This is a timely test post….

Dear U,

Welcome to the 11th iteration of Pervette. If you’ve been here before, then you might have noticed that I decided to change things up a bit on the homepage. Gone for now is the ultimate yes and here I am floating among things that are shaping Pervette. (All the icons you see are actually my things, yep that’s my laptop, hourglass, headphones, notebook and Cutie)

Why the new layout? As I’m cranking away and getting closer to sharing Pervette, I remembered my original vision for this site and realize that what I really want is to create a community. I want to connect with like-minded visionaries and weirdos and pervs (like me) and make art and love together. That’s really all I want to do. I want to make love and art with my friends. Or more specifically, I want to make my love my art, and my art my life, and my life my art. I want to be a life artist (or as the Germans would say, a Lebenskunstler).

And Pervette is the evolving realization of my dream.

And so if my goal is to create a community, I realize I need to make Pervette a place that inspires you to want to call this place home (yes you, I mean you made it here, didn’t you, for a reason, and I believe that reason is that you want to be a part of this dream of mine)

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I remember how when I first launched Pervette back in 2015, it was a community blog and I loved how fellow Dommes and SW and evenly subs reached out to me and wanted to contribute their writing and share their secrets on Pervette. It was incredible.

I loved how the site inspired others to share their story.

Why did it all stop?

It was because of me..

 

And my discontent not with the structure of things..

I wanted to share myself in a more intimate way, but I wasn’t inspired by the structure of a  blog. I wanted to go deep, but I couldn’t with a blogroll. The structure was too formal and linear for me to get intimate. I couldn’t open myself up right there, just a click away from the homepage. It’s like meeting someone and right after hello, you get naked and talk about your feelings (even for me, whose work entails that, it still felt a little too fast).  It just didn’t feel right to talk about something deeply intimate (like my shame and secrets) on the front page and have it move down the blogroll in a linear manner, with no true connection to the next post sitting before or after it. Even though there was a unifying theme (secrets at the time), the structure of the site felt too decontextualized and disconnected for my soul to pour itself into.

It felt like my soul was saying, not here, not like this, this is not how I want to express myself.

And so I stopped writing and sharing, and started visioning (and talking to my soul, thanks to iboga). If not here and not like this, then how or where can I share myself?

A very fuzzy vision came to me. I felt something before I even saw it. It was a dark, warm intimate place.  Womb-like.

Then a few months later, I saw a black screen with pink letters being typed out..

I saw writing on a page that kept on growing and changing every time you visit it.

I saw icons, links and footnotes that appeared when you look again, and when you click on it, it leads you down a rabbithole..

Everything was a mystery. The whole site felt like it was alive. It was always changing and always evolving, like the way a person would, when you got to know them more deeply.

This space rewarded the curious and adventurous. This place makes you want to look again and harder. This place makes you want to make the more interesting choices.

This rabbit hole has treasures within its darkest corners and can teach you something deeply valuable if you dig deep enough and work for it. This place can change the way you think and see the world if you open yourself to its unfolding paths.

This place is a permanently evolving radical vision.

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I’ve searched the web all over. Is there anything like this? Who can I connect with to help me create this? I kept on searching (fyi: google search words “cool unique website” yields nothing cool or unique) There was nothing like this out there.

It took me a year and a half (and 5000 miles to Berlin) to find a perv (a perv is someone who has a permanently evolving radical vision) who got my vision and knows a thing or two about WordPress to help me build out the structure of this site and show me how to create these pages.

And it took me another 2 1/2 years to create hundreds of pages (that you may never see) as I  learn how to let my soul express itself through streams of consciousness.

There’s a lot more to this story about my journey that I’ll share at some point and in some level here.

And so here we are: I did it. I created this place that up until now, didn’t exist anywhere but in my mind. And at times people thought I was losing my mind when I kept on talking about this amazing utopian place that was everything to me (and when they visited it and saw pages that led to nowhere, they really thought I was losing my mind).

So what you’re seeing is a part of what’s inside me. You’re seeing a place my soul can call home.

Yes, it doesn’t look like much. And yes, it’s confusing as fuck. Yes, yes, I know and see all of its limitations. I’m just at the beginning again, and this is only a fraction of my imagination.

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And even though you may not see all of what I see in my mind, I hope you can feel something. I hope you can feel my soul trying to communicate to yours.

How?

Well, I think our souls are communicating through the structure and language of our dreams. And this place that we’re connecting in right now, as you read these words, is actually the realization of my dream.

Within this dream, is the dream of wanting to connect with you. (yes: You) To get intimate with you. And build a community with you in it.

And how we build this connect in this community is through our stories, dreams, and wisdom.

And how we share our stories, dreams and wisdom is our art.