Don’t Get Deleted¹or: How I stopped Worrying and Learned How to Play the Instagram Game

 

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but Instagram has been acting very strange lately.

Or maybe you have noticed..

That your engagement is noticeably down (like all-time lows for the size of your following)

More of your posts are getting flagged for violating “community guidelines.” Even the ones that are pretty tame are somehow not making the cut.

People you know are losing their accounts.

Or your biggest nightmare happened, and you lost your account.

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This is because the algorithm has changed considerably since the elections, and then some more after inauguration. Remember that talk about Meta loosening its factchecking and content moderation in January? That only applied to the alt right. And it’s been the opposite for us sexworkers, it’s gotten even more restrictive. Supposedly IG is currently done with its algorithm change (as of two weeks ago – early March 2025). And the folks who are mostly affected by this shift are ofc us SW and those in the sex space as in sexual wellness, education, products, podcasts, etc.

So if this is you, please read on..

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Creating content on IG is increasingly becoming a landmine and mindfuck of an  experience. It’s becoming harder to share anything about yourself and what you do on the platform without getting flagged, censored, and/or deleted.

What used to be fine last year to post is most likely not at all fine anymore to post.

And the moment you get flagged, you get put in a box or category ” of high risk” or “sexual content maker”²or something like that and you’re shadowbanned (one way to find out if you are shadowbanned, have someone do a search for you in IG and see if your account pops up) every content you post is under the bots’ scrutiny for being “high risk.”

Like many SW and solo-preneurs, your business and brand is inextricably tied to your social media presence and following. So even though you fucking can’t stand Meta and its ever tightening  community guidelines, you have to play by their Draconian rules in order to exist in it.

Being on IG is like playing an incredibly difficult fucked-up game:

You first have to do what everybody needs to do on there in order to grow their following. Which is create compelling content with hooks³that is visual and text hooks and value so that people will stop scrolling, give your post attention and then share/save your post.

And if you’re a spicy creator, you get the added nearly impossible challenge. You somehow have to do all of the above and be “safe” and abide by community guidelines, which means you can’t do, say, wear or share anything that is “sexually suggestive” or describes or resembles your work.

So if this is the double challenge you’re facing and you want to continue creating and existing on IG, I’m gonna share with you everything I know and am trying to do to exist on a platform that is constantly trying to censor, shadowban and delete us. I’m creating this guide in hopes it can help you continue playing the IG game so that you, your business and art can thrive, and at the very least stay visible.

Here’s how I’ve been trying to survive (as in not get banned or deleted):

Rule #1 Don’t get meta on Meta⁴Rule # 1 about Meta, don’t talk about Meta

As in don’t talk shit about Meta on Meta. I do think they’re tracking that as well, which is totally big brother creepy. That’s why I’m writing about Meta here and not on the gram.

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So whatever you do, don’t talk about how fucked up IG is on IG or Facebook. Talk about it on Twitter or Bluesky or another non-Meta platform.

Don’t post a screencap of your account getting flagged or restricted.

Don’t use the words censor, shadowban, deleted or deactivated or anything that’s related to Meta’s shitty actions on your and people’s account. For example, don’t say “I’m being shadowbanned right now.” Instead say “I’m on the naughty step.” Another ex, don’t say “X got their account deactivated.” Instead say “X’s page got erased”

So it’s like..okay everybody, let’s pretend like nothing is wrong and fucked up here. Just put your head down and keep on making “safe” content. If you do call Meta out, they’ll just make you invisible or erase you, that’s all.⁵That’s why I feel so compelled to write this post right now. Everyday is playing this fucked up game and we can’t talk about how fucked up it is!

 

Rule # 2 Don’t use banned words

Whatever you do, don’t use these words in your bio, captions, hashtags, anywhere..

#BDSM •
#Mistress •
#Dominatrix •
#Domme
#D*mme
#Femdom •
#Findom •
#FinancialDomination •
#Submissive •
#Session
#MasterSlave •
#BookMe
#SessionsAvailable •
#SessionBooking •
#PrivateSession •
#OpenForBookings •
#VirtualDomination •
#OnlineSession •
#PrivateSessionAvailable •
#CustomContent
#fetish
#BeautyBlogger •
#Pushups •
#HardworkPaysOff •
#Twerk •
#CurvyGirls •
#ModelLife •
#HumpDay •
#BikiniBody •
#ShowerTime •
#Boho •
#LingerieModel •
#Thinspo •
#Dating •
#Sexiest •
#Glutes •
#Kissing •
#SexyAsHell •
#Sensual •
#Pleasure •
#Erotic •
#SexWorker •
#SexWorkIsWork •
#OnlyFans •
#NSFW •
#ExplicitContent •
#Nudes •
#Cumslut •
#PornStar •
#FetishPorn •
#XXX •
#Sexting •
#SugarDaddy •
#SugarBaby •
#ThickThighsSaveLives •
#SexToys •
#AnalPlay •
#CamGirl •
#FeetPicsForSale •
#SlaveGirl •
#BratTamer •
#BondageLife •
#Chastity •
#Spanking •
#Pegging •
#FetishModel •
#FootDomination •
#LatexDomme •
#LeatherDomme •
#Whipping •
#Sadist •
#Masochist •
#Kinkster •
#RopeBunny •
#BreathPlay •
#HypnoDomme •
#F3mdom •
#Bd$M •
#Dom1nat0r •
#GoddessWorship •
#K1nk •
#FeetWorship •
#WorshipMe •
#Ch4stity •
#StilettoDomination
#slave

Also avoid certain emojis: the water / juicy emoji,  eggplant emoji, peach emoji

This list of course is not exhaustive. The banned words above are mostly applicable to us Dommes and sexworkers.

Also do not not use these words in your DM’s with others.

There are many other words we have to avoid. Anything that connotes violence, such as #abortion, #kill, #suicide, #genocide, #palestine. So if we use these words to talk about the how many people are getting murdered in the Palestine genocide, we get flagged, shadowbanned and lose our visibility, thus our voice. Yeah.. let that fucked-up-ness sink in.

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If you look over the list above, pretty much every word that describes who you are and what you do is banned.

You can’t say you’re a #dominatrix, #mistress, #domina, #sadist, #kinkster

You can’t talk about what you do, like #bdsm, #kink, #femdom, #findom, #whipping, #footworship

You can’t talk about your work & where you play like #sessions, #book #dungeon

You can’t talk about what you wear like #latex, #leatherdomme, #fetish, #lingerie

Even tweaks in the spelling are getting picked up by bots like #k!nk, #bd$m, #d0minatrix so be careful about that.

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Sidenote: Don’t use hashtags in general. Hashtags used to help you grow your following back in the day. But not anymore. It might even hurt your algorithm. And if you use a banned word hashtag, that’s an immediate red flag.

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Don’t use a linktree in your bio link, that’s also getting flagged. Some folks work around that by creating a whole new account just to add their linktree to it. And then they reference that account with “link” in their official account.

 

Rule #3 Watch what you’re wearing, doing & where you’re at

It’s no surprise that the bots are also tracking what you wear in your posts. But the thing is with every algorithm shift, they’re getting more prudish and tracking more things. We used to think we’re safe if we don’t show our nipples or any nudity. But now it’s even lingerie, fetishwear, latex, corsets, bare shoulders, deep necklines that are problematic. So even though you think you got away with some fetish clothing the other day, you might not today. Be alert to the changing algorithm. The community guidelines used to say they don’t condone “sexual solicitation or activity” now it doesn’t condone anything that’s “sexually suggestive.”

Noticeable new flags to look out for:

*Being in latex or leather fetishwear, ai is flagging this as sexual solicitation or nudity

*Harnesses, bondage gear, collars

*Lingerie

*hoods, gags, blindfolds ai is flagging as violent

*chains ropes, Shibari or restraint even artistically

*implements in a controlling pose

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“Sexually suggestive” means behavior patterns as well:

*such as subs crawling

*posture of dominance

*smoking

*Bending over towards the camera

*Licking lips excessively

*Finger sucking

*Showing implements and simulating a spanking motion

*Close ups on boobs, butt, feet, lips

*Pulling garments excessively- example would be latex gloves, pulling up skirt or teasing with a shirt

*Hip thrusting or grinding

*DM callouts like “Slide into my DMs” / “DM for details” / “DM for sessions”—these imply transactions and get flagged

*Polls or stickers that ask “Would you obey me?”, “Ready to submit?

* Book me” calls to action. Instead you can say, more details on my site, or contact for inquiries

*Trending sounds in other platforms that are considered sexy- also explicit audio !!!!ON LIVE OR STORIES BEWARE!!!!

*discussion/even educational on bdsm or kink

*demonstrating or showing sex toys

*dominance role play, this could be having a sub on a leash -showing bruises -*

*Avoid emojis (🍑 or ❤️) paired with words like “sessions, bookings, dm, available, private)

*Avoid “tribute” and $$$ Instead of saying “dm for inquiries,” “tribute required,” try “support available through my site”

“Sexually suggestive” also entails dark aesthetic, masks, and latexy content. So avoid dark backgrounds and red room vibes. Try not to use red light in general since ai thinks it’s sexy. I think dungeon backgrounds are also getting flagged.

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For example, the image of me at the top of this post was a picture that’s been flagged. Because I’m wearing a #harness #mesh #bodysuit (even through it’s a bodysuit covering most of my body) and I’m against a red background.

Rule #3 Be aware of who you’re connecting with

Here’s another fucked up thing to be aware of. IG is also tracking who you’re interacting with. If you are are tagging, resharing, and collab posting with others whose accounts are in the “high-risk” category, you may also become categorized as “high risk” as well.

Which if you think about it, it means IG is controlling & restricting not only how we create but who we connect with.

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Before I move on to the next rules. I just want to pause and reflect for a moment on what the implications of these restrictions mean.

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We can’t use words and imagery to describe who we are, what we wear, what we do.

This is a literal erasure of our work and culture.

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So what do we do?

Rule #4 Play the Game: Don’t get deleted

If you want to exist on Instagram and actually grow your audience and have some reach, you have to treat all of this like it’s a game. The name of the game is:

Don’t get deleted.

You’re pretty much trying to not get deleted in a platform that’s constantly trying to delete you. So if you can trick the algorithm into thinking that you’re not a Dominatrix or SW. A great example of someone of who is pulling this off beautifully is Mistress Iris. She has been deleted once before and had to start all over and now she is playing the game of not getting deleted again with great care and thought. Notice how Mistress Iris tricks the algorithm in her bio and imagery by showing that she is just “Art and Lifestyle by House of Iris.” She’s always in bright, light and often outdoorsy backgrounds to imply luxury travel and lifestyle. She most often post food pics of high end restaurants in her stories. Her photography can be interpreted as editorial. Her imagery subtly implies a power dynamic without overt gestures. She opts for more vanilla-looking evening wear over obvious fetishwear. She has very subtle captions that don’t use any banned words. Her aesthetically impeccalbe account is a wonderful model to learn from.

Rule #5 Be Alert

Check you “account status.” Go to your IG settings, scroll to the bottom and click on “account status.” If you have all green checkmarks, you’re somewhat in the clear.⁶I say “somewhat” because you can still be in their system as “high-risk” even though you have all green checkmarks  If you have an orange checkmark, check to see what got flagged. I archive every post that got flagged instead of appealing it. Because you don’t know how long the appealing process can take (weeks sometimes) and in that time you’ll be in IG jail and shadowbanned.

As you scroll through other spicy accounts, see how people are being clever with their word choices. What words are they trying to avoid? Check in with your SW friends who are in the know of what words and attire are getting flagged. Train your AI to detect the patterns in your images that are getting flagged.

 

Rule #5 Be Adaptable

I know it sucks to not post the sexy photos and videos that typically get you high engagement, but you need to adapt to the changing “community guidelines” that are getting stricter and stricter with every algorithm shift. If you say, “fuck it I’ll post what I want,” you will get fucked by the bots and have your account shadowbanned, suspended or at worst deactivated. And it’s game over. And you have to start all over again from 0.

 

Rule #6 Be Agile

Nothing sucks more than checking your account status and seeing that you have a violation or a bunch of violations and posts that you spent hours working on have to be removed. It’s the most demoralizing and crushing feeling. And can create a lot of panic and anxiety.

See if you can practice as much detachment as you can when you remove your posts. See if you can process all of the emotions that come with having a violation: shock, anxiety, deflation and move on as quickly as you can. It might mean getting off the app for the rest of the day or week. And go for a walk. Read a book. Meditate. Connect with friends. Do something else that can get your mind off of it. And when you feel grounded and centered, you can engage again with the app.

 

Rule # 7 Be creative elsewhere

Don’t put all all your eggs in one basket. Make sure you exist on other social media platforms like Bluesky, Twitter⁷Elon sucks and I’ll deadname his co, Substack, Patreon, OF or your own Telegram. Build your email list. That way if you do get deleted, you still have other places to broadcast your voice. Make sure you have an actual outlet for your creative expression. As in find or create a space that allows you to create and connect with no restrictions. Like your own website, telegram or blog.

 

Rule #8 Get more creative

Don’t let “the man” get you down and stop you from creating. Just get more creative.

Look to Eastern European filmmakers who had to cleverly create films subtly talking about the fuckedupnesss of their communist/dictatorship counties that they reside in while trying to not get exiled, like Daneliuc, Szabo, Meszaros, etc. I’m also a big fan of Kiriostami, the Iranian director who knew how to poetically work around censorship like a wizard. Look to these visionaries and artists for inspo.

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I hope this guide was helpful in helping you navigate the murky landmine of IG. And hopefully you can now see how to play this game of trying to not get deleted.

Good luck! Please be safe. And please keep each other safe and spread the word to others who you see are struggling with shadowban or deletion.

Share this with anyone who you think might benefit from knowing the hidden rules of the IG game. As in, if you see a friend or colleague unwittingly posting banned words or imagery, share this with them off the app or cryptically in the DM’s. Whatever you do, try not to talk about meta on meta (Rule #1 remember?)

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There is always a way to play this seemingly impossible game. It’s not easy, but the creative challenge is worth it when you can build your visibility, connect with others, and put your voice out there.

We may have to get more clever, cryptic strategic. Let’s do everything we can to not be silenced or deleted.

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Special thanks to Miss Jade Smoke of our MistressClass who helped gather the extensive list of banned words and imagery through her past connection to Meta and incredible AI research.

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This post is a work in progress, I’ll be adding more to it as I learn more about the increasing restrictions.

I’m also planning to write more about what the social implications are of these restrictions / erasure of our Domme / Kink / Sexwork culture online.

I’m also currently working on this next piece about what to do if you do get deleted

I’m trying to write more even if it’s really raw and unfinished 

If I’m not writing, I’m mostly likely working on my new passion project 

or my favorite work of he(art)

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If you have more banned words or any suggestions to not get deleted, please drop them in the comments below!

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Stay safe out there!!