she thought
we were on the edge
of an evolution
of a revolution
of a lovelution
She was always the curious girl
who wanted to play
Maybe it’s a good thing
she wanted to find her way
with games like truth and dare
Maybe it was a good thing
She tried her best
to not care
about what others thought
of her curious ways
because what mattered
was her message
that the point is to play
And so she tried her best
and played till the end
And when she left this playground
She found
that it was all a good thing.
back to the beginning