This is what happens when you write

stream of consciousness

Add tons of space

And call it psuedo poetry

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This is what happens when you say I’m going to make the most thoughtful website ever

Every page will be a neverending iterative process

This is my art

Everything is a work in progress

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This is what happens when you apply your OCD to your new website

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This is what happens when a slave tells you that he just had a realization (when he was on 5meodmt), that you’re a boddhisattva.

And describes to you what a boddhisattva is.

(It’s someone who delays their own Nirvana to help others reach theirs)

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This is what happens when another one of your slave gives you a Guanyin statue to you (years earlier) and tells you this is who you is.

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This is what happens when you start believing what your slaves tell you and do a lot of research into Guanyin.

You start to compulsively collect her statues (from all over the world) and put them all over your house and become totally obsessed with her.

You currently have 11 of her in your house.

And when you examine her face closely, her eyes, her nose, her lips, the shape of her face, her smile, you think you see yourself.

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This is what happens when you get a PhD (specializing in misconceptions and conceptual change) while moonlighting as dominatrix. And for the longest time you thought because you worked with kids during the day and grown men at night, there was no connection between your two careers,

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This is what happens when you get outed by your sister to your mom

for being a dominatrix

for being a slut who loves threesomes

And then you realize there are a lot of misconceptions about  what you’re into.

And this is what happens when you connect the dots (or paths) and you realize, wait, you can apply your expertise on

misconceptions and conceptual change, by dispelling the misconceptions about the “fucked up” things that you’re into.

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This is what happens when you’re having dinner with your partner (who was your client) on 4th of July at Quince and he suggests somewhat out of the blue, you should start a blog, people want to know what you know.

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This is what happens when you make your partner feel like a dirty little girl in bed and he calls you a pervette. Not because he was trying to be witty and that was the perfect twist on the word to describe you, but because he has a giant tongue, causing him to constantly lisp.

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This is what happens when you start a community blog and you sorta abandon it because you realize you can’t stand the structure of blogs. It’s too restrictive, you think.

You also think every post is dead after it’s dead.

And you wonder, How do you keep the written word alive?

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This is what happens when you start imagining a new structure.

You want it to be organic, dendritic, like a tree.

You want every page to grow like a neverending conversation

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This is what happens when you started learning how to love reading (as a child) by reading Choose Your Own Adventure books

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This is what happens when you start seeing, these words, can (eventually) have links to other pages, and that’s how you navigate from one page to the next.

You think that this is actually how you think, your thoughts jump around

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This is what happens when you keep on saying to yourself, I want to create a Choose your own Erotic Adventure

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This is what happens when you enlist a crypto genius friend of your partner to help you build out this wiki structure you think you need. And you wait and you wait for him to do this on his own timetable and you even offer to pay him and he says no, he’ll just do it for free. And after half a year of waiting, you start bugging him, and he gives you one reason after another, y’know other (paying) jobs (something about the Mexican government lottery security) taking precedent over your project. Then you realize you should’ve listened to your partner when he warned you from the beginning that this friend of his is a “crazy lazy motherfucker.”

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This is what happens when you realize that you don’t need a crypto genius to build you a wiki engine, you can do this all on Wordpress.

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This is what happens when another friend says he can build a wordpress site for you in 2 weeks and then ghosts..

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This is what happens when you stop waiting (for almost a year) for friends to do you a favor and you put out an ad (in Berlin, of all places) for a web designer.

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