What is Pervette?

It’s hard to describe what Pervette is. Because my ideas for it keep on expanding.

At first it was going to be a blog, where I could talk about my thoughts on kink.

But over the past year, the list of what it could be started to grow in my mind…

I want it to be helpful:

Readers can “Ask Colette Anything.”

For all the girls who want to tap into their dominant side, I want to compose a guide on how to become a dominatrix.

And of course, for the subs, a guide on how to become a sub/slave.

For the curious, including myself, I want to dissect and analyze every fetish and fantasy I can think of, explaining the why and how of each to the best of my pattern-recognition abilities. There’s a databank in my head filled with ten years of firsthand experiences, and it’s waiting for me to draw from it. 

For the misinformed, I want to dispel misconceptions about kink.

But wait. Is it the bdsm or sexwork part that seems to push people’s buttons?

If I really want people to understand what I do, I have to dispel the misconceptions about sexwork as well.

Then I thought, wait. Why stop there?

There are still many other parts of me that confuse people: my evolving sexuality, my polyamorous lifestyle, my measured use of controlled substances, my witchy attributes, the list can go on and it does because the more I think about what I want to share, the lighter I know I would feel when I can express it. It was the same lightness that sank in months after being outed to my mom, and we started talking about 50 Shades of Grey (she started reading it! Then stopped because the writing was so bad). She asked me to explain to her again why I think what I do is therapy. I explained it to her and then I gave her some details (that I thought she would appreciate). I described to her some of the things that my subs would do for me. I remember hearing the sound of awe in her voice when she asked, Really? Yeah, they would sweep the path I would walk on at campus…they would wait in queue for the chance to take me to the airport..they would pay tribute for the opportunity to rub my feet. I heard her laugh over the phone. I laughed too. I guess I should have known, the woman who practices “findom jiu-jitsu” daily on my stepdad, would get it: It just feels good to be a woman, and in power.

Is this what catharsis is? That moment when you share your secret with someone and they understand you? And you realize that you no longer have to hide from who you are.

I recognize that release. I see it in my subs when they step into the dungeon and tell all their secret fantasies to their Mistress. And not only does she understand it, she becomes it.

This is my job:

I am an outlet.

I make people feel less alone in their desires.

Then I had this thought while I was in session:

How do I expand myself? My utopia exists in my dungeon, but when I’m here, I am acutely aware that I am constrained by the limits of time and space. For every one person I can connect with, there are countless others who need this outlet. How do I open up my world?

The answer came to me in an axiom:

I am an outlet because I allow others to express themselves.

Pervette is my outlet.

If I open Pervette up to the world, allowing everybody to express themselves here…

I will have expanded.

What if Pervette was this safe space where stigma doesn’t exist and here we can shed our layers of ego and share our innermost thoughts and feelings?  What if our experiences shared through Pervette can become a guide that takes us deeper into the realm of our unconscious? And here we can examine our desires and memories, treat them as objects of thought, and share them with each other as we make sense of them together. But how would this work exactly?

That answer came to me as I was driving through the hills:

“If you open yourself up, they will too.”1The cadence was very Field of Dreams-like

I said those actual words to myself, not knowing what it even meant until I thought about it…

If I open myself up..


But the thing is, I’m not good at opening myself up. Especially in this way, through my writing, which I’m very self-conscious about. Up until this point as Colette, I’ve been enjoying creating and projecting a persona, hiding behind glossy photos, and using very few words so others can fill in the blank with their own fantasies of who they think I am.

That’s just kinda who I am. I rarely reveal all of myself to anyone. I filter myself. I show others just a side of me. The side I think they want to see. Like the perfect golden-child-daughter to my mom or the fantasy Mistress to my subs. In every scenario, I’m playing “the part” I think they they want. Because who wants the messy more complex sides of me? Who wants to know how I really think? Who wants to know my deepest fears and my wildest dreams?  Even I can’t handle it. It’s too much.

So can I really

Open myself up??




(Postscript: 12.26.19)

That was almost 5 years ago when I wrote that.

Since then, Pervette has evolved

And so have I

And what I’ve come to realize is this:

To work on Pervette

Is to work on my self2or vice versa

And if you go deep enough in Pervette,

You can actually track the evolution of my soul expression


So can you go deep with me

and tell me

Have I opened myself to you?

Or at the very least

Can you tell..

That I’m trying my best?




Photo: Spelling Pervette out in Tokyo