Dear U,

T-3 days till my birthday and the refresh/launch of Pervette.

There’s so much to do. Pervette launch, my bday party.. and I just decided today that I’m gonna take off with my mom for Vietnam the day after my bday party to see my grandma, before it’s too late.1She’s weak and has stopped eating a few days ago.I hope we can make it back in time

I’m doing something new this year for my bday party. I’m making the rsvp details to the party a secret page on pervette. That way I’m low-key inviting my friends to check out Pervette. This makes me kinda anxious. What will they think? It’s still so barebones and raw. I mean not all the icons on the home page even have links to them. Showing people Pervette is probably one of the most vulnerable things I can do.

At the same time, it’s pushing me to keep tinkering away at Pervette. So that it becomes something that my friends would get and actually want to be a part of. Every day I’m challenged by Pervette. How do I make this place more inviting and interesting?

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I’m still wrestling with this question: How can I make Pervette a hub where people can be and feel connected to each other?

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In other news, something strange is going on. I haven’t had an appetite in 3 days.2which is about the same time when my grandma stopped eating I don’t need much sleep (averaging 4-5 hours a night). And I’m pulled by my breath into mediation several times a day. Actually, at any point, if I were to close my eyes, I can sink into a deeply absorbed state of concentration.

I remember feeling this way last May the week of teaching the first Channel Your Inner Domme Weekend Playshop. In the same way as last, I’m getting downloads on what to do or write/say next. It feels like my body is hollow, little food is making it clean and clear so that I can channel what wants to come through.

I know this sounds kinda out there, but that’s my experience right now. It is really trippy.

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In meditation today, I had the insight that my 2 original intimate questions for you was two big of an ask. I mean we can spend a whole day trying to answer them, so I need to start more narrow. So I changed the questions up. The first question was my own. The last two are from a deck of cards with unusual/uncomfortable questions co-created by a SW gal I follow on Twitter, aella_girl. I have a crush on her. I think she’s brilliant and weird. I want to become friends with her. I think I’m going to muster up the courage to email her today to ask if she wants to be on my podcast (oh yeah, did I tell you that I’m starting one?) Maybe I’ll ask her if she wants to come to my party? I feel like I’m in third grade: Hi. I think you’re really cool. Do you want to come to my bday party this weekend?

If I do email her, this will be my first attempt at reaching one of my 2020 goals: To play and make magic with my heroines. Wish me luck..

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The Pervette Levels page is sorta more updated, it has the new level names. I’m gonna start filling in the details of each level, and one by one, I’ll launch each level. For now, you can sign up to be a Voyeur. If you haven’t already, you totally should..

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Late last night,  I was mulling over the question. How am I going to create compelling content that would draw you in..?

And once I have subscribers who are paying for my content, how am I going to keep up with it?

Then I had this thought:

Make what you (want to) do everyday your content creation for Pervette..

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What do I want to do everyday?

I want to read

I want to write

I want to share wisdom

I want to masturbate.

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Dots began to connect. I wonder if you see where I’m going with this..

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I remember when I first started Pervette, I thought to myself, I’m gonna make the most masturbatory website ever. Didn’t realize then it was gonna so literal now.

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I just got feedback from P2 on my new intimate questions. He thinks they’re too much. He said he put his hand to his forehead when he first read them.That’s funny. Because I thought these new questions were way easier to answer than my original questions.  I guess I like to get deep and personal pretty quickly. P2 thinks my two original questions were not as hard as my new ones. Hmm. Then I had the thought. Why don’t I just throw all the questions to you, and you can choose which 2 or more you want to answer. And that way I can learn what questions are easier for you to answer..

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I like how all of this is an experiment.

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An experiment in intimacy and exchange

What’s really intimate?

And then there’s the question: Is this intimacy valuable?

What’s that balance of a perfect exchange?

This is one big sex-art-work project, really.

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Sometimes I think Pervette is this strange mindfuck. To me.

I have such big crazy dreams for what it can do. But if I take stock of where I am now, I just wonder, how is this strange slightly clunky website going to help start a sexual matriarchal revolution??

I feel crazy for believing in myself and pervette so much that I’m just going for it. I mean I spent 5 years to just get at this beginning.

And it’s all a ? where this will go.

All of this is crazy-making.

But maybe that’s what happens when you have a crazy dream.

You have to allow yourself to go crazy chasing it..