Ask me..

 

 

 

 

Examine your Fantasy

Have you been in your head and stuck in fantasy mode more than you want to be? If so, take the time to examine your fantasies. Your fantasies are oftentimes pointing to an unmet need or desire. It’s your subconscious trying to solve “the problem” and provide a momentary relief from the unmet desire. So try to get to the bottom of the fantasy and identify the “unmet need”  and see if you can find ways to meet this unmet need yourself.

And recognize that there are two types of fantasies: ones that empower you and ones that disempower you. The disempowering fantasies are those that involve people or situations that you can’t control, such as the fantasy of getting back with your ex or finding “the one.” Empowering fantasies are ones where you have full control to realize for yourself, such as the fantasy of becoming a badass dancer or singer or the one where you're accomplishing a huge goal. If you find that you’re stuck in a loop with an disempowering fantasy. Examine it closely, identify the unmet need and try to meet it yourself. And change up your fantasy to one that empowers you..


Dear Colette – On Communicating Boundaries

Dear Colette,

What tools do you use to stay firm in your boundaries? How did you get there? Is it always something to reaffirm?

-C

 

Dear C,

The most powerful tool/practice I use to stay firm in my boundaries is "non-violent communication."

How I got "here" in my skill boundary expression is by practicing expressing my boundaries without judgment whenever an opportunity arises.

And yes it is something you should reaffirm every time you feel like it's not clear to the other what your boundaries are.

I also recorded a longer answer for you. I hope this helps.. :)

 


Power Points – Part 1

1. Do you find yourself scattered in the morning or throughout the day? Challenge yourself to not pick up your phone first thing in the morning. Go as long as you can, maybe till 11:11am or do three "good morning" rituals (e.g., journal, go for a walk/run, meditate) before the first phone pickup.

2. Want to get more writing done? Set a designated quiet spot and time for writing for one hour every morning, maybe at 10:10 till 11:11am?

3. Can't stop snacking? When you're hungry next, try masturbating. I guarantee that after you come, you won't be hungry anymore..and you'll feel really goooood.

4. Feeling uncertain and not sure what to do next? Sit somewhere comfy, close your eyes, and focus on your breath for 11 breaths (aka meditate).

5. Can't stop eating once you've started eating? Practice eating meditation: when you're eating something, go slow, don't think about anything other than the taste of the food in your mouth (This also means don't talk and eat at the same time). You'll notice that what you're eating tastes even better and you'll enjoy it that much more. And being fully present to eating will actually satiate you.

6. Are you being hard on yourself for not being productive? It's okay. Because "productivity" is so B.C. (Before Corona). "Fruitful" is the new "productive." This time of quarantine is pushing us out of the workplace and into our homes and back into nature to do the real work. Which is pausing and re-prioritizing what's truly essential to us. We are being pushed to contemplate, what do we really need? What do we really want to be doing with our lives? And how do we make a living from it under these constraints of social distancing? Recognize that our economic structure is falling apart and the old modes of production and consumption are completely upended, which means we're actually creating and entering a new structure as we're changing the way we think, work, and make a living. So in this new and evolved structure, there is a new and evolved language that's going to shape this new reality. It's not about productivity anymore, it's about "fruitfulness." It's a nature-based language that reveals that we're all connected organically and what we do matters for our tomorrow. So during these days of shelter, when you reflect on your day, don't think about it in terms of productivity (because that's so disconnected and irrelevant now) but fruitfulness. Ask yourself: What are you doing that is fruitful for the future?

7. Do you want to look and feel young forever? Find a childhood picture of yourself laughing or smiling widely when you were 6, 7, or 8 years old. Examine your child self facial expressions closely. Maybe your eyes were scrunched and you showed your teeth. Now try to bring those expressions back. Which means, bring yourself into situations that can make you feel that unabashed joy and then laugh and smile just like you did when you were at your purest, most innocent self. Keep doing it more and more until you fully inhabit your child self.

8. Do you want to feel good about your body? Try intermittent fasting. And play around with your eating window, like maybe from 12pm to 6 or 7pm. And cut out gluten, dairy and sugar. Eat more veggies. Drink water or tea when you're hungry and see if that hunger was actually thirst for water. Extra credit: The earlier you can cut off your eating window, the better you'll feel the next day. And do 100 crunches before bed.

9. Still feeling non-stop hungry? Sleep for at least 7 hours and get on your feet. When you sit, your body thinks it's time to eat. So the more active you'll be, the less hungry you'll be.

10. And are you struggling with disciplining yourself to do the things that you know are good for you but seem hard to do? Think about 4 things that you keep want to be practicing everyday (yet you find it hard to keep up with the practice) to be your best self and reach your goals. And call it your "4 pillars of a perfect day." For example, mine is: Meditating, Eating well and consciously, creating content on Pervette, and Playing (I don't like the word exercise, so I call it play, but you also can call it being active or having a somatic practice). Now create a color notation system in your calendar so that when you have done each of these practices, you can note that in its designated color. For example, meditation is blue, pervetting is pink, eating well is yellow, and playing is green. Choose the 4 colors carefully that it's 4 colors you like to see together. Make sure that when you set up this calendar and notation system (I prefer a paper calendar so I can actually color my days with the same 4 coloring pencils) that you can see it at a month or year at glance. The large overview makes the act of coloring in your days as well as looking back on your colored days rewarding.

11. Do you still have your stuffed animal from childhood? Bring them out and stare at them like you used to. Remember how they were once alive to you? Treat them as if they still were. Talk to them, carry them with you around the house. When you leave them sitting somewhere, make sure they're sitting upright and their view is nice. When you can see the world through the lens of your child self and can see life in the non-living, and treat everything as if it's alive,  you will be able to see below the surface, and see what others can't see. This is the magical lens.


Power is..

What is Power?

We are always in search of it.

And many a times we play with it.

But what is Power?

 

For most of us,

We think power is something

we can strive for and attain.

So we look around to find it.

 

When we look around,

We think that power is

having the right job or the right amount of money,

or having the right partner or the right house,

or even the right clothes and shoes..

So we push ourselves and work for it,

this power.

 

But what happens when we lose our job

or our home?

Or our partner?

We lose our power.

.

Because we’ve mistakenly placed power

In all the wrong places

The places outside of us.

We were looking “out” for power

Instead of “in”

 

Because

We think power is something we can see,

grab hold of and then it’s ours..

But that’s the thing about power.

You can’t see it.

You can only feel power.

To be in power is to embody power.

And to embody power,

you have to find it from within

You self.

.

Power is inside you.

It’s at your core.

At your core

Is your truth.

To get to your power

You have to dig

Deep to get at your truth.

.

To get at your truth

You have to do the work.

This work is the work on self.

This work on self is the journey.

This journey is the journey of

Finding and sharing your truth

.

How do you find your truth?

Like power,

You can’t see truth.

You can only feel truth.

And the most powerful truth you can find

Is the truth that hurts the most…

(To be continued..)

.