She was always the curious girl who wanted to play.

So maybe it was a good thing

her parents never played with her

And she discovered how to masturbate

with her blanket at the age of 3

So that she found a way for her friend,

the blanket, to soothe and pleasure her

when the word outside wasn’t so pretty and full of glee

She was always afraid of being bored or abandoned.

So maybe it was a good thing

she grew up pretty poor and slightly abandoned

And had to create a fantastically fun fairytale land

inside her head

So that she found a way to escape

her dull and hungry days

just laying in her bed.

She was always an overachiever.

So maybe it was a good thing

she pushed herself to the extreme

to be the best valedictorian

to make her mom beam

And that she graduated in the year 2000

The same year Bill and Melinda Gates

created the Millennium scholarship

So that she found her way

to financial freedom

when she was offered a full ride

to college at UCLA.

She was never a numbers person

and always instead trying to make art.

So maybe it was a good thing

she listened to her mom

and picked a more “practical” major

like psychology

And she listened to her sister

And minored in Education

(because it was an easy A)

So when Bill and Melinda later extended her scholarship

to grad school but limited it to within 5 disciplines,

Math, Science, Computer Science, Library Science, or Education,

she found her next logical step after graduating UCLA

She went to Berkeley for grad school in Education

She was always following things that sound interesting.

So maybe it was a good thing

she didn’t know what she wanted to study

for the longest time in grad school

(And subsequently felt like a fraud)

But one day she signed up for a class

called Conceptual Change

because it sounded neat

And so then she accidentally found her area of expertise

looking at misconceptions

and creating conditions

for conceptual change.

She was always looking for a good story to tell

So maybe it was a good thing

her friend told her about her day

at work at a dungeon called the Gates

And her mind was blown

that someone would pay a woman

to tie them up, whip them, and so on

So she went in for an interview

And she found a way to tell this story

that she moonlighted as a dominatrix

at a dungeon called the Gates

to supplement her grad school income

from Bill and Melinda Gates.

She was always a cautious risk-taker.

So maybe it was good thing

that there were rumors

that the Gates was going to get raided

And even though she was sad to leave,

she had to leave

And so she accidentally found

a new kind of freedom

working as an independent domme.

She was always following her gut.

So maybe it was a good thing

the privately owned dungeon

she was renting from

was up for sell

And so she took a leap of faith

and bought it

with another Domme

she didn’t know so well

So she found a perfect partnership

in creating a space for themselves

and other independent dommes to work and play in.

She always knew that she didn’t like authority figures.

So maybe it was a good thing she didn’t go down the academia route

after she got her PhD

And she continued working as a domme

She found that she unwittingly became an authority figure herself

And that where ever she was

was where she wanted to be.

She always thought she had a type

(charming, sensitive starving emo artist)

So maybe it was a good thing she said yes

to someone she always said no

And went to Bali with her client

and did acid for the first time

And the veil was lifted

That the offensively honest

new money

techie with aspbergers

Is actually the type

She needed

to balance her

To help her see

What she couldn’t see

To show her what she didn’t know

what she didn’t know

To help her learn and grow.

She always thought she could get away

with living a double life.

So maybe it was a good thing

her sister outed her

to her mom.

And she had no lies

to hide behind

And had to finally tell the truth

So that she found

that the only way

To find your way

(and purpose)

is found in truth.

She always thought writing and sharing was too vulnerable

So maybe it was a good thing

that her partner has a lisp

And called her a pervette one day

And said she should start a blog or something

Because people want to know

more about the world

of this girl in the glossy photo

So she found a new project

called pervette.

She was always bored of things that were already made

So maybe it was a good thing

she started a blog

and stopped

Because she didn’t like the way

her words felt

Sitting in static boxes

and readymade templates.

So she imagined a new website

That had a permanently

evolving structure

Where each page is organically growing

like a conversation

or a tree

And to move

from one page to the next

The reader had to follow the branching hypertexts

And choose their own adventure

The deeper they go

the deeper she gets

So she found

a new way

to express herself

Through layers

and levels of intimacy

on Pervette.

She always wanted to change the world around her

Maybe it’s a good thing that the world around her

Needed a lot of changing

And that she lived in the age of the interweb

Where going viral was everyone’s task

And she found

all the tools necessary

to weave a ripple

within her grasp.

She always believed that whatever she focused on

she can achieve

So maybe it’s a good thing

she wanted to focus on

human suffering and shame

And how to move through it

And help others find

that in the end

There’s no one to blame.

So she found a reason to strengthen her voice

And speak the truth that came from within.

And she kept on finding that the truth

is found deep within her shame.

So she kept on finding a way

To let it out.

She always thought every problem was a creative challenge.

So maybe it was a good thing

that there were many problems out there

And maybe it’s a good thing

that she thought

we were on the edge

of an evolution

of a revolution

of a lovelution

She was always the curious girl

who wanted to play

Maybe it’s a good thing

she wanted to find her way

with games like truth and dare

Maybe it was a good thing

She tried her best

to not care

about what others thought

of her curious ways

because what mattered

was her message

that the point is to play

And so she tried her best

and played till the end

And when she left this playground

She found

that it was all a good thing.

 

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