It’s so nice and dark, warm and googly where you are..

But you can hear muffled sounds coming from outside. It doesn’t feel calm. It hasn’t been for a while. Before you even know what this word means, you can feel it, stress..

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All of a sudden, when you look up, you see that your dark cocoon has been cut. Light is coming through. It feels cold, and scary, this light.

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The little cut of light is quickly growing wider and now that harsh light is all you can see. None of this feels good.

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Maybe this is why you’re so sensitive to light and can’t be in a fluorescent-lit room, it makes you want to go under the covers or run away

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A hand comes through (or two) and grabs you. None of this (continues to) feels right. These hands pull you out of your tiny warm home you’ve been in for as long as you’ve known. Before you even knew it, this is your first goodbye.

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Goodbye, womb.

Don’t worry, it’s not that bad, you will spend the rest of your life recreating the feel of your mom’s womb where ever you go.

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The warm ectoplasm that you were covered in now feels cold on your body in this large bright room.

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You can’t remember if you were spanked or not

(if you were, you might’ve blocked it out)

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Your first breath is unremarkably uncomfortable.

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And so you are born on February 7, 1982, at 12:00pm exactly.

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The location of this bright clinical room is Garden Grove Hospital in Orange County, California.

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Unbeknownst to you 1 even though it’s hard to tell if it was your choice or someone else’s you didn’t come out the usual way.

You just came out through your mother’s belly.

Your mom (she tells you way later) was conscious during the whole experience.

You can tell, it wasn’t a great experience for her.

Because she’s not exactly happy to see you.

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Your mom will also tell you later that she was hoping that you were a boy.

This might totally explain why you (always) feel like you’re a dude trapped in a female body

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Your mom gives you a very unique name.

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Your dad is somewhere in the bright room during all of this.

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If you think Orange County is a pretty uninteresting place to be born in and want to start elsewhere, go to a more interesting place

If you want to to know why you were born cesarean, click here

If you want to know how you became a pervette, go to your first memory

If you really want to experience your first heartbreak

If you want to skip ahead and find out know how you became a Mormon

If you want to skip ahead and find our how you became a dominatrix

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If you’re curious¬†about any of the above (potential) choices and want them to become a path, then go to the next level and find out how you can help carve the next path

 

Go back to where you were