PREFACE

 

i want to preface that all of what you’re reading is a rough and raw draft of my notebook. it’s a living book in that every page is a work in progress which will be expanded,¹with more words, audio and imagery edited and maybe even deleted at some point.

a few years ago i started the habit of writing fast on here without editing myself and hitting publish right away. it was a liberating practice that helped me get over judging my own writing. but then ironically the wrong part of the internet found my writing and judged me pretty hard. they cherry-picked the most salacious lines²and there were many if you write about kink, sexwork and polyamoryand distorted my story. and i was framed as a sex cult leader. that was actually not as cool as it sounds.

i learned that writing about my life without censorship is a dangerous act.³and that ageplay jokes don’t play out well in spite of that, i’m starting it up again. i’m gonna write in my usual unedited way. call me crazy i can’t help it. i value process over product. and i like the rawness of automatic writing. it’s real and it’s intimate. i’m very much aware that there’s a chance that my raw material might get twisted again and i’ll have my character assassinated. again.

you may think that i didn’t learn anything from the alleged sex cult thing. but i did. and it’s this: the more dangerous your story is, the more important it is that it’s told. from beginning to end, and with context.⁴last time there wasn’t much context since my writing was more like journal entries, making it very easy to distort things. so this time around my writing will be more topical and written kinda like a book with vague chapters so this time around i’m going to provide way more context and add my voice via audio clips. that way if things get taken out of context again, you can find the context here and hear the truth through the resonance of my voice.

~

the reason why it’s important to tell your story, esp if you’re a character who lives on the edge, pushes boundaries for a living and does taboo things that the mainstream doesn’t understand, is because your story combined with your wisdomme that you’ve gleaned from playing on the edge has the potential to change minds, open hearts, and turn people on to a new way of seeing and being in the world.

there’s also a reason why i think it’s important for it to be raw. it’s the ego that wants things to be polished and make everything⁵esp yourself look good. i want to strip away that ego layer. because i don’t want to shy away from telling the whole story, shadow, shame and all. i want to be as raw and real as i can be. because i think it’s the rough and not-so-pretty stuff that makes your story more interesting.

i’ll keep saying it to myself as i write: it’s okay if the wrong part of the internet thinks you’re a monster.

if you write from the heart, you’ll quickly find those who get you and those who don’t.

and that’s not a bad thing.

wish me luck..

 

 

move forward

go back to the incomplete book

if i’m not writing then i’m most likely playing over here