As I write to you, I feel like I can’t stop eating
Even though I already ate dinner and I’m not hungry anymore and somewhat pretty full but still I want to keep on putting something sweet and maybe crunchy inside my mouth
Did I not eat a balanced meal?
(It was mostly vegetables)
Did I consume too much sugar earlier and now I can’t stop craving it?
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I find that I think about food, a lot.
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I find that when I’m a creative high and I eat something, it shifts my consciousness and I lose my creative flow.
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I’m trying to unlearn all the clean-your-plate-don’t-waste-food conditioning my Asian parents taught me
I mean it’s good to not waste food but it’s also good to not stuff yourself to a point of discomfort
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I think if I can just learn how to portion control I wouldn’t struggle with food so much
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When I’m mindfully eating and meditate that day, I don’t overeat.
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It’s an impulse thing..
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When I was a baby, I drank my milk really fast.
To wow my dad.
And ever since I’ve been a pretty fast eater/drinker
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For every rice you don’t eat, you eat a maggot in hell.
For ever noodle you don’t finish, you eat a worm in hell
I think that’s what my mom or dad told us when we were young.
I can still remember my visualization of eating worms and maggots in this red scary underground place called hell
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You get punished for not finishing your food
You get rewarded (by not getting punished) for finishing all your food
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Think about all the starving kids in Africa who don’t have any food to eat
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So now not finishing your food makes you a selfish person
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So now you equate
finishing your food = positive
not finishing your food = negative
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That association combined with our ginormous American serving sizes = me overeating
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But that’s just the beginning and one piece to my complicated relationship to food
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