Nulla Dies Sine Linea1I believe it’s latin for ‘Not a day without a line.’ For a while I had this line scrawled on a mini chalkboard on my fridge while I was in grad school working on my dissertation, it continues to be my mantra.. in 20202I have this obsession with recording my days, what I did, how I felt, what the weather was like, who I engaged with and what I ate.. I have it all recorded in physical notebooks and logs. For a while I shared my private life and journal on pervette. But life took over, a stalker incident happened and I stopped. I want to resume that openness. For now, I’ll share a cryptic line with you a day..

January 

1st – LA & Bay Area, decide to ring in the new year solo, magical bracelet, power goes out

2nd – Cosmic connections, on the silk, in the hot tub; one degree away from my heroine?

3rd – Blissful high on meditation and pervette creation.

4th – Four dates in the city, sex with lover, tons of tea, I pee on the last one.

5th – Bday party invitation photoshoot, reconnect with old friend/sub, quickie with lover.

6th – Great reconnection session w/ sub, great reconnection lake walk w/ friend, let’s make porn!

12th – LA, connect with friends, the session that went beyond, new soulmate/lover.

25th – Chinese new year with sis & friends at temple, surprise bday party.

26th – LA, Long day/night with new lover, how do I feel about him?

27th – LA, Hazy day after, impromptu visit with lover again, I feel better about him.

February 

8th – Magical bday party, shared with everyone my crazy dream, then it came true.

14th – Light body activation, meditative spells, drove to the Land.

16th –  Channeled the Educatrix, unscripted and raw workshop, potent one-on-ones.

17th – My guiding circle tells me, wear the magic bracelet, pick up the pen, I am the geisha.

18th – Tea and walk with my hero, talk art and magic, session with newbie.

21st – LA, magical day/night with lover, sun and rain, salmon dinner, sex tapes.

22nd – Ojai, met my heroine on shrooms, channeled Educatrix, midnight hot springs/cold plunge.

23rd – Ojai & OC, the buzz about my session, celebrate mom’s bday.

24th – LA, connect with partner and his sugarbaby, we spitroast her. Dine at Plant Food Wine.

25th – LA &  Bay Area, angel visits with her puppy, eat jackfruit, visioning GoddessPad.

26th – Gorgeous day, guided by impromptuition, deep meditation.

27th – Learned how to mix tracks, Pervette downloads.

28th – Session with new sub, deep late night with lover, sharing codes.

29th – Friends come over, congee, kava, cannabis, kinky play.

March

2nd – Pandemic prep, $747 grocery bill, lighting lover’s fire with my voice.

4th – Lunch dates at Sessions, GoddessPad planning, hang at lover’s house.

5th – Business call in bathtub went well, pomelo and play with hero, session at night.

6th – Domme Tea Party photoshoot, deep meditation.

7th – Bay & LA, 4 hour session, fly to BUR, heroine does my makeup, interviews me.

8th – Hot pot with heroine and friends, shares her fave erotic comics.

9th – Meet heroine’s friends, matcha and cake, covid concern, decide not to see mom.

10th – LA & Bay, breakfast w/ partner, fly to OAK, drive to lover, sex & ceo secrets.

11th – Guy Maddin live/film with hero and sub, last showing before shutdown.

12th- Friends from Bali visit, threeway love and art making, night session.

13th – More pandemic prep, grocery shopping, meditate, organize pantry OCD style.

14th – More prep, plumber & repairman arrive, breathwork and intimate call with lover.

15th – More prep, sub tidies house, go for a walk, watch Book of Life.

16th – P arrives just in time for the sheltering in place announcement, 6 year anniversary.

27th – P’s lover arrives, us three quarantine bond, talk pervette all night.

 

May

5th – P and I visit friends in Napa, feel high, playing with kids, cooking, epic sunset.

6th – Make eggs benny with partner, pack, drive to Tahoe, make love with lover.

7th – Observe lover be CEO, walk with him around lake, make chicken dinner, full moon.

8th – Play ceo, take calls, map pervette, make dinner and love with lover, gives sound advice.

9th –  Debate with lover about magic, agitated, plant grass seeds, fuck me hard, buy more seeds.

10th – Mother’s Day, breathwork, made love, hike with lover to Fallen Leaf Lake, drive back.

11th – I’ve been trying to reach you all morning. Dad died. He killed himself. WHY??

 

September

1st – Reconnect with sub, visit hero, made love & dinner, full moon in Pisces.

2nd – Voice teacher learns from me, ghost festival, I feel Dad’s spirit.

3rd – Three flutes and one keyboard arrive, teatime with sub/mentor, euphoric bliss.

4th – Day of re/connecting with friends and subs, deep meditative spells

5th – Can feel “why” Dad did it, saw 2 houses, at beach with hero catching sunset making dinner.

6th – Uncomfortable heat expanded me, made notes to self, hero taught me photoshop.

7th – Can feel Dad’s deadline, he heard my cry/prayer/apology, everything shifted.

8th – Soaring spirits, connected with soulmate, 33 min with hero, went down and took off.

9th – Orange gray sky, light body activated, house tour and dinner with hero.

10th – Intimacy night w/ new lover, he made the salad with love, plumber fixed the clog/faucet.

11th – Intimacy night w/ new lover, journey into his truth/power, read his poetry.

12th – Saw decent house, hero enters narrow hole contracts when I tell him about tomorrow.

13th – Wake up with hero, 10 year anniversary session with slave, threesome in the city.

14th – Hermit day, create Nulla Dies Sine Linea (this page), meditative spells, ASMR.

15th – Agitated,3What am I doing with Pervette? Do people care about my life? Why am I sharing it here? Allowed myself to investigate the agitation, doubt and confusion, I knew it was coming from somewhere, after meditation, I coincidentally entered Dad’s room at 11:11 to pray at his shrine, the 11:11 synchronicity helped me see that even though I may feel lost I’m on track, the stage change I feel before and after my prayer to Dad is so dramatic, spiritualized and intuition heightened, I checked Iris’ IG because she was in my dream last night and found out about Grace Marie colleague ended her life, break though,4I prayed to Grace, asked her if there’s anything that she wanted me to do for her, then I felt the rush of energy, the urgency to write on Pervette, I must share my insights and practices that helped me cultivate inner peace and personal power no time to lose, create Note to Self.

16th – Learn piano, see rental with H, meditate on the dock of reservoir, fuck, nap, cook dinner.

17th – fly to SEA, see P’s new house, fancy meals, P talks to my lover about jets and taxes.

18th – Cut P’s hair, head to airport, P flies to London w/ sugarbaby, I fly to LAX, Earthquake!

19th – LA, freestyle day, brainstorm shoot, epic dinner convos,  intimacy guru

20th – Super fun pervette shoot, heroine does my makeup, more deep dinner convos

21st – End of magical LA weekend, jet to OAK, lover picks me up, cooks me dinner, tantra

22nd – Hermit day, tour McMansion rental, heather farm park, book/shop, equinox spell

23rd – Interview, hike in alamo, dmt, cannabis, wine, fudge brownie, we’re not really strangers

24th – So much desire, 1997 Caymus, salmon, salad, the first pulled card

25th – Desire vs. discipline, I desire discipline, downloads on power & fantasy, superhuman

26th – Heat wave coming, kava, sparkling wine, getting intimate, with the unknown

27th – Moved to tears, potent breakup bootcamp session, Manteca, 44 min of bloody teasing

28th – Closet cleaned, coffee enema, deeply filled, giving gifts from the future

29th – More bloody sex, mint mojito, matcha latte, session, deep meditation

30th – Agitation, breakthrough, voice/piano lesson, heart to heart, asmr, midnight run

October

1st – Lightbody activation, farmer’s market, house tour, full moon in aries, lots of sleep

2nd – Meditation5Something about the full moon in Aries, I slept for 9 1/2 hours, woke up at 7:44, mediated for one hour with my guru in India and my intimate in Oakland remotely, started seeing fractals after, so I meditated some more laying down and went into a deep yoga nidra nap, woke up at 11:11am, completely renewed, philosopher’s stone6H(eroine) connected me with her partner who’s been nose deep in the study of hermetics art, we talk about tarot and the philosopher’s stone, love in the afternoon7Impromptu micro-visit with H(ero), brought golden milk, Poison of Cupid’s Arrow book, fudge brownie, and duvet cover. I wore Agent Provocatuer underneath. I asked for him to give me a part of his genius. He gave it to me hard and deep. He tells me how he loves seeing us in the midst of zero gravity. He reads to me a poem by D.H. Lawrence. We get Blue Bottle matcha and hojicha lattes after, mom calls8did you hear the news? Trump has covid, she says. Oh really? I said. Where have you been? I gotta watch the Biden/Trump debate, she says, it’s like two childish men fighting, create me and you

3rd – Saw two houses 9the first was charming, but too old and rooms too small, the second was modern, but too cold and sterile, silver floors and bright red futuristic bathrooms? felt Dad’s spirit10esp on Saturdays when he would call me, I miss his voice, I cried out for him on the drive home, Oh Dad I love you, I miss you, P gives me 3 weeks11to move out, I’ve spent 3 months looking for a place to no avail. I’m too picky he says.  I understand his frustration, I feel strangely at peace with the uncertainty of my living situation. I feel like my dad’s presence is calming me. I know this is the week, I have to propose to P my idea of buying the house from him, P2 repots plant, wrote my body

4th – Motivated12woke up with this goal, I want to make 1M in 18 monthsmade kava13for Q and H, got intimate with Q, proposed my house idea to P14It was 3am, I was manic, P was jetlagged, I told him I want to buy the house from him, I told him my plan, he said if I can gather the 600K for the down payment and get a loan, then it might work out

5th – little sleep, manic from P’s yes, impromptu trip to witchy shop with H

6th – keeping all options open, scheming with powerful femmes

7th – sister support, S2 plants my new plants, intimacy night

8th – feeling mom’s stress, tour muppety house, friends help me out

9th – C7 lunch visit, N arrives, creepy castle, fun dinner, H gives me visions book

10th – Acid, tell me your boundaries,15so I can play with it mushrooms, L, N and I play, N shoots and reflects16He says, This is the craziest day of my life!

11th – Chill day, drone shot, C&J volunteer to be my cosigner

12th – N & I put together reel, tour house with H, we reconnect and realign

13th – Did my taxes, getting shit done17literally, had to unclog a clogged toilet, connect with intimates

14th – Taxes filed, voice lessons, insight into shadow

15th – Meeting with loan folks, tea with J, late night, 4 hour chat with stranger

16th – E is born, Azn men showing up, intimacy with A3

17th – Healing/art gift exchange with Q, bro-ru transmission

18th – Magical beach night with H, gave him fantasy projector

19th – P pushes me on loan, hermit day, magic dance

20th – L & I upload loan docs, met W, mochi donuts, got drunk, midnight walk, record player

21st – S2 brings and plants 2 lemon trees, peter paul & mary

22nd – Hermit day, deep meditation, open relationship feels

23rd – H gets vulnerable, gets rough, goes deep, past exes, present sex

24th – Holy fuck, intimacy night with A4, wild card, quality time, words of affirmation

25th – Dungeon day, 3 sessions, fisting, deep hard lessons, origin story

26th – Super windy day, P’s wake up call, loan in motion

27th – Magical mushroom day, H gushes, sacred/profane sex

28th – S2 plants tulips, the Hollies, late nite downloads

29th – Stagers postponed,18which means I don’t have to move out next week! voted19for Biden, kava latte, errands20smog check, oil change, farmer’s market, fish market, cheese shop, three stone hearth , am I preggers?

30th – 2 pregnancy tests,21one had no answer but a ?, the other was severely delayed..Not preganant! matcha lattes, spying,22hiked up the hill with H to show him my neighbor’s house from the backside and its giant pool overlooking the canyon. What’s inside this 30,000 sq ft home? dreamweaving with H, blue moon

31st- Meditative afternoon, impromptu Halloween with H, playing doctor, full blue moon

November

1st – Deep love,23making in the morning quick packing,24suitcase filled with whips and lingerie, tons of snacks, 4 books, among other things thrown in the car drive down to OC,25singing dad’s tunes, meditating, chatting with A2 R lends me 100K,26without me asking, I just told him my story how I want to buy this house

2nd – Serene OC day,27picking fruits with mom in the garden, no appetite for meat, forgot to bring a layer, found dad’s denim jacket to wear visiting Dad at the temple, planning LA trip

3rd – Time with mom, journaling,28in the backyard after helping mom pick more persimmons, longans and guavas, Dad always loved the her guavas, we reminisced, election day, uncertain

4th – Gaunyin Day,29Lucky how my trip fell on this day and I got to go with mom to the temple and partake in the ceremony, we were part of a procession carrying lotus lights, our prayers are esp potent on this day, they say pack up, Santa Ana jail,30strange(ly romantic)place to meet someone for the first time,, drive to LA, memory lane and mansion

5th – Alchemy transmission, Vietnames clan night, loan got pre-approved!

6th – New peeps, M9& M10, meeting the princess, whips and tae kwon do, late night takoyaki

7th – La skyline shot, dinner with Heroine, meeting the Queen, the question31How do we make 500 million dollars?

8th – Yaori comics, Bel Air Airbnb, see P, Erewhon shopping spree, 4 Azn girls into girls

9th – Pervette shoot, makeout with X in treehouse and hot tub, kinky triptych

10th – Extra LA day, lunch with Queen, art pick up, reunion in Manhattan Beach

11th – Packing up, goodbye P, feeling dad on drive, bonsai trees, homecoming

12th – Meditative cleaning, matcha & mooncakes, Iyasare dinner, past & future memories

13th – Rain fell, In escrow, sister meetup and food exchange, chicken soup and salad

14th – College girls nite with Q, dream weaving with cannabis, whiskey, sundaes, hot tub

15th – House tour, hike and meditate on hill, late night, playing the whore

16th – S2 brings azaleas, planter box, the beast, miso cod, waffles, anh yeu em

17th – Cozy rainy, child-like blank slate day, clean house, sleep for 10 hours

18th – Set Dad’s clocks, keep on walking, shopping for herbs, AP panties & macbook pro

19th – Automatic writing, Alice in Wonderland, farmer’s market, let me take care of you

20th – Aimless, impromptuition, wearing dad’s jacket, campus stroll, college vibes

21st  – Intimacy with A4, dungeon & sanctuary, heaven & hell, microdose, tantra

22nd – On the edge, chai latte fail, San Pablo Dam trail with H, 69, old photos

23rd – Making love, matcha, chai lattes & pancakes, courtesan book, grocery shopping for P 32he’s coming home, he hasn’t been here since June, our LAT relationship is heavy on the apart part lately

24th –  Resistance33I was feeling the resistance of getting back into Pervette, even though it’s the most important thing that I absolutely need to do right now. Is this the war of art? The more important it is to you the more you struggle with its resistance. It took all the motivation to activate the energy to get back here..so here I am, finally updating this site (and page) for you, oh there’s so much more that needs to be done, breakthrough,34Thanks to my spiritual practice, meditation, prayer, Dad guiding me, talking to M9 about my struggles and distractions, he validates me, this is all part of the creative process he says, the key is self-forgiveness, accepting the cycles of death and renewal, and we plan to hold each other accountable next week back on Pervette, magic time w/ P2, miso and wine

25th – Pick P up,35He’s in great spirits, jetsetting to warm weather places, Ibiza, Cabo, LA, everywhere he goes, he’s tipping everybody a Benjamin, he says I can invite my friends to Cabo and Bali too, he’d be happy to pay for their flights and rooms, These are hard times for many, he says. Bitcoin is up, I think strangely familiar,36It’s been 5 months since P’s been at the house, everything we did..getting high, being goofy, playing around the house, cooking in the kitchen had this “strangely familiar” tone to it, like we’ve done this before, many times, it’s a muppety ritual, and yet it feels so strange bc it feels like an era ago, which it was.. our relationship has epic like chapters that are delineated by our housing situation: Tokyo/Berkeley/SF/Santa Monica/Seattle, at every point in time, we always had at least 2 places, sometimes 3, right now it’s Berkeley/Seattle, and maybe LA yummy Thanksgiving dinner,37P’s brother’s GF went all out on Thanksgiving dinner, they arrived with the whole meal..she’s been cooking Tom the Turkey since yesterday. I haven’t had a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for years since I go home usually for Thanksgiving and we would usually do a big Vietnamesey-style dinner with a baked fish and stuff, but this was the real deal, Turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, pumpkin pie, and it was so yummy and made with love.. food coma38Tryptophan is real, P and I went straight to bed right after dinner

26th – It’s Saturday!, 39It’s not really, It’s Thursday, but it feels like a Saturday. It’s our running joke from back in my blazing days when everyday felt like a Saturday, we’d wake and bake, and today we did just that, just like old times, smoking Jack Frost from the Volcanoso thankful,40For every friendship and relationship I have, I wish I had the time and energy to text everybody how I feel, how much I love them I love us,41There were so many sweet moments in my muppety time with P shuffling around the house, paying like kids (yet growing older, we’re approaching 7 years together, holy fuck that’s a long time), I took it all in, how fun and silly we are when we’re together, and even got teary-eyed, I love our wacky open, LAT (living apart together) relationship, it’s incredible and beautiful how much support and space we give each other to grow and be free P cleans his stuff, 42He wants to make room for me now that this is going to be my house. He’s an expert in cleaning and getting rid of things, and moving on.. funny how I’m the opposite.., Black Friday43Already started today. It started with mom wanting some yarn on sale, all 128 rolls, which I got for her, because I’m her devoted yarn buyer. Then I noticed oh wait, there’s a sale here and there, don’t mind if I do pick up some cashmere and facial products..essentials, really. I did good, I didn’t buy any Atelier or Agent Provocateur (yet)