pervette
all a work in progress
Preface: Everything here is a work in progress
If you’ve noticed already none of these pages are polished products.
It’s because I’m writing stream of consciousness and then hitting publish.
making everything raw, often times unedited and always always to be continued..
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What you’re essentially looking at are rough drafts.
And if you follow each piece often enough, you can track my editing and and how I’m writing more on each page in real time.
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Why am I doing this?
Maybe1I love creating dozens of new threads at a time, work on whatever calls me and whatever doesn’t “I’ll get to it later.”
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Maybe because raw feels intimate. And I think the only way to get intimate is to share myself with no filter.
Because raw captures more of the real.
I think we’ve had enough of censoring and filtering ourselves on all the other platforms out there. I want to create a space where I don’t have to think twice about what I say or write.
if you want something clean and polished, you can hop on any other website out there
here I want you to feel like i’m right here pouring unfiltered words right on to the screen
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we are all works in progress.
nothing I say is set in stone.
It’s permeable and subject to change.
Because we’re permeable and subject to change.
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Please don’t judge
Just stay open,
And maybe stay curious enough to come back
And follow me down these rabbitholes
because if you do
you’ll see how I make change
and grow this he(art) space
and
evolve..
finding buddhism in bdsm
Do you want to know a secret?
bdsm + spirituality = magick
If you combine these two powerful practices and paths (of making the unconscious conscious / creating greater awareness) you get straight up magick.. or the art of making wild dreams come true
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what is bdsm and spirituality like?
it’s like never letting your inner child grow old, cynical or jaded.
it’s cultivating an innocent and blissful mind of not seeing the world through the lens of duality. there’s no right or wrong, good or bad, normal or crazy, masculine or feminine, there’s no judgment, but staying open and curious to everything that life has to offer
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Don't get deleted
Don’t Get Deleted1or: How I stopped Worrying and Learned How to Play the Instagram Game
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but Instagram has been acting very strange lately.
Or maybe you have noticed..
That your engagement is noticeably down (like all-time lows for the size of your following)
More of your posts are getting flagged for violating “community guidelines.” Even the ones that are pretty tame are somehow not making the cut.
People you know are losing their accounts.
Or your biggest nightmare happened, and you lost your account.
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This is because the algorithm has changed considerably since the elections, and then some more after inauguration. Remember that talk about Meta loosening its factchecking and content moderation in January? That only applied to the alt right. And it’s been the opposite for us sexworkers, it’s gotten even more restrictive. Supposedly IG is currently done with its algorithm change (as of two weeks ago – early March 2025). And the folks who are mostly affected by this shift are ofc us SW and those in the sex space as in sexual wellness, education, products, podcasts, etc.
So if this is you, please read on..
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Creating content on IG is increasingly becoming a landmine and mindfuck of an experience. It’s becoming harder to share anything about yourself and what you do on the platform without getting flagged, censored, and/or deleted.
What used to be fine last year to post is most likely not at all fine anymore to post.
And the moment you get flagged, you get put in a box or category ” of high risk” or “sexual content maker”2or something like that and you’re shadowbanned (one way to find out if you are shadowbanned, have someone do a search for you in IG and see if your account pops up) every content you post is under the bots’ scrutiny for being “high risk.”
Like many SW and solo-preneurs, your business and brand is inextricably tied to your social media presence and following. So even though you fucking can’t stand Meta and its ever tightening community guidelines, you have to play by their Draconian rules in order to exist in it.
Being on IG is like playing an incredibly difficult fucked-up game:
You first have to do what everybody needs to do on there in order to grow their following. Which is create compelling content with hooks3that is visual and text hooks and value so that people will stop scrolling, give your post attention and then share/save your post.
And if you’re a spicy creator, you get the added nearly impossible challenge. You somehow have to do all of the above and be “safe” and abide by community guidelines, which means you can’t do, say, wear or share anything that is “sexually suggestive” or describes or resembles your work.
So if this is the double challenge you’re facing and you want to continue creating and existing on IG, I’m gonna share with you everything I know and am trying to do to exist on a platform that is constantly trying to censor, shadowban and delete us. I’m creating this guide in hopes it can help you continue playing the IG game so that you, your business and art can thrive, and at the very least stay visible.
Here’s how I’ve been trying to survive (as in not get banned or deleted):
Rule #1 Don’t get meta on Meta4Rule # 1 about Meta, don’t talk about Meta
As in don’t talk shit about Meta on Meta. I do think they’re tracking that as well, which is totally big brother creepy. That’s why I’m writing about Meta here and not on the gram.
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So whatever you do, don’t talk about how fucked up IG is on IG or Facebook. Talk about it on Twitter or Bluesky or another non-Meta platform.
Don’t post a screencap of your account getting flagged or restricted.
Don’t use the words censor, shadowban, deleted or deactivated or anything that’s related to Meta’s shitty actions on your and people’s account. For example, don’t say “I’m being shadowbanned right now.” Instead say “I’m on the naughty step.” Another ex, don’t say “X got their account deactivated.” Instead say “X’s page got erased”
So it’s like..okay everybody, let’s pretend like nothing is wrong and fucked up here. Just put your head down and keep on making “safe” content. If you do call Meta out, they’ll just make you invisible or erase you, that’s all.5That’s why I feel so compelled to write this post right now. Everyday is playing this fucked up game and we can’t talk about how fucked up it is!
Rule # 2 Don’t use banned words
Whatever you do, don’t use these words in your bio, captions, hashtags, anywhere..
#BDSM •
#Mistress •
#Dominatrix •
#Domme
#D*mme
#Femdom •
#Findom •
#FinancialDomination •
#Submissive •
#Session
#MasterSlave •
#BookMe
#SessionsAvailable •
#SessionBooking •
#PrivateSession •
#OpenForBookings •
#VirtualDomination •
#OnlineSession •
#PrivateSessionAvailable •
#CustomContent
#fetish
#BeautyBlogger •
#Pushups •
#HardworkPaysOff •
#Twerk •
#CurvyGirls •
#ModelLife •
#HumpDay •
#BikiniBody •
#ShowerTime •
#Boho •
#LingerieModel •
#Thinspo •
#Dating •
#Sexiest •
#Glutes •
#Kissing •
#SexyAsHell •
#Sensual •
#Pleasure •
#Erotic •
#SexWorker •
#SexWorkIsWork •
#OnlyFans •
#NSFW •
#ExplicitContent •
#Nudes •
#Cumslut •
#PornStar •
#FetishPorn •
#XXX •
#Sexting •
#SugarDaddy •
#SugarBaby •
#ThickThighsSaveLives •
#SexToys •
#AnalPlay •
#CamGirl •
#FeetPicsForSale •
#SlaveGirl •
#BratTamer •
#BondageLife •
#Chastity •
#Spanking •
#Pegging •
#FetishModel •
#FootDomination •
#LatexDomme •
#LeatherDomme •
#Whipping •
#Sadist •
#Masochist •
#Kinkster •
#RopeBunny •
#BreathPlay •
#HypnoDomme •
#F3mdom •
#Bd$M •
#Dom1nat0r •
#GoddessWorship •
#K1nk •
#FeetWorship •
#WorshipMe •
#Ch4stity •
#StilettoDomination
#slave
Also avoid certain emojis: the water / juicy emoji, eggplant emoji, peach emoji
This list of course is not exhaustive. The banned words above are mostly applicable to us Dommes and sexworkers.
Also do not not use these words in your DM’s with others.
There are many other words we have to avoid. Anything that connotes violence, such as #abortion, #kill, #suicide, #genocide, #palestine. So if we use these words to talk about the how many people are getting murdered in the Palestine genocide, we get flagged, shadowbanned and lose our visibility, thus our voice. Yeah.. let that fucked-up-ness sink in.
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If you look over the list above, pretty much every word that describes who you are and what you do is banned.
You can’t say you’re a #dominatrix, #mistress, #domina, #sadist, #kinkster
You can’t talk about what you do, like #bdsm, #kink, #femdom, #findom, #whipping, #footworship
You can’t talk about your work & where you play like #sessions, #book #dungeon
You can’t talk about what you wear like #latex, #leatherdomme, #fetish, #lingerie
Even tweaks in the spelling are getting picked up by bots like #k!nk, #bd$m, #d0minatrix so be careful about that.
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Sidenote: Don’t use hashtags in general. Hashtags used to help you grow your following back in the day. But not anymore. It might even hurt your algorithm. And if you use a banned word hashtag, that’s an immediate red flag.
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Don’t use a linktree in your bio link, that’s also getting flagged. Some folks work around that by creating a whole new account just to add their linktree to it. And then they reference that account with “link” in their official account.
Rule #3 Watch what you’re wearing, doing & where you’re at
It’s no surprise that the bots are also tracking what you wear in your posts. But the thing is with every algorithm shift, they’re getting more prudish and tracking more things. We used to think we’re safe if we don’t show our nipples or any nudity. But now it’s even lingerie, fetishwear, latex, corsets, bare shoulders, deep necklines that are problematic. So even though you think you got away with some fetish clothing the other day, you might not today. Be alert to the changing algorithm. The community guidelines used to say they don’t condone “sexual solicitation or activity” now it doesn’t condone anything that’s “sexually suggestive.”
Noticeable new flags to look out for:
*Being in latex or leather fetishwear, ai is flagging this as sexual solicitation or nudity
*Harnesses, bondage gear, collars
*Lingerie
*hoods, gags, blindfolds ai is flagging as violent
*chains ropes, Shibari or restraint even artistically
*implements in a controlling pose
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“Sexually suggestive” means behavior patterns as well:
*such as subs crawling
*posture of dominance
*smoking
*Bending over towards the camera
*Licking lips excessively
*Finger sucking
*Showing implements and simulating a spanking motion
*Close ups on boobs, butt, feet, lips
*Pulling garments excessively- example would be latex gloves, pulling up skirt or teasing with a shirt
*Hip thrusting or grinding
*DM callouts like “Slide into my DMs” / “DM for details” / “DM for sessions”—these imply transactions and get flagged
*Polls or stickers that ask “Would you obey me?”, “Ready to submit?
* Book me” calls to action. Instead you can say, more details on my site, or contact for inquiries
*Trending sounds in other platforms that are considered sexy- also explicit audio !!!!ON LIVE OR STORIES BEWARE!!!!
*discussion/even educational on bdsm or kink
*demonstrating or showing sex toys
*dominance role play, this could be having a sub on a leash -showing bruises -*
*Avoid emojis (🍑 or ❤️) paired with words like “sessions, bookings, dm, available, private)
*Avoid “tribute” and $$$ Instead of saying “dm for inquiries,” “tribute required,” try “support available through my site”
“Sexually suggestive” also entails dark aesthetic, masks, and latexy content. So avoid dark backgrounds and red room vibes. Try not to use red light in general since ai thinks it’s sexy. I think dungeon backgrounds are also getting flagged.
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For example, the image of me at the top of this post was a picture that’s been flagged. Because I’m wearing a #harness #mesh #bodysuit (even through it’s a bodysuit covering most of my body) and I’m against a red background.
Rule #3 Be aware of who you’re connecting with
Here’s another fucked up thing to be aware of. IG is also tracking who you’re interacting with. If you are are tagging, resharing, and collab posting with others whose accounts are in the “high-risk” category, you may also become categorized as “high risk” as well.
Which if you think about it, it means IG is controlling & restricting not only how we create but who we connect with.
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Before I move on to the next rules. I just want to pause and reflect for a moment on what the implications of these restrictions mean.
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We can’t use words and imagery to describe who we are, what we wear, what we do.
This is a literal erasure of our work and culture.
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So what do we do?
Rule #4 Play the Game: Don’t get deleted
If you want to exist on Instagram and actually grow your audience and have some reach, you have to treat all of this like it’s a game. The name of the game is:
Don’t get deleted.
You’re pretty much trying to not get deleted in a platform that’s constantly trying to delete you. So if you can trick the algorithm into thinking that you’re not a Dominatrix or SW. A great example of someone of who is pulling this off beautifully is Mistress Iris. She has been deleted once before and had to start all over and now she is playing the game of not getting deleted again with great care and thought. Notice how Mistress Iris tricks the algorithm in her bio and imagery by showing that she is just “Art and Lifestyle by House of Iris.” She’s always in bright, light and often outdoorsy backgrounds to imply luxury travel and lifestyle. She most often post food pics of high end restaurants in her stories. Her photography can be interpreted as editorial. Her imagery subtly implies a power dynamic without overt gestures. She opts for more vanilla-looking evening wear over obvious fetishwear. She has very subtle captions that don’t use any banned words. Her aesthetically impeccalbe account is a wonderful model to learn from.
Rule #5 Be Alert
Check you “account status.” Go to your IG settings, scroll to the bottom and click on “account status.” If you have all green checkmarks, you’re somewhat in the clear.6I say “somewhat” because you can still be in their system as “high-risk” even though you have all green checkmarks If you have an orange checkmark, check to see what got flagged. I archive every post that got flagged instead of appealing it. Because you don’t know how long the appealing process can take (weeks sometimes) and in that time you’ll be in IG jail and shadowbanned.
As you scroll through other spicy accounts, see how people are being clever with their word choices. What words are they trying to avoid? Check in with your SW friends who are in the know of what words and attire are getting flagged. Train your AI to detect the patterns in your images that are getting flagged.
Rule #5 Be Adaptable
I know it sucks to not post the sexy photos and videos that typically get you high engagement, but you need to adapt to the changing “community guidelines” that are getting stricter and stricter with every algorithm shift. If you say, “fuck it I’ll post what I want,” you will get fucked by the bots and have your account shadowbanned, suspended or at worst deactivated. And it’s game over. And you have to start all over again from 0.
Rule #6 Be Agile
Nothing sucks more than checking your account status and seeing that you have a violation or a bunch of violations and posts that you spent hours working on have to be removed. It’s the most demoralizing and crushing feeling. And can create a lot of panic and anxiety.
See if you can practice as much detachment as you can when you remove your posts. See if you can process all of the emotions that come with having a violation: shock, anxiety, deflation and move on as quickly as you can. It might mean getting off the app for the rest of the day or week. And go for a walk. Read a book. Meditate. Connect with friends. Do something else that can get your mind off of it. And when you feel grounded and centered, you can engage again with the app.
Rule # 7 Be creative elsewhere
Don’t put all all your eggs in one basket. Make sure you exist on other social media platforms like Bluesky, Twitter7Elon sucks and I’ll deadname his co, Substack, Patreon, OF or your own Telegram. Build your email list. That way if you do get deleted, you still have other places to broadcast your voice. Make sure you have an actual outlet for your creative expression. As in find or create a space that allows you to create and connect with no restrictions. Like your own website, telegram or blog.
Rule #8 Get more creative
Don’t let “the man” get you down and stop you from creating. Just get more creative.
Look to Eastern European filmmakers who had to cleverly create films subtly talking about the fuckedupnesss of their communist/dictatorship counties that they reside in while trying to not get exiled, like Daneliuc, Szabo, Meszaros, etc. I’m also a big fan of Kiriostami, the Iranian director who knew how to poetically work around censorship like a wizard. Look to these visionaries and artists for inspo.
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I hope this guide was helpful in helping you navigate the murky landmine of IG. And hopefully you can now see how to play this game of trying to not get deleted.
Good luck! Please be safe. And please keep each other safe and spread the word to others who you see are struggling with shadowban or deletion.
Share this with anyone who you think might benefit from knowing the hidden rules of the IG game. As in, if you see a friend or colleague unwittingly posting banned words or imagery, share this with them off the app or cryptically in the DM’s. Whatever you do, try not to talk about meta on meta (Rule #1 remember?)
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There is always a way to play this seemingly impossible game. It’s not easy, but the creative challenge is worth it when you can build your visibility, connect with others, and put your voice out there.
We may have to get more clever, cryptic strategic. Let’s do everything we can to not be silenced or deleted.
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Special thanks to Miss Jade Smoke of our MistressClass who helped gather the extensive list of banned words and imagery through her past connection to Meta and incredible AI research.
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This post is a work in progress, I’ll be adding more to it as I learn more about the increasing restrictions.
I’m also planning to write more about what the social implications are of these restrictions / erasure of our Domme / Kink / Sexwork culture online.
I’m also currently working on this next piece about what to do if you do get deleted
I’m trying to write more even if it’s really raw and unfinished
If I’m not writing, I’m mostly likely working on my new passion project
or my favorite work of he(art)
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If you have more banned words or any suggestions to not get deleted, please drop them in the comments below!
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Stay safe out there!!
what's going on write now
you might be wondering what’s going on? how come all of these blog posts seem like unfinished drafts?
because they are.
inspiration strikes and i start a new post to catch the idea before it disappears. i write wants to come out. and oftentimes my adhd brain hops on another idea or i get distracted and do something else. but i have the intention of returning and expanding upon my point. so none of these posts are actually ever finished or complete. they’re more like conversations or monologues that i circle back to, revisit, change my mind, erase and rewrite. just write now.
i’m writing the way my brain works. and my brain doesn’t think about things in perfect essay form. it’s a jumble of thoughts and ideas, lists and sidenotes.
if i made myself finish every post like i would an article i would have nothing posted. here i’m giving myself the freedom to write with literal abandon. i write. abandon. and come back later with more thoughts.
so in a way none of these posts are read, and then dead. you don’t keep scrolling and move on to the next. you come back, and see how i’ve expanded and evolved my thoughts and writing. so it’s read and come back and go deeper with me. because every post is alive and evolving.
i’m giving you what i want. and i don’t know about you but i have a hunger for reality (a la david shields). i crave writing that feels raw and unpolished, even grammatically incorrect. it feels intimate. and real.
i think the topical structures of articles, essays, books and any medium out there force us to write and express ourselves in a way that limits the free wheeling mind.
the rigid mediums have limited the tone and texture of the message. i want this medium (or transmedia website) to be soft and permeable, shaped by the message that comes from the mind’s creative flow.
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i’m writing to you to know what i think and i think i was still working out why this non-structure works for me.
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i don’t think linearly. i don’t create linearly. my creativity moves in circles and cycles. i need to circle back to expand the thought and idea. thoughts and ideas should always be evolving in my perspective.
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one should find the medium that fits their creative process. and if no medium out there works for you. you should create your own. that’s what i’m doing right now. and all i can say is that this feels good. and i’m just feeling my way to being in creative flow. which is what i’m aiming for. not a finished product. but a process that feels good to me.
writing with no constraints feels really good to me.
and i think you’re still here reading this, i’m correct in my theory that we crave something different that the limited mediums that we are working with.
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in this space, nothing is really polished and complete. it’s all raw, evolving and subject to change.
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terrance mckenna said something alonng the lines of
create novelty, that is our purpose here.
You got deleted
It’s just another normal day, you pick up the phone and open the Instagram app as you always do. But then you see something unusual, a Meta pop up box. Your chest tightens. Was your post removed? It’s even worse, your account was suspended. Fuck!! A shot of cortisol races through your nervous system. You hold your breath as you click on the blue button to appeal the decision because it seems like there’s no other option. You submit the appeal. Wait. Was that a dangerous move? You have no idea. There’s nothing else you can do on the app. You can’t access anything. As far as you know, you have been deleted.
You are gutted.
It starts to hit you. The accumulated hours that add up to days, weeks months and years of creating art, writing captions, posting to your grid, stories, growing and engaging with your followers, the DM’s. All of it. Gone.
All that time and creative energy that you invested into this app led to..nothing. But a hollow sinking feeling in your stomache.
You question your choices. Was it the last thing you posted? Was it a hater flagging you? If only you knew. You question everything.
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Getting deleted is one of the most stressful experiences that no one talks about. And the reason why no one talks about it is because the ones who got de-platformed have no platform to talk about their experience. And once you do get your account back, you try to be on your best behavior on the platform and pretend like nothing happened. Because ruffling the bots’ feathers might risk you to lose your account again. And so you keep you head down, and continue creating, but with an unnerving thought that it can all disappear again tomorrow.
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And that’s why I want to write about the experience of getting deleted. So that if you are in that unfortunate place, you can at least be affirmed in your experience.
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Here are the stages of emotions that I felt when my account was suspended:
Shock – you can’t believe it happened to you, you feel so wronged, so unlucky
Grief – you just lost a multi-year project you’ve been working on almost everyday therefore you also lost this part of yourself, your routine, your work
Anxiety – will it ever be returned? What if the whitehat hackers can’t get it back? What will this mean for your business? The thought of having to start over from 0 feels gutting and crushing
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That’s the reality of being a sexworker (or anyone working in a sexy/sex-adjacent space) on a platform that is constantly tightening its “community guidelines” so that what you do, say, wear will be held against you as grounds for erasing you.
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First off, know that there is a slew of white hat hackers out there who work inside Meta, or know someone who work inside Meta and they can get your account back. At a cost, of course. Be aware of the hackers who require payment upfront before they get your account back. A good rule of thumb is to go with with someone who only charges you after they get your account back, and who also has a positive review from someone you know, or a friend of a friend can vouch for them.
If you think it’s worth it, invest in a hacker to get your account back. It can cost anywhere form a few hundred to a few thousand (depending on the number of followers you have).
Or you start over from 0. Which feels insanely frustrating!
Or you can ditch IG altogether. And put your attention and content on a less censored app.
It’s really up to you.
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If you go the hacker route, be aware that you’re going to feel anxious during the waiting period of having them work on getting your account back. Like the future of your account / business is in the hands of some stranger whom you can’t really tell if you can trust until they get your account back. And you don’t want to be the annoying client pestering them every other day about the update of your account.
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