Pervette | write now

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Tuesday, May 27, 2025 10:02pm – Orange County

Dear You,

It’s been a while. The last time I wrote to you was three Tuesdays ago. My goodness so much has happened. Just 3 weeks ago, my biggest problem was that I can’t find a cute aesthetic cafe with good lighting and latte art. Now..

I’m here taking care of my mom. I’ve been home three times in the past 3 weeks. And with every visit, my mom seems to be doing worse.

At first it was sciatic pains at night. Then second visit, it’s chronic pain throughout the day and night, along with chronic diarrhea and flu-like symptoms. My mom said it was the 2nd contrast dye injection in the 2nd MRI that did it to her.

I spent a whole week last week, getting her

I was research on heavy metal detox and trying to figure out how to get mom back i

I was supposed to fly out to Portland today with M8.

But I got the text from my stepdad yesterday, “I think you should come home. Your mom is getting worse, She can’t stop the diarrhea, we need to call the doctor and let them know.”

So I cancelled my flight to Portland and booked a same day flight to Orange County .

I then had to cancel my 5:30pm flight and book a 7:30pm flight because I couldn’t get a hold of my sub, who had Cutie (my stuffed panda) with him. There were on a hike in the Marin Headlands. I called every 5 min to see if he would pick up but it would just go straight to voicemail.

Tuesday, May 6, 2025 2:44pm

I’m noticing a pattern. On Tuesdays, I write.

Something about Tuesdays, it feels like a time to kinda hermit yet there’s a restlessness and openness to Tuesdays.

If I write, I can escape the ennui of Tuesdays.

I need to travel, a change in scenery.

I’ve been head down working, creating a class, promoting a class, teaching a class and now I need my break. And let myself wander. It’s such a deeply visceral feeling. Like I’m bored with everything that’s in my 20 mile radius. I have to get beyond what I know and explore. I need to break the routines.

I’m ending my micro-dose season. Or just giving myself a month break.

I am high on cannabis right now. Just my favorite creative strain, Jack Herer.

Drinking a red, blue and white lotus tea.

I think the cannabis is helping me not feel so restless.

But should I lean into the restlessness and let it compel me to make plans, book flights and take off as soon as class is over.

I think switching up writing places around the house (dependent on the sun’s path) is a good way to move through the day. I’m now at my creative corner, a spot that was collecting cobwebs these past few weeks. This should be my mid-tale afternoon spot. I clear out the cobwebs.

Mom’s leg aches are getting worse. I want to see her and massage her feet. I haven’t seen mom in 3 months. They still ache even when she’s taking Tramadol.

She couldn’t sleep last night because of the pain.

I pray to my guiding circle. To my dad, grandma and grandpa’s altar.

Praying that when mom goes, it will be quick and painless. May she not experience pain and suffering. I know this is what she prays for too.

I haven’t traveled in 3 months.

My legs are starting to ache right now.

This time 5 years ago, Dad took his life.

I wonder if something in the air, resembling that time of year, is making me feel these emotions: restless, something has to change, ennui.

I wonder if writing is the antidote to the restlessness, rather than booking a flight and making plans.

It’a good idea to examine one own’s intense feelings, can I get at the root of this? Is smoking cannabis just numbing me from the feeling I want to escape? I feel like the cannabis is helping me move the energy.

Or I can just be saying that to justify escaping..

The thing is, I still feel it. But it’s instead of fidgeting, I’m actually writing.

I’m gonna read and write. And meditate and get back in my body. What if I just try to do my 4 pillars everyday,

Reading a zine “As If” right now.

Reading: The Make Believers. A whole McSweeney issue comprised of the DVAN (Diasporic Vietnamese Artists Network) writers. I’m absorbed by Doan Bui’s writing. I want to read more of her work, but it’s only in French. I’m crying as I read “Under the Burning Sky” which was a story that took place during the Tet Offensive

It’s making me think

All of this senseless dying is happening right now in Palestine

I’m lucky that my biggest problem right now is ennui.

50 years ago, April 30th. Vietnam lost its country.

I can’t believe it’s already been half a century mom said.

She was 19 and remembered that day so vividly.

She didn’t know it yet, how big of an impact losing one’s country will be.

And here I am, born in the US. If it weren’t for the war, I would be in Vietnam still, doing who knows what. But most likely not being a Dominatrix.

I want to capture the oral history of my family.

Of my Domme community.

a daughter of refugee parents

of the vietnamese diaspora

a domme who teaches others to become dommes

What’s life going to be like in the next 4 years?

Make art in the chaos.

Make the most of this angst.

Make the most of it.

Sexwork is the most real work.

It’s the oldest profession.

It will always be here.

It will always be the job that is most judged

Because talking about sex and money is so taboo

But if you can eradicate the stigma of kink and sexwork

then you will have a changed culture.

a culture that understands, rather than judges, its taboos.

To not pass moral judgement on sexwork is an indicator of the culture evolving in consciousness. To see the world in nuance and multitudes of gray. no more black and white thinking.

Sub Cultures

SubCulture

That’s a good name for a sub class or sub community.

I’m gonna create sub/culture – a sub/versive community, subs who write

i guess through mistressclass i am building an incredibly badass community and i’m also sharing my stories and wisdomme with those who are curious and open to receiving what i have to share.

okay, i guess i am practicing magic.

So keep on going. Keep on weaving your web. Building your magical network. And see how you far you can go.

You have something unique: Your wild story. Your wild wisdomme. Your wild dreams

what does it mean to love it all.

dreams -> stories -> wisdomme

which means wisdom can only come from seeing the story of your life through the lens of your dreams.

I need to start this podcast.

We’re gonna have such real conversations.

No pretense.

Just heart. Just soul speaking to soul.

~
Whoa. What if I got super real.

Collecting oral histories with my mom.

And all the old guard Dommes.

What if it’s really about collecting wisdom.

But with no ego.

Just pure storytelling.

Be a good storyteller.

I need to tell my story.

And I’m gonna do it.

In the most authentic way I can.

I truly believe that a fantastic story told with all soul is going to spread to those who want to hear it.

I trust that when I tell my story, it will be found by those who are seeking it.

I trust that my words will find its way.

I trust that I can learn how to write and speak poetry.

I am going to devote myself to the art of stroytelling.

I will use every medium that speaks to me.

I will find a way to tell my story that can land in the hearts of those who are open to receive them.

I will tell my story, share my thoughts and wisdomme, I will find a way to be clever with the censors. I will find my way to tell my truth. I will be my best friend.

I will be a confidant that can create safe spaces for the truth to come out.

I will speak with vulnerability and confidence.

I am cr

Every moment is a miracle.

Are we going to experience 1968 in 2025?

Is a revolution possible?

Prompt:

I’m going to create a podcast. It’s a very intimate podcast where we shares stories, dreams and wisdom that’s only collected by going to the edge and playing in the shadows. I’m thinking of calling it pervette tapes. Pervette is also my last name. What are other good names for a podcast, that is very similar to pervette tapes. and uses the word / name Pervette

Reply:

Love this direction. Pervette Tapes already evokes something secretive, archival, and intimate—like found recordings from the underworld of feminine power. Here are some other name ideas that stay in that same realm—moody, seductive, mysterious, and true to your brand voice—using Pervette as the anchor:

🎙 Archive & Audio-Inspired

The Pervette Tapes (classic, cinematic, already strong)
Pervette Archives
Pervette Recordings
Pervette Files
From the Pervette Vault
Field Notes from Pervette
Pervette Dispatches

🕯 Storytelling & Shadow Themes

Pervette in the Shadows
Whispers from Pervette
Tales from the House of Pervette
The Shadow Sessions with Pervette
Pervette: Confessions from the Edge
The Pervette Method
Voices of Pervette
Pervette: Seduction & Study

yeah, i think i’ll go with pervette tapes. thanks.

maybe my off micro-dosing month of may just be my month of jack herer?

So the answer to my ennui. create pervette tapes. tell your story. document everything. from your life to your community and beyond. it’s all about telling the truth like it is. Let’s get really real.

Fuck, did I just lose a big chunk of writing and highdeas???

let’s see if i can recollect:

sub/cultures sub/versive writing.

I am practicing magic right now.

you create a bespoke life that only you can live

and you find a way to make a living off of being you.

dreams-> stories -> wisdom.

wisdomme can only be collected by going deep and far out.. for your dreams.

wisdomme can only be obtained by following your dreams.

the stories that are told by those who follow their dreams are always the more compelling stories.

because it’s the story that begins with the fool.

and how the fool went from 0 to 1.

to the way of the magician.

Rule #1 of the Magician – you work with everything you have.

Your story is everything. Make art from it. Through movies, poetry, podcast.

Do whatever it takes to work with everything you have.

work with your story.

because we all wanna know how you do it. how you make magick.

how you weave your dreams into reality.

that’s the wisdomme that sexworkers and dommes are collecting

Tuesday, April 29, 2025 12:02pm

I’m finally writing here again. It’s a beautiful sunny day, I’m outside on the patio, sitting under the fringe tree. It’s that time of the spring when all the white flowers are blooming. I feel like I’m under a white cloud. The air is still, the bird are chirping. It’s one of those days where I’m keenly aware that I’m living in my dream home.

I want to make the most of my last month of micro-dosing. The mushrooms have served me well through the launch of the Shadow Series. I was able to move though so many tasks with positive energy and creative flow. And minimal overwhelm. The Shadow Series is unfolding so magically. It’s everything and beyond what I hoped for. It feels like I’m showing up as my most authentic self and allowing for the class to be a mirror to that. The class holds this raw exciting energy that comes from staying open, allowing the unfolding wisdomme that can only come from the practice to be folded into the teaching. Everything flows from the scene. The teachings come from playing and reflecting on what transpired, what was felt. I love how “Let’s get real” is the theme of our class.

Leaning into all the layers of this work.

Now I’m ready for the next project: The Femdom Oral History Project

The Dom class for men

And the sub class.

And my book of zines.

I feel like I’m really doing what I said I wanted to do this year.

Stop talking about what I want to do and just do it.

Now in this last month of micro-dosing before I take a break, I want to build my 4 Pillars ritual and cement it into my routine: meditation, reading, writing and exercise. If I can establish that into my morning ritual and not get distracted by my phone, I think I would be very content with myself and my days. Now that the wave of the launch of SS has past, I can now focus on myself.

Yesterday I felt the meditative spell come over me. I’m going to ride that this week. No cannabis. I wanna lean into the high of meditation. It’s that altered state of consciousness that is working its magic into my cellular structure.

Mom’s legs are aching, she needs to take prescriptive painkillers. I hope it’s just from old age and not being active. My big fear is that her cancer is growing. She’s a creature of habit, who hasn’t changed her bad habits of sleeping late, not exercising and not eating vegetables. You would think stage 4 cancer would compel anyone to change their behavior. What’s that saying, old habits die hard. That expression feels creepy to me right now.

I need to spend more time with mom. Collect her oral history.

I feel that strong desire to collect stories and tell stories.

This McSweeney’s 78 compilation of Vietnamese writers is really inspiring me.

I read the collective poem Nha (Home) this morning. I felt the truth tears flow.

I felt Dad’s presence. I’m remembering that time, can’t believe it’s already been half a decade since he took his life.

I remember him telling me stories of how his cousins and nephews turned their backs on him. I didn’t realize how much that impacted him. When I think of how lonely and isolated he was in the height of the pandemic, my heart still aches.

It’s so hard to listen closely to someone who only talks and rarely listens. It was so hard to empathize with him. I think I numbed myself around him in order to let him talk and not drain me. He was so into Trump. I couldn’t listen to him praise the man that I despise so much. I had to tune it out. I’m afraid I tuned everything out. Even the undertones of his loneliness and need for someone to truly listen and be there.

I’ve been thinking of and feeling my dad’s presence a lot these past few days. His death anniversary is coming up. I can’t tell if it’s an unconscious association, the April and May weather, the way everything is blooming, the smell of the calm air, the light that comes through in the afternoon, it all reminds me of that painful time.

I’m not sure if my relationship with him would ever change if he was still alive. He was definitely neurodivergent, never diagnosed of course. Where we was on the spectrum was difficult to pin. He felt everything, yet couldn’t express it. We all somehow thought that he didn’t feel anything because he never expressed it. What a painful shock it was to know that he was depressed and anxious. That he felt it so much that he couldn’t take it anymore.

Why did you do it Dad? my sister asked him.

chán đời, he said as the blood poured out of his heart.

chán đời = tired of life

last week was 4/20 and I partook all week. This week I promise to stay clear. Because I want to feel everything.

I want to feel his presence.

I can feel some part of myself feeling alive as I write until the tears flow.

This is what’s been missing these past few busy weeks.

I’ve been teaching, creating a new course from scratch and sessioning a ton.

~
This is what my soul craves right now.

I think I might start a new page that’s all about the thoughts that come to me when I’m sessioning, and doing the shadow series. Maybe it’ll be called Letters to a Young Domme.

And then there’s the Domme Manifesto

I have two themes that I want to explore in my writing.

On being a Domme

On being Vietnamese. Specifically a Vietnamese daughter of refugee parents of the Vietnam War.

Diaspora – I guess that’s what we are.

I wonder if there will be some emergent themes that will appear when I parallel write

about my life as

the Domme

the Vietnamese Diaspora

Saturday, March 22, 2025 6:08pm

Okay, what do we have here

.75 mg of shrooms

3 vape puffs of Jack Herer

Binaural beats playing in my earbuds

Roasted matcha homemade almond milk latte with reishi, lion’s maine, bacopa, moringa, chaga and mucuna pruriens

I’m testing out optimal states of consciousness for creativity. A little psyllocibin, a little cannabis and a little caffeine and fuck ton of adaptogens.

I’m so glad I’m getting back to writing. It’s like meditation. You have to be singular-minded to write. With absolutely no fucking distractions. Yes I’m talking to you phone. and yeah you too email, texts and Instagram, you’re the fucking worst!

Whoa. Where is all this rage coming from?

I think I am sick of being distracted. And I’m so annoyed at how often it happens.

I remember my hermit years. It was 5 years of no social media. Just meditating and being so fully present with the world. No distractions. Just deep exploration into my subconscious. I did the most growing and evolving in those years. From 2016-2021.

Sometimes I get a little nostalgic about my Soft Domme Era.

I did so much cocooning, hermiting and monk moding. It was so nourishing,

At the time, I couldn’t tell you why I had no desire to connect, be social, in the apps or out in the world. I didn’t decide I would do that one day. I wasn’t at all being “intentional.” I just physically couldn’t open up the apps. My whole body had no desire to pick up the phone and connect with people.

I was just listening to my inner child aka my soul and she wanted me to have non-structured days (nothing on the calendar) so that I can go on these “impromptuitions.”

It’s a port-manteau we made up for our impromptu excursions guided by our intuition. I would just get in the car and drive and ask her, where should we go? Should I turn left or right here?

And she would tell me exactly what to do in every moment. Like right when I’m at the intersection, I feel her answer, go left right here, going south feels good right now.

Every single choice was made by feeling into my body and seeing if I can see myself going in that direction in my mind’s eye..

And sometimes these impromptuitions would lead me to places and things that I saw in my dream the night before.

Ahem. If that’s not making the Subconscious Conscious then I don’t know what is.

And as we know, Alchemy is all about making the subconscious conscious and vice versa.

If I really think about, I was practicing magic in those years. I was letting my soul guide me by learning how to get lost and fell my way back to myself. I was honing my intuition as well as the clarity of my visions, like what all good magicians ought to do.

Anyways

Practice magic.

Practice believing in magic.

Practice believing.

Sidenote: I just took another hit of Jack Herer (from a fresh joint, not the vape this time), made some holybasil, rose, cinnamom tea (my own special blend) And lit the Creativity incense (made by the fine witches of Sword & Rose) and shuffled my Thoth Tarot deck.

And guess what I pulled when I asked, please show me what to look for:

The Sword of Swords, Peace.

And then I asked Thoth, what do I need to help me find that?

I pulled “The Hermit”

Okay, if I read this correctly, I think the deck is telling me that

If I’m thinking about my Hermit Years and waxing nostalgic about it

I should create space every day in my life to come back to that place.

I used to mediate for an hour every morning (yes I’m kinda bragging). And at the end of every hour of sitting, my mind was in the most blissful alpha wave state. Out of all the altered states of consciousness that I’ve ever experienced, that one is my favorite.

Why? Because it’s a distinct feeling tone: deep equanimity and bliss. And that feeling tone that for me is THE BEST feeling in the world. And I think it can only be achieved through meditation.

Imagine that in every present moment, you are aware of its beauty, to the point that it can move you to tears. Sovering sombering bliss. Experiencing the world through a nonduailty lens. It’s ineffable. And that’s why words aren’t working with me to describe the infinite magnitude of this feeling. Of oneness.

That’s a feeling I wish every human can feel.

And I think that if there was ever a day when we can all feel that, all wars would end, and there would be true peace in the world.

If I had to talk people into meditation, I would say this:

Meditation is the most important and powerful practice you can cultivate in your lifetime. It will give you superpowers. It will heal you. It will transform you. It will change your vibration. You will be forever changed in the best and for the highest good of all way.

Shit. I think I just talked myself back into my old meditation practice.

Can I really do it? Now that I’m in my Creatrix Era? Where it’s go go go and let’s get shit done.

I gotta find my balance with it all. That’s the only way my inner Creatrix can create sustainably. Don’t get burned out. Again.

Also meditation is the best practice in preparing yourself for every transition in your life. Through a deep meditation practice, you can find ease in all moments, even moments of deep loss and painful changes. As that is what life is. A sequence of changes, some more painful than others.

If I hadn’t cultivated my practice I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle my dad’s (unexpected) suicide with as much flow as I did.

I saw every moment of deep sadness and pain, of grieving as divine and beautiful, it hurt so much because we loved each other so much. And that’s a beautiful thing.

Okay shifting gears, i want to recollect what I did in those 5 years of hermitting.

I took classes, in wordpress, filmmaking, photography, aerial silks/hoops, flying trapeze, writing, shamansim, singing

I did a lot of plant medicine.

I went to vipassanna retreats

I had my impromptuition days

I traveled a lot

I had my “shaman” live with me for 8 months (hmm).

I became obsessed with a vision of this website, a weird website that had a black screen and pink letters getting typed out. It was layered and had many links/hypertexts on every page so that you kept going down this labyrinthine rabbithole. It felt like an intimate or erotic choose your own adventure. It took me 2 years of (searching for the right web person who can teach me how) to create it from scratch.

I wrote stream of consciousness (like what I’m doing right now in on this page) daily.

I contemplated and created my own unique philosophy and spiritual approach to bdsm.

I was on a spiritual journey. I went inward. Healed my inner child’s wounds.

Learned how to be at peace with my avoidant partner in our open relationship.

I got really still.

I overcame my fear of public speaking and started teaching about bdsm and power at Breakup Bootcamp

I co-created Power Play, a Femdom Bootcamp.

I also tapped all of my savings. I bought back my time. It was so worth it.

So that was the ark. Did some deep work on myself, using all the tools, medicine and practices that I can get my hands on. I went still, contemplated, uncovered insights, and began to teach the wisdomme that I gathered from my spiritual journey inside and outside the dungeon.

If it weren’t for those years of going inward, doing the work on self, and uncovering the insights along the way, I don’t think I would be able to teach anyone how to find their inner power and channel their inner Domme.

Sometimes I wonder, was that a bad idea to go on such a long social media break? Who does that? Did I hurt my brand by not playing the game of building my following?

Yes that’s my ego questioning things. During those monk mode years, I was experiencing something really uncomfortable: ego dissolution. What comes after that is the soul’s expression. And maybe that’s why I was so obsessed with creating Pervette. My soul needed a place of my own that it can pour its heart into (without getting censored, shadowbanned or deleted).

It needed to have a non-linear and dendritic structure.

I knew that what I yearn to express could never fully express itself on a platform or even a sqaurespace website, where everything was templatized or readymade.

I had to create a space of my own with its intuitive, messy, neurodivergent structure. Every piece of this strange space, down to the evolving pages, the “all is a work in progress” ethos was a conscious choice made by my soul’s desire.²

How can we communicate as authentically as we can? With no distortion or influence of the social media structures out there.

Okay I’m reflecting on all the above.

in my current situation, I’m currently back on the gram and other social media

and can’t stand this fucked up game we’re playing on there

every time my art on ig gets deleted. it makes me want to go back to here.

To pervette, to pour my soul into it.

it’s as if i built this website 8 years so that when it came to a point where i can’t express myself on social media anymore because our freedom of speech is taken away from us (which is right now in our fascist oligarchy dictatorship) i will have a place to retreat to.

and those who are curious enough to follow and find me here, like you, will get to get intimate with me and my soul expression.

Awww..it’s all making sense now.

I’m frustrated with playing the fucked up game of social media. I am now returning here to here to create. And hopefully this space will speak to your soul.

Not your ego.

Most of social media is a game of ego.

Thanks for reading this. It was a long ramble that helped me make sense of why I’m back here writing to you again.

Hopefully this practice will continue.

In other news, I created a new page that will contain all my un-finished and unpolished thoughts on different topics. Things that I’ve been thinking a lot about. Like how to not deleted on IG

What to do if you do get deleted.

And why is everything on this website so raw?

And of course what’s taking up a ton of my bandwidth is this brainchild of mine of 2 years, it’s finally getting birthed next month..

The Shadow Series

I’m also working on a video project this week..

Lots to do. I guess I gotta cross some things off my to-do list now..

–

Feb something 2025

Soulmates exist and you’ll know that they do the moment you are in touch with your soul and sub-consious. And you learn how to communicate from your soul, not your ego. When you see the world beyond the material and feel the spiritual realm and know it’s all connected. The people who come into your life and change you and your path are your soulmates.

I didn’t believe in soulmates or know anything about the spiritual world until 2014. The year when I fell in love with my twin flame, and I was outed by my sister to my mom. And my whole life changed.

It all sounds so cliche. I was seeing 11:11 everywhere. not just on clocks twice a day, but addresses, odometers, license plates, it kept on appearing in an improbably way. When things like that happen, you take note.

Almost every Mistress in MistressClass has a synchronicity story that led them to the class. They too couldn’t ignore the signs. I do think magic attracts magic. Witches attract witches. And the time is now for us to come together. Combine our powers, amplify our voices, and weave our stories into the wildest story that we can tell. It’s crazier and more interesting when the story is woven together. Each one of us has an wild story to tell, and it got more epic the moment we chose the path that led us to each other. But that path was also the path that brought us closer to living our dream. So it’s not just my dream or your dream, it’s our collective dream coming true. We’re all finding each other, working together and playing for our dream.

MistressClass is my favorite magic trick. The dark webpage in my weird website that somehow spoke to your soul.

Aww now I remember. I created Pervette as a way to let my soul create and communicate. It was a very clear voice and vision. My soul cannot be contained and cannot communicate in a template created by squarespace, instagram, tiktok etc. Those platforms and structures are created to distract you. Appeal to your ego and make you forget why you are.

I don’t want you to keep scrolling on to the next. I don’t want the algorithm to juxtapose me next to a newsbite, ragebait, or thirsttrap. I want your undivided attention. I want a real moment. Where you can feel me and go deeper with me.

What if I try to commit to writing here daily. It feels so good to write stream of consciousness. It’s very Anais Nin to just write in my diary and not get too hung up on “my book.” I don’t have it in me to write a book the normal way. I actually don’t have it in me to do anything normal or do whatever everyone else is doing. It has to be me. It has to be unique. Anything else just feels wrong. So normal feels wrong. Different feels right.

I have so much shit to do, like finish the Shadow Series page, create a FAQ, and script out something to shoot for tomorrow. But this feels good.

Why do I love writing and hitting publish without looking back and editing?

It’s raw. It’s intimate. It’s “different.” This is not polished. This is not meant to sell you on anything. This is not topical. This is writing for writing sake. This is writing for the pure joy of writing out what’s in my head. Maybe it’s how my soul can truly communicate. With no objective. Just flow.

I’m prolly feeling the micro-dose or something.

Oh wait, the micro-dosing. I forgot to add. Is great for rewiring..

And crating new neuropathways, new grooves, patterns, and practices.

What if I intentionally allow for the micro-dosing to help me get into my groove of meditating, writing, making art everyday?

Hmm..alright let’s go.

Okay, I gotta stop. Gonna eat some soup and work on that FAQ.

Oh wait, let me tell you how excited I am about the shadow series. It’s gonna get so raw, real, edgy. Pure

What’s happening

Saturday, March 8, 2025 7:37pm

Week 2 of micro-dosing on these organic mushroom gummies and I have to say, it’s a game-changer. I don’t think I’ve properly micro-dosed until now. I was sloppily mezo-dosing at .25 grams years ago. When really the perfect microdose for me is .05grams (50 mg). That’s tiny and imperceptible, the way it should be. I’ve been microdosing every other day and I feel focused, energized and not overwhelmed by my giant to do list. I feel like I can do it all, but with a keen awareness of what I can reasonably do in a day. It’s like “natural adderall” but with a positive boost. And I’ve been naturally getting back into my meditation practice. Around sunset, I feel my body wanting to do nothing but sit still. And when I do sit, I feel pulled into the meditative space.

Now if I can just write daily and make art, I’ll be good.

God I have so many creative projects I wanna do.

At least I launched The Shadow Series.

It’s been a long time coming.

I’m actually not even done with the landing page and I have 24 Mistresses who already signed up.

I also launched MistressClass Alumni Discord 2 weeks ago, bringing all 7 cohorts together in one space.

These were all ideas I’ve been noodling on for some time in my head, and I finally put it out there. Going from vision to form. 0 to 1. It’s a good feeling.

Now for my next act. Putting my voice out there. Telling my story.

I want to pour love into Pervette. Pervette is the name of my transmedia website project. Somehow (thanks to Amy) it became my last name.

I just know it’s smart to devote more of my energy into a space that can’t be taken away from me.

And it’s a place that I created from scratch. No templates, boxes, just raw ADHD creativity. Which means, starting a new page, thought, path, and then abandoning it for another page/project.

Thursday, Feb 2025, 9:51pm

Whoa. I skipped a whole month of writing here. Things got busy. My partner and I went to Maui and we got Mauied. As in we shared our vows and sacred wishes with each other at 9:30am on Jan 24th, which according to my Vedic astrologer is the right day and time to get married. But then later on that day, I realized the astrologer meant 9:30am PST Calfornia. We had our spiritual union at 9:30am Hawaii time when we should’ve done it at 7:30am. Oh well.

It feels like a nice start. A small intimate marriage. A commitment to each other and the path we’re creating together. And some day we’ll have a wedding with friends and family invited. And make it official, legally and all that. Although all of that doesn’t feel necessary right now.

Part of the reason I booked a trip to Maui was because my friends told me about this really special Airbnb where the hosts are this incredible couple who make hospitality a spiritual practice. I had to experience that.

The moment I hugged R our host, I almost teared up. Her energy was so warm. They set up our place with balloons, champagne, cake, and a congratulations banner. It turns out K the husband was good friends with Ram Dass. They went way back. Like Harvard days. Before Ram Dass was even Ram Dass.

Maui summed up in a few words: Road to Hana, Mama’s Fish House, Rainbow eucalyptus, fire remnants of Lahaina, mint chip ice cream, fish and chips, beach everyday, cruising in our snazzy yellow Jeep, microclimates, sun and rain almost every day, audio guided tours on our drives, bang bang dinners (2 restaurant outings in one night).

Then right after Maui, the MistressClass graduation party happened. It was amazing. I got to connect with so many Mistresses. My goal every graduation party is to be fully present and drop in with as many Mistresses as I can in one night. I think I did a decent job. We all felt it, the chocolate pussies, the wavies. Around 10pm I had to get out of my latex dress, and wore a red AP nightie and my Thinx period panties as I did the certificate ceremony. I was very comfortable. The shares and activation of Domme names were so potent. We were all weaving our stories and wisdomme and magic together. And ofc I had to my unhinged primal scream. It was well received. I stayed up till 5am. The last few Mistresses left at 6am. Another magical night in the books. The next day there were all these bruises on my knees.

2 days after, my friends and I did a creative dose. Our house is the perfect pad for tripping and exploring in the woods, watching the sunset, and dreaming into the future. We changed the lighting and music to fit our medieval dinner. And then we had a Wong Kar Wai desert vibe.

Day after that, N and I had a creative breakthrough. Video changes the texture of conversation. My podcast will actually be done over facetime audio. A phone call is such an intimate vibe. Pervette Tapes.

Nothing beats the feeling of steamcleaning everything and having the house professionally cleaned after the party. I reset my creative corner. And it’s now one of the warmest corners of the house.

I’m so grateful for this magical house. I wake up everyday excited to go upstairs and write on the southside deck, then to the eastside deck at noon, and then to the creative corner at 3pm. I’m chasing the sun in all the corners of the house.

My sister is back to normal. That scary period of postpartum depression is behind us now. She’s sleeping and connecting with her baby. I’m so glad I spent those 3 intense weeks by her side, taking care of her, getting her the right meds.

My mom’s cancer is stable, not growing. Things there are normal too.

I have this really special time, where I don’t have to take care of family and put out fires. I can focus on my creative projects. It’s time to do it all. Before this window closes.

Monday, Jan 20th 2025 10:25am

I did it. I meditated this morning. I read “The Finding of the Third Eye.” And now I’m writing. I feel so much better starting my day with 3 of my 4 pillars already completed.

My 4 pillars of a perfect day: meditating, reading, writing, and exercising

I just need to do 50 pushups and I’m good.

My meditation inspired some ideas for my writing. I think I’m gonna try again to make pervette a choose your own adventure (again). I saw pieces of my story unfolding in writing.

“Make the most of it”

David Lynch’s death inspires me to take up his persistent advice: meditate daily and go deeper. Catch the big fish. Allow my practice to fuel my creativity.

LA Fires inspire me to let go of things and the unconscious desire to accumulate. All of everything I own can be gone in a day. I want to minimize the pain of my attachments by getting ahead of the curve. Let go now. Build the nest egg. Imagine all the money I would save if I stopped buying shit.

I want to organize my house, get rid of things, and feel the lightness of creating more space.

It’s all connected. I want more space, time and energy. I am going to declutter both my mind and my home.

No more mindless accumulation of physical things. Marie Kondo the house.

No more mindless scrolling and accumulating mental clutter. Minimize social media to just intentional creating, sharing and connecting.

Little t’s inauguration inspires me to keep on cultivating meaningful relationship and build a tightknit community that can support each other through the shitshow we’re about to witness and experience.

My sister hates this current version of herself who has no energy to work, go out or even reply to people.

She’s feeling the deep remorse of all the things that she bought and is now taking up space all the space in her apartment.

I tell her it’s actually a good thing what’s happening. She’s doing the opposite of what she’s always done.

She is slowing down. Doing nothing but just taking care of herself.

She is not buying another thing. She wants to give away her things.

This is all good, I tell her.

It’s hard for her to believe that.

In her last chapter, she valued her workaholism and her fancy dinners and handbags.

Her life has been turn upside down by the baby. I think her values are getting scrambled and reevaluated. I think she’s reckoning with the unsustainability of her lifestyle and indulgent behaviors. I think she’s receiving a megadose of truth and reality. It’s painful. But it will push her to grow. I’m hopeful that she will be a responsible mom and know to plan for her future as well as her baby’s.

Meanwhile, I’m taking notes. If I’m to start a ~~fire~~ family. I need to be prepared.

NGL watching my sister navigate postpartum depressions really inspires me to make a fuck ton of money and get a surrogate.

Am I denying myself the miracle of childbirth?

But who’s gonna take care of my mom if anything happens. I want to to be able to travel, fly on a plane, take my mom to the Dr, take care of her, be fast and nimble. How can I do that if I’m pregnant or dealing with postpartum depression.

How come most moms don’t talk about the downside of motherhood. How fucking dark it is. How common it is to have dark thoughts, like suicide and harming your baby? 1 in 5 moms experience this. Are we to just let go, give this motherhood thing a try, play russian roulette and see if we’re the unlucky one who has to bite the metaphorical bullet?

Yes motherhood is experiencing unconditional love and the wildest initiation into your divine feminine.

But let’s be honest. Motherhood is also self-sacrifice and suffering.

But suffering tends to lead to self-realization and discovering new powers.

All I’m saying is that it’s everything. The good, the bad, the ugly.

Right now my sister feels bad and ugly.

And I have to keep on reminding her, it’s all good, even the bad and ugly.

Geez. What a mindfuck.

Goals: make enough money to afford a surrogate and full time nanny.

I think I’m gonna avoid watching little t’s inauguration today.

Time to do 50 pushups. Clean house, pack, take my sister grocery shopping.

Sunday, Jan 19th, 2025 11:45am

We did it. We threw a party and so many Dommes and folx came out. Many drove from afar and even flew in. We had our Girl Gang Friday reunion. Grey and I pulled it off. Our speech was improvised and heartfelt. We also surprised Natasha and m by wishing them a happy birthday with cakes and all. Ofc I gave m a spanking, 55 strokes for how he old was turning.

The photos turned out amazing thanks to A.

It was so nice reconnecting with so many old guard Dommes and friends.

It was a beautiful multi-generational Domme gathering. And we couldn’t be more pleased with how it turned out.

In other news, it’s Sunday and folks in Gaza are cheering as the ceasefire is in effect. It’s such a breath of fresh air to see their happy faces, in spite of the massive death and destruction that they experienced for over a year. Those who are cheering made it out alive. Not all are in one piece.

LA fires are getting more contained. But the Santa Ana winds are going to pick up again

We will rebuild, says the survivor from Gaza to LA.

Tiktok was banned and then restored. I’m not on there so I have stake in the game.

I made the mistake of checking my phone and the news this morning. I didn’t wait till after my morning pages and writing here. I feel like every morning is a fresh start on how you want to train your brain. It’s hard to get into a creative mode when you start scrolling in the morning. I feel like I have nothing to say other than to rehash to you the news.

I’m gonna start cleaning the house. Clearing my space always clears my head

It’s grey out. Usually the day after a party feels hazy and slow. You usually get a free pass to do nothing. But today that’s not the case

We have to reset the dungeon later and then I have a session.

How do I feel? Low energy. But positive.

3:47pm

Cleaning was exactly what I needed to do. I woke up this knowing with a clear message, clean the house and you’ll feel better. I put away all the lights and cameras that’s been up and scattered in the sun room. Tidied up the moon room and kitchen.

I also thought of something. Instead of just sharing the news, I’m gonna tell you what these news/events makes me want to do.

All this social media chaos makes me want to pour more time into pervette. The only thing that’s solid and can’t be taken away from me by the oligarch’s robots and whims.

It also makes me want to build my business and brand so big that it doesn’t need social media to exist. That’s a big goal.

The fires makes me not to want buy another non-essential thing ever again. I don’t want any more stuff. I just want to build my nest egg, in case catastrophe, natural disasters, and manmade disasters strike. Which as we know is just a matter of time.

All the wars, cruelty and harm inflicted on innocent lives makes me want to meditate longer, create a sangha, and practice metta.

Make everything (the good and the bad) push you to grow and create positive change.

EOD:

I had a novel session today. Literally. My sub and I had dinner and read The Story of O, picking the titalating passages, reading them aloud.

Did you know there was a sadistic character in the The Story of O named Colette?

I love it when sessions deviate from the usual in such a wholesome way.

Saturday, Jan 18th 2025, 10:20am

It’s a busy day. We’re throwing a party at the dungeon. Miss Grey and I are celebrating our 15th year anniversary of owning Valhalla Studios. I can’t believe it’s already been 15 years since we took over the playspace from Mistress Lucinda and continued in the legacy of making it a home and playground for so many Bay Area Pro Dommes. It’s been passed down by three generations of Pro Dommes, with Simone Kross being the original founder in 2003. Wow. I can’t believe we did it. We kept it open (though the pandemic!) and added more and more love and kinky toys, furniture and equipment to it. It’s kinda crazy how this is our first party ever that we’ve thrown since we owned the space.

There’s lots to do to set up for the soiree tonight.

I also have to tend to things for my mom’s cancer treatment and check in with my sister. She’s been having more sleepless nights. I’m still helping her find the right therapist.

I don’t know why I feel so compelled to write and share what feels like my diary in a public space. Other than it feels good to be vulnerable. To write and share unedited thoughts to me is a deeply vulnerable act. For someone who is a perfectionist, this is my practice of letting go. I did it for years here until all my words got twisted and used against me to assassinate my character.

My life doesn’t have any more drama that the trolls would want. It’s boring now relative to the “sex cult leader” era. For one, I’m not poly anymore.³ I’m actually enjoying this new novel thing called “monogamy.” And tbh, I kinda love it a lot.

For the record, I was never a sex cult leader. I was and still am just creating a sex-y cult-ure where kink, sexwork and radical sexual self-expression is destigmatized and normalized. That’s all.

I started writing and sharing in this weird intimate way so I can find my authentic voice through writing. As someone who struggles with thinking their writing is shit, this practice really helped me get loose and not care too much that I’m no Miranda July or Maggie Nelson, or even Karley Sciortino. My writing isn’t clever or lolz. Of course I wish was.⁴ But for now I’ll just share whatever comes to mind. And enjoy the feeling of not giving a fuck.

If I had to think about who inspires me to overshare like this, it’s Sophie Calle. Also the book Reality Hunger, by David Shields. And of course, Finite and Infinite Games by James Carse.

But honestly it just feels good to write stream of consciousness. To not write topically about one thing like an article, and try to sound like I’m an expert on something. I’m just sharing what I think and how I feel. and it’s my hope that what I share will resonate with those who are open to seeing the world through my lens.

To write and share again is to trust my vulnerability

My writer friend said to me something that stuck, if people don’t think you’re a monster from your writing, than you’re not writing honestly enough.

I’m gonna be honest here.

I’m gonna write about things that matter to me.

I’m navigating life in my 40’s.. as a queer Vietnamese-American sexworker / educatrix who’s building an army of Dommes to create positive change in the world

I honestly think more Dommes (women & femmes in their power) is the antidote to this dystopian patriarchal era that we’re in.

Okay time to go set up a party and celebrate our Dungeonversary!

Friday, Jan 17th, 2025

3:51pm

I asked the question in my IG story yesterday “how are you feeling about 2025?”

I’m sharing some of the answers here, placing asterisks next to the thoughts and feelings that echo my own:

*Concerned, *unsure, *exhausted, *scared

*busy, lost, lethargic and directionless

*Uncertain yet optimistic

Well, I had to evacuate my home and crack my ribs..so pretty great

*overwhelmed. what does one do when they are starting at square one again?

*hopeful for new beginnings in playfulness and trust

*Rebirth by fire so far

*Life is what you make of it, form the things you can control.. the rest you adapt to

2025 can eat a bag of dicks (disrespect intended)

*My only goal is to be a source of help and joy in spite of the nightmare

*Despite hard times looming I’m focused on how I can support my community and and spread joy

*Love love love

*ready for deep deep love

For myself:

I had many visions at the end of 2024 for what 2025 can be. A year of making art, birthing new creations. A year of putting my voice out there. A year of putting down roots and forging a tighter community.

Many things has happened to me, my family and the world around me in just the past few weeks that’s left me exhausted.

But I haven’t given up hope. I have faith in my visions. I trust that everything is happening to push me forward. It feels like the universe is lighting a fire to make sure I don’t get comfortable or lazy. We have to move fast. Or at least be more disciplined and let our dreams dom us. More than ever, our world needs our big dreams of a brighter future to come to light.

9:20am

it feels good to write and share my unedited thoughts and feelings and just hit publish⁵

i secretly think we’re all hungry for something that’s raw, real and intimate

at least i can feel my fatigue for the all the polished products and brands that are out there. almost everything is a projection.

i have this intuition that if i share more of my messy, nonlinear process, i would feel more energized to create

at the very least, i’m writing

these past few weeks, we were putting out fires, i was emotionally exhausted. today i feel a focused creative energy that’s coming through.

i’m finally fleshing out my next offering..

Thursday Jan 16, 2025

9:25pm

Temperature check:

The Santa Ana winds have died down and the fires in LA are getting contained.

David Lynch passed away.

We’ve reached a ceasefire deal in Gaza.

I’m trying not to hold my breath…for the inauguration.

Will they do as they say and stop this genocide by Sunday?

When will there be rain in SoCal?

The Palisades and Altadena look like a war zone, say the reporters at ground zero.

I‘m following the stories of those I know who have lost everything in the fire.

I think I’ve seen too many reels of people and innocent children mutilated by bombs.

I’ve scrolled until my nervous system was shot.

I can’t continue reading Parable of the Sower. Octavia Butler is too on the money.

I started to put a time limit on my phone. You can do that though the iphone settings. My phone shuts down at 9pm.

I can’t be on social media that much anymore.

I want to maximize time with my mom. As we keep watch on her metastasized cancer.

I’m trying to support my sister, who’s life is turned upside down by postpartum depression.

I’m also trying to carve time daily for the things that nourish me:

nature, long walks, meditation, reading and writing.

I know the antidote to despair and destruction is art and community.

There’s a spidey sense that we have more to lose in the next 4 years than the last time t was in power. The American oligarchs are aligning with him and becoming more brazen.

But yet I have more hope than I did back then. Maybe because I’ve witnessed my own change in these past 9 years. And know from experience that profound transformations within are possible and these changes create ripples out into the world around us. Maybe because I’ve created deep connections and powerful communities that support each other through the tower card moments of our lives (i.e., MistressClass, my circle of friends). Maybe because I can see my path and purpose more clearly than I did back then.

And I see everything that’s happening is pushing me to stay focus on my he(art)work.

I can see that my hard work is creating positive change.

This year is the year that I put my voice out there.

I’ll start in here. In this space that I’m carving right now. And work my way out.

The more censored our identities and work becomes on all the platforms, the more we have to create our own space to play in.

It’s been years since I’ve built rabbitholes on this site⁶

It’s been almost 3 years since I stripped everything down in pervette to the bare bones. I feel ready to create a new layers and paths for you to find and see how I move through this evolving space and uncertain time. And I hope that the deeper we go, the more open you’ll be to growing and changing with me.

If you feel compelled to share anything with me, here is the space..