PAIN IS A PORTAL
a little context1i started writing this on 9.15.2025 while i was taking care of my mom in her cancer journey. she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. i’ve been by her side since 5.26.2025 supporting her through the most painful days of her life as the cancer grew deeper into her bones. and on 9.25.2025 my mom passed away from pneumonia and cancer complications. all of these words are what my higher self would say to myself when i’m feeling lost in my own feelings
~
one day everything seems normal
you do your your daily rituals
you do your work
you’re making plans
maybe you’re even in your flow
then the next day, something happens
and everything changes
first it was just your plans
and then you realize it’s actually your whole world
that’s been turned upside down
and then it hits you
and you start to feel it
the pain.
.
you can call this painful experience
a curveball
a crisis
or just fucked up
but all of us at some point
will experience our own season
of intense suffering
we typically never ask for it2or at least consciously
it just happens
and then we are tasked
to deal with it.
.
but here’s the thing
if you see pain as just a problem to solve
or a fucked up feeling
that’s awful and sucks3your soul, your energy, your life force
and you want it to end
it won’t.
.
but if you see your pain as a portal
as an initiation
a gateway
a journey
into the unknown
that holds the potential of unlocking
a new and more powerful dimension of yourself
then you will get through it,
victoriously.
.
because pain doesn’t have to be just
a feeling that you want to run away from
or numb yourself from
.
if you see pain as just a feeling
you will feel defeated
everyday
every minute
every moment
when the pain doesn’t go away.
~
if you see pain as a portal
as something larger
as an opportunity
to learn and grow from
then you will
expand beyond your (known) self.
.
pain is a portal
pain is a portal
pain is a portal
.
these are the words you need to keep telling myself
when you’re going through it
repeat it like a mantra
to remind yourself that this pain you’re feeling
are growing pains
dismantling your ego
and pushing you beyond your edges
every tear tells you something
about yourself and your reality
where your boundaries were/are
what you love and have lost
what you fear
and you’re facing
it brings you closer to your truth
your soul’s work
and to our humanity.
~
when you’re going through your painful time
know that you always have a choice
you can choose to see pain as an obstacle4and tell it to go fuck itself
or
you can choose to see pain as a portal5and accept the initiation
(this is a work in progress)
if i’m not writing here
then i’m probably pouring my heart into this