That Curious Thing

I remember when I was 18, I thought I had Life all figured out. Everything I was doing was obviously the best thing I could be doing. And everything I wasn’t doing (was something I didn’t quite understand), I had a ” good” reason as to why it wasn’t worth my time.

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Like meditating. How can you just sit there and do nothing? That’s crazy (boring).

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Or yoga, or even exercise altogether. In college, I used to think exercise was for idiots. Obviously the mind was the more cool and interesting thing to focus on. I had this idea that people who exercised were vain and uninteresting and that they didn’t know the anorexic secret to losing weight, which is to not eat at all.

I was very time efficient back then. To eat then exercise to burn the calories you consume was all a waste of time. Just don’t eat to begin with, then you don’t need to exercise, now you have all this extra time to go to make art or go to bookstores or watch a French New Wave film.

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Traveling was another. Why would you travel and spend all that money on something so ephemeral, like an experience, when you use that money to buy something cute that you can hold onto forever?

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Kink was also strange to me. I didn’t understand why someone would want to experience pain. Isn’t that the thing we’re trying to avoid?

And what’s doubly confusing is why would a man pay a woman to experience pain or degradation?

Even though at the time, I had rape fantasies myself. And I had read The Story of O, and was obsessed with it.

But still I didn’t quite understand why a grown man in particular would want something like that.

I didn’t see the connection between my fantasies and theirs.

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What makes us curious? What makes us try something new and do something we wouldn’t typically do?

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There are these seeds of ideas that float around us, sometimes forever and we never stop to make sense of them. We’re too busy doing our thing.

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But we sometimes come across something and it makes us stop and think, hmm, that’s strange? And we don’t quite get it.

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That very curious is actually a choice that’s opening up to us.

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Is curiosity a moment of pause? That moment that you’re keenly aware that you may not know what you don’t know?

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In that curious moment, we have a choice to go down that rabbit hole and come to understand it. Or we can go about our way, doing what we know, knowing what we know, and write that curious thing off as weird or foreign, or maybe even crazy. Or just “not our thing.”

 

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