*Please pardon this hodgepodge of a post..it’s what happens when life is moving too quickly and I only have a few minutes every few weeks to capture bits and pieces of it..I will probably go back and edit most of this or move it into my journal


March, 7, 2020


Dear U,

Everyday is an incredible unfolding. There’s so much going on.  When I’m not connecting and co-creating with my hero/ines, I fall into these deeply absorbed meditations..and then I receive these crazy downloads..about life/bdsm.

I wish I had the time to record and share with you everything..

But everything is taking up every waking hour and I’m already sleeping less and less to keep up with everything..

And everything is always a question mark, every day is a mystery ( I wish I can write to you daily so you can keep up with this fairy tale mystery as I am). Here are all the question marks..

Will L and I be able to keep this house and turn into The GoddessPad a safe space and sanctuary for all our sexworker friends?

Will I get the corona virus? Or maybe the right question is..is it a matter of when and not if?

How is this corona scare going to affect me and L’s plan to fundraise by holding gatherings every weekend in April?

Can I pull off the Pervette Tea Party this March 29th?

When is grandma’s last breath? She has stopped eating days ago..Will mom and I get to see her before it’s too late? But with this pandemic, will we get to Vietnam anytime soon?

If everything I’ve been dreaming of recently is being realized, what next part of my dream is gonna come true?

Is this matriarchal revolution happening right here right now as much as I feel it is?

Is Cutie making all this magic happen?

Who am I going to meet next? How will we work together and play for our dreams?

When will I have the time to work on Pervette when there’s so much going on, and so much to do and so many people to connect with?






Feb 29, 2020


Dear U,

I know I’ve been slacking off on my journaling to you. Life has been  non-stop (ever since my “shift” in 2014). But ever since my birthday this year (Feb 7), everything is moving at this insanely accelerated pace. So much “magic” is happening (and by magic, I mean the realization of my wildest dreams) in every moment of every day, it’s kinda unreal. I’m finding it incredibly difficult to describe to you my days because to capture this magic is to capture every synchronicity of every moment, and then describe to you how it’s all connected in this beautifully intricate web that’s being weaved by the universe.

I mean, where do I begin? With every person I’m meeting and connecting and  reconnecting with? There’s about 100 or more in just this month.. And the incredible conversations we’re having, where we share our stories, dreams and wisdom, which allows us to see so clearly why we’re connected and how we’re going to work and play for our dreams together…And it’s not just these encounters that are magical, it’s also what’s going on inside me..I can feel the shifts..I can literally see and feel myself growing..I can feel it in my breath, it’s light and deep.. I can feel it in my body, it tingles.. and then there’s the a-ha’s, the insights upon insights, the downloads, the moments where I’m channeling something that feels like the keys that can unlock all my dreams into reality…

I mean, HOLY FUCK. Every moment is a holy fuck. My mind is constantly blown. I can’t believe that this is all happening.. and it’s happening so quickly. Every moment of every day is a miraculous mindfuck.

And so I don’t know anymore how I can just sit down and tell you about this magic..

So maybe this is my next creative challenge: How do I capture this magic unfolding?

I think I need to. Because the process of making magic needs to be shared, so that it can hopefully inspire you, so you can practice making magic yourself..

The “how” is probably going to exist somewhere in the Creatrix path that I still need to build out.

But for now, maybe I can try my best to condense it to at least a line a day..

And if you want me to unpack the magic of that day, you can reach me at the deeper levels of pervette and ask me to..

Feb 7, 2020

It’s my birthday. My birthday speech comes to me around 12am (after my call with A)..I stay up till 4am, writing and speaking it out..I wake up with P.  We prep for the party. Whole Foods, dungeon, Target run. My friend, I, arrives and is staying the night, we reconnect. I help her with her script. I share my vision of us making incredibly sexy Domme films together.

Feb 8, 2020

Holy fuck..Had the most incredibly epic birthday party, ever. Every year it gets better…I gave my “I have a crazy dream” speech..I lost my place right in the middle of my messianic crescendo..then came the most important part, my declaration of love to P speech, it was a tearjerker, I heard..then we (or I really) gave the loudest howl at the full moon, as if maybe the universe can hear our dreams if we were just loud enough..and then my spoken/howled dream was coming true..I was living my dream at the party..I’m building my incredible community where sex, drugs and all forms of kink are celebrated..Friends were sharing with me their stories and dreams..I made love and art with my friends. I mean I got to fuck L, that was my fantasy, she made me come, it was captured by 4 camera eyes. Got to make out with my lovers, A and L5, as P had a 4 way of sorts with X, his new sexkitten sugarbaby (whom I got to meet that night, I like her a lot) and his childhood friend and mistress. There were so many incredible wacky moments from the night. It felt like I created a physical space for 80 of my friends to choose their own erotic adventure.. 

While may were on molly, k, or c, I stayed sober. Just high off the incredible buzz of the night..

Feb 9, 2020

Whoa.. morning after with sleepover friends..G had stayed up all night and cleaned up the house, holy fuck the house doesn’t look trashed, it looks good? Annual post bday party cleanup crew arrives..C, the steamcleaner (as usual, I hook him up with a ton of cannabis, booze, and snacks), he moves the double ended dildos aside and asks “how much do I need to pay to get in on your party?” this is his 5th year begging…and the maids..bleach the bathrooms, deeeeeep clean, please…P and I remembering all the crazy adventures from the night before over fried chicken sandwiches and salad at Summer Kitchen.. House is spotless by 5pm.

I circle back to the hiccup I made in my speech, and how I didn’t nail the ending..I thought..

Unlike last year’s MDMA speech, P thought I killed it.

I think he especially liked how everyone came up to him after my “I love you so much P speech to tell him how amazing he is and how awesome our love is..

Feb 10 2020

Monk mode.. downloads..visions of building a community..I can feel my light body activating..shifts are happening

Feb 11, 2020

From slow to focused..last coaching call with Z..Pervetting..E is in town, met up with her and met her friend A7, the boudoir photographer

Feb 12, 2020

L5 overcomes an unconscious block (he historically doesn’t say I love you) and because I asked why, he examined the origins and realized he wants to say I love you, so he did..Went over to A’s, made love, we talked about the kernels of truth that can unlock your dreams..the case of the missing key

Feb 13, 2020

Super hot session with P and K. Met K for the first time, so lovely, we topped her, all her holes were used..I was so wet, it was insane..

Feb 14, 2020

Worked on Breakup Bootcamp session late into the night in Berkeley as P  is in LA fucking the brains out of X. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Feb 15, 2020

Feel deeply absorbed, meditative, period started, cramps..Head to Mendocino for Breakup Bootcamp..C, the medium intuitive says Cutie has a soul, watched A2 riff in her session, Saturday night sleepover tradition with A2..we talked about boys, my speech, and riffing

Feb 16, 2020

Calm, collected, timing impeccable, I learned form A2 how to riff..gave my best workshop yet..the women were moved to tears and laughter..and volunteered to be in bondage..topped..and flogged..conceptual shifts..powerful one on one sessions..

Feb 17, 2020